Original subtitles

Yes, Carolyn, that's right. A mink stole of my very own.

Ricky just told me. Oh, isn't he a dream?

Oh, really, he's the nicest, dearest, sweetest husband in the whole world.

Oh, well, naturally, it was very expensive, but Ricky says nothing's too

for his little wife.

Oh, well, I have to go now, Carolyn. I'll see you Thursday at the club

at Ethel's. Goodbye, dear.

Lucy. What?

Do you realize that that's the seventh person that you call telling them I'm

going to get your mink stone? Yeah, I know.

Lay off the phone, honey.

I'm waiting for a very important call. Oh, all right.

Oh, baby.

Did I thank you properly?

Yes, but do it again. You got the best thank yous in town.

You know, I wish you would.

I wish you would make such a big point about how expensive it's going to be.

After all, I'm getting it wholesale.

Shh. No one's supposed to know that but you, me, and the minks.

What's the difference? Who knows?

I want people to think you love me retail, not 40 % off.

was keeping that guy.

Well, and when he told me he was going to give it to me, you have no idea. You

know what he said.

Lucy. Oh, thanks for calling.

Thanks very much for calling, Marge. Goodbye.

Hmm?

What are you going to do? Call everybody in town? But, Ricky, a mink store.

you say mink stall once more tonight, you're not going to get it.

Understand?

All right.

But you can't stop me from thinking about it.

I wonder where this guy could be.

Yeah? Yeah, well, guess what it is.

Okay. Give me a hint. Well, Ricky is giving me something, something that

woman has always wanted from her husband.

A divorce?

No.

It's something to wear. What does this look like?

A diaper?

see the girls when I wear to the meeting Thursday?

Oh, they'll just die.

Oh, that's the best news.

I gotta go now and get my dinner. Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, I'm sorry I kicked you, honey.

Sorry I kicked you so hard.

That was kind of stupid of me. Especially right now, huh?

You're not mad, are you?

Mine?

What does that mean?

Don't kick the shin that stalls you.

Here we go. We say goodnight

to Daddy.

Say goodnight to Daddy. Goodnight, boys. Say goodnight. Say goodnight, Daddy.

Say goodnight. Oh, come on. Say goodnight to Daddy.

He's just tired. Sure, he's tired, Mama. Yeah, you should have seen him today.

He was all over the place. Really? Yeah.

Want to walk a little bit for Daddy?

Oh, come on. Show me how you can walk. Take this. Here.

Come on. Show Daddy how you can walk. Here. Come on over here. Come on, Daddy.

Come on.

Oh,

isn't he a wonderful boy? Look at that boy.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, that's wonderful, man. Come on. Say nighty -night, puppy.

He's a big boy.

Say nighty -night. Good night, Ricky.

Here, honey. There we are. Say good night.

Good night.

Wave bye -bye to puppy. Good night, sweetheart.

Wave bye -bye. Wave bye -bye. He's sleepy, Mommy. Yeah, good night.

Good night, boy.

Well,

our little man is sound asleep.

Good.

When is Mrs. Trumbull going to get here? Any minute.

You know, I always think it's so silly to have to get a babysitter to go across

the hall to the Mertz's to play canasta.

Well, the prize is right.

Nothing an hour, double for overtime.

Well, I guess it gives her something to do.

She's an awfully nice woman.

Yeah.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Ethel.

Sure, what's on your mind?

Honey, we're going to be there in a minute. Why don't you talk then?

Oh, well, yes, honey. It's your turn to have the club meeting this week.

Well, I don't know whether the last two times it was your turn I had it here.

Now, you can't have the club in here.

Shh, be quiet.

Well, besides, if I have it here, what excuse have I got to wear my mink stole?

No, I can't leave all the windows open.

Oh, I know, I know. Well, maybe I can have it here. No, you can't have it

Will you please be quiet?

Yes, dear, I understand.

Lucy, I want to talk to you for a minute.

All right, dear.

Okay, I'll have it here. All right.

What's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something? I told you you can't

have that club meeting here. I'm sorry, Ricky, but don't you know why Ethel

never wants to have the meeting at her place?

Sure, she's smart. She doesn't want to go through that mess. No, because she's

ashamed of her apartment.

She's ashamed of her apartment? Yes.

Why?

Well, you know, the wallpaper's all stained and the furniture's so crummy.

I'm sorry, but you can have that meeting here.

Mark was coming over Thursday. We're going to work on arrangements all day

Now, you certainly can change that.

Besides, every time you have that meeting here, it takes you two days to

ready for it, two days to get over it, and the place is a mess while they're

here.

It'd be simpler to paint the Mercer's apartment.

Hey, that's a wonderful idea.

What? Paint the Mertz's apartment.

Now, wait a minute. I didn't mean that literally.

Well, I'm thinking it literally.

That is a sensational idea.

We'll have a painting party. The four of us will paint the Mertz's apartment.

We're not going to do any such thing. Why not?

Look, Fred knows how to paint.

It's his apartment.

If they want to fix it up, let him do it.

My father always says, What does that mean?

Don't meddle in other people's business.

What did your father ever do but sit around and think up corny things?

Besides, it's not meddling. If they don't want it painted, they can say so.

if they do, you certainly can spend one afternoon helping our dearest, closest

friends, can't you?

Well... And you will?

Okay. All right, I'll go get Mrs. Trumbull. I'll tell her to hurry, and

we'll go right over and tell...

Fred,

Lucy and Ricky will be here in a minute. That's good.

Well, go change.

Change?

Well, you don't expect to stay dressed like that, do you?

Well, from the tone of your voice, I guess I don't.

Go on, get fixed up.

It's only the Ricardos. It's the principle of the thing. Go on. And put

necktie.

Necktie? Yes, a necktie.

Necktie. I don't know what... Ricardo's a corner. I've got to get a necktie.

Come in, come in. Hi, girl. Hi. Hi, Eva. Where's Fred? He'll be out in a minute.

He's showering and dressing.

Fred Mertz.

Well, you didn't have to get all... rest stop just for us.

Fred Mertz, you march right back in that room. No, now wait a minute. I have

something to tell you. What?

Well, come here, Fred.

Um, Ethel, you know how your apartment is. What do you mean?

Well, the way it looks.

Let's face it, it's sort of, uh, oh, what's the word I'm looking for?

I don't use that kind of language.

Yeah, well, Ricky and I thought it might be fun to have a painting party. The

fool Four of us could paint your apartment.

A painting party?

Yes. And paint this apartment? Yeah.

Oh, that's a wonderful idea.

Well, what color do you think it ought to be? Oh, let's see.

Who's going to pay for the paint?

Well, there goes that idea. Let's wait and answer.

Well, those are things you've got to find out.

How ungrateful can you be?

I wouldn't be surprised. They called the whole thing off now.

Why? Because you just don't ask. Questions like that. When they offer to

a party, that obviously means that they supply everything.

That is, unless they've changed their minds after your rudeness.

Have you?

Uh, no, we haven't, have we, Ricky?

No, no, no.

at this place at all. Let's see. Now, when we paint it, we ought to paint it

some real bright color. That's what it needs, a real bright color.

Orange would be nice.

Orange? Oh, don't be so silly.

Then, after it's painted, all we'll have to do is buy new furniture and we'll

have a whole, completely redecorated apartment.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's this about new furniture?

Well, after it's painted, we can't leave this ratty stuff in here. It'll just

show it up. Sure.

Now, just a minute.

You're not going to touch this chair.

You're not going to touch that lamp.

going to touch that table or that chair he's sitting in either.

Well, that only leaves the ashtrays.

I don't care.

I just got this stuff broken in so it's comfortable.

Oh.

How can you say that, Fred? Look at that chair. It's all lumpy and sagged in the

wrong places.

So does Fred.

Never mind.

Well, if we're not going to get new furniture, you can just forget all about

painting. Okay.

Okay. Okay, come on. Let's break a nest. No, no. Now you listen, Fred.

Now you listen. You're not going to touch this furniture.

It's all stuffed with feathers.

Every bit of it.

Why, they don't make furniture like this anymore.

You can say that again.

Well, I've lived in this miserable rat's nest for 20 years. I guess I can live

in it for 20 more.

Oh, now, Ethel, we'll think of something.

button out for a change.

Well.

Oh, now don't cry, honeybunch. Don't you honeybunch me, you penny -pinching old

goat.

Who's a penny -pinching old goat?

They're still not speaking.

And the craziest thing of all, they're both mad at me.

No!

I just can't understand people. Try to help them and they turn on you every

time. Well, I... And don't say I told you so.

Well, I did tell you so.

I know, I know. You told me, your father told me, everybody told me.

Why don't you admit that you were wrong to go there and butt in? All right, I

admit it. I made a boo -boo.

But now I'm whatever they do is their own business. I've learned my lesson.

through. Good.

Boy, this is a tough one.

What is?

Trying to figure out how to get Fred and Ethel back together again.

I give up.

What's the matter?

What were we just talking about?

And now you're getting ready to butt in again.

Just butt out, will you?

I can't go through life with a boo -boo on my record.

Besides, they're our dearest friends, and it's our fault that they're

Our fault?

Well, my fault.

And I know how to straighten it out, too.

Well, I'm not going to listen.

Well, I'm going to say it anyway.

Where's that magazine?

You see, if we do the painting and don't get the furniture, Ethel will be mad.

If we do get the furniture, Fred will be mad. So there's just one thing to do.

Paint the furniture and upholster the old furniture. Did you hear me?

Paint the furniture and upholster the old furniture?

Yes. You mean paint the apartment and upholster the old furniture? Yes. I

hear you.

it done. We're going to do it ourselves.

Do it ourselves?

Sure. There's an article in here. It's easy. Look. Here it is. Now look at

Right here.

Who's going to pay for the material?

You sound more like Fred Mertz every day.

Now look, Vicki, we just got to do it. We'll pay for the material.

Okay. But that means that your mink stall is going to be cut from here to

All right. If that's the way it has to be, come on.

But that's certainly hitting below... where my mink belt used to be?

Come in.

Hello, Fred.

Oh, it's you.

What's that you're eating?

My breakfast.

A bottle of beer and a salami sandwich?

Well, it's the only thing I know how to cook.

That will lock yourself in the bedroom and won't come out.

Well, that's why we're here, Fred. I have a plan that'll fix everything.

Please, from now on, your channel doesn't come in on my set.

He'll listen to you, Ricky. You tell him I have a wonderful plan that won't cost

him a cent.

My scatterbrained wife has another half -witted scheme, and if you listen to it,

you're out of your mind.

Boy, did I suffer in that translation.

Well, what's the plan?

I want to tell you both together.

Did you lose something? No, I didn't lose something.

What's your plan?

Well...

thought that we would paint the apartment and upholster the furniture

We'd leave in all the lumps and sags, and that way everybody'd be happy.

Hey, that's a good idea, isn't it, sweetie?

That sounds fine, honeybunch.

There's an article in Better Homes and Gardens here. Oh, I'd love that. I know

how to do it. Okay, we'll buy the material. Let's not go all the way out.

out for a bunch of amateurs. How are you doing, Lucy?

Fine. I just got this little corner here. That's good.

Uh -oh.

You missed a little spot right here.

Oh. Oh, Ricky, you did a well job on that woodwork.

What? The furniture looks worse.

Well, we're getting to that now. That's the next thing, the upholstering.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Sure. We painted ourselves, didn't we?

Well, you did anyway.

You know what I meant. Go down in the apartment and get that material. It's on

the desk. Okay.

Let me at this stale old chair.

I've been waiting for this.

Oh, no!

I can't stand to look at this.

It seems just like an old friend.

Did it suffer much?

Oh, come on. Now, do something useful. Go open the window. The paint smells

awful in here. All right.

I can't stand the smell of paint. Hey, Fred, go get that electric fan we used

last summer. That'll cure all this paint. All right.

Now, don't plug it in here. It's still wet there. Well, I'll get a longer cord

and plug it in the kitchen.

He wasn't kidding about these feathers, was he? Oh, Lucy, be awful careful.

I am. They're just murder to sweep up. I know. I got to put them all up here.

Can I help you get that out of there? Yeah, you do that. Okay.

Oh. Ah.

Tired old chair. Am I good? I had to get this eyesore out of here. Ah.

There.

We got to get these tacks out of here, you know. How do you do that?

With a screwdriver.

Oh, okay. And you be careful because we have to use them again.

All right.

This will do it all right, though.

Wonderful in here.

Uh -huh.

It was kind of rough on you and Ricky having to pay for all this, but I'm glad

the way it turned out. So am I, in a way. You see, you got our old furniture,

but I got to buy new furniture for our apartment. And I get to hold a club

meeting in my own wonderful newly furnished apartment.

Yeah, my stuff came. You want to see it?

What happened to your mixed old?

We're sitting on it.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.

This is the CBS Television Network.