Original subtitles

trunk ready. Ricky's going on tour, you know.

Really? Yeah, he's taking the band on the road for three weeks.

Oh.

Well, I guess this is big enough for my clothes. What can I find for Ricky's

things now?

Well, I guess this will do.

You mean you're going with him?

Why, sure. You don't think he'd go away for three weeks and leave me here all

alone, do you?

Um, no, I guess not. Besides, what fun could he have on the road all alone with

just the boys and the band?

it yet.

Oh, look at all the junk in here. Oh, here's that fish that Ricky caught in

Chautauqua. He had it mounted.

My, a rainbow sardine.

Oh, Echo, look at this.

Would you believe it? Five years ago, I wore this on Fifth Avenue, and I was the

hit of the Easter parade.

Oh, you must have been a doll.

Bravo period.

Oh, no.

I'll bet I marched a million miles for that stale football player.

Well, enough of my grimy amours. I've got to get this trunk out of here. I'll

get Fred to haul it down for you.

I got the flu, and I got to replace him, and the tailor won't have my tuxedo

ready in time.

Oh, that's too bad.

He won't have it ready till Friday, and we got to leave Wednesday.

Would you do me a favor and send it to me?

Send it to you? Yes, please.

Well, I wasn't figuring on being here.

Oh, you didn't tell me you were planning to go out of town, too.

You going to visit your mother?

No.

I know it's presumptuous of me. I'm only your wife, but I kind of expected to go

along, too.

Oh, no, honey. No, no. That's impossible.

Why? Well, that's just out of the question. That's all. Now, I'll write

address for you, and you can mail the tuxedo out to me.

I think I will visit my mother permanently.

Now, look, honey. Let's not have a scene.

Well, why can't I go along, too?

Honey, we're doing one -nighters. One -night style.

Besides, we're going on a bus. We need every inch of space for the people in

show. Maybe I could lie up on top of the luggage?

Honey, just relax, will you?

Here's the address. I've got to call some saxophone players.

Like in Cuba.

Look, honey, even if you could play, you couldn't go on the tour.

You couldn't travel with a bunch of men. You wouldn't fit in. You're not one of

the boys.

What about your harp player, Nancy?

She's not going, and neither are you.

Hello, Ned?

Look, Ned, this is Ricky Ricardo.

We're having rehearsals tomorrow at 3 o 'clock in the afternoon.

now some saxophone players. Could you be down?

I thought there was something wrong with the plumbing.

Oh, Fred, come here a minute.

Fred, you used to be around with a lot of musicians when you were in

didn't you?

Yeah, why?

Well, the real reason Ricky won't let me go on tour with him is because he

doesn't think I'll fit in with the musicians.

What can I do to show him that I'm one of the boys? You know, how can I act

a musician?

Well, that's easy.

Stay up late.

Get circles under your eyes and read nothing but the racing form.

No.

No, Fred, I'm serious.

Tell me how to act like one of the fellas. All right, all right, then. I

tell you. Now, first you gotta dress like musicians.

Oh? They have their own get -ups.

Then you have to speak their language.

They don't talk like human beings.

They don't? No.

When one musician meets another musician...

That's good, Ralph. You got yourself a job.

Will you go in the office and make the deal?

Thanks, Rick. You're welcome.

All right, fellas, let's take 628, eh?

Got it?

Here we go.

One, two...

I can't make up my mind.

I come as a big surprise to you after that brilliant audition that you just

us. Yeah, Dad.

But you cannot have the job.

Oh.

When I go on the road, I want you to stay home and be a good little girl.

want with him?

Meet my secret lover.

What are you talking about?

Well, yesterday down at rehearsal I got a wonderful idea.

You know, I think Ricky would take me on tour with him if I can convince him of

one thing.

What? That it isn't safe to leave me at home.

I don't get you.

Well, I'm just going to leave these things lying around, and when Ricky

home and finds them, I'm going to be very flustered, and I'm going to be

to explain to whom they belong.

You mean he'll think you've got a... Uh -huh.

Oh,

come now, it isn't that funny.

You think you're safe? You better be careful. You know Ricky's temper.

Well, you keep an ear cocked, and if you hear too much commotion, you come up

and save me, huh?

Okay. I hope I get here on time. Okay.

You're home so soon. I didn't expect you to come so soon. I thought you'd call

like you usually do.

Oh.

I sure wish you'd call.

Gee, don't you look nice.

Where did you go this afternoon?

Oh, nowhere.

Nowhere at all.

Oh, why are you all dressed up for? No reason. No reason.

Sure, dear.

Thank you.

Lucy? Yes, dear?

What is this?

must have shrunk.

I suppose these are my gloves, too.

Lucy, who was here this afternoon?

No one, no one, really.

Lucy, this hat, these gloves.

Hey, he must still be here.

Where is he? I don't know what you're talking about. And don't you go in that

bedroom.

Lucy, who is he? I don't know what you're talking about. My goodness, if

going to act like this, I'll be glad to have you away for three weeks.

Now, Lucy, I'm telling you, I just didn't mean to... Hey, what's all the

up here? Fred, I'm glad you're here. Maybe you can calm him down.

I've had enough.

What's the matter, Rick?

Oh, Fred, something awful happened.

Pull yourself together.

Pull yourself together and tell me all about it.

Well, I don't know how to tell you about it. I don't know how to start. I just

came home here. What's my hat doing up here?

The most important thing is I came home... Did you say your hat?

Yes, my old derby.

Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure. Look.

Feels pretty good.

Looks pretty good, too. I think I'll start wearing it again.

suppose these are your gloves, too?

Yeah, those are my gloves.

It couldn't be him.

I wonder why Lucy... Why, the little devil.

She wants to make me jealous, so I take her on that tour with me.

You mean she's pretending that these things belong to another man?

Yeah. Not that I believed her for a minute.

She was pretending that this fellow was in the closet all the... Hey, wait a

minute.

Wait a minute. What's that gleam in your eye?

Oh, I'm gonna catch that little red -headed mouse in her own trap.

How?

I'm gonna get a real guy to come over here tonight.

I'm gonna hide him in that closet.

And I'm gonna say to her, someone is hiding in that closet.

And then I will demand... that she opens the door.

And when she does, brother, will she be surprised.

I'm going to call the musicians' union. I'll bet that Julie will dig up someone

for me.

That's a pretty dirty trick.

Yeah, I know.

Listen, Julie, will you do me a favor?

I want you to dig up some guy for me, someone that I don't know.

Wait a minute.

Make it three or four guys.

would have such an awful effect on you.

Not have an effect on me?

When my happy home is turned asunder?

Oh, honey, your happy home is not turned asunder.

Look, Ricky, I thought maybe if I could make you jealous, you'd take me on your

trip with you.

There isn't anyone else, honey. I just made that up.

No, don't try to make me feel good.

I heard that guy come out of that closet and go out the front door.

No, honey, I did that.

I slammed it. Then I went to the front door and I slammed it.

That's impossible.

All right, it's impossible.

It is impossible.

It is physically impossible.

who's in that closet. No.

No, no.

No. Whoever's in that closet better come out.

It's no use pretending.

He caught us.

What are you talking about?

I never saw this man before in my life.

If you never saw him before in your life, how come he's in that closet? I

know.

Now, Lucy, I want an answer.

Why don't you tell the truth?

Yes, Lucy, tell the truth. Oh, shut up!

Look, Ricky, if I'd known there was anybody in there, do you think I'd...

She must have been terribly upset to be gone this long.

Hello? Hello, Ricky, this is Julie.

Oh, hello, Julie. Gee, I should have called you sooner, but I've been trying

over town and there's just no soap.

What are you talking about, Julie?

Well, I'm sorry, but I couldn't find anybody to send over there tonight.

Well, that's all right.

Love, Lucy is a Desilu production.