Original subtitles

Oh, hi, Ethel. Lucy isn't here.

She took the baby down to Mrs. Jenkins.

What's going on around here?

Oh, Lucy rearranged the furniture again.

But she just rearranged it last week.

No.

Oh, well, she'll rearrange it back again in a couple of days.

I just hope that she gets my favorite chair over there where there's some

so I can see.

What makes Lucy change her mind like this?

That's Lucy, Ethel.

Yeah.

This is nothing. You remember the time that we went to the roof garden to have

dinner? Oh, yeah.

What a night.

The whole evening started off wrong. I was just sitting here waiting for Lucy

get ready.

Lucy! I'll be ready in a minute. I'll be ready in a minute.

Hi,

Ricky. Hi, asshole.

Hi, Rick. Hi, friend.

Well, we're all set. Is Lucy ready?

Oh, sure.

Isn't she ready yet?

I thought you were going to get her started earlier tonight so we could have

dinner and then go to a movie.

I started her at two o 'clock this afternoon.

That early enough?

What's she doing?

Well, she's trying to make up her mind.

First, she couldn't decide what movie she wanted to go to.

That took until five o 'clock.

Then she couldn't decide what dress she was going to wear. She's changed clothes

half a dozen times.

I guess she's just a woman.

No, no, son. That's your fault. You've trained her wrong.

You mean that doesn't happen in your house? I should say not. The first dress

Ethel puts on is the dress she wears.

Well, how do you manage that?

That's easy.

I've only got one dress.

Very funny.

Come on, Rick. Will you do something?

I'll be ready in a minute.

I swear that you can see through the walls.

Boy, I'm starved. Oh, you can live off your fat for a few more minutes.

You might as well get comfortable. Sit down, will you?

Well, come on. What are you waiting for?

Where are you going to dinner?

I don't know.

How about some good Italian food?

Well, you know, I kind of felt like Chinese food tonight. Well, that's okay

me, as long as we eat.

Yeah, me too. How about you, Lucy?

Gee, they both sound so good. I like Chinese food, but I'm crazy about

food, too.

Well, maybe we can find a place that serves ravioli for young.

Or chicken chow pizza.

Italian food sounds okay by me.

All right.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Oh!

As you were, diners.

I just happen to think we ate Italian food a couple of nights ago.

All right, then we'll have Chinese food.

All right. Okay.

Oh, wait a minute.

Don't tell me.

You want a steak?

No, Smarty, but I just happen to remember that Chinese restaurant we like

much isn't open on Monday nights.

Well, honey, there's a lot of Chinese restaurants in town. We'll go to another

Chinese restaurant.

Oh, I don't know. I don't want to go to a strange... Do you want a steak?

No, I don't want a steak. No, I just want to go any place. Any place that I

eat. Anything at all. I don't care where we go.

Well, let's go someplace that's new and exciting. There's a lot of ads in the

paper. Lucy!

Yeah, look. Here's one right here. Come here.

This looks wonderful. Look at this.

you're doing. Well, this may take some time and I thought I better fortify

myself.

I'll get him when he comes back. I'll lay you three to one.

Oh, waiter.

Waiter, dear.

Nice try.

He gets by me again over my dead body.

One roast beef, please. One roast beef.

Henry.

Oh, yes, pardon me just a second. I'll be back in a moment.

Honey, that's the first time that I heard you make up your mind on order

like that.

Well, I happen to know what I wanted.

Look, honey, there's an empty table back there by the window. Let's move back

there. Honey, what's wrong with this table? Oh, but look, we have that nice

while we're eating. Come on. Oh, now, Lucy.

Honey, now, wait a minute. We got the silverware, the water. Oh, take the

silverware with us. Come on.

Nicer it is over here.

There.

Now, has everybody got everything they need?

I've got three knives.

I bet you I've got a full house.

Now, where were we? We were over there.

Never mind.

I ordered roast beef. One roast beef.

And what would you like, Ethel? I think I'll have the lamb chops.

One lamb chops?

What looks good to you, Rick?

Well... Lamb chops, huh?

See, that sounds good. They're not fattening either.

Would you mind changing my order to lamb chops?

Two lamb chops.

That's two for each of us.

Yes.

Oh, and I don't want too much fat on mine, but I would like them extra thick.

Maybe you'd like to have me trot the lamb by and you can pick out the chops.

Well... Lucy, please.

Go ahead, Rick, order something.

Sourloin steak.

Yes, sir. How would you like it?

Rare.

Thick. And juicy. Yes, sir. And juicer?

Well, now, let me see. I believe I'm going to try the... Sirloin steak, huh?

How would you like it, madam? Well, medium or rare?

Rare.

Pork chops?

Yes, sir.

Now, what would you like to drink?

Well, I think... You order last.

I'll have coffee, too.

Two coffees? Milk.

Milk. Now, madam, what would you like?

Pork chops, huh?

Would it be too much bother to change my order to pork chops?

Why, no, madam. Whatever gave you that idea?

I'd like two pork chops, please.

Very well.

Why don't you write it down?

I already did when he ordered it.

this straight.

Lamb chops for you, sirloin steak for you, pork chops for you, pork chops for

you, and a new eraser for me.

You know, with all this talk about pork chops, I think... I

guess I'll stick to lamb chops.

Now, how about shrimp cocktails all around?

What did you do that for?

Honey, I'm sick and tired of hearing you change your mind every two seconds.

Well, I couldn't help it.

Everything everybody ordered sounded so wonderful.

Fine thing. You come to a restaurant and you can't even order what you... Bless

you. Are you catching a cold, honey?

Well, there's a horrible draft in here.

You want to change places with me? Oh, no, that wouldn't do any good.

Oh, look, there's an empty table over there. Let's go over there.

Stand by for another troop movement.

Honey, we're going to stay right here. No, now, come on. It's night. Sit down.

What do you want me to do, catch my death of cold? No, but we can... Well,

come on. Come on over here. There's no reason why we can't move over here.

Why fight it?

Okay, here we go again.

See how much better it is over here? Mm -hmm.

I hate to sit in a dress.

All right.

Oh, uh, we're over here now. You see, we were over there, but there was such a

draft, I couldn't...

I'm going to finish everything I start.

I started cleaning out that closet 11 years ago.

11 years ago?

Yeah, right after we were married. You should see the stuff I found in there.

I've just been reading some of my old mementos.

Lucy, tell me something.

How did you happen to start on this new regime?

Oh, I just thought it was the thing to do.

Lucy, does anybody else on this floor speak with an accent? What do you mean

that? Last night when I was out in the hall changing the light bulb, I heard

some Cuban yelling at his wife and saying that from now on she had to

everything she starts.

Ethel, do you sleep with your ears under or over the covers?

Well, the walls of this apartment are pretty thin.

He really was upset, wasn't he? Wasn't he?

Why, his face turned absolutely purple.

These walls are a lot thinner than I thought.

it was purple. Oh.

Hey, listen to this. I wrote this 15 years ago.

Dearest darling Tom, as long as I live, I can never forget you. Tom who?

I don't remember.

Being with you the other night was pure heaven.

Remember how we... Well, don't stop now. Go on.

That's all there is.

Oh. Oh, I remember now. It was Tom Henderson.

And just as I...

I'm writing this letter. He called on the phone. We had a big fight and I

finished it. Oh.

Oh, I should never have fought with him. He now owns a swanky fur salon

downtown. Oh, you fool.

Yeah.

Oh, well. So much for Tom Henderson.

Hey.

I'm supposed to finish everything I start, aren't I?

that letter? Uh -huh.

Are you going to mail it? No.

Well, what's the use? Who'll see it?

A certain purple -faced Cuban we both know.

As long as he's so insistent that I finish everything, I'm going to have a

little fun with him.

Let's see now. Being with you the other night was pure heaven. Remember how...

I love Lucy.

Now,

I'll just be finishing this when Ricky comes in, and then I'll get all

when he catches me, see?

Oh, Lucy.

I wish you had a window in your forehead so I could peek in and watch those

wheels go round.

You better go now. Ricky's going to be home for lunch any minute. Okay. Good

luck. Okay.

What with Ricky's temper and all?

Oh, sure.

Well, good luck. Okay.

Hey, Rick.

Hiya, Brad. I've been waiting for you.

Yeah, what happened? We men have to stick together.

What do you mean?

Ethel couldn't keep her big blabbermouth closed, so she told me a secret.

What's that?

Lucy found an old, unfinished love letter.

Oh? Yeah.

But she finished it this afternoon, and now she's waiting to have a little fun

with you.

All right, Fred. Thanks for telling me. I'll see you later. All right.

What do you got there?

Where? In back of you there.

Oh, nothing.

It's not for you to see.

Oh, it's a surprise for me, eh?

Yeah.

Well, I can wait.

Let me have it. No, no. I don't want you to see it.

Honey, you've been waving it around like a flag.

Now, come on. What is it?

Is it a bill?

No.

What are you laughing at?

Oh, this is very funny, this letter.

What's the guy?

It's no guy.

I guess I had to expect that sooner or later you'd find out.

Now, Lucy, we've been married for 11 years. I know you like a book.

And every time you act like this, you must have an interior motive.

Ulterior, and I have not.

Come, come now.

Are you by any chance trying to get back at me for that scolding that I gave you

the other night? No.

And you think you're so smart.

Lucy. Well, I'm not. That's just what it looks like. It's a letter to Tom

Henderson. Oh, Tom Henderson. Yes, he's a big fur man downtown.

And Tom and I used to go to college together. And we used to go around a lot

together. And we've been seeing each other since, that's all.

Well, then, you don't mind if I mail the letter?

No. I wrote it to be mailed.

All right.

I'll mail it on my way to the club tonight.

Go ahead and see if I care. See if I care about anything that you do.

I heard the voices being raised.

Wicked old boy.

Are you really going to mail it?

No.

I'm just going to let her stew in her own goose for a while.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

I know what you mean, all right, but I just never heard it put that way before.

wanted to come down here anyway.

Because Ricky mailed a letter I have to explain to Tom.

Okay, come on. Now, wait a minute. I have to think what I'm going to say. I

haven't seen Tom Henderson in 15 years. You'll think I'm crazy.

Oh, he'll understand.

Well, I hope you're right.

Gee, Ethel, do you think I've changed any in 15 years?

I got a little older, huh?

Don't be silly. Women don't get older. They just mature.

Well, of course, in Tom's case, it won't make any difference. He was so handsome

to start with.

He was certainly a gorgeous hunk of man.

Well, come on.

Hey, wait a minute.

You don't suppose that's Tom, do you?

Oh, he couldn't have changed that much.

I'll have it for you Tuesday.

Goodbye, Mrs. Corner.

Goodbye, Mr.

Henderson.

Mr.

Henderson.

That must be Tom.

That's a gorgeous hunk of man.

Looks like my hunk has shrunk.

Come on, let's forget the whole thing.

Look, Ricky and Fred. Yeah, they must have followed us. Well, let's make a run

for it. No, honey, they've seen us. It's too late. Listen, you go in there and

pretend to buy a coat or something and get Tom out of the way. What good will

that do? Go on, I'll think of something. Okay.

That's what you want, Mrs.

Mertz. I've got one on display.

Next time, just really jump her trolley.

What's life?

Oh, hi, Ricky. How nice to see you, dear.

Don't bother turning around, Tom. It's just my husband.

What's going on here? Oh, Tom was just going to teach me a new dance step,

weren't you, dear? How's that go again now?

One, two, three...

was just a gag.

You were so darn smart about it, you made me mad, that's all.

Well, what about this dummy routine?

Didn't you know this guy at all?

Sure I did, but when I knew Tommy was tall, dark, and handsome, I saw him

and he was short, bald, and dumpy. You never would have stopped kidding me

that.

Well, honey, I guess I was a little cruel.

Listen, you'll have lunch with a tall, dark, and handsome man anyway.

Come on, I'll take you.

He was a funny -looking guy. Otherwise, you'd be plenty worried by now because I

was going to go through with it. Yeah, I don't have the slightest doubt.

Oh, Lucy. Yeah?

Lucy, we made an awful mistake.

This isn't Tom Henderson. It's his brother, Harry.

was played by Frank Nelson.

Tom Henderson was played by Johnny Hart.

The woman in the fur salon was Sally Corner.

And the fur salesman was Bill Arndt.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz will be back next week at this same time.

This is the CBS Television Network.