Original subtitles

took you so long?

What do you mean, what took me so long? I had to go all over town.

There's only one store in New York City that makes a papaya juice milkshake.

Oh, thank you.

Mmm.

Oh.

Did you get the dill pickle?

Lucy, are you sure that you want to...

That's right.

Ricky.

Yes, dear?

Honey, I never asked you this before, but...

What do you hope the baby's going to be, a boy or a girl?

You're going to be disappointed if it isn't a boy, aren't you?

Oh, no, honey, don't be silly.

You will, too.

Every man wants a little boy so he can see himself running around.

Well, I don't particularly.

If it's a boy, I'll be happy. If it's a girl, I'll be happy, too.

I really don't care.

Well, that's good.

How do you feel about it, honey?

Yeah, I guess every woman wants a little girl so she can dress her up fancy and

fuss over her and teach her how to catch a man.

Well, maybe most women do, but I feel just the way you do, Ricky. I don't

Boy or girl doesn't make any difference.

Oh, that's good.

Here, honey.

Thank you.

What's in the package? Oh, honey, nothing, nothing.

Oh, it was a surprise for me.

Well, here, here. Well, it's spoiled now. I might just as well open it. But I

don't want you... So you have no preference, huh?

Well, that doesn't mean anything.

Lots of little girls play football, too, you know.

What, are you going to name her Rocky Ricardo?

other feminine frills we have here.

Havana U, 1974.

So it doesn't make any difference to you, boy or girl, no preference, doesn't

matter. All right, all right, so I'd rather have a boy. Is that so terrible?

Now give me the stuff, come on. Oh, honey, now don't get mad.

Oh, come on, sit down, honey. Come on, sit down, baby.

Come on now.

my son in this, he'll need those boxing gloves.

Well, I guess it's true.

Women want girls and men want boys. I guess you're right.

Havana, you!

Just think of it.

Our son or daughter walking the very same campus where

I used to walk.

And one day, after Havana wins the big game and holds the highlight pennant,

we'll stand together and sing Arriba!

Well, honey, let's not worry about it.

The main thing is that our child will go to college.

Yeah. You know, I've been giving this a lot of thought, Ricky.

It's a big responsibility having a baby and bringing up a child.

You know all the questions they ask. You have to give them a right answer, too.

Gee, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. Oh, honey, sure you will.

Well, I don't know.

You know the kind of questions children ask.

ask something simple like, Mommy, where does rain come from?

Where does rain come from?

Well, I don't know, dear. Your mommy's a dumbbell.

Oh, honey, you're just being ridiculous.

I am not.

Of course, there's always one good answer.

Ask your daddy, dear. He can explain it better than I can.

Daddy, where does rain come from?

Well, dear, it's very simple. You see the water?

Well, first of all, there are the clouds, you see, and the... The moisture

the air... You see what I mean? We have to do something about

this. Oh, honey, you're just exaggerating the whole thing. I am not.

And I'm going to start studying right now.

When I get through, I want my child to think that its mother is a walking book

of knowledge.

Good evening.

Oh, when you get started on something, you really go through with it, don't

Oh, boy, am I pooped.

Well, this is indeed distressing news. To what do you attribute your plethora

fatigue?

The enervating activities of your nocturnal occupation?

I said, this is indeed distressing news. To what do you attribute your plethora

of fatigue?

I heard you the first time. Well, what language is it?

It's a language I want our child to learn. Good English.

That's English?

Yes.

Funny thing. When it's spoken correctly, you don't even recognize it, do you?

You know, I had no idea how sloppy my speech was until I started reading this

book. Oh, brother.

No, really.

It's true, but they have a wonderful exercise to correct it.

How do you do, Mrs. Smith? How do you do, Mrs. Jones?

And how are all your adorable children?

Quite well, thank you.

And how is your sister, Cynthia?

Sister Cynthia is simply scintillating.

Now, Lucy, you're not going to teach our child...

perfect English.

Well, honey, it's a very nice thought, but as usual, you will have no logical

explanation for doing it the way you're doing it.

What did you say?

You heard what I said.

As usual, there's no logical explanation for doing it the way you're doing it.

Ricky, promise me something.

What? Promise me that until our child... is at least 19 or 20 years old, you

won't talk to it.

What? What's the matter with the way I talk?

Well, I haven't told you this before, dear, but you speak with a slight

You can understand me, can't you?

Well, now, yes, I've learned to listen with an accent.

But when we first started going together, it was just... Well, do you

when you proposed?

Yeah. Well, it was just a stab in the dark when... When I said yes, I wasn't

sure that you'd ask me to get married or go to a movie.

Do you mean to tell me that I could have gotten out of this whole deal by just

taking you to a movie?

Ricky Ricardo.

Here, honey, I'll show you what I mean. Now, you take this book and pretend that

our child has come to you and said, Daddy, read me a goodnight story.

All right. There you are, Daddy.

Once upon a time in the woods lived a peasant.

He was a good man with a noble heart.

He spent his time in the forest, cutting down boogers from the trees.

Wait, wait, wait, just a minute. What is this boogers?

Boogers, right in there.

That's bow.

He spent his time in the forest cutting down boughs from the trees.

Cutting wood all day made his hands strong and raw.

One day... That's rough.

Spelled the same way as the other. O -U -G -H.

That's right. That shows how little you know about the English language.

So I made a little mistake.

Made his hands strong and rough.

One day he cut wood so fast that by three o 'clock in the afternoon, his

work was through.

Hold it, Shakespeare.

Through?

T -H -R -O -U -G -H is pronounced through.

Through, that's what I always say.

Now stop picking on me, will you? You're getting me all confused.

His day at work was through.

It started to rain on the way home, and he got so wet that his nose became red,

and he developed a hacking...

Cool?

I know it can be cow.

I don't see why you have to have such a crazy language anyway.

In Spanish, you don't have all those ow, oh, ooh, off, oof sounds.

In Spanish, you got a sound, it sounds the same all the time. You write it the

same way, it sounds the same way. No matter what you put it, it comes out the

same way.

I tell you what we're going to do.

We're going to teach our child to speak Spanish.

Spanish? That's right.

And what's more, I don't want you to talk to the kid until he's 21 years old.

Our child is going to learn to speak English.

But first, we have to learn.

We're going to hire two...

they're getting to the act.

Well, they're going to be around here a lot, and I want anyone who's going to

converse with my child to speak perfect English.

Now, Lucy, that is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of in my whole life.

Now, honey, my mind is made up. I heard enough.

Not yet. He ought to be here any minute. I'm fixing the classroom, see?

Oh.

Say, Lucy, aren't tutors awful expensive?

How'd you get Ricky to agree to pay for one?

I didn't. I told him it wouldn't cost him a cent.

Huh? Well, you see, when Mr. Livermore called me, he just happened to mention

that he would be interested... Lucy!

Yeah, dear? Is the nurse here yet? Ethel's here.

Hi, Ethel. Hi.

Where's Fred? Isn't he coming? Yeah, he's coming, all right, but he kicked

a steer.

What, is he coming?

Look, if Fred doesn't come, I don't want to go through this. He'll be here,

Ricky. He had on dirty overalls, and I made him change his clothes.

That must be Mr. Livermore now.

outfit. All right, all right.

See you at recess, Rick. Last one to the teeter -totter's a rotten egg.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Are you Mr., uh... I'm Mr. Livermore. Oh, come in, please. Please.

I'm Mrs. Ricardo.

Sean. I'm pleased to meet you.

Meet you?

The phrase is... Meet you.

Meet you. Meet you. Me, I'm glad to meet you.

I'd like you to meet your other pupils.

This is Mrs. Mertz. How do you do?

Are you by any chance endeavoring to pronounce how do you do?

Yes. Yes.

And this is Fred Mertz. How do you do?

You see, Mrs. Mertz, you've transmitted your bad enunciation to your son here.

Oh, you hate me, Mommy!

You hate yourself.

He isn't my son.

He's my husband.

My word.

Either way, it presents an appalling prospect.

You see, Fred is dressed like that because he's going back to school. It's

idea of a little joke.

Oh?

This is my husband, Ricky Ricardo.

It is a great pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Ricardo.

Hi. I just want you to know that the only reason I'm doing this is to keep

happy because she's going to have a baby in February.

But to tell you the truth, this whole thing is ridiculous to me and the whole

routine, I don't want any part of it.

What did he say?

What's the matter with you? Don't you understand English?

We'd better get started immediately. There's more to do here than I thought.

Place is everybody.

Is she making fun of me? No, shh.

Attention,

class.

Inasmuch as we are faced here with a state of emergency, I will dispense with

the traditional oath of allegiance and good morning song.

Properly enunciate, we must practice first saying our vowels.

Repeat after me, please.

A, E, I, O, U.

A, E, I, O, U.

Mr.

Ricardo, please, aloft.

Mr. Ricardo, wherever did you acquire that odd pronunciation?

I went to school in Cuba.

What's your excuse?

Ricky, apologize.

Apologize. Okay, okay. Just a moment. Did you say okay?

Yeah.

We must rid our speech of slang.

Now, besides okay...

I want you all to promise me that there are two words that you will never use.

One of these is swell, and the other one is lousy.

Okay, what are they?

One of them is swell, and the other one is lousy. Well, give us the lousy one

first.

I don't believe you quite understand.

Don't bother to explain, Mr. Livermore. Just tell us what the words are and we

won't use them. No.

But don't you see the word... Well, the other... May I have

a glass of water?

Okay. I mean, yes.

Would you help me, Ethel, get a pitcher and some glasses?

I would say okay. That's a swell way to get off to a lousy start.

Perhaps this would be a good time to discuss our song.

Our song? Well, at least my song. You see, I'm referring to the business deal

your wife and I made.

Don't you understand? In lieu of the remuneration for my tutelage, I am to be

permitted to introduce my talents into your nocturnal bistro.

Hey, hey, I think I got it, Rick. Instead of you paying him, this guy is

to sing in your nightclub. You want to sing at the Tropicana?

Thank you. I'd love to.

I tippy -tippy -toe through my garden where all the pretty flowers dwell.

There's a wrap of yom in my garden. Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. Now,

wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't know what you're talking about. What's

matter? What's going on, dear? Well, I was singing my little ditty for you. You

mean to tell me that you actually promised this character that he was

sing at the club?

Yes, isn't it wonderful?

And we're going to get six months' English lessons free.

I don't care if we're going to get English lessons free for the rest of our

lives. He's not going to sing at my club.

Well... But, Ricky, that isn't fair. You haven't even heard the song.

I heard the song.

Tee -pee, tee -pee, toe.

But I think you owe Mr. Livermore the courtesy of at least hearing it through

once. Now, after all, it's going to sound a lot better down at the club with

lights on and all of us singing with him and everything, and I think... All of

us singing? What do you mean, all of us singing? Now, just a minute.

He's worked up a very cute little act. He's got it all figured out. And I think

the least we could do is listen, and I insist that we try it now.

Thank you.

Now, this is the way I start this thing, please.

I stand here, Mr. and Mrs. Ricardo there, Mr. and Mrs.

Mertz there.

And I sing the verse first.

I tippy -tippy -toe through my garden.

Where all the pretty flowers dwell.

There's a rare perfume in my garden.

And I just love to stand there and smell.

Now, you come back here.

You come right back here. You haven't heard the best part yet.

That's obvious. Now, come on back here, right where you were, all of you.

Go ahead, Mr. Livermore.

Thank you.

And as I tippy -tippy -toe along, all the pretty flowers seem to sing

this song.

Now, here's where you come in.

Here's one for each.

Ladies, first, of course.

Now, you sing when I point to you.

Now, sing what I just sang again.

And as I tippy -tippy -toe along, all the pretty flowers seem to

sing this song.

Derry down, pep, pep.

that I was going to last night.

See? Where is Lucy? She's in the bedroom.

What's the matter with you? I believe you finally cracked your Cuban crock.

Look, Fress, would you trust me?

I got a plan. I got it all figured out and I think it'll work perfect.

I made a deal with Mr. Livermore.

Yes, but I'm afraid I've sullied my principles by accepting your scheme, Mr.

Ricardo.

Now remember, you're guaranteed to get me auditions with every record company

town. Look, you just hold your end of the bargain and I'll take care of mine.

Don't you worry. Will you please tell me what's going on?

Relax, will you? You'll see.

Lucy!

Yes, dear?

Coming.

Oh, hello, Mr. Livermore. Hi, Fred. Hi, Lucy.

What's the matter, dear? Something wrong? I didn't expect you home so soon.

no, no, honey. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. The orchestrations

wonderful. We just thought that we'd come home and get a good uninterrupted

singing rehearsal.

Oh, well, that's nice.

And you know something, Lucy? You were right.

I can't explain it, but this guy grows on you.

Well,

I knew you'd like him. Yeah, I'm not kidding.

He don't know what a real nice guy he is.

He don't either.

I said, he done either.

I can't explain it, but... He's a swell guy.

Oh, no.

Listen, you should hear him get going when he gets a hold of a good song. He

really goes.

He's good, this guy.

Oh, Percy, come on. Go ahead.

Well...

It won't work. Not one word. It was a battle of the accents and Mr. Livermore

lost. It won't work. Just forget it.

I Love Lucy is a Bessie Lou production.