Original subtitles

Honey, did you call the nurses?

Yeah, they said they'd be right over.

Good.

Wait till you tell them.

Hi. Hi.

What do you want to see us about? Yeah, what's going on?

We have a big surprise for you. Tell them, honey.

Ricky's band has been booked into a big, beautiful summer resort in Maine for

two whole months.

Won't that be a wonderful vacation?

Oh, boy, are you and the baby going, too? Sure. Yeah.

Oh, gee, it must be great to leave this hot city in the middle of the summer and

go to a place like that.

Two whole months, isn't that sheer heaven?

Boy, what a deal.

Isn't that going to be great?

Oh, I don't know what I'll do with you gone for two months. Oh.

Well, at least the kitchen door and your tongue will both get a little rest.

I hope the baby doesn't forget us. Oh, Ethel, don't be silly.

Well, they forget awful fast, you know. Oh, well, not in that length of time.

Just think, you've lived here 12 years, and this is the first time we've ever

really been separated.

That's right.

Yeah, it'll be a little lonesomer out here, all right.

What are you talking about? You coming up to visit us?

Why, certainly. You don't think we're going to stand being away from our very

best friends for two whole months, do you?

No, sir.

You coming up is our guest.

Oh, Ricky, I don't think we... Now you're coming up or we're not going.

right.

Honestly, you're just about the nicest, most unselfish people I've ever known.

Well, why shouldn't we be nice to two of the sweetest, most wonderful people in

the whole world?

Fred, did you ever have the feeling that you were sitting in the middle of a hot

fudge sundae?

Yeah, they're pretty sticky, aren't they?

Well, you can laugh if you want to, but it's going to seem awful strange.

Strange having this apartment empty all summer.

Well, we got another surprise for you all.

This apartment is not going to be empty all summer.

It isn't? No.

I think that we're going to be able to sublet it.

Oh, good. Oh, Rick, that's fine.

You know, I started thinking about it. I said, gee, it's a pretty tough rap

paying $125 a month when we're not going to be here for a couple of months.

Yeah, and I'd feel guilty taking it from you. Well, I thought you would, Fred.

So I went to see the real estate agent. You know Mrs. Hammond?

And she said she's sure she can rent it for us. Oh, boy, that's really great. As

a matter of fact, she said that she could get me $300 a month for it.

$300 a month. Isn't that wonderful?

What's the matter?

Fred, what's the matter?

Well, you only pay us $125 a month rent.

Now, do you think it's fair for you to make money on our apartment?

I thought you'd be happy that we could make a little money. Yeah.

After all, we got a lease. We're living up to our lease.

As long as you get $125 a month, it's fair.

Well, it might be fair, but it's lousy.

Now, wait a minute. Don't make it look like we're wrong.

You're getting the best of the deal.

What? What are you talking about?

Well, now, suppose that the boot was on the other hand. How about that?

Suppose that I could only get $50 a month.

Would you give me $75 back?

Of course not.

There you are. Our friends. We're losing $75 a month and they wouldn't help us

that much.

Now, just a minute. This is an entirely different proposition.

Yeah. Why?

Why?

Because you're getting $300 a month.

Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way about it, old man, but I don't think

there's anything you can do about it.

Oh, isn't there? No, sir. We have a lease.

The lease says that we have the right to sublet. Honey, where is the lease?

Right here.

Pardon me, please.

Pardon me.

Here it is, dear.

Pardon me, please.

There you are.

I think you're playing with kids.

Here it is.

The lessee has the right to sublet the apartment in question.

The lessee.

That's us.

And this is the apartment in question.

Ha, ha.

Read on, read on.

The lessee has the right to sublet the apartment in question with the approval

of the lessor.

And that's us.

Mr. and Mrs. Fred Lessor.

Well, what do you say to that, Minnie Ha Ha?

Well, I don't see how that changes anything.

You'll certainly have to approve somebody we bring in here. Oh, we will?

Now, don't tell me that you're going to turn down everybody that we try to rent

this apartment to, are you?

Well, honestly, what a... A couple of stinkers. Oh, a few minutes ago, she

we were the sweetest, most wonderful people.

Yeah, let's get out of here, Ethel.

Okay. Well, I never... Have a nice time in Maine. Have a nice, hot, sticky

summer. No matter how hot it gets, it'll be sheer heaven so long as you are not

here.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Hammond.

Well, look, Mrs. Hammond, there's no use bringing anybody else over here to look

at the apartment.

The Mertzes have turned down the last six couples.

Well, just a minute.

Mrs. Hammond, she wants to show the apartment again. She said she has a very

lovely couple.

Why bother? The Mertzes wouldn't even approve Ike and Mamie.

Well, she said she's sure they'll approve these people.

Well, what have we got to lose?

Okay. Bring them over, Mrs. Hammond.

Thanks. Goodbye.

I wonder why she thinks they'll approve these people.

I don't know. What's the difference? We're leaving tonight anyway.

I'll get it here.

Oh, Mrs. Hammond, how'd you get here so soon?

I was in the neighborhood when I phoned.

Won't you come in?

see if we approve of the couple who are subletting the apartment.

Oh. Where are they, Mrs. Hammond?

There they are.

What?

Fred, do you approve of me?

Yes. Bethel, do you approve of me?

Yes. We approve of us.

Really? I don't get it. Miss Hammond, what's going on here?

Well, I think that the Mercers are going to sublease your apartment and sub

-sublet it to someone else.

Oh, they're trying to make us look at this thing through a sweater.

Oh, you mean they're trying to pull the wool over our eyes.

Yeah.

Well, just forget the whole deal. The apartment will just stay empty for the

whole summer. Okay, come on, Fred.

Goodbye. Just a minute, please.

May I make a suggestion?

What? Well, I've rented apartments in this building for my clients for a long

time. And every time I've been here, I've been struck by the wonderful

friendship between you two couples where you're just devoted to each other.

I'll bet you've been best friends for ten years.

Twelve. Yeah.

Thirteen. No, it's twelve.

Well, now, the important thing is that I don't want to see it end, and I don't

think you do either. Now, look, here's the idea.

You're paying $125 a month for the apartment, and I know that I can get you

a month.

So why don't you let me find you a nice tenant and you can split the profit

between you.

Okay? Okay?

Okay, Fred?

Okay!

Thank you, Mrs. Hammond. This would have taken a lot longer without you.

I was just trying to protect my commission.

Sweet of her.

Hey, Rick, whatever gave you the idea that you two have been living here 13

years? Yes, only 12. Yeah, it's only 12, dear.

Now, wait a minute.

We moved here when we got married.

And when we got married, Lucy was 22 years old.

How old are you now, honey?

all finished. Come on in.

I really only wanted to come over and talk anyway.

I'm so glad we made up. So am I.

Wasn't that silly?

It always is.

Yeah.

Oh, Mrs. Atwood, you back already?

I rented your apartment. No kidding.

Really, I did.

To a Mr. Beecher for $300. Oh, the $300.

Sit down, dear. Oh, that's great.

Well, where is he? Well, I phoned him to meet me here.

In the meantime, I want to tell you something about him. What's the matter

him?

Nothing. But he is really a shy little man.

He was a witness on a murder trial, and he's been in court for months, and his

nerves are all shot. Oh.

Now, all he wants is a nice, quiet place where no one can find him, where he can

rest and get control of his nerves. Oh, well, he'll like it here. Oh, yes. Gee,

this is fine. Did you hear something?

Uh -uh.

Thought I heard a knock.

Yeah.

Maybe it's Mr. Beecher.

Mr.

Beecher?

Mr.

Beecher?

Mr. Beecher?

Oh, come on in. This is the right place.

Now, this is Mrs.

Ricardo and Mrs. Murk.

And this is Mr. Beecher. How do you do?

Now, Mr. Beecher, I told them that you want a nice, quiet place.

And I'm sure that you'll find this just perfect.

I don't hear a thing.

Oh, no, it's nice and quiet.

Sometimes it's so quiet, I think everybody else in the apartment house is

What she means, Mr. Beecher, is that this place is always quiet as a tomb.

Wouldn't you like me to show you around, Mr. Beecher?

Now, right through here, we have the kitchen. Now, you see, it's really a

big kitchen, and there's always plenty of light.

Oh, yes, we get the sun here all day long.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Beecher?

Mr. Beecher?

I'm sorry, sir. It got away from me.

May I see the bedroom?

Oh, yes, sir. Right in through there, Mrs. Hammond. Yes, I'll show you. Come

right this way with me, Mr. Beecher. Right through here.

That's the way. Come right along.

Did you ever see anyone in that condition?

Oh, they must have been awful rough on him at that murder trial.

Yeah. I think you'll make a good tenant, though, huh? Well, at least he won't

give any wild parties.

Not very many, anyway.

Mr. Beecher thinks it's perfect.

Oh, I'm so glad you like it, sir. Now, Mrs. Ricardo, will you sign the lease,

please? Certainly.

Right there.

Right here? Yes.

Yes? Now.

And, Mr. Beecher, right under Mrs.

Ricardo's signature, please.

Thank you. Uh, Mr. Beecher, when would you like to move in?

As soon as possible.

Oh, well, we're leaving tonight.

You can move in right away.

I'll take these bags down to Mertz's. Yes, I'll help you. Oh, fine.

I'll get my things and move in right away. Oh, that's fine. I sure hope

going to like it here, sir. Oh, you will. It's nice and quiet. Yes.

Thank you, Mrs. Hammond. Bye.

Bye.

Ethel, Mr. Beecher paid me the whole two months' rent.

That's $600, a $175 profit for each of us.

Less Mrs.

Hammond's commission, of course. Oh, boy.

He wears the baby. I thought you were going to go get him. Oh, Mrs. Trumbull

wanted to keep him a while longer.

She can't bear to say goodbye to him for two whole months.

She's so sweet.

Yeah.

There's Ricky. Ricky, come here. Come here. I've got something to tell you.

Well, I've got something to tell you, too. Oh, well, you go ahead.

My agent just got a wire from Maine.

The job fell through. We're not going.

Well,

I'm awfully sorry, honey.

What did you have to tell me?

This?

What is it?

I just rented our apartment for the summer.

What?

Well, give it back to him. I signed the lease. As a matter of fact, he's all

moved in.

Well, he can just all move out.

I'm going to talk to him right now. No, now, honey, honey, you can't talk to

him. You haven't seen this man. He couldn't take it.

Well, what are we supposed to do?

I don't know.

Oh, here he is. Come in, Mr. Beecher. Come in. Oh, Mr. Beecher, this is my

husband, Mr. Ricardo.

How do you do? This is Mr. Beecher. How do you do?

Mrs. Mertz, I don't wish to seem to be complaining straight off, but there's a

leak in the sink. Mr.

Beecher, you see, we rented you the apartment for two months because my

had a job out of town. Well, the job was cancelled and we're not leaving.

Oh, that's too bad.

Yes, well, you see, I knew you'd understand and we need the apartment.

No, no, no.

The apartment suits me perfectly. I've got to have it. I must.

I can't go through looking for another one.

Well, now, look... No!

No,

no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh,

this character is in great shape.

Well, what are we going to do now?

We'll just have to go to a hotel, I guess.

Go to a hotel for two months with a baby? It'll cost a fortune.

Oh, I'll bet you can find a nice apartment right here in this

No, Ethel, it's not that easy. They don't like to rent the farmers when you

kids. No, they don't like buying one, and until you do, you can move in here

with us.

Move in here with you? Certainly. We can get out the roll -away bed, and one of

you can sleep on it, and one of you can sleep on the bed, and we'll bring the

crib out here and put the baby in it. Well, that's awfully nice of you, Ethel,

but we don't want to crowd you that much.

No. So we're a little crowded.

What are...

Hi, Fred.

Hi.

Any luck finding a place?

No.

The only ones that look decent will take pets, but no children.

Too bad.

I'm so desperate, I'm thinking of tying feathers on little Ricky and telling

them he's a parrot.

I'll bet I walked 20 miles today.

How was the baby, honey?

Oh, he was all right. except for a couple of things like crying all

and spilling his food on the bedroom rug again.

Oh, Ethel, I'm sorry. He's cutting a tooth. I guess he's a little fussy.

Didn't find an apartment, huh?

No.

Gee, I never thought when we came here that we'd be here a whole week.

Has it only been a week?

Stop picking on Lucy. It isn't her fault.

I'm doing the best I can, Fred.

She and Ricky are probably just as sick of us as we are of them.

Well, let's face it, honey. This apartment is too small for five people.

Yeah.

Lucy,

will you try and keep that baby quiet?

His crying is getting on my nerves.

Well, why did...

say so, Fred. Little Ricky's only crying because he thought you liked it.

Isn't she ever coming out of that bathroom?

What do you suppose she's doing in there?

She's taking a bath.

She's been in there long enough to bathe an elephant.

Oh, there she is. She didn't drown herself after all.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred. I guess I took a little longer than I expected.

Oh, it's okay. It just gave Ethel and me a chance to get acquainted.

What's the matter with him? Oh, he's all right. He always gets cranky if he has

to stay up past his bedtime.

Just as I thought.

No more hot water.

Come on, let's go get the baby's crib and bring him out here in the living

again. I'm sorry about the water. I don't think that tank is big enough. No,

isn't.

Oh, it's you.

There, there, honey.

Is the baby going to cry all night again tonight? He wouldn't be crying if Fred

hadn't come out here and kicked the crib.

Well, I wouldn't have kicked the crib if you didn't pull it over in the middle

of the room.

Oh, Fred. Oh, come on, Fred. Let's try and get some sleep. All right.

Good night.

Come on, good night.

Good night.

Mama knows, yes.

Well, poor little...

Dishes,

dishes, dishes.

Somebody around here is always eating.

I must have done a hundred dishes today. I am so tired of doing dishes.

Well, you know, Ethel, we're not the only ones that eat around here.

I didn't say you were, dear. It's just that everybody eats at different times.

There's one skillet out there that hasn't been cold for a week.

Well, I guess there's just one thing to do.

Yeah, but you can't find an apartment.

I meant use paper plates.

Darn that Mr. Beecher. It's all his fault. If he'd just get out.

Wait a minute.

I'll do it.

You don't even know what it is. I don't care what it is. I'll do it if it'll get

rid of Mr. Beecher.

Well, look.

Mr. Beecher's a nervous wreck because he witnessed a murder.

So? So what if he witnessed another murder? What if he saw me kill you?

Oh, no, you don't.

Oh, well, what if he saw you kill me? It doesn't make any difference. That's

more like it. All right.

Really? that you're mad.

Who's there?

Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, hello, Mr. Beecher. I just dropped over to see how things were.

Oh, just fine. This place is so nice and quiet and restful. My nerves are

getting back in shape at last. Well, I'm glad to hear that. Oh, did we leave

these here?

Oh, yes, yes. I was going to return them to you. Well, I'd be glad to... There

you are, you hero!

You've made eyes at my husband for the last time. What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

All right. Let's face it. You've lost him. He's mine. If I can't have him, you

can't have him either. Are you threatening me? I am.

Mr. Beecher, you heard her threaten me. No, no, I didn't hear a thing.

We're going to have this out here and now. No, please, please don't. Mr.

Beecher, if she fires that gun, you're my witness.

No, I don't want to be anybody's witness.

I say, look here, please. If you've got to kill her, take her out in the hall

and do it.

Oh, no, I'm going to do it right here and now. I'm going to count to three and

then I'm going to let you have it.

One.

Two.

Three.

Uh -huh.

You're afraid to let me have it, huh? Oh, no, I'm not. I just want to watch

squirm. Now I'm going to count to three again and then you're going to get it.

One.

Two.

Yes, Mrs. Hunt. Yes.

Uh -huh. Well, that'll be fine.

Thank you.

Mr. Beecher called Mrs.

Hammond, but he didn't tell her a thing about it. He said that she should go

over, pick up his clothes, and he, if he got his money back, would be very happy

to call off the whole deal.

Well, does he want all of his money back? He lived there a week. Who cares?

got rid of him. Oh. Yeah, that's right.

Hey, kids, I got some great news for you. Oh, have we got news for you. Wait

here. Everything just worked out. Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

happy I found you all together. I got some wonderful news for you. What is

the Associated Press? We've all got news.

Okay, now, ladies first. What's your news?

Well, Ethel and I brilliantly arranged to get rid of Mr. Beecher.

The apartment is ours.

Oh, no!

What's the matter?

Well, I found an apartment for you and paid down two months' rent in advance.

Oh, no!

First we had no apartment, now we got two.

Ricky, your news. Don't tell me we got three.

We don't even need one.

Why not?

My agent got me another job.

We're spending the next two months in Del Mar, California.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.