Original subtitles

And now, I Love Lucy.

Hello,

hello.

Yes,

the mother of my head that this studio made for the trick shots.

thing to do.

Don't you ever come home with two heads again.

Not bad, eh?

Same eyes, same nose, same lips.

Can't tell the difference, can you?

No.

Lucy. I'm only kidding. You kiss much better.

Gee, what a wonderful souvenir to take back home.

And I know just what to do if we put it on top of the piano.

Oh, really?

I think it would look wonderful.

Hey, it'd make a wonderful lamp.

Yeah, look.

Sure, a little longer neck, you'd make a wonderful floor lamp.

I'd better take a shower.

I'd better get this out of the way. If little Ricky sees this, it'll scare him

to pieces.

Gee, if I just had two of these heads, they'd make wonderful bookends.

Yeah, but don't get any of this.

Hey,

I forgot to tell you.

to go dipsy fishing.

Dipsy fishing?

Yeah, you know, the ocean.

Oh, deep sea fishing.

I'm leaving tomorrow morning.

Oh, that's wonderful, honey.

Hey, Ricky, can I... No.

And don't stick your tongue out at me.

Oh, honey, I promise I won't say a word while the fish are biting.

About this dipsy fishing.

Now, you know I'm not the kind of girl that talks.

Will you excuse me?

Thank you very much.

Hello? Is Ricky Ricardo there?

Yes, he is, but he's busy right now. Could I take a message?

Yeah, this is Chip Jackson over at MGM. Oh.

We're having a studio party tomorrow night, and we thought maybe Ricky could

help entertain, and I'm sure we're putting on for the executive. Well, I'm

sorry, but he's... For the executive?

All the big shots will be there.

Well, Mr.

Ricardo does do an act with Mrs. Ricardo, a great undiscovered talent.

And if he could appear with Mrs. Ricardo, I think he would do it.

He doesn't like to appear without her.

She's really very talented.

I'll say I am. She am. She... Well... Well, as long as we can get Mr.

Ricardo... Well, now, just a moment. Now, check with him.

Ricky! Yeah!

MGM! On the wire, they want to know if you'll appear at a studio party tomorrow

night. Absolutely not!

I'm going freshers!

He says he'd love to.

Oh, fine.

8 o 'clock, 6th Street.

All right, they'll be there. Bye.

studio party, honey, but nobody's going to keep me from this fishing trip.

I don't know why you want to go fishing anyway. You know you're not going to

catch any fish.

Say that.

Well, you know the old saying, you can't catch fish in a month that has an hour

in it.

That's for oysters.

Oh.

What's the matter? Don't you want me to go?

Oh, sure I do. It's just that... I'll miss you.

Oh, honey, I'll only be gone a couple of days.

All right.

care if you'd rather go fishing than be with me.

Oh, now, honey. You love fish better than you do your own wife.

That's not true. You should have married a barracuda.

All right, all right. If it'll make you happy, I'll take you with me. Oh, I

don't want to go.

What is this? You don't want to go? You don't want me to go? What do you want?

I want you to go to the studio party tomorrow night.

There's something cooking in the little brain of yours.

Why are you so interested that I go to the studio party tomorrow night?

You want the truth?

That would be refreshing, yes.

The whole truth?

That would be even more refreshing.

All right.

That sounds like the truth.

I told him that you and I would do an act together.

of the studio that you made a mistake.

I will not.

You will too.

Hi. Hi. I can't do that. Why can't you? Because that would be lying.

Well, I don't want to hear one more word. Oh, Ricky, now, please.

Let's get out of here. Now, I need you to stay here for the studio party or

you'll be sorry.

Now, Lucy, don't threaten me. Let go. No!

Oh, Lucy, you almost scared me to death with that thing.

It looks exactly like Ricky. Doesn't it? Looks so much like him, I'd like to

punch it in the nose.

happened to be very possible.

Well, I got a good point. Ricky, please. No.

Please do the number with me just this once.

Absolutely not. Oh.

They're always showing the same old movie on this channel.

Well, so long. I'll see you in a couple of days.

Now, wait.

Fred, in all the years you've been married, have you ever left Ethel alone

fishing? Nope. You see, he loves his wife. He's devoted, considerate. And

more, he gets seasick.

Oh, I do not get seasick.

He gets queasy if I have too many waves in my hair.

Well, I gotta get going.

You think someone will kiss me goodbye?

Well, don't look at me.

See you in a couple of days.

Have a good time. Bye, Rick. Thank you. Catch us a fish.

some husband I've got. If my mother wasn't living with us, I'd go home to

Well, what are you going to do? Call up the studio and tell them you can't make

it? No, I can make it. I'll tell them Ricky can't make it.

They won't want you without Ricky.

Why do you say that?

Because it's the truth.

Well, I know, but why do you say it?

We've got to get an idea.

Okay, we'll leave you here to think.

Come on, Fred.

All right.

Two heads are better than one.

What do you think? Do you think it'll work?

Think what'll work?

Well, my dance for the studio club.

Do you think they'll know it's a dummy?

Nobody but the audience.

Oh, didn't it fool you at all?

Nope. The dummy's a better dancer than Ricky.

Oh, Fred.

It fooled me for a couple of seconds.

Did it? It sure did.

Then I can fool an audience now. Now, this is what I want to do. I want to

out on the stage with Raggedy Ricky here, dance around a little bit, and

he'll be suddenly taken ill, see? And I'll help him off the stage, and then

come back and finish the number by myself.

You'll never get away with it. No.

Well, I will if you'll help me.

Well, so long, Lucy. Come on, Fran.

No, Ethel, I want you to help me. Not a chance.

Why not, Ethel?

What? Good boy, Fran. Are you out of your mind? Now, look, we're going to

in eventually. We always do.

Now, she'll keep us around here arguing all afternoon.

So why don't we say yes right away, and then I can go ahead with my lunch.

Oh, you're absolutely right, Fred. Now, here's what I want to tell you about

that. Oh, you can't hear this.

It's ridiculously simple, Fred.

Did you have much trouble? A little. Well, the guard at the gate wanted to

his breath, but I talked him out of it.

You know, I'm getting fond of this guy.

Put him right down here. Okay. Come on, Esteban. Thank you very, very much. Oh,

that's beautiful.

Where'd you get it? From the costume company.

The show's starting. Give me a hand with him. All right.

Thank you.

We're going to start the show off tonight with a wonderful surprise.

You know how proud we are that MGM will soon be releasing Samuel Goldman's new

picture, Guys and Dolls, to theaters all over the country.

Guys and Dolls stars Marlon Brando, Gene Simmons, Frank Sinatra, and Vivian

Blaine. Well, tonight, we're able to give you a preview of one of the musical

numbers.

I hope this works. Every producer on the lot is going to be out there tonight.

Let's go stand in the way.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, one of our newest stars here at MGM, Ricky

Ricardo, in a special number with his partner, Mrs. Ricardo.

ladies and gentlemen, but something seems to be the matter with Mr. Ricardo.

It's nothing serious. Don't be alarmed.

In the tradition of our business, though, the show must go on. So if

excuse me, I'll be right back. But, Mrs. Ricardo, if your husband is ill, why,

we can't... Oh, no, no. The show must go on. Yes, but, Mrs.

Ricardo... The show must go on.

All right.

Hold still.

Hold still.

Get the arm off.

Take my mentee out in the back.

Straighten your way out.

Are you ready? I got it. Okay, here I go.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.

and I care.

the best policy.

I know, but what are we going to tell Ricky?

Hi, Rick.

Hi, Rick.

Where's Lucy?

Uh, did you catch a lot of fish?

No, it was too choppy. You know, when it's that choppy, there's not much fish.

Where's Lucy?

Uh, choppy, huh?

Oh, yeah, I'm telling you, all the way to Catalina. The bow just rolled.

Lucy, did she go out?

Oh, um, she, uh... Ethel, where's Lucy?

Ricky, Lucy's got a job.

What? She went to that studio party last night. Oh, you two were a sensation.

Who two?

You and Lucy.

What are you talking about?

Wait a minute.

But it was such a mess, they thought it was a comedy act, and they offered her a

year's contract.

That's where she is now, over there talking over terms.

I can't believe it. Oh, Ricky, you can't let her sign that contract. She'd have

to stay out here a whole year.

Well, she can't do that.

But you can stop her, can't you, Rick? Of course I stop her.

I just thought you just can't take this contract. What do you think you're going

to... Wait a minute.

I can't stop her. If I do, she'll throw it in my face for the rest of my life.

That's right.

That. She'll be home any minute.

Oh, let's see.

I tell you what.

We'll use physiocology.

What?

Physiocology. You know, when you want somebody to do something, you make them

think you want them to do something else.

Physiocology. Physiocology?

Yes, honey. You know, what a physiocrat would use.

As a head doctor.

Oh, psychology.

Oh. All right, have it your own way. Look.

Here's what we're going to do. When she comes in... I get ideas. I get ideas.

Follow my lead.

Ethel, I'm going to sign the contract tomorrow.

Hi, honey.

Hi, dear.

Did you hear the news?

Yes, yes.

The Mercedes told me all about it. Oh.

And I think it's wonderful.

You do?

Yes, I certainly do.

I was afraid you'd be angry with me.

Angry? Why should I be angry?

Just because you took a dummy over to the studio and made him pass as your

husband? Well, honey, that is exactly what any normal red -blooded American

would have done.

Oh, boy, you must have caught a lot of fish.

No, no, I'm sincerely glad.

This is what you've always wanted to do, and now you've done it.

Gee, you really...

to us and tell us all about it. Oh, don't worry. What do you mean, right?

Well, honey, little Ricky and me and the Mercers are going to be back in New

York and you'll be out here. Oh, no, no, no. You're all going to be out here

with me. I'm sorry, honey. I can't do that. I have a contract at the

I open there in a couple of weeks. Oh, we've left our apartment house much too

long already.

Yeah, after all, we're still the landlords.

Well, gee, I know, but... Oh, honey, you cannot let your family and your best

friends interfere with your professional career.

Well, I know, but...

is not like we were going to be millions of miles away.

You can come and visit us every Christmas.

And you can call us as often as you like. That's right.

And don't you worry about little Ricky.

I'll show him your picture every night so he won't forget his mommy. Oh, no,

I got to have little Ricky and all of you out here. Now, look, Ricky, you can

book your band out here someplace. You know that. And if it's a matter of

I'll be making a large salary.

I'll pay all your expenses.

Oh, thanks, honey, but I'm... I'm afraid not.

Well, now, wait a minute, Ethel.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid we can't. No, no. We really have to go. That doesn't mean

that you have to, you know.

Honey, what's the matter?

You look sad.

We're happy for you. I mean, this is what you've always wanted.

A career in show business. We're really happy for you.

Aren't you happy?

I guess.

You can't let your family and best friends interfere with your career.

You can call us as often as you like.

We'll show the baby your picture so he'll know who his mommy is.

I'm sorry, sir, but I've decided to go home and be with my family. You're

a big mistake, my dear.

We have great plans for you. We're certain that you'll be a big star.

Big star.

Big star.

Big star.

Oh, yes, yes, I'm Lucy Ricardo.

My autograph?

Of course, I don't... When people stop asking, that's when I'll mind.

Oh, you're welcome, my dear.

What's that?

Another Oscar.

I'll have to enlarge the bed. This is the sixth one.

The twelfth.

Mom, did you call for me? I'll take it right here on the set.

Hello.

Oh, hello, little Ricky, honey.

Well, Mommy misses you, too.

Oh, don't cry, sweetie.

Mommy will be home for a whole day at Christmas.

The MP was played by Lee Millar. There are many effects by Dr. Samuel Hoffman.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at the same time.