Original subtitles

Hi, Lucy, I'm going down to the store. Do you want... What are you doing?

Cleaning out the desk hasn't been done in a year. Boy, what a mess.

They sure fill up with junk, don't they? I'll see.

Is this the stuff you're throwing away?

No, that's the stuff I'm keeping. What I'm throwing away is in the wastebasket.

You're sure getting rid of a lot.

Now, here's something no home should be without.

What is it? I don't know.

Why don't you throw it away?

Well, I can't until I find out what it is.

It might be something I need.

I give up. Don't you ever throw anything away?

Not very often, no. Everything brings back some sort of a memory.

For instance, these are mementos from all our wedding anniversaries. I keep

something from each one.

Oh, Lucy, you're an incurable sentimentalist. Yeah, I'm sticky over

Here's our marriage license.

Aw.

This is the little piece of paper that changed my name to Ricardo.

On this day, Lucille Esmeralda McGillicuddy was married to Ricky...

Bacardi?

Bacardi? Yeah, B -I -C -A -R -D -I.

I never noticed that before. Must be a mistake in typing.

Well, it doesn't make any difference.

Well, I don't know. You know how funny the laws are.

Gee.

Ethel, you don't suppose this license isn't legal, do you? Oh, of course it's

legal. Don't be ridiculous, Lucy.

Hey, I never saw this picture of you two in a canoe before. When was it taken?

Last summer when Mr. Bacardi and I were at the lake.

Now, Lucy, you're not going to worry about that, are you?

No. You are too, aren't you? Yes.

Simple clerical error.

Well, what if it matters?

Maybe for ten years, Ricky and I would have been null and void.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Ethel. Hi.

How's my lethal wife?

What's the matter with her?

She's off on another one.

Well, good luck, Mr. Bacardi.

What?

What's she talking about? What happened, honey?

I was cleaning out the desk and I found this.

It's our marriage license.

Yeah. Well, what's the matter? Don't tell me it's expired.

Read it.

On this day, Lucila Esmeralda Maquilla Cody was married to Ricky Ricardo.

To Ricky who?

Ricky Ric... Riccardi?

Now, that's what she was talking about.

Yeah. Well, honey, it's just a mistake.

I'll say it is. We've never been married.

You've never been married?

No. Oh, now, sweetheart, you're making a big thing out of nothing.

Nothing? Suppose there is a Ricky Bacardi.

For all I know, I might be married to a rum factory.

Now, honey, you're being completely ridiculous about this.

Well, I want you to call your lawyer and ask him if we're legally married.

Well, honey, my lawyer's out of town, and besides, I feel silly. I'm going to

call the city hall. I'm going to get a hold of the license, and I'm going to

find out.

Give me the city hall, please.

Well, this is an emergency.

Thank you.

Hello, city hall?

There's a mistake on my license, and I want to talk to someone about it.

What do you mean, call the tail waggers?

a dog license. It's a marriage license.

Oh.

Hello, marriage bureau. There's a mistake on my license, and I want to

it makes any difference.

Oh. All right, I'll be right down.

They say they have to see it.

Oh, honey, you're not going to go all the way down to the city hall, are you?

No, honey, I just can't rest until I find out. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Hi,

Rick.

Oh, hi, Fred.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having a nap.

Oh, that's all right.

I got a good rest anyway.

Ethel just told me about the mistake in your marriage license.

Isn't that silly? Yeah, I just got hours out and took a look at it.

Some darn fool spelled my name right.

Well, it wouldn't make any difference anyway, Fred. I know. I thought I could

worm out on a technicality.

Lucy was so worried that she went all the way down to the license bureau to

out how we stand.

Oh, I wish I'd have known that. I got a good friend down there. I'd have called

him for her. They won't tell her on the phone anyway.

Oh.

I wonder what happened if this guy tells her that the license is no good.

Oh, no.

Hey.

How well do you know this guy? Well, he's a pretty good friend of mine. Why?

Yes, sir. Ah.

I was just thinking, suppose you call this guy down there,

just for a gag, you know, and tell him that when Lucy gets down there, to tell

her that the license is no good and that we're not married at all. You think

he'll do it? Oh, I know he'll do it.

word from Lucy yet? No.

It's 9 o 'clock. The license bureau closed at 5 .30. Where can she possibly

I don't know.

Oh, it's all my fault.

Oh, there she is now.

Honey, I've been so worried about you, baby. Don't! What's the matter?

I'm no longer yours to touch.

Oh, now, Lucy, now look, honey. Did you see the man at the license bureau?

Yes.

We've been revoked.

No.

I didn't know what to do, so I've just been walking.

You've been walking all this time?

Well, the last hour I was on a train coming home.

On a train?

Where did you walk to?

East Orange, New Jersey.

How I ever got through the Holland Tunnel, I don't know.

Hey, you really took that news seriously.

Well, how do you think you would feel if you suddenly found out you weren't

married to Ethel?

Now, look, honey. Look, sweetie.

I got something to tell you, honey. Oh, I know what you're going to say, dear.

No, honey, you don't. And this is very important, so don't stop me. I know what

you're going to say, baby. That you still love me and that it doesn't make

difference to you whether we're legally married or not.

Oh, Ricky, it's so wonderful of you.

That's what you were going to say, wasn't it, dear?

Yeah. Yeah, honey, yeah. Well, I've thought it all over and there's only one

thing for us to do.

What's that, honey? Get married again right away.

Married again?

Of course!

Oh, isn't this exciting?

And I don't want anything to spoil my memories of our first marriage.

The one that didn't take.

So we're going to do the whole thing over again, exactly as we did before,

starting with a proposal.

You mean we've got to go all the way up to Connecticut?

You mean you don't want to?

Oh, yeah, honey, sure I want to. Yeah, baby, I like to do it. Okay, we'll start

the first thing in the morning.

and we'll find that same little bench, and you'll propose in the same way, and

we'll be married by the same justice of the peace, and we'll stay overnight at

the Byram River Beagle Club, and we'll do everything just the way we did

Honey, it's 125 miles to the Beagle Byram River Club.

And I got a rehearsal the next morning. Well, we'll get back in plenty of time.

Come on, Ethel. Good night, Ricky.

Lucy, where are you going?

Pardon me.

My dear Mr. Ricardo, surely you don't expect me to stay here.

You're a bachelor, remember?

Lucy, now wait a minute. Lucy!

You gotta have a friend out of the license bureau.

I know it's around in here someplace, Ricky. It's gotta be because I know...

here it is!

told you was in here. Come on, Ricky.

Coming, coming.

Well,

the least you could do is help me with this stuff.

Why do you make me carry everything?

Before we were married, you insisted on carrying everything, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, honey.

Gee, I don't remember this seat being so small, do you?

I guess the trees grew in a little from each side.

Let's face it, we've grown out a little from each side.

Oh, gee.

Doesn't just being here make you feel romantic, Ricky?

Yeah. Let's eat, huh?

The last time you were here, you said, who needs food? I want to feast on your

beauty. Oh, who needs food? I want to feast on your beauty.

You bring any mustard?

Somehow it sounds different than it did then.

Honey, what do you want to start with? Chicken salad or peanut butter?

I want to start with a proposal.

Before we eat?

Now, Ricky, down on your knee.

Oh, honey, the ground is all wet.

Down on your knee. Now I want everything just the way it was before.

All right, honey, all right.

Okay.

Out of my knees.

You know, I even took your wallet out of your pocket and left it home.

Why?

Why did you do that for?

Don't you remember that day you left your wallet at home and I had to pay for

the license?

Oh, yeah.

Well, go ahead with the proposal.

You took my hand.

Oh.

Lucy, I love you madly.

Lucy, I love you madly.

Lucy, I can't live without you.

Lucy, I can't live without you. Why don't you take my wallet? Now I don't

my driver's license.

I know, I know I don't deserve a wonderful girl like you.

I know I don't deserve... Take my hand.

I know I don't deserve a wonderful girl like you.

Lucy, will you marry me?

Lucy, will you marry me?

What's the matter?

Well... This is a pretty important step in my life.

I don't want to be rushed into anything.

What?

It's a good thing to know where I stand.

Honey, I was just kidding you. Come on, sit down. No.

Come on, sit down. I'll propose, honey. Come on. Never mind.

Oh, come on, honey. Let me do it right. Sit down. I'll propose.

No. A pretty big step for me, too, and I don't want to be rushed into anything.

Well, honey, can you... Can you take a joke? What's funny about you not wanting

to marry me?

Oh, honey, I do want to marry you. I do really. You do not. You do not. The real

truth slips out. Oh, now, Lucy, baby. Don't Lucy, baby me.

From now on, I'm Miss McGillicuddy to you. And for your information, I

marry you if you were Xavier Cougar.

Eagle Hotel.

I don't know why you couldn't remember to put gas in the car.

Even if I had to remember, I couldn't pay for it. You took my wallet. That's

excuse. No excuse.

Isn't there anybody alive in this town?

What town?

Fire! Fire!

Start the engines pooping! Where's the ladder?

Get the hose!

Where's the fire?

There is no fire.

Well, I heard the bell. I saw the flames.

What can I do for you? I'm Bart Willoughby, fire chief of this here fair

Well, look, Mr.

Willoughby, you know that gasoline station across the street? There's

there. You know who runs it?

Oh, you're looking for the man that runs the gas station. Yes, sir.

Fill her up.

Oh, you run the gas station, too, huh? Well, we're out of gas.

Too bad. So am I.

Yeah, won't get any until 6 o 'clock tomorrow morning.

Oh.

Well, I guess we'll just have to spend the night here. Yep.

Sign the register.

Mr. and Mrs.

Ricky Ricardo.

Pardon me, please.

Miss. Lucille McGillicuddy.

Good girl.

New cab.

That'll be two rooms.

102, 312.

Oh, what's the difference?

Two floors, that's the difference.

I'll send a boy out for your luggage.

Oh, well, this is all the luggage that we have. Oh.

Well, in that case, it'll be $4 in advance.

Each, that is.

You took my wallet. I don't have any money.

That's too bad.

Would you show me to my room, please?

What do you mean, that's too bad?

Give the man the money, will you? Why should I pay for your room? We're not

married. Yeah, why should she?

Now look, look, look, honey, let me explain. Let me explain the whole thing

you, will you please?

The whole thing is a gag, honey. Now I'll tell you what happened. Look.

You know, Fred Merz had a friend.

He had a friend down at the license bureau, see? So I asked him to tell his

friend to tell you when you got down there that the license was no good and

we were not married at all.

That's what I told him, and he said it, you know.

Isn't that funny?

That's the phoniest story I've ever heard.

That's the phoniest story I've ever heard, and I've heard them all.

Now, Lucy, for goodness sake.

Please, stop annoying our paying guest.

I'll have a bellboy take you right up to your room, young lady. Thank you.

Front!

Oh, are you the bellboy, too?

Why, sure.

Call for fillet!

Gosh, I've heard that a thousand times, but I just can't remember what that

fellow's last name is.

Thank you.

Gee, we're just in time to go to New York in time for rehearsal. Let's go.

Just a minute. That gasoline came to $3 .25.

Well?

Well?

Well, give him the money.

You certainly don't expect me to pay for the gas, do you?

Well, you better give the man the money or neither one of us is going to get

back in town. Well, it doesn't matter to me. I have no pressing engagement.

But, honey, I have... I'm the sheriff.

I just had a call from the gas station.

Which one of you wrote the deadbeat?

He's your man, officer.

All righty. Well, I guess you're going to jail.

Jail? Yep.

Wait a minute.

Just

a

minute, Mr. Willoughby.

He isn't a spy.

Now, if you don't kid me, I know Russian when I hear it.

Well, that wasn't Russian. That was Spanish.

Spanish? Well, we licked him in 98, and by golly, we can do her again. Come on.

Look, you better give this guy his money, or he's going to have me shot.

Why should I care what happens to you when you don't care enough about me to

marry me?

Yeah.

Say, why don't you marry that little lady?

Well, I would marry her, but she wouldn't marry me. No?

No. Anyway, I don't even have money to pay the justice of the peace.

Well, maybe if you talk right nice like, the justice of the peace might do it

for nothing.

Yeah? Well, you know where I can find him?

Where's the happy couple?

You know, the real money in this town is selling hats.

Look, Mr. Willoughby, can we rush this thing? I'm in a terrible hurry to get

back into town.

Young man, this is serious business. You just can't rush into marriage, you

know. Now, let's see.

We need a witness.

Mother!

That's Mrs. Willoughby. I call her Mother.

Look, can we get started now, please?

I'm in a terrible rush.

Look, I'm not going to marry you until you propose.

In front of Mr. Willoughby?

Oh, go on, please.

Go ahead, Ricky.

All right.

Lucy, will you... Down on your knee.

Lucy, will you... Oh, wait, wait, wait just a minute. I want Mother to see

Mother!

Hurry up, please. Well, come on.

I want you to hear this.

This young gentleman here is just about to pop the question to the lady.

Oh.

All right, Ricky, start popping.

Lucy... Lucy, I...

Lucy, I think you're the most wonderful girl in the world. I can't live without

you. Lucy, will you marry me?

Yes, I will.

How sweet.

All right, now can we get going now, please?

All righty. Mother, take your place.

Now, you two just sit right... Mother,

please. I don't know where... For all the time you've gone there, for goodness

sake, now stand still, will you?

All right, we're all ready. Oh, I just had a terrible thought.

We can't get married. We don't have a license.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I know.

You're the head of the license bureau.

Oh, no, I'm not, Smarty. I am.

license out right away and I'll be right back.

Lucy, where are you going?

You'll see.

I want everything to be just the way it was before.

Come on, honey. Are you ready yet? Come on, Lucy.

Lucy,

you look so beautiful.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Well, I guess we're all set.

You're on the wrong side.

We have a beautiful ceremony we do.

We start with a song.

Hit it, Mother.

No. Oh, nuts.

There's your skip kit. Now you're all legally married. Thank you, Mrs.

Willoughby. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Goodbye.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I forgot something.

Wait!

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Not so fast.

Do you own that car parked out there at the curb?

You know, I do.

You just filled it up with gas a couple of hours ago. Do you realize that you've

parked 12 hours in a one -hour zone?

$10 or 10 days.

We just gave you all the money we had to pay for the gas.

$10 or 10 days.

Just a minute.

You young folks just run right along and forget what he said.

Mother, please. Are you forgetting you're talking to the sheriff?

Father.

You're forgetting I'm the mayor.

Mr. Willoughby was played by Irving Baker. Mrs. Willoughby was played by

Elizabeth Platter.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.