Original subtitles

More coffee, Ricky?

Ricky?

Hello back there, coffee?

At least you can do is warn a guy before you scold him to death.

Well, I asked you if you wanted more coffee, and I thought you said yes.

Look,

I'm sorry I burned you. I was just trying to keep busy. It's no fun sitting

watching you read the paper.

Okay, okay, Heidi.

I didn't think I was being so rude.

Well, that's better.

Here.

Wait a minute.

You take this one, huh?

My, that's interesting.

Did you read...

Why

is it that the news always look grinner at the other side of the breakfast

table?

I don't know. It just looks grinner.

Well, if I'd been this woman, I'd have left my husband. Listen to this.

entered and robbed the apartment of George T. Craig at 527 East 65th Street

night, tying Mrs. Craig to a chair and leaving with an estimated $5 ,000 worth

of jewelry, silver, and furs.

Well, that's too bad, but I don't see why you... Now, just wait.

Craig, an accountant, was working in his office at the time of the robbery. Mrs.

Craig had called earlier to report that she thought she heard prowlers and urged

her husband to come home.

I thought...

said Craig. So I finished my work and came home an hour later and found my

bound and gagged and the apartment ransacked.

None of the goods was insured, admitted Craig.

Isn't that awful?

Terrible. It's unforgivable.

I should say so.

Imagine not being insured.

Oh, you missed the whole point.

didn't love his wife very much or he would have come home the minute he

she was in danger.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right.

Sure.

What would you do?

What would I do with what?

Well, if I called you and told you there were prowlers, you'd come right home,

wouldn't you? What for?

We're insured.

Well, it's nice to know how you really feel.

I was just kidding. I'll bet you weren't. Of course I was.

Well, if I called you at the club and told you there were prowlers, would you

come right home?

The minute you call.

What if you were busy?

It wouldn't matter.

What if you were doing a number? Would you leave in the middle of it?

Right between the Baba and the Lou.

You're wonderful.

Thank you.

Would you really come home the minute I called?

If I had the slightest hint that you were in any kind of danger,

I would come flying from the ends of the earth.

Hmm.

I'd like to speak to Mr. Ricardo, please. This is Mrs. Ricardo.

Well, even if he isn't in rehearsal, I have to talk to him right away.

Hello, Ricky?

Ricky, listen.

A horrible, strange -looking man just came to the front door, and he said that

he was trying to sell something, and I didn't believe him, so I slammed the

in his face. And then a few minutes later, I heard something on the fire

and I think I saw his face. And, oh, he was just horrible -looking. He had...

station and long

He came home from the club and said some evil -looking man was trying to break

into the apartment.

Yeah, he said he had a long black beard and he was eight feet tall.

Oh, you mean he told you to come over here and protect me until he could get

here, huh?

Nope. He just wanted us to call him back if anything was wrong.

How do you like that? Here I am in terrible danger and all he does is sit

phone. Are you in terrible danger?

Of course not.

Oh, Lucy, what is all this?

Well, I read in the paper this morning where...

Some woman called her husband and told him that there were prowlers and he

didn't come home and their house was robbed.

So? So, that proves that that man did not love his wife, so I just called

to find out if he really loved me. Oh, no.

And apparently I got my answer. I could have been murdered while he was waiting

for you to call him back.

You still might be.

Oh,

honestly, Lucy, how could you pull a stunt like this?

Oh, my heart's still pounding.

Mine, too.

Now, listen, Lucy, my blood pressure has better things to do than play. He loves

me. He loves me not.

Well, maybe someday something will really happen to me, and then you'll be

sorry. Do you want to bet?

Come on, we'd better call up Ricky and tell him it was just a false alarm. All

right. Never mind. I'll call him. Okay.

I have to speak to Mr. Ricardo, please. It's Mrs. Ricardo again.

And when the merch is...

to test him.

I think something really has happened to her. She's not here.

Did you look every place? Well, I looked every place except the bedroom.

Let's look in there. She's got to be around here someplace.

Okay.

She isn't here.

Well, you look in the bathroom and I'll look in all the closets. The closets.

No, she isn't in there. She wouldn't go away and leave the baby. She never has.

Oh, I wish you wouldn't bother him. Oh, he'd never forgive me if I didn't call

him, Fred.

I don't want to disturb him now. He's down there rehearsing. I bet you'll not

able to take anything like this happening to us. You know, you know he

to call us. She'll show up and I'm going to just take it easy.

I didn't look in here. No, you did look in there.

No, she's not in there either.

Don't be so dramatic.

She's just trying to give us a good scare.

Lucy!

I'm going to call Ricky. Oh, I wish you wouldn't disturb him.

I won't, I won't.

Now tell him we're not sure.

We think it's one of Lucy's dumb stunts.

May I speak to Mr.

Ricardo, please?

Now be nice and calm.

Don't worry.

I think it's one of Lucy's tricks, but we can't find her anywhere.

So maybe you better come on home. Yes, come on home.

Yeah, come on home.

Don't worry, we'll take care of little Ricky till you get here.

Okay. But come on home!

We'd want to see.

Are you sure she's not hiding someplace? Have you looked everywhere?

In the closets and everywhere.

I even looked behind the shower curtain.

Oh. While we were waiting for you, I went around to the other apartments.

has seen a sign of her.

Well, I don't know what to think. I don't know what to think now. I don't

whether something has really happened to her or maybe she's just Jelling Tiger.

What? You know, Jelling Tiger.

You mean Crying Wolf?

How do you think I feel? I'm the one that said I wouldn't care if something

happen to her.

It's all my fault.

I should have come home the minute that she called me.

Just think, right now she might be in terrible...

She was a good girl. Yes, she was.

She was a wonderful girl.

Yes, she was.

Hey, what are we saying?

She is a good girl. Nothing could have happened to her.

She is a good girl. I bet it is all right.

My God, if something happens to Lucy, I love her so much, I just wouldn't want

to live, that's all.

Yes, that's a good idea. Yeah, wait a minute. Sputnik, she's playing a trick.

Sputnik, it's a gag.

Well, I don't care. We just can't take any more chances.

Hello?

Hello? Mr. Ricardo?

Yes? You don't know me, but I'm your neighbor, Mrs. DeVries. I live in the

apartment building across the street.

Yes. Now, I'm sure there must be a very good reason, and I'm sure you know what

you're doing, but is anything wrong?

Well, what do you mean?

I'm awfully busy right now. Could you call me back a little later?

Well, I certainly can, as long as you know that your wife is sitting on the

ledge outside of your window.

Well, don't worry about... What?

Oh, it's a good wide ledge.

I just wanted to make sure that everything was all right.

Oh, yes.

Yes, everything is just fine.

Thank you very much for calling.

having those costumes ready for Thursday.

That's very nice of you.

Goodbye.

That was that fellow that I was worrying about the costumes for Thursday for the

new show.

Well, he called me and he said he'll have them ready for Thursday.

But, uh, what about Lucy? Aren't you going to call the police?

Yeah.

Yeah. On second thought, I don't think I'll call the police.

It'd be bad publicity for me.

That's right, Ricky.

And after all, what can the police do?

If she's gone...

and make it Maggie and throw your money away.

Now, I think the thing to do is to get it out of my mind.

Just get rid of everything that reminds me of her.

Ethel, will you like her clothes?

Yes, there are a couple of dresses I'd like. Of course, I'll have to have them

altered.

She's much bigger in the hips than I am.

You can always use it for a bath, Matt.

You know, it's too bad about Lucy being gone and all that.

It's a bit of tough luck, all right.

But the worst part of it is little Ricky.

Little Rick will be without a mother. Oh, yeah. How about that?

Without his mother to guide him.

Oh, the poor little thing.

There's only one thing for you to do.

you'll have to remarry.

You really think so?

You have to think of your son.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Of course I'll have to wait a respectable length of time.

Oh, of course. How long would you wait?

About ten days.

from across the street called up and told us you were out there.

And listen, you.

I just had about enough of these phony stories.

What's she doing?

Maybe she met another prowler.

I heard that.

Come on, honey. We're going to play bridge. Let's play bridge, huh? I'm not

I want to play with people who make fun of me.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but I can't help it. Every time you get out of our sight,

you run into a bunch of cutthroats.

Where are they hiding this time? Under the bed? Now listen to me, friend. All

right, all right, all right. Hold it, everybody. Now, we all know that Lucy

a very vivid imagination.

And we all know that we can't believe one word she says.

Now, listen, whether you believe me or not, that man was here this afternoon.

Oh, come now, honey.

Well, he could have been.

After all, those people who were robbed live in this neighborhood, and those

thugs might still be around here. You know how crooks are.

No, how are they?

Oh, you know what I mean. Once they rob one house in a neighborhood, they very

often rob another one a couple of blocks away.

She's right, Ricky.

All the crooks... I know are just like that.

Once they find a neighborhood they like, they stick to it. They're a loyal

bunch.

Especially the eight -foot -tall fiendish ones.

Oh, you're all so smart.

Now, where are you going?

Out. I'm sure you don't care where I go or what happens to me, and neither do I.

Oh, Lucy, you're going to ruin the... Oh.

Now, where do you suppose she's going? Oh, she'll go out and...

and fit for a while and move, and then she'll come back.

Honestly, sometimes she acts just like a baby.

Yeah. Have you ever thought of putting her in a basket and leaving her on

somebody's doorstep?

Come on, let's play three -handed and she comes back.

All right. You bet, Rick.

Okay.

Ricky, she's been gone for a long time. Don't you think you ought to go look for

her? That's just what she wants us to do. She wants us to go out there and beg

her to come back.

Are you sure she's sitting out there?

I'll go take a look.

She's just sitting out there like a spoiled child.

once who could do that with his voice. Is that right?

Yeah. That's pretty clever.

You know, she's got a lot more talent than I give her credit for.

Lucy?

Lucy?

Now what?

present to you this beautiful statuette for the best performance of the year.

You know what I can't understand is how does she tie herself up like this?

Let's take the gag off and hear her talk. Hey, hey, Rick, are you sure you

what you're doing?

Why, that'll gag like that.

be a good one this time.

There we go.

What's the matter with you? You crazy or something?

Why didn't you come out there and help me? Those two men could have killed me.

Oh, there was two men this time.

We're gonna finish our bridge game.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.