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All language subtitles for I Love Lucy s01e31 the publicity agent

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:38,180 How can two people manage to use so many dishes? 2 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,700 What are we doing tonight, Ricky? 3 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,960 Nothing. You mean nothing. 4 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,300 Let's call the mercies and play some cards. 5 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,320 I don't feel like seeing the mercies and I don't want to play cards. 6 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,640 What do you call what you're doing here? 7 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:52,660 Tiddlywinks. 8 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,480 Play your black tiddly on your red winks. 9 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:04,379 Look, this game is supposed to be played by one person. 10 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,760 Hence... The name Solitaire. 11 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,380 Hence the name Solitaire. 12 00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:12,400 You don't want to see the Mercedes. You don't want to play cards. 13 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,660 I'll get you a gun. You can shoot yourself. 14 00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:17,260 Thank you. 15 00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,180 What's the matter tonight, honey? 16 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,280 Oh, I'm sorry, dear. 17 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,620 I guess I can get discouraged about my career. 18 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960 Your career? Why? 19 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,920 Well, I don't seem to be getting any place. 20 00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:30,920 I'm not exciting anymore. 21 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,320 You are to me. 22 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,240 I mean, I'm not news. 23 00:01:34,910 --> 00:01:39,010 Can't get my name in the paper. Nobody's talking about me. Oh, they are, too. I 24 00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:41,550 hear people talking about you all the time, all over the place. 25 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,810 Yeah, name one. 26 00:01:43,650 --> 00:01:47,690 Well, just the other morning, the milkman asked me how your cold was. 27 00:01:49,990 --> 00:01:50,990 That's what I mean. 28 00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:54,310 The milkman wants to know how my cold is. 29 00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:55,750 Big deal. 30 00:01:56,870 --> 00:01:58,910 Well, what about your publicity agent? 31 00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:00,490 That's a good question. 32 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:04,310 I should give that 50 bucks a week to someone who can get my name in the 33 00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:06,550 Fifty bucks a week. 34 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:12,570 Gee, would you give that job to anybody who's bright and energetic and has 35 00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:14,110 wonderful ideas about publicity? 36 00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:16,750 Who? Well, would you? 37 00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,050 Who is it? 38 00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:21,470 If I don't get your name in the paper, it won't cost you a cent. 39 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:23,569 Oh, no. 40 00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:25,690 Oh, no, no, no, no. Please, please don't. 41 00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:28,990 Now, now, Lucy, don't. Look, look, just forget the whole thing, will you please? 42 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,410 Now, just put publicity out of your mind altogether. 43 00:02:31,830 --> 00:02:33,270 Oh, come now. Oh, my goodness. 44 00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:35,240 What a horrible thought. 45 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,560 It isn't that bad. 46 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,200 Look, you want to help me, really? Sure. 47 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:43,180 All right. Just forget publicity altogether. 48 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:44,399 All right. 49 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,640 Don't even tell people that you know me. All right. 50 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,940 Okay. All right. 51 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:50,160 Good 52 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:59,940 morning, 53 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:00,960 Lucy. Hi. 54 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,360 What are you doing? 55 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,200 Figuring out the value of my jewelry. 56 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,720 Insurance? No, publicity. 57 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,300 Ricky's worried because he hasn't been getting enough publicity, so I'm going 58 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:10,839 help him. 59 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,700 You know how those Hollywood stars get their name in the paper when their 60 00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,499 are stolen. 61 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,320 Hey, that's a wonderful idea. 62 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,500 Yeah. I can see the headline now. 63 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:25,200 So can I. Ricky Ricardo's wife robbed a priceless jewel valued at... $43. 64 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:34,500 Ricky win a title like Miss America. 65 00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:37,980 He doesn't have the right measurements. 66 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,520 Oh, that's not what I meant. 67 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,420 No, we need something like this. Look. 68 00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:46,880 The Shah of Persia has a standing order for all of Benny Goodman's records. 69 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,280 Well, you can do exactly the same thing. 70 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,040 How? Have Ricky order all of Benny Goodman's records. 71 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,740 Oh, yes, oh. 72 00:03:53,980 --> 00:03:58,200 This item is good only because it concerns royalty from a faraway country. 73 00:03:58,260 --> 00:03:59,320 That's what makes it exciting. 74 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,040 Oh. 75 00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:05,190 If we just knew a countess or a princess who couldn't live without Babalu. 76 00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:08,970 You don't know any royalty, do you? 77 00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:11,330 My aunt was queen for a day once. 78 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:16,190 Well, we'll just have to dream someone up. 79 00:04:16,470 --> 00:04:17,470 Let's see now. 80 00:04:17,829 --> 00:04:22,170 We'll tell the papers that an exotic princess is coming from a faraway 81 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:27,270 traveling halfway around the world just to hear Ricky Ricardo in person. Hey, 82 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,310 that's sensational. 83 00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,530 Yeah, now what country will she be from? 84 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,980 Well, it can't be too well known. 85 00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:34,380 No. 86 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,780 I know, Franistan. 87 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,440 Franistan? I never heard of it. Neither did I. 88 00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:46,580 Princess Scheherazade, daughter of the Maharaja of Franistan. Oh, she was the 89 00:04:46,580 --> 00:04:48,740 daughter of a Maharaja. They wouldn't call her a princess. 90 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:54,660 What would they call her? A Maharani. Oh, no, asshole. That's a Maharaja's 91 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,340 I guess she'd be a Maharinsis. 92 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:04,890 Scheherazade. Maha Rinses of Franistan. 93 00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:06,410 Gee, that's wonderful. 94 00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:09,730 Yeah. Too bad she can't really come to town. 95 00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:12,910 Yeah. Of course, that's impossible. 96 00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:15,350 Yeah? 97 00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:18,190 Lucy? 98 00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,890 Just call me Scheherazade. 99 00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:22,910 You wouldn't dare. 100 00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:24,490 I would, too. Will you help me? 101 00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:27,830 I'm yours to command my Maha Rinses. 102 00:05:28,270 --> 00:05:31,860 The papers will eat this. Come on, we got a lot of work to do. Okay, now you 103 00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,760 look up the phone numbers of all the newspapers in town. 104 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,300 All right. I got the number of the post here. 105 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,200 And we have to make a reservation at a fancy hotel. 106 00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:41,240 How about staying at the Waldorf? 107 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,180 Well... Hello? 108 00:05:44,540 --> 00:05:45,960 Hello, city editor, please. 109 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,080 This is the overseas operator. 110 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:51,520 Hello, editor? 111 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,700 We have an overseas call from Franistan. 112 00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:58,000 It's a Maharani to person call. 113 00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:30,409 Did you see the paper? 114 00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:31,530 Yeah, I saw the paper. 115 00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:32,890 Congratulations, old boy. 116 00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:34,530 Look at the size of this type. 117 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,170 Afghanistan royalty makes pilgrimages to see Cuban idol. 118 00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:39,410 I know, I know. 119 00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:42,750 Maharaja's daughter claims Ricky Ricardo is real gone. 120 00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,330 I read it, Fred. I read it. 121 00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:49,410 Yeah, yeah. Well, I kind of think you'd be a little bit more excited. Not every 122 00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:51,970 band leader can make a Maharaja flipper beanie. 123 00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:56,930 You don't mean to tell me you really believe that story, do you? Well, it's 124 00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:57,930 all the papers. 125 00:07:57,950 --> 00:07:59,390 Are you out of your head or something? 126 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:05,760 A member of royalty in some ridiculous place called Crapistan, or whatever the 127 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:06,760 name of the joint is. 128 00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:09,060 She gets a hold of one of my records. 129 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:13,940 So she travels halfway around the world just to hear me sing. 130 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:18,020 Well, that's the phoniest story I've ever heard in my life. Where did it come 131 00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:19,780 from? My press agent. Where else? 132 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,860 I told that character I wanted some publicity, but this is ridiculous. 133 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,800 I'd be laughed out right out of the... Well, now that I think it over, it does 134 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,820 sound pretty silly. Of course it's silly. 135 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,500 Only an idiot will believe a story like that. 136 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:35,780 Hello? 137 00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:39,659 Kenny. Now, look, what is the matter with you, Kenny? Are you trying to get 138 00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:40,659 kicked out of show business? 139 00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:43,840 You know what I'm talking about. The story in the paper. The story. 140 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,180 Look, that is the most ridiculous, the most stupid, the silliest, funniest... 141 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:50,180 What? 142 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:52,380 You're dense. 143 00:08:53,420 --> 00:08:55,040 Now, wait a minute, Clem. 144 00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:57,400 You're not kidding me, are you? 145 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,460 Well, I'm going to call the Waldorf right away and find out. 146 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,060 You did call the Waldorf. 147 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,100 And the Maharins of Afghanistan registered there this morning? 148 00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:11,540 Holy cow. 149 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,180 How about that? 150 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,200 Okay. 151 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:22,560 Talk to you later, kid. 152 00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:29,490 I guess it's true. 153 00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,350 Somebody around here just said only an idiot would fall for a story like that. 154 00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:38,310 Now, wait a minute, Fred. Now, let's look at it this way. 155 00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:45,690 Here's this poor girl sitting in her castle in faraway Afghanistan. 156 00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:48,610 She gets a hold of one of my records. 157 00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:51,450 She finds my voice irresistible. 158 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:53,860 And she falls madly in love. 159 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,500 There's nothing far -fetched about that. 160 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,240 Maybe I ought to go out and come in again. 161 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,480 See, I wonder if she speaks English. 162 00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:07,780 You know what they speak in Franistan? 163 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000 I don't know. Where is it? 164 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,060 Where is it? 165 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:13,260 Yeah. 166 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,180 Oh, Fred, don't you know anything? 167 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:16,800 No. Where is it? 168 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:18,840 Franistan? Yeah. 169 00:10:19,670 --> 00:10:24,830 Well, it's right between Czechoslovakia and the... below the border of Austria. 170 00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:30,290 Well, you know, it's stocked right in between Switzerland and Persia, right in 171 00:10:30,290 --> 00:10:31,290 there. 172 00:10:32,410 --> 00:10:34,330 Oh, there. 173 00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:37,210 Yeah, there, Pranistan. That's where it is, right there. 174 00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:40,450 How about that? 175 00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:43,750 Gee, I wonder what you do when you're introduced to royalty. 176 00:10:45,050 --> 00:10:46,130 How about this, Fred? 177 00:10:47,530 --> 00:10:48,530 Your Highness. 178 00:10:48,970 --> 00:10:50,550 I am delighted to meet you. 179 00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:52,970 Oh, Mr. Ricardo, you send me! 180 00:10:56,810 --> 00:10:57,170 You 181 00:10:57,170 --> 00:11:06,390 know, 182 00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:08,650 are you sure that the Highness said she'd be here at three o 'clock? 183 00:11:09,070 --> 00:11:13,070 Yes, her lady in waiting called me and right after they checked in with the 184 00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:14,670 Waldorf and she said she'd be here at three o 'clock. 185 00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:16,149 Hey, Ricky. 186 00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:17,190 Oh, hold it. 187 00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:20,680 Thanks. Are you going to put on a whole show just for her? 188 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,420 Yes, yes. It's a command performance, you know. We're going to do everything. 189 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,920 Yeah. Hey, Rick, I just called the house again. 190 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,660 Lucy and Ethel must be out shopping. 191 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,200 Oh, gee, that's too bad they have to miss it. 192 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:35,480 And, fellas, now please don't forget how we rehearse her entrance now. All 193 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,460 right? Did you hear that? Okay. 194 00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:40,360 Cigarette? Yeah, please. Thank you. 195 00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:45,900 I guess you must be pretty nervous at meeting royalty like this, huh? Hmm? 196 00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:49,800 Nervous? No, why should I be nervous? I don't mean a royalty. I don't have to 197 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:50,800 be. 198 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:52,960 Hey, Rick, look. 199 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:53,959 Here they come. 200 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,180 All right, fellas, off, everybody, off. 201 00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:27,670 nice trip over? 202 00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:28,990 Yes. 203 00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:38,090 Are you enjoying your stay in America? 204 00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:39,730 Yes. 205 00:13:40,650 --> 00:13:43,470 Would Her Highness answer a few questions for the press? 206 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:48,650 Yes. Your Highness, is it true that Ricky... 207 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,960 Your Highness, is it true that Ricky Ricardo is your favorite vocalist? 208 00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:01,660 Yes. 209 00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,060 Do you like any other American performers? 210 00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:08,240 No. Now, let me see if I have this straight. You've never seen Ricky 211 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,060 person. You first heard his records two years ago, and you fell in love with his 212 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:14,340 voice and decided to come to America to see him. Your father didn't approve, but 213 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:17,100 you came anyway, and you can hardly wait to hear him sing. Is that right? 214 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:34,320 How about the political situation in Franistan? Do you think that the... 215 00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:32,870 I want to scold you, but I care more than I care to. 216 00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,570 And when you touch me, I... 217 00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,660 Good night. And still you linger. 218 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:07,460 I kind of think you get ideas, too. 219 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:15,800 Your eyes 220 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:22,660 are always saying the things you never say. I only hope 221 00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:25,220 they're saying that you could laugh. 222 00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:09,070 I understand that your favorite number of ours is... 223 00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:03,980 Ricky's gonna get. Yeah, but why did he have to sing so many songs? 224 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,360 25 numbers and every other one was Babaloo. 225 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,880 If I'd had to faint one more time, I'd have fainted. 226 00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:15,100 Well, let's get out of here. 227 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,420 Okay. 228 00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:19,620 Listen, if that's another reporter, don't let him in. 229 00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:35,530 Things are not going good in Franistan. 230 00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:39,190 Franistan? Oh, wait a minute now. Who are you? 231 00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,830 Chief of Franistanian Secret Police. 232 00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,310 I'm John Zanidou. 233 00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:47,870 Well, I'm Lucy Ricardo. 234 00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:53,930 You do not have to conceal your identity from me. You bear the mark that is 235 00:19:53,930 --> 00:19:56,510 borne only by women of royal Franistan family. 236 00:19:56,770 --> 00:19:58,250 Red and black hair. 237 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:07,890 revolutionists are after you. 238 00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:09,330 Hey, he's serious. 239 00:20:09,810 --> 00:20:12,890 Good heavens, Ethel, do you think there really is such a place as Franistan? 240 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:14,830 Hurry, we have no time to lose. 241 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,440 His secret. 242 00:21:07,460 --> 00:21:09,160 All right, I'll give you the secret. 243 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,360 It's every two weeks a cup of henna to a gallon of water. 244 00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:18,320 I'm not a maharincus, I'm a henna rincus. 245 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,680 He will talk when the tiger gets here. 246 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:26,960 The tiger? 247 00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:30,200 He knows all methods of oriental torture. 248 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,820 Water dripping on the head. 249 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:34,300 Tiff. 250 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:54,770 them all. 251 00:23:57,699 --> 00:24:01,400 I don't think it was very funny. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You're 252 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,400 scared of... 253 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:30,960 was played by Bennett Green. 254 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,020 The two assassins were played by Dick Reeves and Gil Herman. 255 00:24:48,380 --> 00:24:50,620 I Love Lucy is a Desilu production. 18686