Original subtitles

Bye, kids.

Well, what do we watch?

Comedy? Drama?

Soap opera?

I don't care.

Anything but wrestling.

Ricky, wait a minute. Let's not watch television tonight.

Not watch television?

What else is there to do?

Well, whatever happened to that game we used to play before television was

invented? It was called conversation.

Nothing so unusual about it. In millions of homes all over the country, other

people were having the same kind of conversations we were having.

Yeah, that's why television was invented.

Go on, Rick, turn it on, will you? Now, wait a minute, Fred.

Maybe Lucy's got something there.

Yeah, we're four intelligent, interesting people.

Let's just talk, exchange ideas.

Let it go where it wants to.

I guess so.

Elections?

Yeah, yeah. What about them?

Well, they had them, all right.

Oh.

Oh, come now. Someone must know something to say.

What do we watch?

Let's see what's on, huh?

Okay.

Hey, hey, that's good.

Oh, it's a movie.

Yeah.

That's a pretty new movie for television.

New? Yeah, that little girl's Margaret O 'Brien, isn't it?

Look again.

It's Shirley Temple.

That's too late.

or is sharp enough?

Yeah. All right.

Ah, I can get it much sharper than that.

Yeah, that's what I call in focus.

Honey, that's too light.

All right.

Uh -oh, that's too dark.

Can't you get rid of those lines?

Again, but personally I'm all worn out from the last gab fest We could make

fudge and dress up in our mother's clothes.

Yeah, that's the best idea yet

questions. First, who was the youngest man to be inaugurated President of the

United States?

Theodore Roosevelt.

Theodore Roosevelt?

Oh, no. It was one of the earlier ones. Adams or McKinley, wasn't it, Ethel? Ask

Fred. He was probably there.

Oh, time's up. I'm so sorry.

The youngest president was 42 years old the day of his inauguration, and his

name was Theodore...

Doesn't everybody?

Doesn't everybody say... Now,

Mr. and Mrs. Finley, here's your second question. And remember, only one answer

between you. What was the last state to be admitted to the Union?

I know what that was.

Nebraska, Nebraska.

No, it was New Mexico.

Wyoming. It was Arizona.

1863.

I'm very surprised that you have. How did you happen to know the answer to all

those questions?

Well, who do you think you married to?

A country pumpkin?

You started American history in Cuba, too, you know.

Will you fix us some sandwiches?

Sandwiches?

Yeah, sandwiches.

Two pieces of bread with a thin in the middle and the mustard on the top.

Oh, eat, eat, eat. All they want to come on us will help me.

Hey, you sure fooled me, Rick.

I'd have bet you couldn't answer those questions.

I got something to tell you about that, man. What?

That's why I sent them out of the room.

You know, that program was a delayed broadcast.

Yeah, they made it this afternoon.

And I was at the station when they were doing it. I heard the whole thing.

Then you knew the answers before they asked them.

Yeah.

Why, you tricky Cuban.

about Ricky knowing the answers to all those questions last night.

Just think, he would have won $300, $100 for each question.

Gosh.

Three crisp, new, green $100 bills.

Is that the way you see it?

Uh -huh.

I see it all in pennies, and I'm running barefoot through it.

Oh, well, we might as well stop dreaming.

Wait a minute, why do we have to dream? Why can't he go on that program and win

all the money?

Do you think he'd do it? Why not? He knows all the answers. Besides, it'd

him a chance to show off the big ham. I'm going to call the station right now.

Hey, you might win that $500 jackpot, and then you'd really be rich.

Yeah, I'd have golden eggs all over the house.

Huh? I didn't realize what kind of a goose I was married to.

Freddie Fillmore, please.

Say, wait a minute. It's a Mr. and Mrs. Quiz show. You'll have to go on it, too.

So what? Ricky will answer all the questions. I'll just stand there and

mouth shut.

Uh, Freddie Fillmore?

Uh, Mr. Fillmore?

This is Ricky Ricardo.

Mr. Fillmore, I don't know if you know it or not, but my husband is one of the

smartest men in the United States.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

And if you play your cards right, you might be able to get him on your

Huh? That's right.

Well, I'm sure he'd be glad to.

home in time.

In time for what?

I have a big surprise for you. Really? What is it?

I won't tell you until seven o 'clock.

Oh? I was so proud of you last night, knowing the answers to all those

questions.

Well, honey, I have something to tell you about that, too. Wait a minute.

Now, what is it?

You see, that problem that we heard last night was a delayed broadcast.

And I was down at the station one day. We're doing it.

And that's the reason that I knew all the answers.

What's the matter, honey?

X, Y, Z, A. Ricky Ricardo. Yes, be sure to tune in to the Mr. and Mrs. Quiz

program tomorrow night when Freddy Fillmore's special guests will be Mr.

Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.

Oh, no.

Lucy?

Before I kill you, would you mind telling me the details?

Well, you were so smart last night and you knew all the answers, and I thought

you were a cinch to win all the money, so I called the radio station. And why

didn't you call the radio station without asking me first? Well, how did I

that you were faking? I thought you were an overgrown Cuban quiz kid.

Look, all I know is that Columbus discovered Ohio in 1776.

Now, we'll have to go through with it. It's been announced on the air. I can't

back out now.

Well, you know something. What?

Tomorrow night, when we get on that show, you better know the answers.

What are you going to do if I don't?

It's too horrible to think about.

Here are the questions for tonight.

Oh, good, Tommy.

Well, these ought to be hard enough.

Let's see if you can answer any of these, Tommy.

To whom do you make your federal tax check out on March 15th?

You don't know that?

How do sub -freezing temperatures in the Arctic affect the growth of trees?

You don't know that one either?

Why was the steamship Ile de France put in dry dock recently?

I don't know any of those.

You mean to tell me you can't answer these questions?

Neither can I.

Where are the answers?

Oh, didn't I bring them in? I must have left them on my desk. I'll go get them.

Okay.

Say, there's Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo outside to see you. Oh, yeah, she's one of the contestants. Have

her come in, will you? Okay.

You may come in, Mrs. Ricardo.

Thank you. How do you do, Mrs. Ricardo? How do you do? Awfully nice of you to

come down. Won't you sit down? Thank you.

Mr.

Fillmore, you can do me a tremendous favor.

You can get me out of a very big spot.

Well, anything you want, I'll do, Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, thank you very much. And you know why?

Why? Because this is the biggest break I've ever had, having you and your

husband appear on my show tonight.

Oh? Yes. You see, I have an offer from a national sponsor.

who's willing to buy the program if I can get people like Ricky Ricardo to

appear. Oh.

And once he's appeared on the show tonight, that'll pave the way for other

celebrities. Oh, I see.

Oh, you don't realize what a break this is for me.

Now, what can I do for you?

Uh, could I have some tickets for the broadcast?

Well, certainly you can have all the tickets you want.

Pardon me, Mr. Fillmore. Here are the answers for tonight's question. Oh,

you, Tommy.

And we got some pips for you tonight.

You have?

We sure have.

Oh, that's right. You wanted those tickets.

Yes. I'll take care of that right now.

Yes, Mr. Pilmore?

Nancy, will you see that Mrs. Ricardo gets all the tickets she wants, please?

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I got them right here.

Here, we can check it.

One. Yeah.

Two.

Yeah.

Three.

Yeah.

Yeah, that checks.

Okay, now, would you read that opening commercial to me, please?

Mrs. Ricardo, you wouldn't want to see the answers for tonight, would you?

Oh, were those the answers?

Yes.

You didn't see them, did you?

No, darn it.

Well, good.

Well, goodbye, Mr. Fillmore.

Oh, well, goodbye, Mrs. Ricardo. So nice of you to come by.

Thank you. I'll see you tonight.

Thank you. Excuse me.

Hello.

I knew them. Here, you hold the paper.

The first one is the collector of internal revenue.

The second one is the SAP runs every two years. The third is to scrape the

barnacles off her hull.

You're so confident. What would think you knew what the questions were going

be? Yes, one would, wouldn't one?

Come on, come on. We're all going to be late.

Let's go.

Oh, I forgot something. I'll be right with you. All right.

Collector of internal revenue. The sap runs every two years. To, to, to scrape

the barnacles off her hoe.

Come on, honey.

Fascinating game, Mr. and Mrs. Quiz.

And here to ask the questions is that well -known quiz master, Freddie

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome once again to Mr.

and Mrs. Quiz.

Now, for our first contestant tonight, we have a gentleman known to all of you

as an orchestra leader and a singer. But what you don't know, and we didn't

either until his wife told us today, he's one of the greatest brains of all

time. A real top intellectual.

Yes, sirree. And now, just in case you think we picked questions to make him

look good tonight, we're going to change our usual practice and have him select

his questions out of this glass bowl.

And now, here they are, Mr.

and Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo.

How do you do, Mr. and Mrs. Ricardo?

How do you do?

Are you all ready for your questions?

Yes, sir.

Oh, they're going to be pretty hard.

I'll bet they're not too hard.

Well, we'll see about that. Now, remember, you only have one answer

two of you. Okay, dig right in there, Ricky.

Ah, here we go for number one.

Ah, what is the name of the animal that fastens itself to you and drains you of

your blood?

You only have one answer between the two of you, and that's wrong.

It is?

Yes, the answer is a vampire bat.

A vampire bat, sure.

That's what I was going to say.

Well, let's try the next one.

Maybe we'll have better luck this time.

I'll get the next one.

Ah, here we go. Number two. What is a senator's term of office?

The staff runs every two years.

but you're not giving your husband a chance.

A senator's term of office is six years. Six years, sure. Why don't you let me

answer one?

Well, let's try the last one.

Let me answer this one.

Here we go for number three.

Why did the French people put Marie Antoinette under the sharp blade of the

guillotine?

Well?

You got any ideas?

Well, come on, Ricardo. You must know the answer to this one.

Yeah, we know the answer to this one. Okay. Why did the French people put

Antoinette under the sharp blade of the guillotine?

To scrape the barnacles off her heart.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You are the first husband and wife team ever to miss all three questions.

Well, I memorized the answers, but they must have switched the questions. Oh,

no. What have you done to me?

Well, anyway, you still have a chance at the giant jackpot question, and it's

worth $500.

Richard, it's not over yet.

Now, we've all seen the picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware.

You've seen that picture, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, I've seen it. And you've

it, too, haven't you?

Of course you have. Now, what I want you to tell me is this.

What did George Washington say while making that crossing?

I'll repeat the question. What did George Washington say while crossing the

Delaware?

Did you know, Ricky?

Please let me sit down. This is making me sick.

That's right! That's right!

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.