Original subtitles

And now, I Love Lucy.

Hi, Keith. Hi.

You gonna go to the movies?

Oh, no thanks, we can't. No, I have a business appointment.

Guess what? He signed with Associated Artists today. Who are they?

Who are they?

Ha! Just the biggest talent agency in the business, that's all. Oh, Rick,

great. Congratulations, Rick.

You know, the funniest part about that is before I went to Hollywood, I

get in the front door of their office.

And since I come back, they came after me.

Well, that trip to Hollywood sort of made celebrities out of all of us. I'm a

very important person since we came home. Really?

Yes, sir.

Nowadays, when I go to the meat market and order hamburger, the butcher grinds

it right in front of my eyes.

Yeah, you know, if I want to go to the store without collecting a crowd, I have

to wear dark glasses and walk down an alley.

Well, that's a lot of trouble, isn't it?

I don't know. I haven't tried it yet.

Hey, that must be Johnny. Oh, we'll duck out. No, no, no. Stick around.

Stick around. I'd like to meet him. All right, okay.

Hello, Johnny. How are you? How are you? Johnny, I'd like you to meet my wife,

Lucy. How do you do, Mr. Clark? Hello, Lucy. How are you? This is my friend,

Fred and Ethel Mertz. Hello, Mr. Clark. How are you? Hi, Mr.

Clark. I'm sorry I'm late. I was having dinner with Bing, and we had a few

problems we had to iron out. Oh, Mr.

Clark, pardon me, but when you left him, did you shake hands with him?

Yes. Ethel, I just shook the hand... that shook the hand of Bing Crosby.

I shook it, too. When I was first, you were a whole hand later.

Sit down, Johnny.

You must forgive Lucy. She's a little starstruck.

Starstruck? Well, you better get over that, Lucy, because before long, your

husband is going to be one of the biggest stars this country has ever

Really?

Absolutely.

Sit down, Johnny.

I saw Dick and Oscar at the store tonight.

They're considering you for their new show.

Oh, no kidding.

Yeah, and I think I've got you planted on the Ed Sullivan show for next month.

No kidding.

Boy. And Ed Warren wants you on his face -to -face TV show.

Ed Warren?

Yeah. You mean millions of people will be seeing us right here in our own home?

That's right.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

Honey, honey. Yeah?

We're not on tonight.

I'll tell you in plenty of time.

Oh, well, that's good because I want to get new draperies, slipcover all the...

furniture, and we better repaint the apartment.

Well, that won't be necessary, Mrs. Ricardo.

No, that won't be necessary, Mrs. Ricardo.

Well, I just want everything to look nice and cheery.

Well, it's going to take more than a coat of paint to make this dump look

anything.

Ricky, you can't be seen on face to face in a crummy joint like this.

Now, wait a minute now, Johnny. I forgot to mention something about the

Mercer's. Yeah, we own this crummy joint.

There's no offense. It's just that we're building Ricky up as a colorful,

exciting, new personality. And he's got to live like a star should.

You know, in some place like, well, like a Park Avenue apartment.

Penthouse, even. Here, I brought along some apartment house brochures.

Well, look them over.

Well, I like it here.

So do I. I'll have you know that this is one of the finest apartment buildings

in New York.

If not the finest.

These walls are solid.

Fred.

don't build them like this anymore.

Well, they haven't built them like this for a hundred years.

Now, just a minute, Johnny.

The Merces are our best friends, and we lived in this apartment for 15 years,

and we're going to stay right here.

I didn't mean anything, Ricky, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. It's just

that I'm thinking about your career.

He can have just as big a career living here as he can in some Park Avenue

penthouse. That's right. All right, all right. Have it your own way.

I'll see if I can't get another angle on that Ed Warren show and call you in the

morning. Okay. Good night, Lucy. Good night, Mr. Clark.

Goodbye.

Jim.

I'm sorry, Fred.

No, that's all right. This apartment's been insulted by a bigger man than him.

Imagine us living in a big, fancy apartment. I like it here.

So do I.

Don't you worry, Fred. We're never going to leave this crummy joint.

We're not worried about that.

We'll go on the movie. We'll run away.

Goodbye. Don't forget, tomorrow night we'll play bridge, huh? All right. Okay.

I'm not sure I like your new agent.

Oh, honey, he doesn't know.

Us in a Park Avenue penthouse.

Four bedrooms, four bathrooms, and a library.

What would we do with all that room?

Private terrace.

Well, that'd be nice for little Ricky.

Daily maid service.

Well.

How much do they want for all that swank?

They start at $11 ,000 a year.

For us, they end there, too.

I'd kind of like to take a look at one.

Just to see what it's like inside, you know. Just forget it.

Yeah.

Hi, honey. Well, hi.

Where have you been? It's after 8 o 'clock.

I know. I'm sorry. We're rehearsing a new show, you know. Thanks a long time.

Do you have any dinner?

Yeah, I had it by the club.

Hey.

Guess what I did today? What?

I looked at one of those Park Avenue penthouses.

I just wanted to see what it looked like. It was an $11 ,000 humdinger.

Boy, you should have seen it. A tremendous living room, view of Central

and the softest carpet. They were this thick. I didn't see my feet for half an

hour.

Made this place look like a city dump.

Now, Lucy... Relax. I found out a terrible thing. I wasn't comfortable

there. I guess I'm the city dump type.

Well, my pocketbook thanks you.

I must have looked like the city dump type, too.

Mrs. Skyler, she's the manager over there. She wasn't even going to show me

place until I told her who you were.

I'll tell Fred and Ethel you're here. Okay, I'll clean up. I'll be right out.

Okay, fine. We'll be right over.

Ricky's home. Let's go over and play some bridge.

Well, come on. What's the matter with you? Oh, I was just thinking about last

night and how Lucy and Ricky told his agent they'd never move out of here.

They're such wonderful people.

Yeah, you're right. They really are.

They're the kind of people that give people a good name.

They're the best friends we ever had.

That's for sure.

We gotta get them out of here.

Yep, we gotta.

We got to make a move out of here. And lose perfectly good tenants?

Oh, now, Fred, for once will you think with your heart instead of your wallet?

I don't know what you're talking about.

They don't want to move. Sure they do.

And they should.

But they don't want to hurt our feelings.

We can't let friendship stand in the way of Ricky's career.

He doesn't belong in a place like this.

He belongs in a big, beautiful, wonderful apartment.

You know, you're right.

But how are we going to get them to move?

Well, we'll have to be subtle about it so they won't catch on.

We can burn the building down.

Fred, are you crazy?

No, I'm insured.

Now, let's see. How does a landlord get a tenant to move out?

Well, suppose we give them a lot of bad service. No heat, no repairs.

Think that'll work?

It hasn't for 15 years.

No, we've got to pick up something else.

How about, uh, well, we could pick a fight. What about?

Well, we could pick one about, um, about the bridge game. You know how sensitive

Lucy is about her bridge playing. Good, come on. Now, Fred, Fred, don't weaken.

Remember, it's all for friendship.

Okay, come on.

What's keeping them?

Well, since when do you knock?

Hi.

Sorry I was late. Come on, let's get going.

Hurry up, sit down.

Come on, sit down.

Come on.

No, we just came over to tell you not to count on us for bridge.

Uh, yes, we made other plans.

Well, how come you know this is our regular bridge night?

Well, maybe it's time for a change.

What do you mean?

Well, I guess you better come right out and tell them the truth.

The fact of the matter is, we don't want to play bridge with you anymore.

Why not?

Well, to put it as charitably as possible, and not wanting to hurt

feelings, you are lousy bridge players.

Oh, just a minute.

Oh, now, Ricky, you're not so bad, but there's some excuse for you. You learned

how to play in Cuba.

But Lucy, she may bring back Mahjong.

Look who's talking, the queen of the ace trumpers.

Well, if you want to get nasty about it, I thought we knew each other well

enough to be honest.

Oh, well, if you want to get honest, let's go.

I've got plenty of ammunition.

You are possibly one of the worst... Wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a

Why don't you put your money where your big mouth is?

Why don't you stay and play for money?

Real money.

Ha! Fred, play for money.

I'm not the cheapskate in this group.

Meaning I...

the skin on your conga drum.

No, no, no, no. Don't bug your eyes out at me. Save that for your movie fans if

you have any.

This is the thanks we get for sticking it out for 15 long years in this termite

-ridden deep freeze.

If you don't like it here, nobody is twisting your arm.

Yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead and what?

Go ahead and move out.

Well, that...

And the sooner, the better.

Don't worry. We're getting out of this tenement before it's condemned by the

Board of Health.

Good. And you can't make it soon enough for us. That's right.

Ha! Ha!

Ow! I'm going to start packing right this minute.

Oh, no, you're not.

Why not?

Those two crazy, wonderful people.

What are you talking? What's the... You're deserting to the enemy?

Honey, don't you see? They were acting like that because they love us.

Well, I'd hate to think how they'd act if they couldn't stand us.

No, honey, they think that if I stay here, it's going to ruin my career.

Oh.

Sure, so they act like that, so we pick a fight and move to one of those fancy

apartments that my agent was talking about.

Oh, Ricky, you're right.

When did you catch on?

Listen, any time that Fred Merce tells one of his steady -paying tenants to

out, there's something fishy somewhere.

Oh, Ricky, there's so... Oh, I could just cry.

Boy, I bet they move out tomorrow.

Tomorrow? They may even go tonight.

Yeah, they might.

Did you see Lucy's face when I told her what a horrible bridge player she was?

Did you hear Ricky when I told him what a cheapskate he is?

Oh, I miss him already.

Yeah, me too.

Now, now we'll have to get somebody else to play bridge with us.

Yeah, and the way we play, that's not going to be easy.

What's your Aunt Martha's phone number?

Grammar C3 -8098.

Well, she always wanted to rent an apartment in our building, and I thought

might let them have the Ricardos apartment.

Fred, how can you think of money at a time like this?

In my sorrow, do I know what I'm doing?

Hello? I'll take it.

Hello, Aunt Martha?

This is Little Ethel.

Listen, do you and Uncle Elmo still want an apartment in our building?

I think we're going to have a vacancy.

Ricardo's.

Well, they haven't told us the exact date, but I could let you know.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay, I'll call you Aunt Martha.

Bye.

She'll take it.

That's fine.

I miss Lucy already.

Oh, now, honey, but don't start crying. He's the best friend I ever had.

Come on, honey, snap out of it. Come on. Oh, I can't help it.

That's the nicest thing anybody ever did for anybody.

I don't know. Look, we'll just go over there and we'll tell them that we

appreciate what they're trying to do but that we're not going to move.

No, honey, we can't do that.

They mustn't know that we know what they're trying to do.

I guess you're right.

I'll tell you what. Look, I'll apologize for starting the fight.

I'll tell them it's all my fault.

Well, all right.

Bridge lessons. Hey, that's good. Come on, let's go.

Hello?

Oh, yes, how are you? It's Ethel's Aunt Martha.

Oh, uh, well, just a minute.

How tall are you?

Five -eleven and a half. Why?

in our building for 15 years.

Yes, they've been very good tenants.

Oh, she did.

Oh, it is.

Yes.

Yes, I can recommend them very highly.

You're welcome.

Well. Who was that? That was a Mrs. Schuyler, the manager of a Park Avenue

apartment building. What did she want?

Lucy was over there today looking at an apartment.

What? Oh, boy, they planned to move out all the time. They just pretended they

didn't want to leave here. Those dirty double -crossers. I ought to go right

over there and blacken one of those bugged -out eyes of Ricky's.

Let's go over there and tell them what we really think of them. Come on.

Quiet. That agent.

Say, I'm glad I bumped into you two. I was just on my way over to the Ricardos.

Ed Warren says it's fine to do the show from here.

From this crummy joint?

Now, we have a new angle.

Instead of Ricky living in a fancy apartment, we're going to show how

hasn't changed him. How even though he's a big star, he refuses to move from his

simple and comfortable old apartment and his two best friends, the Mertzes.

You're both going to be on the show with him.

That's all very interesting.

It's at 8 o 'clock tomorrow night. The only reason we got on is somebody else

canceled. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Clark, but I wouldn't be on a show with

them. Now, just a minute, Ethel.

You tell the Ricardos we'll do it. Okay.

Fred, what's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? How many chances

do we get to be on face -to -face?

Besides, who am I to deny 50 million people the opportunity of seeing Fred

Mertz?

And his wife?

Well... And what about the advertising for the building?

I bet we'd get double rentals for every apartment in the house.

Fred, I'll say this for you. You never hold a grudge. Thanks. If there's money

involved.

Nothing doing, Johnny. We just don't want to do a television show with the

Mercers. But, Ricky. Look, if they want to go on television, let them go on with

Aunt Martha and Uncle Elmo.

Yeah.

Aunt Martha and Uncle Elmo?

What's that, a kid's show or something?

Never mind. We just don't want to do a television show with them.

But it's all set.

Ed Warren expects them on the show.

You've got to do it with them. I don't got to do nothing.

Now, listen, Ricky.

I've got a lot of important people out there tomorrow night watching you.

Dick and Oscar, they want to hear you sing.

Ed Sullivan.

Well. Look, honey, if it's important to your career, I guess we can stomach the

merchants for half an hour. After all, we never have to see them again once the

show is over.

I guess you're right.

Good. Then it's all settled. I'll see you tomorrow night, Rick. All right.

Now, don't be nervous, Ricky. Just pretend like it's just any other night

your living room.

Hey,

these chocolates, they look terrible. I think the light is melting them. I

better go change them, eh? No, no, no. We don't have time. Nobody will see

I better get out of here. I'll go over to the Mercer's and watch it on their TV

set. Okay.

Are you nervous?

No.

One second.

Oh, hello, Ed.

Honey, we're not on yet. I know, I'm just rehearsing. Oh, hi, Ed.

Oh, hello, Ed.

Oh, Ed, how are you?

Five seconds.

Lucy. Hi, Ed.

And here we go.

And here... is Edward Warren.

Currently making feminine hearts flutter all across the country is a charming

Cuban named Ricky Ricardo.

He recently made his first Hollywood film and out there they are calling him

second Valentino.

Ricky lives with his charming red -haired wife in this converted

apartment house on East 68th Street.

Hello, Ricky.

Ed, I'd like you to meet my wife, Lucy.

Oh, hello, Ed.

Hello there, Lucy.

Ricky.

Ricky. Yes, Ed?

Ricky, now that you have made that picture, your career is really zooming,

it? Oh, yes.

It's been wonderful. A lot of wonderful things have happened in the past few

months. How did you find Hollywood?

Huh? I say, how did you find Hollywood?

Oh, Hollywood was wonderful.

It was really great.

You know, I've been working in nightclubs, you know, for the past few

It was different, you know, working without an audience.

Ricky, do you like working to an audience better?

Well, I don't know if I like it better or not. It's just that it's different,

you know, and then, of course, when you...

When you go to the preview, and there it is, and there's nothing you can do

about it, you know?

I imagine that that preview was pretty exciting for everybody concerned.

How about that, Mrs. Ricardo?

What?

I say...

I say the preview must have been pretty exciting for everybody.

Yes,

it was very exciting. We can hardly wait for the picture to open.

Neither can I.

Ricky, I understand that you have an unusual situation in that you are best

friends with your landlords.

Oh, yes, Fred and Ethel Merz. They are very best friends.

Would you like to meet them?

Yes, Ricky, I would.

All right.

I'll see if I can get them.

Ed, this is Fred and Ethel Bird.

Hello, Ed. I'm Ethel. Hello, Ethel. Hi there.

Hi there, all my pals out in Steubenville, Ohio.

How are you guys down there, Joe and Bill's Barbershop? Hi. Fred. Hi, Lefty.

Ain't this something?

I'm not used to these things.

Oh, Ricky.

Yes? I hope you won't mind my telling this.

But I understand from your agent that he wanted you to move into a swanky

penthouse, but you refused.

Oh, yes, yes.

We lived here for 15 years, and we wouldn't move for anything in the world.

Anything wrong, Ethel?

I found...

Fred, Ricky's attitude must make you very happy.

It certainly does, and we hope they never leave.

That's wonderful. He'd be a fool if he did.

Get reasonable rent and a wonderful apartment and plenty of service.

Oh, by the way, if any of you folks out there need a good apartment, just give

me a ring.

Ricky.

Ricky. Yes, sir? How about a song?

Oh, I'd like to. Sure.

I'm very happy to.

All right.

Now, if my friends here would help me out with it, we'd like to do it like

doing our pleasant musical evenings at home. Yes.

Would you like to help me out? You ready?

Yes. We'll do Rancho Grande.

Here we go.

the advertising on Ricky's program.

We knew you were going to move.

We weren't planning to move out. Yeah.

about moving. Not much. She wasn't. Ha!

What do you mean, ha?

That's what I said, ha.

She was serious about moving. Aunt Martha called and we found out the

was rented right from under us. I didn't even call Aunt Martha until you said

you were going to leave us.

What's the matter? She said she didn't even call Aunt Martha until we said we

were leaving.

What?

And good luck.

Part of Ed Warren was played by Elliot Reid. Johnny Clark was played by John

Gallaudet. And the director was Monty Masters.

is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.