Original subtitles

Hi, honey. Hi.

What are you doing?

Darning your socks.

Well, good for you.

I didn't know you knew how to darn.

Oh, sure, there's nothing to it.

Especially if you have a darning egg.

Boy, you should have seen the hole in this one. It's taken me a half an hour

sew it up.

There.

Darn it, I sewed up the top.

Oh, Lucy, you're amazing.

Oh, well, I'll just have to rip it out. No, no, don't do that. Why?

I can use it as a blackjack.

Honey,

where are you going?

I'm going to rehearsal.

Again? You've been to rehearsal every day for a week. I know, but I can't help

it. Wouldn't it be easier to get good musicians?

Please, no disparaging remarks.

I'll get it, I'll get it.

Well, my goodness, Jerry, there must be millions of girls who want to take this

job.

Oh, look, Jerry, don't I have enough trouble putting the whole television

together without having to look for a girl to do the commercial?

Never mind, never mind. I know what you're talking about. What about a

television show, Ricky?

Wait a minute.

All right, Jerry, I'll get the girl to do the commercial.

Goodbye.

Well?

Well, I'm going to do a television show, that's all.

And you cannot be on it. Oh, Ricky, please, just let me do the commercial.

No, you can do it. Why not?

Look, honey, this is too big a chance for me. I need someone with a lot of

experience. Well, I've had experience.

You've never even been on a television show. Well, maybe not, but I've watched

them a lot.

There's a slight difference.

Oh, now, Ricky.

I'm sorry, honey. I got to go now. I'll see you later.

Oh!

Oh!

Hi, Lucy.

Hi. Need any work done up here?

Ethel's gone to see her mother for a couple of days and I got a lot of time.

Ethel's gone and you want to work?

Yeah, it seems loafing isn't any fun unless she's nagging at me to get some

done.

unless you want a job knocking some sense into Ricky's head.

What's the matter?

Well, he's going to emcee a big television show and they need a girl to

commercial. Now, you know how good I am at that.

Oh, sure.

I've seen you do a hundred television commercials.

Well, I would be good if somebody would ever give me a chance.

Now, why don't you just relax and forget the whole thing?

Gee, if there was only some way Ricky could see me on television.

Well, now maybe you'd qualify as a lady wrestler.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I got it. I know what I'm going to do. What?

Well, listen, when Ricky comes home tonight, I'm not going to be here, but

are. Oh, I am, huh? Yeah, and you're going to turn on that television set,

you know who's going to be on it?

Well, I can only hope it's Faye Emerson.

No, no.

It's going to be me.

Well, how are you going to work that out? Never mind. You just turn on that

and leave the rest to me.

Okay, Buster?

Where's Lucy? I don't know. I come up to watch your television. Ours is on the

blink. Oh? And there's a wonderful show coming on just about now.

23 minutes after 4? Yeah. Now sit down there. I want you to watch it. You'll

enjoy it.

She's on television.

Yeah, how about that?

I can't get over how clear the picture is.

Well,

what do you know? Third dimensional television.

I took them out.

Well, I can see that, but where is it?

It?

Yeah.

The chassis slides right out.

Is my breakfast ready?

Are you still not speaking to me?

Look, I don't care if you don't want to talk to me or not, but please get up and

fix my breakfast.

I need my strength.

Lucia, are you going to fix my breakfast or not?

perfect right to ball you out.

Putting that television set together is going to cost a fortune.

Maybe more.

I'm glad it's broken.

Glad? Yes. Now I won't have to look at your silly Cuban mug on that show

tonight.

Ay, que barbaridad. No se lo que le pasa a esta mujer. Cada vez, cada semana se

pone peor y peor de la cabeza. Yo me voy a ir de aquí. Me voy a ir para otro

lugar porque no lo puedo aguantar más. Está completamente equivocado de todo.

No se lo que le pasa.

Could you come up for a minute, please?

Senora Ricardo and I are not speaking to each other.

And I'd like you to do me a favor.

Thank you, Fred.

Hi, Rick. What do you want?

Oh, listen, Fred.

I got to go to rehearsal right away, and I'm expecting a very important phone

call. And Lucy's mad at me.

So would you please stay here and give someone a message?

Sure. Well, the girl that is going to do the television commercial is going to

call. Now, you tell her to be at Studio 10 Television Center at 1 o 'clock this

afternoon. All right.

Thanks a lot, friend. You're welcome. See you later.

What are you doing here? Oh, hi. Ricky asked me to wait here and take a

telephone message.

He told me that you two aren't speaking to each other.

Oh, well.

I'll take the call, Fred. It's silly to have you wait up here.

All right. It's from the girl who's doing the commercials on Ricky's

show tonight.

And he wants her to be sure and get the message.

Now, you won't mind this, Lucy? Oh, no, not at all.

Television Center, Studio 10, 1 o 'clock.

Yeah.

Hey, how did you know that?

That's where Ricky does all of his television shows.

Oh.

Well, I'll see you later. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Hello?

Oh, no, Mr. Ricardo isn't here.

Oh, yes. Yes, he wanted me to give you a message.

He said to tell you that he's very sorry, but they've already hired another

to do the commercial, and they won't be needing you after all.

Goodbye.

Okay,

Joe, I'm ready to rehearse the commercial. Where's the girl? She's

script. She'll be right in here. This the new sponsor?

Yeah. Stuff any good?

Well, it ought to be. It's got everything in it.

Meat, vegetables, minerals, vitamins.

Wonder where she is.

Alcohol, 23%.

Alcohol, 23%. Oh.

Are you the young lady who's going to do the commercial?

Yes, sir. Well, I'm Ross Ellis, the director. How do you do? Oh, how do you

I'm Lucille McGillicuddy.

Ricky sure knows how to pick them. Oh, thank you.

You know your lines yet?

Well, I think so.

Well, let's run through them. All right.

Now you stand right over here.

Yes, sir. Now, let's try it once, and remember, be bright and vivacious. Yes,

sir. All right. Maury, will you stand by with the script, please?

Yeah.

Hello, friends.

I'm your Vitamita Vegeman girl.

Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you poop out at parties?

Now, you pick up the bottle. Oh.

A little higher.

That's right.

The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle.

Vitamita Vegemin.

Vitamita Vegemin contains vitamins, meat, vegetables, and minerals.

Yes, with Vitamita Vegemin, you can spoon your way to hell.

All you do is take a tablespoonful after every meal.

Now, you take some.

Oh.

tasty, too.

Just like candy.

No, no, no, no. Look, you're supposed to like the stuff. You've got to smile, be

happy. Now try it again.

Yes, sir.

Once more.

It's so tasty, too.

It's just like candy.

That's going to be fine. You just go ahead.

Okay.

So why don't you join the thousands of happy, peppy people and get a great

big...

Benjamin. Oh, that's fine, fine.

Now you've got the feeling. Now I'd like to try it once more, only this time

faster and brighter. Faster and brighter, yes, sir.

Hiya, Russ. Oh, hello, Ricky.

Hiya, Lucy. I want to see how about that number... Hi.

And what, may I ask, are you doing here?

She's going to do the commercial.

She's going to do the commercial?

Yeah.

What did you do to the girl that was supposed to be here?

Now, Lucy, I told you you couldn't do the commercial.

Now, what's the big idea?

Lucy, what have you got to say for yourself?

Hello, friends. I'm your bite -a -meat -a -veggie -man girl. Are you tired, my

darling? Never mind, never mind. You poop out at parties. Never mind.

Now, come on. You're going home. Now, wait a minute, Ricky. It's too late to

anybody else. Besides, she's pretty good. Oh, sure, sure. No, I mean it.

to her. You go ahead, Miss McGillicuddy.

McKillicuddy. Hello, friends.

I'm your Vitamita Vegeman girl. Are you tired, run down, listless? Do you poop

out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this

little bottle.

Vitamita Vegeman. Yes, Vitamita Vegeman contains vitamins, meat, vegetables, and

minerals. Yes, with Vitamita Vegeman, you can spoon your way to health.

All you do is take a big tablespoonful after every meal.

It's so tasty, too.

Tastes just like candy.

So why don't you join the thousands of happy, peppy people and get a great big

bottle of Vitamita Vegemint tomorrow.

That's Vitamita Vegemint.

See what I mean?

All right.

You can do it tonight.

But only because we're in a spot and it's late, understand?

Yes, sir.

Oh.

I'll go see about the number, Russ. Okay.

Now, I'd like to do it once more, this time from It's So Tasty Too. It's So

Tasty Too. That's right.

It's so tasty too.

Just like candy.

You know, this stuff tastes pretty good once you get used to it.

Yes, I know. Now, would you go ahead, please? It's So Tasty Too. Oh.

It's so tasty, too.

So... So, uh... I don't know where to start unless I begin at the beginning.

All right, start at the beginning. Oh, thank you.

Hello, friends.

I'm your Vitamita Vegeman girl. Are you tired, run down, listless?

Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular?

The answer to all your...

is in this little aisle.

it just once more, please? Oh, no, sir.

Perfectly all right.

Thank you. Okay, in the control room.

Now, we're going to time it this time.

You ready?

Go.

You know, you're awfully nice.

Thank you.

Would you go ahead, please?

with a show.

Well, do you?

What?

Joe, I think you'd better take a little rest until showtime.

Yeah, boy, it sure is hot in here.

Joe, would you take Miss McGillicuddy to one of the dressing rooms and let her

rest until showtime? Oh, sure.

Come on, Miss McGillicuddy.

nice. You've been a perfect gentleman.

Thank you.

Hey, Ross.

Yeah? Where's that girl that's supposed to do the commercial? I can't find her.

She's taking a nap in one of the dressing rooms. No, she's not. I looked

dressing room. Well, find her and get Ricky out here. We're on the air in 15

seconds. Okay. Stand by, everybody.

15 seconds.

Hey, Ricky, you're on.

Ricky. Yeah, yeah. Come on. 15 seconds. All right, all right.

A little further back, Ricky.

Further back, all right.

Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to your Saturday Night Varieties.

My name is Ricky Ricardo. I'm your host for this evening.

We have some wonderful acts, and I think we're all going to have a lot of fun.

So, if we may, we'd like to start things off with a little music.

Mr. Hatch, if you please.

Pisa Morena.

atrocity.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.