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Imagine us being members of the Society Matrons League.

I don't see how you got up nerve enough to send in the application.

Why not? It's just another club.

Just another club?

They're the cream of society.

Well, we'll fit in perfectly.

How do you do, Mrs. Mertz? It's so good to see you, my dear.

How do you do? How do you do?

Oh, dear. What's the matter?

Do you suppose when we're introduced to those society -type husbands, they'll

try to kiss our hands?

Well, if they kiss mine, they'll get dishpan lips.

Boy, I don't know how many dishes I've washed since we've been married.

I don't either.

Let's see.

20 dishes a meal, 3 meals a day, 360... I'm going to figure this out.

20 dishes a meal, 3 meals a day, 365 days a year.

Four, five, two, three, four.

We've been married for ten years.

219 ,000 dishes.

No kidding?

How about that?

Come on, Mrs. Mertz. Where are we going? We are going to revolt.

We are going in there and demand that our husbands buy us electric

I'm with you.

Don't you ever throw anything for deuces?

Listen, Ricky, I just figured this out. Since you and I have been married, I

have washed 219 ,000 dishes.

No. You can imagine how many I've washed.

Yeah, I must be up in the millions.

Well,

I was just trying to make a point.

Would you mind telling us what this is all leading up to?

Gladly. There's a wonderful invention on the market that makes it impossible for

about -to -be society matrons like us... to get rough red hands in dishwater.

And we think it would be a wonderful, wonderful investment.

Oh, so do I.

You do?

Certainly. Hey!

They want us to buy him some rubber gloves.

I had reference to an automatic dishwasher.

Well, forget it, honey.

Why? I can't afford it.

I can't even afford rubber gloves.

Oh, well. Nice try, Lucy.

Isn't it amazing how spoiled modern women are?

Spoiled? Yes, spoiled. You gotta do a little work and you think it's terrible.

little work?

Why, honey, this is the electric age. All you have to do is flip a swish.

We flip a swish.

Listen, your grandmothers didn't have any of these modern electrical

conveniences. And they not only washed the dishes, but they swept the floor,

they shurned the butter, they baked the bread, they did the laundry, and they

made their own clothes.

Sure. Where are those women today? Dead.

You know what I mean.

I'd like to see you girls run the house without any of these modern

conveniences. What about you guys?

Yeah, you couldn't get along without them any better than we could.

Ah, honey, we're men. We're rugged.

Yeah. They're rugged.

Why don't you put your money where your big mouth is?

What? Meaning that we'll just try living without any modern conveniences and

we'll see who yells uncle first, the men or the women. Okay.

Okay, what do you want to bet?

How about $10?

What's the matter with $20?

Well, what's the matter with $30? What's the matter with $50?

What was the matter with $10?

Okay, $50.

What are the rules?

We'll pick a year like 1900, and we won't use anything that was invented

that. Good, 1900.

Did they use electric lights before then, Fred?

Don't look at me. Ask Ethel.

Now, listen, you all. Never mind, never mind. 1900, that's a good date. Okay,

tomorrow we all go back to the gay 90s. 23, skidoo!

Morning,

Lucy. Hi, Ethel.

shopping in a junk store.

Say, those lamps are a good idea. I was going to use candles.

How's Ricky? Has he run into any snags yet? Well, not really. He got very upset

when he found out he couldn't use his electric razor.

So did Fred.

And what a fuss he made. I don't see anything so tough about shaving with a

sharp -edged razor and cold water, do you?

Fred just refused to shave at all.

No kidding.

What's that?

Oh, look at this.

You're not going to make Ricky take a bath in that. Why not? We want to win

bet, don't we? Lucy!

Lucy! Yeah, yeah?

Lucy, I want... Good morning, Ethel. Hi.

Look at all this junk.

Is breakfast ready?

Well, I was just about to fix it, dear. What do you have? Coffee?

Toast? A transfusion?

Never mind that. Is breakfast ready? I'll fix it for you right now.

Hey, you can't use the electric stove, you know. Oh, yeah.

not build that way. It wouldn't work.

It'll set the whole house on fire.

All right.

Do I need cold food?

Well, I guess we'll have to compromise.

You can use the stove and nothing else. Thank you.

Where's my coffee?

Now, just a minute, my pretty maid. My grandmother churned her own butter.

Yeah.

Churned? Yeah, that's right.

And my grandmother baked her own bread.

Baked? Like I bake a cake?

I hope not.

Baked bread.

Churned butter.

Yeah.

Well, you like to call off the bet? No. No.

You churn a little extra butter for me, and I'll bake a little extra bread for

you.

Well, you deserve a rest. Put that thing down.

I can't.

Don't pry me loose, will you? I think my hands are beginning to grow to this

size. Are you kidding? I can't get them off.

Well, maybe you can pull it right out that way, huh?

Well, relax now. I can't pull.

Oh,

you poor kid.

Oh, gosh. How much butter did you make?

gorgeous George.

How long does it take milk to turn into butter?

Ethel, you have to start with cream to make butter. Anybody knows that? My

goodness. Oh, cream.

Certainly. Oh, how are you coming with the bread?

Well, it's very interesting.

You see, you mix everything together. You put the yeast in, you mix it all up,

and you knead it.

Knead it. This is what you call kneading it, see?

And then you let it set, and it rises.

See? And then you take it out, and you knead it. it again, and you let it set

and there rises some more. Then you put it in the oven and you bake it.

Well, that sounds simple. Sure.

I had to go to three, four stores before I could get enough yeast, though.

Why, how much did you need?

Thirteen cakes.

Thirteen cakes!

That seems like an awful lot.

Well, here's the recipe right here. Let me see.

Lucy. What?

Three cakes.

Oh, they're small. Won't make much difference.

Well, now you have to put it in a bowl.

There.

Now set in warm place to rise. Yeah, and I'm going to put it right down here by

the oven. Okay.

Now let's get back to the butter department. All right.

Help me.

Gee,

I must have hurt this some way.

What do you mean? It's all swollen.

I told you that was too much yeast.

Well, I just won't have to bake again so soon.

Now I have to knead it again. And then I have to let it set again.

There now.

It's going to get me a bigger bowl.

Yeah, I thought so.

Back to the butter.

See, I told you that cream would do the trick.

Imagine all that butter and it only cost me $23 .70.

Let's play canasta. Okay.

Would you look at my hand?

to be scrutinized.

Scrutinized? That's what it says.

Before your final acceptance into the Society Matrons League.

Yippee! Oh, isn't that wonderful? Now we have to look real sharp on Friday. We

have to go to the beauty parlor and we have to get the work. A shampoo, a

wave, a manicure, a pedicure. Oh, wait a minute, Lucy.

What? If we go to a modern beauty parlor, we'll lose that bet with the

Oh.

It looks like it'll cost us 50 bucks apiece to be society matrons. Now, wait

minute, wait a minute. There must be some way.

I know, Ethel, our clothes.

What do you mean? Well, if we were really living in 1900, we'd be wearing

bustles and corsets, and the fellas would be wearing high -button shoes and

celluloid collars and those skimpy suits all the time. You mean on the street,

down to work? All the time. And you know they'd never agree to that, and we'd

win the bet. You're right.

Hey, you smell bread? Maybe it's done.

That's what I'm going to do to Ricky.

Gee, I hope this works, Lucy.

It will, but if it doesn't, I just had another thought. What?

Well, you know, I never mentioned transportation to Ricky, so I'm going to

out the window tonight, and if he comes home in a cab, a bus, or a subway, we

win the bet.

Ah, that's wonderful.

Where is it? I'll see you later. Okay.

You stay in the house all day. I got to go out on the street and be seen by

people. Sorry.

Now, Lucy, you can't be serious. I might be wearing this clothes. I got to go

out on the street. I got to... Oh, no, no!

just to fix the plumbing. Besides, these remind me of the days when I was a gay

young blade.

While strolling through the park one day In the very, very month

of May I was taken by surprise By a

pair of rubbish eyes While strolling through the park

one day in May Very good, old man. Thank you.

You know, Lucy, you gave me a great idea.

I'm going to put a gay nightie number down at the club. Now, just a minute,

Ricky. You know you have to wear those clothes all the time, not just down at

the club.

I know, honey. It'd be a wonderful advertisement for the show.

Oh, fine.

Say, Rick, does it have to look cute?

But what are you wearing that bustle for, honey? You don't need it.

Pay no attention to him.

You leave it on.

I'm not wearing a bustle.

Is

this the

Ricardo residence?

Yes, I'm Mrs.

Ricardo. Good.

I'm Mrs. Pettibone. This is Mrs.

Pomerantz. We're the surprise investigating committee for the Society

League. Oh!

And this is my husband, Mr... Ricardo, Ricardo.

Mr. Ricardo.

Won't you sit down, please?

We pop in like this unexpectedly so as to investigate how our prospective

members really live.

Oh. We want to make sure they're not bringing their best foot forward just

that.

Do you dress like this normally?

Well, I... Oh, it's not an every... Not as a... Oh,

I see.

Do you mind if we look around?

No, of course not. Help yourself.

Where's the kitchen, please?

The kitchen?

Thank you.

What are we going to do? I don't know. What can we do?

Ricky, Ricky, you can think of something, can't you?

Sure. What?

You want to call off the bet?

No. All right, honey, all right. I know how much this means to you. I got an

idea. What?

I'll tell them that we're putting on an act together for our club and they call

us right in the middle of rehearsal.

Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you.

Quite interesting.

Great, to say the least.

Ladies, I know what you must think.

You do?

Yes. You see, you chose the wrong time for your investigation.

I mean, that is to see the way that we really live.

You see, we put in an act together for my club, and you caught us right in the

middle of rehearsal.

You put on shows?

Yes. Why?

Why not?

I mean, do you do this for a living?

Oh, no, no.

We just develop a bad habit.

We like to eat.

Show people.

Matilda, we've been allowing show people to join for several seasons now.

Oh, yes, it happened three years ago when we needed money.

Well,

we're willing to make allowances.

We'll look you over at the Friday afternoon tea, ladies.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute. What do you mean, make

What's wrong with show people?

Well, you must admit that most of them are a little, uh... My dear Mrs.

please don't misunderstand me.

The Society Matrons League as a body does not disapprove of show people as

Well, perhaps we have something against the League.

When you get back to your blue -blooded sisters, would you tell them that the

Ricardo Mertz Investigating Committee looked you over and we have no desire to

join your phony baloney club?

Yeah.

Well, I guess we better do.

Good afternoon.

So long, kids.

Oh, Lucy, you are wonderful.

Baby,

I love you.

Oh, Lucy, you said all the things I was trying to think of and couldn't. Oh,

sweetheart, I'm so proud of you. I'm going to give you the $50 and call off

bet.

Starve, let's go out to dinner. We got plenty of food right here. Where?

Right here.

Homemade bread with home -churned butter.

Mrs. Pettibone was played by Florence Bates. Mrs.

Pomerantz was played by Ruth Parrott.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.