Original subtitles

Hi, girl.

I brought your mail.

Oh, thanks.

What are you doing?

I'm figuring out the route we're going to take to California.

Oh, good.

I've got the list of all the places that each of us wants to see. Now, Ricky

wants to see New Orleans and the Rockies, and Fred wants to go to

Niagara Falls.

And I want to see the Ozark Mountains and the Carlsbad Cavern. I know, and we

all want to see the Grand Canyon, and Fred says we must not miss Salt Lake

Believe me, it's taken some brain work to figure out an itinerary that'll

everyone.

It's impossible.

No, no, it's not impossible. It just takes a little sensible planning.

See?

Well,

the only thing is we have to go through New York three times on the way to

Chicago.

Oh, fine.

Well, we'll just have to fight that out on the road.

Yeah, I guess so.

Want to see your mail?

Oh, yeah. Anything interesting?

Two bills and an ad and a letter from your mother.

Oh, what'd she say?

Now, Lucy, you know I never read your mail.

Only postcards, and everybody knows they're fair game.

Besides, your mother's letter came to me.

Oh, sure.

It did. She enclosed it in a letter she wrote to me.

Why would my mother write to you? Well, just listen.

Dear Ethel, I lost Lucy's address and couldn't find it in the New York phone

book. There are so many Richardsons listed.

Richardson? She never remembers Ricky's last name.

Well, that isn't even close.

Yeah, but she's getting better. She refused to admit I was married at all

after the baby came.

Oh, gee.

I was able to find your address, and as you live in the same building...

I wonder if it would be too much trouble for you to give the enclosed letter to

her.

She really figures things out. Bless her little bird brain.

Well, like mother, like... What does your letter say?

Dear Lucy, how are you and Mickey?

Mickey.

so I'm sending this letter to Ethel Mert.

If you don't get it, please let me know as I have made a copy of it.

Well, that's good thinking.

Uh, the copy is enclosed.

As a matter of fact, if you have read this far, you must have received this

letter, so tear up the copy and thank Ethel for me.

Oh, it was nothing. After hearing the good news about you going west, I got to

thinking how I've never been any further west than Youngstown, Ohio.

Oh, no.

And this seems like a golden opportunity for me to get to California.

Oh, just wait till Mickey Richardson hears about this.

Well, you'll just have to stop her. Too late. Listen to this. I rented my house

to a lovely couple and have bought a whole new wardrobe for the trip.

I didn't tell you I was going with you sooner, but you know how it is when

you're planning a long trip.

Some little detail is liable to slip your mind.

I remain sincerely yours, Mrs.

McGillicuddy.

Mrs. McGillicuddy? That's kind of formal, isn't it? Well, sometimes she

who she's writing to.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well, there's just one thing to do. What?

I'll say, Ricky, my...

California with us, and then I'll jump out the window.

Now, there for a minute you were commencing to sound like a real wife.

What do you mean?

Well, I like that feeling when you said, Ricky, my mother is going to California

with us.

Oh, I like that feeling, too. It's what comes after that scares me.

Now, you might be surprised at what would happen if you took a real firm

with Ricky.

You think so?

Sure. Look at the way I handle Fred.

Yeah, but you can lick Fred.

Now you're talking.

I'm going to say, Ricky, my mother is going to California with us. And that's

that. Good girl.

That's just what I'll tell him. On the phone.

Now, you've got to face him eventually.

Well, this will sort of give me a head start.

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter from my mother today, and she's going to

with us, and that's that.

And I don't want any argument about it.

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter from mother today, dear. Why do you... doing? Oh,

the line's busy. I was just practicing.

Oh, fine.

But I think you're right.

The thing to do is be firm.

Hello, Ricky?

I got a letter from Mother today, and she's going to California with us, and

that's that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Mother, we're rehearsing a scene. That's right.

Yeah, you were very good, sweetie. Thank you.

Oh, it's so good to see you. Oh, thank you, dear. Isn't it good to see Mother,

dear? Yes, yes.

Mother, you don't understand any Spanish, do you?

Mother, you must be tired. Why don't you sit down? How's everything in

Jamestown? Oh, just wonderful.

Have you seen Mary and Ben Black?

Oh, they moved way up on the old hunt road.

No kidding.

Mother, why didn't you call us from the station? We would have picked you up.

Oh, that's all right, dear. I took the bus. It let me off right in front of the

door. Oh.

Wait a minute. The bus doesn't come down this street.

That's what the bus driver tried to tell me.

He was so different.

What was only two blocks? out of his way, and all he had to do was turn the

steering wheel.

Do you mean to tell me you got the bus driver to leave his route and bring you

right to our door?

I made a bargain with him.

He promised to bring me here, and I promised never to ride on a New York bus

again.

Well, I think he made a fine deal for himself.

Well, Mickey, I bet you were surprised when Lucy told you I was going to

Hollywood with you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was very surprised.

Oh, you know, dear, I hated to give up my club activities.

I'm chairman of the bazaar this year and leave my friends, but I figured this

was my chance to take it to them in person.

What was that? Take what?

Take what to them in person?

My book.

Oh, didn't I tell you? I wrote a book.

You? Yes.

You didn't think I could write, did you?

No, I didn't even know that you could read.

It's the story of our family.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, it should make a wonderful picture.

Yeah, yeah, those screwball comedies are very successful.

Mother, I wouldn't count too much on selling your book out there. You know,

have an awful lot of material floating around. Oh, ordinarily, yes.

But now that Mickey is a star, he can take my book right to Dory's head.

Lucy, dear.

What?

would like to rehearse that scene again with you. Would you step in the next

room with me? No, not now, dear. Yeah, now.

No, I want to talk to Mother. I'm so glad to see you, Mother. It's been such

long time. Come on into the kitchen. We'll have a nice long talk. A real long

one. Maybe three days or so.

Pardon us, dear.

There's our best grandma's little darling.

Oh, come on, dear. Now, we're going to market. Now, you'll be a good boy.

My grandma. You hear her, Mother? Please, no C -A -N -D -Y. Oh, all right,

right. Here we go. Bye -bye.

Lucy. What?

Now that we're alone, I'd like to speak to you. Well, I have some packing to do,

dear. We can talk later.

When? Well, when we get out to California.

Lucy, I want to speak to you. I want to speak to you now.

Now, look.

I'm not going to drive 3 ,000 miles in the same car with your mother.

Do you think three shirts will be enough for you, dear? Of course not. I need at

least a dozen.

Never mind trying to get me off the track.

I don't like the way things are developing around here.

I get a part in the picture.

It's all very simple.

You and I and little Ricky are going to go to Hollywood.

And then all of a sudden, everybody that we've ever known is coming along with

us. Oh, they are not.

They are too.

Why couldn't we go along?

Now, first you talk the mercies into horning in.

I do not. That was their own idea.

Well, they're tagging along now anyway.

Now, Ricky, don't get all excited. Just be sensible. I'm not going to tell my

mother she can't go, and it means so much to her. Well, somebody's got to

her. Well, you tell her.

All right, I'll tell her.

Don't you...

I have something to tell you. Yeah.

What? We can't go on your trip.

What? What are you talking about?

We're not going to California. That's what we're talking about.

But why?

Well, we just changed our mind. We don't feel like going anymore, that's all.

But what happened?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

You two act like if you were sore or something.

And don't forget to drop a postcard to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Horninsky, or, as we

are more commonly known, the Tagalong Merxes.

Bon voyage.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

Me? What did I do?

Ethel heard you.

How could she have heard me? How could she help hearing you with your big mouth

and her big ears?

Now, look, I'm not going to take the rap for this.

mercies along, you know that.

This whole thing wouldn't have happened if you hadn't insisted to bring your

mother along.

No, Ricky didn't mean that. You know how he is when he gets excited.

Now, listen, if I'd taken half the things he said to me seriously, I'd have

him long ago.

What? Hello?

Hello?

She hung up.

Well, I don't blame her.

Lucy? Mickey?

I want to speak to you about something.

What is it, Mother?

I didn't say anything in front of the baby because little pictures have big

ears.

Americans in the hall.

Yes? They told me they're not going to California, and I know why.

You do?

Yes. It's because of me.

Now, just a minute, Mother. It has nothing to do with you. Oh, yes, it has.

Everything was all right until I decided to go.

I'm the fly in the ointment.

Well, I'm not going.

You are, too.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Ricky. Well, honey, she's made up her mind.

Honey, you don't want to force her. That'll make her unhappy.

All right, let me tell you something.

If Mother isn't going, I'm not going.

All right.

Then let me tell you something.

If you're not going, I'm not going.

Okay. Okay.

May we come in again?

Why not?

We got to talking it over, and we decided we acted pretty childish.

Yeah, we cooled off. We realized... that Ricky said what he did because he was a

little upset about your... But anyway, he didn't mean it.

So we're going to go on the trip after all.

Well, I hope you have a good time.

And there's a postcard when you get out of there.

What do you mean?

Nobody's going.

What's she talking about?

We had a beef. The trip has been called off. And it's all my fault.

realize that you weren't going because of me.

So... Oh, no, honey, that wasn't it at all. We had a little misunderstanding

we just decided to forget it. So now we're going.

Oh, are you sure?

Sure. Well, I wasn't going to go because you weren't going to go if I was going.

But if you're going to go when I'm going, I might as well go.

What'd she say?

I don't know, but I think she's going to go. Of course she is. And I wasn't

going because she wasn't going. But if she's going, I'm... might as well go. So

now everybody's going.

Except, uh... I'm out of the mood. You four take the trip.

Now, Ricky, if you're not going, I'm not going. But if Lucy's not going, I

certainly am not going.

Well, if you three aren't going, we certainly can't go.

Oh,

what a bunch of characters I'm mixed up with.

Look, I'm going.

Everybody's going.

This is an early start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So please pack all your things up

tonight. We're going to leave at 6 a .m. in the morning.

Girls are bringing down some odds and ends late. Oh, that's good. Yeah.

There we go.

Fine. See?

Easy. How about that, huh? Yeah.

How about that?

Well, you can always tie a rope on it and drag it along behind you.

No, we got plenty of rope.

Here, put it over there.

I just take a couple of these ones out of here and put them in there.

Now what happens?

Well, I think if I put this one first, it'll work all right.

Why'd you put it in here for?

I didn't put it in.

I did, dear. I was just trying to help.

Oh, well, look, honey, whatever you got left up there, just put it in the

sidewalk, and then when we're ready for it, we'll fit it in, see? Oh, listen,

Mother made some sandwiches so we wouldn't have to stop for lunch.

Good. Fine.

Ten o 'clock.

Hand them to me. All right.

There we are. Great.

What's all this junk?

Are they crazy or something?

Bring me a nice piece of good, strong rope.

Okay, I'll give you that rope.

What do you want us to do, friend?

Go on back in the house and relax.

Well, for one thing, I can't see where I'm going.

Oh, I figured that out, too.

I left you a nice driving view right down through the middle here.

bunch of jugheads we are.

Sure, we'll be on the road two weeks. It'll get there before we do.

Oh, dear.

Are we really going to be driving for two whole weeks?

Well, of course, Mother. It's 3 ,000 miles and we're taking all those little

side trips.

Well, in that case, it's something you ought to know.

What? I get car sick.

That's all right.

Oh, Mother, not in this car, you won't. This ride's like a dream. Oh, no, it

wouldn't happen in this car.

Well, I had no idea it would take two weeks.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

to get out of here before it gets dark.

Well, Ricky said... You said you wanted to leave around six, and I think we can

just about make it. Yeah.

Now, Mother, you remember, if you have any trouble getting him to sleep, just

sing to him in Spanish, huh? I don't know any Spanish.

Oh, well, play one of Ricky's records.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, goodbye.

Bye. Goodbye, Mr.

Trumbull. Goodbye, Mr. Trumbull. Don't forget to collect all the rats on the

first of the month. No, I won't.

And no matter how much they pound on the pipes, don't give them any more heat.

Oh.

Keep ballin'.

of cheer.

Mr.

Killicuddy was played by Catherine Card. Mrs. Trumbull was Elizabeth Patterson.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.