Original subtitles

Boy, it's been a long time since I saw a movie that good.

Those Italians make great pictures, don't they?

Yeah, those women were lookers, all right.

But I couldn't understand what the picture was all about.

If it isn't Donald Duck, it's over his head.

Honestly.

Lucy, didn't you think when she... What's the matter, Lucy? Are you sick?

Oh, no.

No, don't pay attention to her. Every time she goes to a movie, she comes out

the heroine.

It'd take a couple of hours to wear off.

Arrivederci, mi amore.

Mi amore, arrivederci.

What's the matter with her?

What do you mean, what's the matter with her? Can't you see that this poor

woman's husband has just been taken to jail? And she's left there with 12

children that she has to support. She has to work in the rice field to support

them.

Thank you, Lucille McNanny.

You'll be so blasé.

Don't you feel what she felt?

Oh, I think those Italian actresses are just wonderful.

They're so sultry and exciting.

They're so, so Italian.

Oh, I'd like to look like that.

Oh, what I wouldn't give if I looked like one of them.

What I wouldn't give if you looked like one of them.

Hey, senora, calma down.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get an Italian haircut.

Oh, no, you're not. Why not?

Because I like your hair the way it is. Oh, but it would look so good short.

Please. Look, for my son's sake, no.

What do you mean, for your son's sake?

I'll splain.

Okay, splain.

people in the world are divided into two groups. Men and women. I know. It's a

wonderful arrangement.

Now, men have short hair and women have long hair. That's the difference between

them. Oh.

I don't want my son to be confused.

He should know whether he should call you mother or father.

Oh, man.

You make me sick.

You know something, Lucy?

What? I think...

one of those Italian haircuts.

Now, Ethel, don't get carried away.

Leave bad enough alone.

Now, I looked pretty good last year when I had my hair cut in a poodle cut.

People couldn't take their eyes off of me.

Sure, they thought you were Harpo Marx.

It doesn't make any difference what you say. If I want my hair cut short, I'll

cut my hair. What's the use?

If we want to stay married, we're going to have to go through life with our

heads in a rut.

Morning, Doug.

Good morning, Mrs. Ricardo. How are you this morning? Fine. Roberta ready?

I think so. Just a moment.

Roberta? Mrs.

Ricardo's here.

Oh, that's the new Italian look, you know.

Yes, I know.

I'd have the new Italian look except for a certain Cuban look.

Good morning, Mrs. Ricardo.

Hi, Bert. You ready? Yeah, come on in.

Doug, get me a cup of coffee, will you? Sure.

The usual?

Yeah, I guess so.

My!

You should have come in sooner. You've got quite a fire break here.

Now listen, Bert, no cracks or I'll take my dark route somewhere else.

Oh, you know, I wanted to get one of those new Italian cuts, but Ricky won't

me. Oh, that's a shame. You'd look darling with your hair short.

Well, I...

so, but he put his foot down.

He does a lot of that, doesn't he?

Yeah, if you could harness the energy he uses putting his foot down, you could

light the whole city of New York.

I get so mad at husbands.

They have no imagination about their wives.

No, but they have... Do you know what you should do? What?

Well, if you know you're just going to be a knockout with an Italian haircut,

surprise him.

Let me cut your hair short and fix it real cute and then spring it on him.

die. Well, one of us will.

Oh, listen.

Do you think that wig out front would fit me? Oh, yeah, I think so. Well, get

and let me try on. Just give me an idea of how I'd look, you know?

Here we are.

Fun, isn't it? Yeah. I don't suppose it'll do much good, but... Oh, well, at

least you can tell.

It'll give me an idea anyway.

All right, let's see.

Where'd I go?

You look wonderful.

Is that me?

Sure.

Paisan!

Mrs. Ricardo, here's your coffee.

Oh, pardon me.

Mrs. Ricardo?

Yeah, it's me. How do you like it?

Why, you look wonderful in that wig. I didn't know you at all.

Quite a difference, huh?

I can't get over the difference.

Hey, Bert, Ricky's gonna pick me up here.

Doug, can I leave this on till he gets here?

Well, sure, go ahead.

You know, if he likes it, maybe he'll let me get my hair cut. Well, it's sure

worth a try. What do you think he'll say?

I don't think he'll say anything.

I don't think he'll know it's you.

Oh, he'll know it's me, oh.

Well, I don't know.

Gee, if he didn't recognize me, I'm in a dream spot.

What do you mean?

I could find out how my husband would react to a little flirting by a strange

brunette with an Italian haircut.

to next season?

No.

Is Mrs. Ricardo ready?

Well, we finished a little early and she went to do some shopping. She said for

you to meet her out front.

And if she's not there by one o 'clock, don't wait for her. Okay, thank you.

Bye.

Hey.

Mr.

Ricardo. Yeah.

Could I speak to you for a moment? Sure.

As the owner of this shop, I should respect my customer's wishes.

But as a fellow husband, I have to tell you something. What?

Your wife is going to play a very dirty trick on you.

Oh?

You know the new Italian haircut?

She didn't.

No. But she did try on a brunette wig with an Italian haircut.

Looks like an entirely different woman. You wouldn't recognize her.

Oh, I recognize my wife.

Now, don't be too sure. I didn't recognize her, and I've known her for

while. Anyway, she's going to test you with a little flirtation.

If you recognize her, fine.

If you don't...

That's exactly

the way I feel about my wife.

You speak Spanish?

No. Those feelings transcend all language barriers.

Well, I just wanted to be sure that you'd recognize her.

What do you mean, recognize her?

I'm not going to recognize her. Huh?

Look, as long as she's in the driver's seat, it'll be a shame not to take her

for a little ride.

You dropped your glove.

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Well, uh... It's possible.

I've been someplace before.

Well, I'm sure we've met.

Have you ever been to the Tropicana nightclub?

Ricky Ricardo.

That's right.

Oh, well, I should have known.

Well... Look, I tell you what, how

would you like to come down to the club one night as my guest?

Well, don't you have to work when you're at the club?

Oh, for you, I could find plenty of time.

You and I could make beautiful music together.

I could even teach you how to Roomba.

What's the matter?

Look, we can't talk here. I'm expecting my wife.

Oh, you're married.

Well, everybody makes a mistake once in a while.

I'll tell you what, honey.

Call me down at the club.

That old battle axe is going to be here any minute.

Well, tell me, what is your wife like?

I suppose she's very beautiful.

Well, she's... She's kind of hard to describe.

Her figure is kind of... And her hair is all...

She's a good housekeeper.

Honey, I think I see her coming. Now, will you run along there?

All right.

And call me at the club. Don't forget.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

Bye -bye.

Beg your pardon, madam, but you're in the wrong apartment.

It's me.

Who? Lucy.

Lucy? How's the baby?

He's fine.

Oh, Lucy.

You dyed your hair black and cut it all off short. Oh, it looks wonderful.

It's a wig.

A wig?

Oh, what a difference. I honestly didn't know you. You're not the only one. Who

else? A certain Cuban with big brown eyes that are soon to be black.

wig on me, and nobody recognized me. So I figured I'd have a little fun with

Ricky. You know, I thought if he might like the haircut, he'd let me have my

haircut, and then everything would be hotsy -totsy. Well, things were never so

cozy -toasy.

Why, what happened?

Well, I borrowed these clothes.

Those clothes?

No wonder I didn't know you.

Neither did Ricky. I flirted with him a little, and what do you think he had the

nerve to do?

What? He flirted back.

He knew it was you all the time. He did not. He leered at me and called me honey

in a tone that I haven't heard since the day before we got married.

And then he told me to call him at the club and get this bit. Said he wanted to

titch me to Roomba.

And then he said he'd run along because his wife was coming along or, as I am

more commonly known, the old battle axe.

Well, it's a terrible thing to say about anybody, but I guess Ricky's just a

man. Yeah, well, I'll get even with him. What are you going to do?

I'll leave him.

No, that's probably what he wants.

Yeah, stay married to him. That'll teach him.

Well, I'll think of something.

Hey, Lucy.

What? Do me a favor, will you?

What? Lend me that wig.

What for?

if he'd recognize me with it on. Look out. That's how I got into trouble.

That's the kind of trouble I want. I want something to hold over his head.

Well... Come on, loan me the wig, huh? Okay.

Have you got a dress that'll fit me? You think you'll recognize yours?

I think so, considering I only have one.

All right, all right.

Okay.

Yeah, Fred, it's the basin.

Well, it's all stopped up.

Would you come over and fix it?

Thank you.

Call me, darling.

Wow.

I called Fred. I told him the basin was all stopped up. He's coming right over.

That's great.

Gee, turn around. Let me look at you.

When I tell Fred who you are, he's going to beg you to have your hair cut like

that. You really think so? Yeah. How are you going to act? Well, I thought I'd

sort of flirt with him, you know, act coy and bat my eyes.

And then if he responds, I'll lower the boom on him.

Which sink is it? The one in the bathroom.

Oh.

Hi, Ethel.

Ethel, what in Sam Hill have you done to your hair?

It's a wig.

Huh?

We've been married for 25 years, and now she tells me she wears a wig.

Mixed -up plumbing.

Now, I'll never know whether I'm married to a masher or not.

I wish I didn't know.

I'm sorry. I brought the wrong ranch.

Ethel, why don't you take off that silly -looking toupee?

This is that new Italian haircut.

Well, I knew it looks like life with Luigi.

He'll never fall for another woman.

I just don't have that kind of luck.

Ethel, do you really want to put him to the test?

Do I?

What do you suggest?

Well, when I arrange my rendezvous with Ricky, I'll suggest he make it a double

date. Yeah?

I'll ask him if he has a friend.

Yeah? I'll tell him that I have a friend who's looking for an older man.

Older than Fred?

You know what I mean. He'll bring Fred, all right.

Oh, how are we going to keep him from recognizing me? He just did.

Oh, I don't know.

I know the wardrobe woman in a Broadway review.

She could let me have something. Maybe an entirely different kind of a wig and

another sort of an outfit.

Yeah, maybe you could wear different makeup or something. Oh, sure. I'll bet

she'll loan me anything I want. I'm going to call her up and see. I hope so.

Gee, that's a wonderful idea.

Hello? Hello, is Mother Carol there? May I speak to her, please?

Maybe she could get me one of those showgirl outfits, you know, with a great

hat. Hello?

Mother Carol?

Yeah, listen, I'm in an awful jam. Could you loan me a wig and some sort of a

costume, an outfit to wear?

Tonight? Well, just for one night.

No, we wouldn't need it till after the show.

You could?

Oh, fine.

What have you got?

Huh? What'd she say? Well, I got three choices.

A Japanese gisha girl, or an American Indian, or an Eskimo.

Eskimo? Yeah.

Huh?

Oh.

Oh. All right, honey. We'll be down at the theater.

Thanks a lot.

She says to come on down. She can get some sort of an outfit together. Yeah,

they got a lot of costumes down there. Look, now I'll call Ricky and tell him

that we'll meet him at Tony's, the little Italian restaurant.

Sit down, honey.

Tell me, Fred, what are you going to be doing about 2 a .m.?

Well, snoring my head off. Why?

Can I talk you out of it?

I don't think so, Rick. I've been going to bed at ten o 'clock for ten years.

I really need the rest.

Well, that's too bad.

What do you have in mind?

I could make a date for you with a beautiful girl.

Where will I meet you?

You change your mind in an awful hurry. What happened to this rest that you've

been getting for years?

Well, what do you think I've been resting up for?

Look, I made a date this afternoon.

You? Yeah.

I made a date this afternoon with a beautiful brunette with a short Italian

haircut.

And she called me at the club and she said she has a girlfriend.

And they want to make it a double date.

And this girlfriend...

told me, told her, that she, uh, she prefers the more sophisticated, older

men.

Well.

How do you do, my dear?

I'm delighted to meet you.

Hey, what is this? You've never done anything like this before.

Oh, Lucy knows all about it. Oh.

What?

You see, the brunette with the Italian haircut is Lucy with a wig.

Huh? She borrowed the wig from a beauty parlor. Oh, then your date is really

going to be Lucy.

That's right. And I got a slight hunch that the girlfriend she's bringing along

is Ethel.

On second thought, Rick, I need my arrest.

Since when have you been too tired to play a trick on Ethel?

If you're going to put it that way, I can't hardly resist.

Okay. Now, here's what I want you to do.

Good night, honey. I've got to go to work.

Good night.

Anything you want me to get before I go?

No.

Something I can bring you?

Bring yourself home. I'll be satisfied.

Well, goodbye,

dear.

Goodbye.

I just saw Ricky leave.

Fred's getting ready.

Good, then he fell for it. Oh, he says he has to sit up tonight with a sick

friend.

Well, that sick friend is going to be a lot sicker when I get through with him.

I wish you could have seen Fred getting dressed.

I haven't seen him move that fast since he backed into a hot radiator in his

union suit.

Well, I knew it, Ethel. He's just as bad as Ricky is.

Oh, I can hardly wait till we meet him.

Say, what are we going to do till 2 o 'clock?

Well, we have to go down to the theater and pick up your costume.

I'll go get Mrs. Trumbull to take care of little Ricky. Maybe we can go to a

midnight movie. Great.

Now, Ethel, whatever you do, don't... Come on.

Come on, Ethel. You look fine.

not going to go in there.

Ethel, believe me, you look exotic, exciting.

You look fine.

Only to a Japanese Eskimo.

Well, we're not going to back out now. Come on. I could have just got one

complete outfit that fit, but you know this is silk. Come on now, Ethel. Come

on. Come on.

Come on, sit down. Take off your coat.

No.

Take off your coat. You look more conspicuous with it on than you would

off. That's what you think.

You look like an ad for a trip around the world.

That does it, brother. I'm not going to go anywhere. Now, come on. Ethel, sit

down here.

Now, sit down.

This thing is alive.

Dear. It's 20 after 2.

Are you sure they said Tony's? I'm positive.

Oh, waiter.

Yes, ma 'am. We have an appointment with a couple of gentlemen.

Have you seen them?

What do they look like?

Well, one is tall, dark, and handsome and speaks with an accent.

And the other is...

The other is, uh, there's only one way to say it. Short, fat, and bald.

Oh, yeah. They were here.

Were here?

There were two young ladies sitting at that table.

Beautiful. A blonde and a redhead.

They got talking, and then they all got up and, uh, left together.

Oh, Ethel.

Oh, Lucy.

It's all our fault.

If we hadn't made a date to meet them here, they wouldn't have met those other

girls. Yes.

You know what? I wish I was dead.

You know what?

I wish you was dead, too.

Me? Well, you started all of this.

Well, let's not fight each other.

free tonight, girls?

Ricky!

Were you expecting an older man?

Listen,

let's get out of here, girls, before my wife shows up, that old battle axe.

Oh, so you were playing a little trick.

You think you're very clever, don't you?

Come on, Ethel.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.