Original subtitles

Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will observe closely, please, I shall

to make the packet of cigarettes magically reappear.

Hocus pocus dominocus.

That's very good.

Fine, Fred, that's fine.

What a talent.

Now, ladies and gentlemen...

For my next trick.

Oh, not another one.

Oh, Fred, you've been on an hour. That's 70 minutes too long.

Well, if you're going to take that attitude, I won't show you my next

That's great. Fine.

That's good, Fred, because I've got a lot of work to do. This next

is known as mystifying Merch's handcuff escape.

And you're going to have to beg me before I do it.

Oh, please, Fred.

Well, well, well, if you're going to say please, okay.

I'll do it.

It'll only take a second. You have to be a volunteer from the audience.

This is the most mystifying bit of prestidigitation in my entire

And I shall need a volunteer.

I'm here.

Well, well, there's a very beautiful young lady.

Now I'm going to ask you to look at these and see that they are securely

And that it will be impossible for you to remove them.

Oh, come on, Ethel. Let's get out of this trap.

I'm coming, Houdini.

Listen, Ethel. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings.

Hurt his feelings?

Listen, I've seen him do those magic tricks a hundred times. This is the best

audience he ever had.

We didn't intend to stay all afternoon. See you later. That's all right. Bye

-bye, Ethel.

Oh, poor Fred.

What do you mean, poor Fred? Poor Oz.

Certainly glad that finally left.

I got a lot of work to do. this afternoon.

You have? I thought you were just saying that to get rid of Fred.

No, I got to learn my part for this television show.

Oh, honey, you got a lot of time for that. That doesn't go on till tomorrow.

I know, but the rehearsal is tonight.

Well, I'll just clean things up then.

Tonight? Yeah.

For Ricky, tonight is Monday. You were going to take me to a movie and dinner.

I was?

Well, I didn't tell you about it yet, but you were.

Gee whiz, Ricky, you only get one night off a week.

Well, honey, That's why they're having the rehearsal tonight, so I can be

I'm very important to the show.

Well, you're very important to me, too.

Gee, I never get to see you anymore.

Well, honey, I'll take you to dinner and a movie some other night, huh?

You've been saying that for a long time. You know how long it's been since I've

seen a movie?

How long?

Well, I can't remember the title, but there was a guy named Ben that won a

chariot race.

never get to go out together.

Well, honey, I promise that I'll keep Mondays for you from now on. Well, you

better. I'll see what Ethel's doing tonight. Okay, honey.

Hey, what's this? Hey!

What happened?

What are you doing?

I'm going to use these on you every Monday and then you can't get away from

Oh, honey, you know I'm not trying to find ways to get away from you.

I know, and I love you. Well, I love you, too.

How do you get these things off?

Well, I'll show you.

Hocus Pocus Dominocus.

Gee,

that's funny. When Fred had them on, I just jiggled them and they fell off.

Hocus Pocus Dominocus.

Let me try it.

Hocus Pocus whatever it is.

is more mystifying than I thought.

I better call him, honey.

Sorry,

honey. Fred doesn't know him. He went down to the corner.

Ethel and I got these out of his trunk. Well, come on. Let's call Ethel, huh?

Yeah.

I'll go.

Hey. Hey, Lucy.

Don't put those... Uh -oh.

We're too late. Too late for what?

Um... Too late for what?

Uh, Fred, uh... Too late for what? What is it?

Those are not the tricks.

These are the trick handcuffs.

I took them down to the barbershop to show the boys.

Oh, great.

Well, any idiot should have seen the difference.

Almost any idiot.

Well, isn't there any way that you can get these things unlocked?

Sure, you open them with a key.

Well, what are you waiting for? Where's the key?

I never had one.

Those are old Civil War handcuffs.

They were given to me when I did a police benefit.

And that was way back in 1919.

Oh, no.

Well, genius, what now?

Are we going to go through life like this?

Now, honey, remember when we were married, you wanted to be joined

matrimony.

And as I recall, it was till death do us part. Yeah, that's right.

That event is about to take place right now.

this whole thing with one phone call.

What do you mean?

Well, there is such a thing as a locksmith.

Of course.

Now, wait a minute. I'll do it.

I'll get the locksmith.

I'll do it. Here, here. I got him, I got him. Here we are. Right there.

Here it is.

He's the fellow right near here on First Avenue.

Well, he won't be at the store this late. Call his home.

Well, let's see if they got his home. Yeah, here's his home number. What's the

number? Well, I lost my place now.

8 .30.

I got to be there for the television rehearsal.

Don't worry. I'll have him meet us down there. Oh, no. I'm not going to go down

there like this.

I'll just have to call and tell him I'll be late.

Gee, I don't think he's home.

Hello? Are you the locksmith?

Well, this is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo at 623 East 68th Street.

Yes. By accident, my husband and I got handcuffed together, and we'd like you

come over and take them off for us.

No.

from jail.

It was an accident.

But wait a minute, that's too late.

Wait a minute.

Oh.

He won't come until morning.

Well, never mind. There's a whole page full of locksmiths here.

Look now, Ricky, I

can't help it if there isn't a locksmith in New York City that'll come over here

tonight. Can't help it.

Here,

cut my arm off and go to rehearsal.

Never mind, that is too late. Let's go to bed. Come on. All right.

I'm sorry.

Well, look, now, let's not lose our tempers. Let's get organized.

Now, first, let's get undressed.

Okay. All right.

this. Now, just a minute.

Come here.

Wait a minute.

That's a new suit.

Well, it's either that or we're going to have to sleep in our clothes all night.

Well, then we'll have to sleep in our clothes all night. I'm not going to ruin

new suit. Okay.

Let me see.

Well, let's at least take our shoes off, huh?

Let's turn around.

No, not there.

Turn over here.

I'm climbing two beds from the end.

All right? Let's go.

I'm not. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that'll do it.

Now hold still.

All right.

Hey, wait!

In your bed?

Right. Right?

Okay.

Oh!

I'm certainly glad to see you.

Yes, I imagine you are.

My, my, that is an old pair, all right.

They don't make them anymore, you know. Yeah, we know, we know.

What museum did you steal them from?

Mr. Waller, you can get them off, can't you? Oh, yes, I think so, Mrs. Ricardo.

Ricardo,

say, you any relation to that band leader, that Ricky Ricardo?

Yes, he's a close relative.

Very close.

Oh, I recognize you now. You are Ricky Ricardo, aren't you?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, imagine that.

Me and the missus went to your Tippecanee nightclub on our 40th wedding

anniversary. So you do that thing with the drum, that, uh, that, uh, uh, uh,

uh, bobble ink number.

Babaloo. Yeah, that's what I said.

Oh, say, wait till I tell the missus. She'll never believe me. Look, would you

give me your autograph so that she'll know?

Take it out to Abigail.

Abigail. Abigail, yes.

Oh, she buys all your records. She's played that bobbling number a million

already. Oh, we're going to get her a drum for Christmas.

Sweet, sweet.

Oh, she likes you. Sweet, sweet. She would rather hear... Now, Mr. Walters,

handcuffs? Oh, oh, yes, yes.

You know, I'm probably the only locksmith in America that has a key to

Yes, sir?

business.

No.

Won an amateur dance contest once.

No. My friends all said that I'd make another Freddie Astaire.

No.

But what with one thing and another, I finally drifted into the locksmith game.

No.

But I always figured that I missed my real calling.

What with one of these days with television and all, I may still get my

break.

You know?

None of these fit.

Look, couldn't you fire them off?

Oh, no, that's tempered steel. You wouldn't want to go through that, son.

See, I'll tell you what.

I got a collection of real old handcuff keys at home. The only one in existence.

My grandfather started me on it.

As Granny used to say... Son, he called me son even though I was a grandson.

would be the only one with a key.

He better hurry up. I'm going to miss the television show now.

Come on.

Hello? Mr. Walters?

Well, what happened? What happened?

Oh, no!

What happened?

Well, look, Mr. Walters, don't come to the apartment. Wait a minute, will you?

Mr. Walters, don't come to the apartment.

No. Look, go to Television Center, Studio A.

Studio A.

Meet us there right away, please. I'm on the air in one hour.

All right, goodbye.

What happened?

He had a little trouble getting the key. And guess why?

Why? He locked himself out of his house.

Let me guess here quick.

Does the producer know about these handcuffs? Nobody saw you come in.

Yeah? Mr. Ricardo, you're on in two minutes.

Oh, we might as well tell him. We'll never make it in time. Well, you can't

that. The producer will kill me. You'll never work the show again.

Well, I don't care if I ever work the show again. You don't think I'm going to

go on television handcuffed to her, do you? As your agent, I say go on.

Well, ask myself. I say no.

Do I get a vote?

No. All right.

Are you going to cancel or shall I? You cancel your 90%. My... ten percent goes

on. You might as well go on, Ricky. They'll find out why you're canceling.

be in the papers.

Oh. Get on stage, Mr. Ricardo.

All right. All right. We're coming.

Well, come on, will you? I got a wife and two kids.

All right. Come on. Come on, honey.

Now, listen.

You stand behind me as much as you can.

No funny stuff now, understand?

Thank you.

Some of the names? Yes.

Carol M .C. by Viola Bond and Jerry the Agent by Paul Dubov.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.