Original subtitles

And now, I Love Lucy.

Yeah, I know, Ralph, but I can't sell you the car.

I'm not going to get back to New York.

Well, I'll see you in the studio later.

Goodbye. Who was that, honey?

Ralph Berger. He fell in love with our car. He wants to buy it.

You can't sell the car. How are we going to get home?

I know. I told him to forget it. Oh.

Gee, I wonder what happened to Fred.

What do you mean?

Well, I called him about an hour ago and asked him to go out and buy something

for me, and he just disappeared.

All he had to do was get a little box of Q -tips.

Box of what?

Q -tips.

You know, these little things I use for the baby.

Oh, oh.

You see the new can that I bought, the can of shaving lather I just bought?

No, I didn't see it. Well, it's missing. And another little item is missing,

too. My safety razor.

The razor I saw. I took it away from the baby this morning. Oh.

There was no blade in it. But do you know that he climbed all the way up on

sink to get it?

Now, what did I do with it?

Oh. But certainly you didn't put it in your purse.

Well, you never could... Oh!

What's the matter?

I think we're closing in on that can of lather.

Get me something to wipe this off with, honey. Look at this mess.

That kid won't do.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Uh -oh.

What's the matter?

I found the razor.

How did he ever get that in there? Oh, man. Here, honey.

Oh, what that kid doesn't get into.

Honestly. I can't get it out. How did you put it in there?

It's going to be an interesting way to shave.

Oh, dear.

Ricky!

Little Ricky!

I want to see you.

Maybe I can shoot my whiskers off.

What happened?

Let's see what your daddy has to say about this.

Oh, Ricky!

I'll go over everything in there.

Now, you know you shouldn't do that.

Let's wash them off.

Lucy! Oh, Lucy!

There.

Well, what's this?

Well, you wanted Q -tips, didn't you?

They wouldn't sell me the tips without the cues.

Here, I'll brush you some chalk, too.

Fred, I think you flipped your lid.

I wanted some of these little things.

What?

I'd like to see you shoot pool with a silly little thing like that.

Try to do somebody a favor and this a thanks again. Fred, I thought you knew

what they were. I flipped my lid.

but it's impossible.

Sorry, honey.

I'm going over to Fred and finish shaving. Okay.

Maybe I can... I'll go over to the studio after that and say goodbye to

everybody and then I'll have the car checked. All right, dear.

Bye.

Oh, gosh.

Lucy?

What's going on around here?

Fred's as mad as a hornet and I just passed Ricky in the hall and he's half

-dressed and bleeding to death.

you doing? I was taking some shaving lather out of my purse.

It's a good thing we're going to go back to New York in a couple of days. This

group is cracking up.

Say that again.

Hey, Lucy, we're going swimming. You want to come along?

as much stuff as I had when we came out here. Oh. What are we going to eat

tonight? Don't you ever think of anything but food?

I got twice as much apple as we had when I came out here.

Leave her alone.

Why do you want to start that for? Because it's true.

Hello. Yeah, Ricky.

You're getting big as a barrel. I am not.

If Route 66 was downhill, I could roll you back to New York.

I think that's very funny.

Hey, you two, please, just a second. What did you say, dear?

I was saying that I'm at the studio and I just sold the car.

What? How are we going to get home?

On the train.

How? You know, the fellow I told you about, Ralph Berg, he paid me almost as

much as I pay for the car.

And not only that, but by using the family travel plan, we can make money on

deal.

Well, I'm going to have the tickets sent over right away. All right, dear.

Goodbye.

Guess what? Ricky sold the car.

Sold the car?

What are you talking about?

Some fellow at the studio offered him practically what he paid for it, so he

sold it. Isn't that wonderful?

Oh, yes, that's wonderful.

That's just dandy.

Well, you don't sound very pleased.

I presume when Ricky sold the car, the back seat went with it.

Well, naturally, what... you getting at? Well, we were rather attached to that

back seat.

That's the way we came out here, and that's the way we planned on going home.

Is that what you're upset about? You'd be upset, too, if you just had your back

seat shot out from under you.

Oh, Ethel, don't be silly. We're all going home on the train. You're going

us. Who says so?

Ricky says so.

Quote, we're going home on the train.

Unquote. You're part of we.

Messenger's on the way over here right now with the tickets. Yeah, but how

One for you, one for Ethel, Ricky, Mother, and me. Five. The baby doesn't

any. Oh.

I guess we were a little hasty, honey. Good old Ricky wouldn't forget us. Well,

of course not.

Gee, the train. I haven't been on a train since I was a little girl.

Did they have trains then?

Gee,

won't it be fun? You know, they have those new dome liner observation cars

diners on that train. You can still see the scene. all the way back to New York.

Eat and look out at the same time.

Oh.

Mr. Ricardo.

Yes. Sign here, please. Yes, sir.

Thank you. Thank you.

Here are the tickets. Uh -huh.

One, two, three, four.

Now, it's just been a mistake.

Yes, and we made it. Come on, Fred. Now, Ethel, listen. Don't go away mad.

Mad? Whatever gave you the idea we were mad?

Why, we're a tickle to death.

I think it's so thoughtful of Ricky to pick such a nice place as California to

dump us in.

Oh, yeah.

You mad because I'm late?

No, I'm not mad because you're late.

Well, did I do something?

You sure did, Buster.

What did I do?

Just think back over everything you did this afternoon.

Oh, I went to the studio. I said goodbye to everybody.

I sold the car.

The guy that bought the car drove me home.

Oh, yeah, I bought the train ticket.

How many?

Three. Only three.

Yeah, the baby doesn't need one.

One for your mother, one for you, and one for me.

Oh, no.

The Merces.

Oh, yes, the Merces. What's the matter with you, Ricky? Well, I don't know. I

was busy thinking of the travel family plan and tried to save some money on the

card. Well, they don't know anything about it, do they? Don't say. They were

right here when the tickets arrived.

Oh, dear. Are they mad?

Well, let's put it this way. If I were you, I wouldn't walk ahead of them down

dark alley.

Oh, well, now this changes everything. You know, using that plan and only three

tickets, I made money on the deal. But now... Well, get him over here. We'll

figure out something. Well, I should hope so.

317, please.

I don't know how you could forget them. Well, honey, I got so many things in my

mind. The ban and the whole thing. Check out.

That's impossible.

317, Mr.

and Mrs. Fred Mertz.

She says they checked out. They're down in the garage right now, she said.

What are they doing in the garage? They don't have a car.

Maybe they're stealing ours.

We don't have one either.

Oh, well, what's the difference? Come on. All right.

Well, what does it look like we're doing? We're going back to New York.

On a motorcycle?

Yes, on a motorcycle.

Ethel, are you seriously considering going all the way to New York on a

motorcycle? Well, Fred gave me a choice, and this beats hitchhiking.

Come on, Fred, let's go. Now, wait a minute, Ethel. We're all going home

together. Ricky said he'd buy the tickets, didn't you?

Well, we'll figure out something. There, you see?

What do you mean, figure out something?

gear? Yes, I step on the wrong gear.

Well, what did you want to do that for?

Well, I thought it might be fun to back all the way to New York so we can see

where we've been.

Oh, I don't think this is any time to be funny, Fred.

Ethel, Ethel, Ethel, the main thing is you're all right.

That's right, Fred. Ethel, I'm sorry. I'll buy the tickets.

There.

buy the tickets. What more do you want?

Who's going to pay for that motorcycle?

Well, you certainly don't expect me to.

Why not?

If you'd have bought the tickets in the first place, I wouldn't have to buy the

motorcycle in the second place.

Well, she took the motorcycle down to have it fixed.

Ethel took it down?

Well, I'd have taken it, but my shoulder's killing me.

Oh.

Besides, she's stronger than I am.

Oh, Fred.

Well, she is.

Hey, would it help if I rubbed your shoulder a little bit?

Yeah, I guess so.

How's that?

Oh, that feels fine.

Fred. Yeah? I had a long talk with Ricky, and he's going to buy the ticket.

After the fight we had last night? After the fight you had last night. Did he

say buy him?

Well, not exactly, but I could tell by the look on his face.

Oh, sure.

No, not really. I know you.

What's the matter, girl?

I pushed that piece of junk to three different places, and they can't fix it,

and they won't buy it.

Wouldn't they give you anything on it?

Yep, I got this on it.

A parking ticket?

No, it's for...

dumping rubbish within the city limits.

Ethel, Ricky's gonna buy your train tickets after the things Big Mouth said

him last night. Big Mouth? I suppose I started it. Oh, now, Fred. He said he'd

buy the tickets. Why didn't you leave well enough alone?

Well, why should I get stuck for the price of a motorcycle?

Because you smashed it. You'd think anybody would have the sense to start...

But in the direction it was pointing, please. How did I know it was set in

reverse? If you didn't know it was set in reverse... All right, all right, all

right. Now, wait a minute, Ethel. Ethel, Fred is right. If Ricky bought the

tickets in the first place, there wouldn't have been any motorcycles.

Who asked you?

Well, it's just common sense. Common sense has nothing to do with it. When I

he's wrong, he's wrong.

Oh, Ethel.

What are you doing over here anyway?

besides in his shoulder. I'll rub it if it needs rubbing.

When did you and he get to be such good friends, you taking his side and rubbing

his shoulder?

Why, Ethel, what's the matter with you?

Oh, we're stuck for the price of a motorcycle, and Ricky won't buy those

for us in a million years. Oh, he will, too. Now, I'll show you how well I know

Ricky. I'll be right back.

Is this the place that's sore?

It is now that you've stuck your claws into it.

Here.

Now, here's two of our tickets. Now, would I be giving you this if I wasn't

that Ricky was going to get some more? We'd be stuck.

Well, that's more like it.

Thanks, Lucy.

Yeah, of course I'm still stuck for the price of... Shut up!

Lucy.

I'm sorry for what I said. Oh, honey, that's all right. I understand. You were

just upset.

That feel good, Fred? Feels fine now.

Lucy? Huh?

I'll do that.

Hi.

What's that for?

I gambled a lot on the sweetness of your character today, Ricky.

Did you get the tickets for the Mertzes?

Yeah, I got the tickets.

Hooray! You're just as wonderful as I thought you were.

Well, I don't know what's going on, but I got the tickets. Good. Now I'll tell

you what I did today. I couldn't get them conformance as we have, but I got

the best thing I could get, you know, upper berths.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear about what? You think they'll mind sleeping in an upper berth?

No, but you will.

I won't have to.

Won't you?

No, I have a compartment.

Have you?

Lucy, are you trying to tell me something?

No, I'm trying to keep from telling you something.

Well, what?

Well, the Mercer said that you wouldn't buy the tickets. I said you would. We

got into a big, fat argument, and... Oh, dear.

And I gave him two of our tickets.

What? Well, I didn't know the difference. They were just tickets.

Well, these are just tickets. So you take them over there and get my

back. I can't do that.

Why not?

Well, upper berth. An upper berth is as good as a back seat.

It would be different if they didn't have the tickets already, but to say,

take these. The good ones are for us. I can't do that. Look, are you going to do

it or do you want me to go over there and tell them? Well, there must be some

other way to do it. All right, I will. I'll explain it to them that I got the

tickets.

You get the tickets?

Yeah. That's all. Oh.

Ricky, we ought to be ashamed of ourselves. And we are.

How could we ever forget what a wonderful friend we have in you?

Yeah, well, I thought... And you treat us like this.

The way you treat yourself and your own family.

Well, you know the way I feel about you.

There's nothing two -faced about you.

No.

Oh, you're just wonderful.

You're...

You know, I was awful upset about those tickets. Yeah? Yeah, I didn't think you

were going to get them. I got so mad, I got mad at Lucy rubbing Fred's shoulder

this afternoon.

She did. She was so upset.

Lucy,

I'm going down to the drugstore. Do you want anything? No, thanks, dear.

Fred's taking a nap, but he'll be in to thank you just as soon as he wakes up.

Lucy? Yeah?

Can I trust you to stay away from my husband?

Now what are we going to do?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

You can all take the tickets. I'll go home on the motorcycle.

Oh, let me be now. Don't be silly.

Look, go to the phone. See if they had a cancellation.

I was just there half an hour ago. Well, a lot can happen in 30 minutes. Yeah,

I'll tell you something that happened in the last 30 minutes. My stomach is all

knotted up. Well, I'll knot it and go to the phone. Go on.

Hello, give me Union Pacific, please.

How do you like that?

We're stuck being novel to the mercies.

Well, you're the one that was being novel.

Pick an agency, please.

Listen, this is Rico Ricardo.

Yes, Mr. Ricardo. What can I do for you?

Have you had any cancellations for compartments in that dong liner city of

Angeles? Oh, I'm very sorry, Mr. Ricardo. The only thing we have left on

train are uppers.

Yeah, well, that's what I was afraid of. Thank you very much. If you have any,

would you please let me know?

Goodbye.

Nothing.

Hey,

I just realized something.

Fred put those tickets in his wallet without even looking at them. He doesn't

know whether they're riding in a compartment or a caboose.

So?

If we could just switch his tickets for these without his knowing it.

What makes you think that he hasn't opened his wallet and looked at the

Fred opened his wallet.

You're right.

He hasn't seen the tickets. Now, if we could just think of a sneaky way to make

the switch.

Well, that's your department. Your vice president in charge of sneaky switches.

That's true.

Good luck.

so I can explain.

What's going on?

What are you doing? What's going on? I got to thinking it was sort of our fault

that Fred's shoulder was hurt so I came down to massage it for him.

Does that feel all right, Fred? That feels fine, thanks.

It should. It was the other shoulder he hurt.

I thought maybe the pain traveled over to the sort of a sympathetic travel

No, I guess not.

Well, I'm waiting for an answer.

What was that question again?

What are you doing?

Oh, yeah.

Well, Ethel, I was... You see, I was just... Not at

first I wasn't.

But... There's usually... There comes a time,

you know, when... You're absolutely right. We'll talk about it on the train.

switch the tickets?

Not quite.

What do you mean, not quite?

Who's that?

Who's what?

Lucy, I want to talk to you.

Lucy. The Mercers.

Don't answer the door. Maybe they'll go away.

What are you talking about?

Lucy, I want to know what you're doing in our room with your arms around Fred.

So do I.

I'll tell you the whole ugly story.

I was trying to change the tickets in Fred's wallet for these.

Is that all?

Well, all you had to do was ask.

Well, these are uppers. Well, that's okay.

Why, sure it is. Here.

Well, gee, thanks, Fred.

There you are. Thank you. I'm glad you don't mind. Wait a

minute. These tickets are uppers, too.

We didn't need that expensive compartment, so I traded it off for two

And the difference just paid for the motorcycle.

Yeah,

I know it.

must be the compartment that Fred just turned in.

Yeah, that's right. How do you like that? I just brought back

my own compartment.

Ticket Agent was played by Don Brody.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.