Original subtitles

Poor little guy. He was asleep before I got his pajamas on.

There was some walk you took him on. I took him on?

He took me on.

Oh, I never was so tired in my life. What's that you're reading, Mother?

Variety? Bought it in the lobby. It's very interesting. Oh, come now. I bet

don't understand a word it says.

Well, there's one item I do understand in here.

Oh? I didn't think Mickey had made his picture yet.

He hasn't, and his name isn't Mickey.

Whatever his name is, they got it wrong in here. They say that the picture's all

finished and it's been put in storage.

What? Where does it say that?

Well, right here.

Metro shelves down one.

Oh, no.

You mean he didn't even tell you he made the picture?

Oh, no, Mother, you don't understand. They haven't made the picture, and

means they're not going to.

Lucy, Lucy. I saw it.

How's he articulate?

He hasn't seen it yet. He's still in the shower.

Oh, what do you suppose happened?

Oh, gosh, this is awful. He hasn't even started yet and already he's a has

-been.

He isn't even a has -been. He's a never was.

California, here we go.

We might as well start packing.

I just got out here. Now I have to go back home without seeing anything.

Oh, I haven't even seen Palm Springs.

I can beat that. I haven't even seen Lana Turner.

Oh, dear.

And I did so want to go to... Well, will you listen to us? What do you mean?

Here we are complaining, thinking only about ourselves, and Ricky's whole

is ruined.

Oh, she's right. Lucy, I'm so ashamed. I was only thinking of myself.

I was only thinking of myself.

And I was only thinking a lot of Turner.

Oh, Brad.

Lucy, how are we going to break this to him?

We just won't tell him. Give me that.

What are you going to do?

Oh, Lucy.

That won't do any good. He'll see it anyway.

Well, even if he doesn't, the studio will tell him the picture's been

Well, we have to cushion the blow somehow.

Lucy! Yes, dear?

Yes, dear?

Oh, it's, uh... Oh, yeah, never mind. I got it.

Now, listen, when he comes out here, act like nothing happened.

Just be natural and leave everything to me. What are you going to do?

Well, I'll probably bring the conversation around to how homesick we

how we don't care much about Hollywood anyway, you know. Yeah, that's a good

idea. Whatever you do, don't let the cat out of the bag. Oh, don't worry.

As far as he's concerned, we never even saw that item in Variety.

And for heaven's sake, smile.

Look happier. You'll notice something's wrong.

I recall, boy. Hot tricks, hot tricks.

Hello, son.

Why, you're certainly all happy this morning. Sure.

Well, there's nothing to be sad about.

No, we didn't even see that item in Bride.

What item? Oh, it's nothing, dear. It was just a mention.

It didn't say a thing about the picture being shelved.

That cat wasn't let out of the bag. It was yanked out.

What are you talking about?

Oh, honey, it was just a little item in variety about your picture being

shelved, but it doesn't matter. Who wants to be in pictures anyway?

Is that what you were worried about? Just one little item in the paper?

Well, honey, that's just publicity.

Sure, you know, they want the people to keep talking about the picture. They'll

do anything out here to keep a picture alive.

Even kill it?

If we weren't going to make the picture, don't you think I'd be the first one to

know? Well, yeah, I suppose so.

Of course, Anna. This afternoon, I'm going to the studio to make some tests

the leading lady.

Oh? Now, they wouldn't be making any tests if they were going to cancel the

picture. No, I guess not.

Of course not. Oh, boy, am I relieved. Oh, thank goodness my trip isn't ruined.

And I'll get to see Palm Springs after all. Dry those tears, Lana.

If you should have asked me, then you wouldn't have been worried.

Yes, this is Ricky Ricardo.

What?

They are.

Do you know why?

You don't, I think.

Yes, I'll be here.

Thank you for calling.

What's the matter, dear?

Who was that?

The studio.

They're canceling the test this afternoon.

Well, but why?

They didn't say why.

Oh, well, honey, that doesn't mean anything. Of course not. It's just

Yeah.

They also said that Dory Sherry wants to see me here tomorrow afternoon.

I've heard that name before. Now, who's Dory Sherry? Well, that's good, isn't

it, honey? He's wanting to see you here.

No, that's bad. Who's Dory Sherry? Oh, he's someone at Metro, dear.

Well, what does he... do it, Metro?

Oh, he's a big shot.

Well, just what does he do?

Oh, he's the guy that twists the lion's tail when they want him to.

Honey,

honey, why is it bad? I don't understand.

Well, don't you see, honey, when a big man like Mr. Sherry is going to come all

the way out here, it must be just to make it nice while he's firing me.

Oh, dear.

I guess he's right.

Well, honey, don't you care? At least we got a trip to California out of it.

Short as it was.

Mother, please.

Oh, I can't stand it anymore. I've got to go out to the studio and find out

it's all about. Oh, well, you're right, dear. You demand to know. You work and

you have hard work and you try to learn.

Yeah, I know, honey.

Well, you have a right to know, dear.

Oh, I could cry. He looks so disappointed.

Poor Mickey.

Oh, poor Ricky.

Gee, if he just made one picture, I know that the women of America would have

gone absolutely mad about his big brown eyes.

Yeah. That fan mail would have flooded the studio.

Well, there's no use dreaming.

That's it.

Fan mail.

Fan mail?

Yeah, what do you think if all that flood of fan mail reached the studio by

tomorrow morning?

I'll bet Dory Sherry'd think twice about letting him go if the people of America

were just demanding to see more of Ricky Ricardo.

More of him? He hasn't even been on the screen yet.

Who's going to write him a fan letter?

Listen, everybody, the next hundred letters we write, ask for Ricky's

and don't forget to change your handwriting.

Yeah, Fred, be sure and change your handwriting, or they'll think they're

from the same person.

I did change my handwriting.

Look, I wrote the last hundred with my left.

Your left what, foot?

They'll think a chicken wants his autograph.

Oh, come on, cut the gab. You're holding up the production line. Well, I'm going

as fast as... I can, but my hand's getting a cramp. Mine, too. Oh, for

sake, we've only written 500 letters. Your hand can't be that cramped.

Tell that to my hand.

Oh, Ethel, you sure are a sissy.

Well, haven't you got writer's cramp? No.

Let me see your hand.

500 letters.

How about a little breather? Okay.

Hey, why don't I take all these downstairs and mail? Oh, that's a good

Mother. Oh, Lucy, my whole shoulder's sore.

Me too. I feel like I just pitched three games in the World Series.

Well, now, remember, we're doing this for Ricky's sake.

Do you think 500 letters will do any good?

No, but 5 ,000 will.

Oh, Lucy, I don't think I can make it.

Now, don't... Forget Ethel. If Ricky doesn't get into the movies, you don't

to stay in California.

What's the good of staying in California if I have to go around with my arm in a

sling?

Hello.

He is?

Did he see you, Mother?

Okay, thanks.

Ricky's on his way up from the lobby. Get rid of all this stuff. Hide

everything, Fred.

Hide everything, Al.

That's a hand me that egg. Take well.

No, parece que ya se acabó todo.

Oh, really?

How are things at the studio, Rick? Did they shove the picture?

Yeah, they sure did.

Oh. They can't do that to you.

Well, they just did it.

There's no doubt about it.

Metro just gave me the door independent.

What's that?

Well, you ought to know. It's an American expression.

Are you sure that's an American expression?

Yeah.

Did you see Mr.

Sherry today?

No, but they're shoveling the picture.

What if they do shovel it?

Maybe they'll put you in another one.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Maybe they're going to use me in one of the Marx Brothers' pictures.

You know, Chico, Harpo, Groucho, and Floppo.

Oh, honey, now don't you worry.

I have a feeling that the public will make itself heard.

What public?

Yeah, well.

Maybe I could borrow a couple of hundred Bobby Toxas from Frank Sinatra.

This is Ricky Ricardo. Are you sure you haven't got any call from me? From Mr.

Doris Sherry?

Oh, I can't understand it. He was supposed to be in here half an hour ago.

All right, thank you.

Hello?

What?

Who's on his way up?

The Ricky Ricardo fan club?

All right.

Come in.

Where's Dory Sherry?

Now, what do you think you're doing?

Where's Dory Sherry? He's not here yet.

All right, back in the hall. Make another entrance.

Now, just a minute, just a minute. Hold it, everybody.

Nobody's going to make another entrance anywhere.

Well, don't you want us to help you?

No. Good. I was going to feel pretty silly telling him I slept with your

under my pillow.

Well,

we only wanted to help you. Well, then, get out of here.

Oh, that's gratitude for you.

Give me text at all 3311, please.

Mr. Sherry's office.

Mr. Sherry's office.

Miss Valentine, this is Ricky Ricardo calling. Oh, yes.

Look, have I got my dates mixed up or something?

Am I not supposed to have an appointment with Mr. Sherry today?

Why, yes. Isn't he there yet?

No. Oh, he's probably still tied up at the producers' association meeting at

hotel. That's why he was going to meet you there.

Oh. And he said he'd be back here by 4 o 'clock. He has a very important

appointment with Mr. Stevens.

Well, it's 25 minutes from now.

Well, in that case, perhaps you'd better come out to the studio, then you'll be

sure to see him.

Okay, I'll be right there. Goodbye.

You can have your fine cloth made in here. I'm going to the studio.

Oh, no!

Oh,

brother.

Hello, this is Dory Sherry.

May I have my office, please?

Mr. Sherry's office.

Miss Valentine, I won't be back at the studio this afternoon.

But what about your appointment with Mr. Stevens?

Oh, Mr. Stevens is at the luncheon, and we're having our meeting here, and then

I'm going to drop in on Ricky Ricardo.

But Mr.

Ricardo's on his way to the studio.

Well, will you call him back, please, and see if he's left yet? Yes, sir. Let

know. I'm down by the pool.

All right.

Thank you. Goodbye.

we should go right out there and bust into Dory Sherry's office.

They wouldn't even let us through the gate.

Hello?

This is Mr. Sherry's secretary.

Has Mr. Ricardo left yet?

Oh, yes, he has.

Oh, dear. Do you suppose you could possibly catch him? Mr. Sherry still

meet him at the hotel.

Oh, yes, I can catch him. I'll call the garage.

What now, blue eyes?

You know, maybe it's better if Ricky doesn't talk to Dory Sherry right now.

In his frame of mind, he'd probably say the wrong thing anyway.

So? So we can approach it from an entirely different angle.

How?

Suppose when Mr. Sherry arrives, there's another big producer here just dying to

get Ricky under contract.

Yeah.

Now, where do we find somebody to look like a big, important producer?

Oh, that's a tough one.

Somebody who looks like a real important producer.

Well,

don't just stand there, Fred. Try to think of somebody.

What?

Hey, that lobby's always full of actors and there are always a lot of them

around the pool.

Suppose we find one and pay him to do the job. Great. Now, wait a minute. I

doubt if they take you seriously in that ghetto. Oh, that's right. Change and

meet me back here right away. All right.

Well, this meeting has been very helpful, Dory. I'll get back to you in a

two. Thank you, Jim. Good talking to you.

Can I drop you at the studio?

No, thanks. I have another engagement here.

Fine. I'll see you. Bye.

Would you ring the Ricky Ricardo suite for me, please?

Oh, honest.

You'd think there'd be one actor in that lobby up there today, wouldn't you?

There's always about two dozen hanging around.

Boy, it's pretty discouraging.

Well, there's none down here either.

Lucy. What?

What about him?

Nah.

Breakers can't be choosers.

Would you ring that again, please?

Hi, Miss Ricardo. Oh, hi, Bobby. Hey, Bobby, maybe you can help us.

Sure, what can I do for you? Well, listen, Ricky's picture was shelved.

know. I saw it in Variety. Yeah, well, Mr. Dory Sherry is coming up to our

apartment in a few minutes to have a little talk with Ricky.

Gosh, can I bring you up some ice water?

I've never even seen Dory Sherry. No, I'm afraid not, Bobby. There's going to

too much going on. Now, look, I have a plan.

I thought if we had another big producer there that was just dying to put Ricky

under contract, then Mr.

Sherry wouldn't fire Ricky, see?

You know, you're right. These big producers always want you when somebody

wants you. What a bunch of eggheads. Yeah.

Say that again.

Well, do you know where we can find an actor real quick that can play the

producer? We'll pay ten dollars.

Producer, huh? Uh -huh.

Now, see here, Dory.

I simply muss every candle before my neck takes job.

Oh, no, Bobby. I'm afraid you're not the type.

I got shoes that make me four inches higher.

Four inches higher.

How do you... Well, I look all right, but my ears pop.

Well, thanks anyway.

Be sure and tell me if you see any producer -type actors around, huh? Yes,

'am. Gee, we've got to find somebody in soon. Come on.

Pardon me.

I couldn't help overhearing. Are you looking for an actor?

Well, yes, I am.

Well, I'm an actor.

Well, I'm afraid you won't do. You see, we're looking for someone who looks like

a producer.

I've been told that I look like a producer.

You?

The bellboy looks more like a producer than you do.

There's not much time, and he is willing.

Oh, I'm willing.

Besides, I could use the ten bucks.

Well, you're not exactly the type we're looking for.

Would you do it for $7 .50?

All right, it's a deal.

Okay, come on.

We work this cheap, but things are tough, what with television.

Yeah, I know.

That's all.

Oh, Lucy.

Lucy.

Well, Fred, we found one down by the pool.

Is that the best you could do?

Well, we didn't have much choice. It was either him or the bellboy.

He doesn't look like a producer. He's dressed all wrong.

What's the matter with my clothes? Well, you just don't look like a producer.

You look like a banker, a businessman or something.

Yeah, a real square.

Hey,

maybe I got something in my closet that'll sharpen them up a little. Hey,

go get your sport coat.

Right.

Now, listen, what's your name?

Spelvin, George Spelvin. Oh, well, listen, George.

Here's the situation. Now, my husband, Ricky Ricardo, is under contract to MGM.

Was. Now, Ethel, we don't know.

And Dory Sherry is a big shot at MGM. Yes, I've heard of him. Yeah. Well, he's

due here in a few minutes, and we think he's going to fire Ricky. Now, we want

you to pretend that you're a big producer from another studio and offer

contract. Well, do you think Sherry will go for a gag like that?

Why shouldn't he?

Well, I hear he's pretty bright.

Right. If he's letting Ricky go, he's pretty stupid.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, uh, wouldn't he know all the other big producers in town?

See, that's right.

Well, now, maybe he better be a producer from back east. Or from Europe. A

foreign producer. Can you do an accent?

Not for 750.

Let me hear your accent. I might go to $10.

Hey, you must come here from Sweden. I want to talk to Ricky Ricardo about

making a picture for me in Sweden.

Back to $7 .50.

Well, I thought that was pretty good.

Here's just the thing you need.

Try to look important.

Stand up straight.

Hold in your stomach.

I think you're the type that should be sitting down. Sit down.

Now, get comfortable.

Cross your legs.

Now, try to say something in a real cultured tone of voice. Say, um... Now,

here, Dory. I want that very talented Ricky Ricardo in a big musical I'm

Now, look here, Dory. Now, way down here. Way down here. Now, look here,

Now, look here, Dory. I want that talented Ricky Ricardo for a musical. A

musical.

And money is no object.

And... And... And I just can't bring myself to say that.

Listen, do you want the job or not?

Well... Then say money is no object.

And money is no object.

What's the matter?

Leaves a bad taste in your mouth, doesn't it?

Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, dear. Oh, hi, dear.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I went to the studio.

Well, do you two people know each other?

Of course we know each other. Who do you think I had an appointment with?

Dory Sherry. Well?

Dory Sherry.

Oh, so long, Ricky. Nice being married to you.

What's the matter with you? Well, nothing yet.

You have a very attractive wife, Ricky. We've just been sitting here chatting.

We have?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we have.

Oh, yes.

Mr. Sherry's quite a chatterer.

Yeah, and he's so bright and intelligent and charming. Thank you, Mrs. Ricardo.

Ricky, I came over here to tell you about that item in the paper. Oh, yes.

It's true, we are shelving Don Juan.

Too many production problems.

Oh, okay. But we're going to pick up your option, and we're going to put you

another picture just as soon as we can find the right one.

Thank you for having so much confidence in me. We have, Ricky. I just wanted

to tell you in person.

Thank you very much. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mrs. Ricardo, Mrs. Mertz. Goodbye, Mrs.

Sherry. Goodbye.

It's been delightful.

I can't remember when I had a more charming afternoon.

Thank you, Mrs. Sherry. Goodbye, Mrs. Sherry.

Goodbye, Mrs. Sherry.

Hey,

I owe you an apology.

What about?

About your tasting clothes.

Mr. Sherry's wearing a sport coat just like yours.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Ricky, I'm so happy for you. Say, I'll bet that fan mail had a lot to do

with it. What fan mail?

Oh, wait till you find out what we did for you, boy.

Yeah, what?

Yeah, well.

Hi, Bobby. Hi. Say, Mr. Cardo, do you know anything about these letters?

He left them down on top of the mailbox without any stamps.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.