Original subtitles

Previously on Headcase. That's Glevardovan. Are there any side effects?

there's the unwanted lactation, but that's it. I got something I could give

Drink top.

When do I put the magic in? When you get it right. You listen to him.

Pack me, and pack yourself. We're going to New York. I just need another

milkshake. We make the blindage.

Lola! You ever, uh, you ever been scammed? You ever been lied to?

Promised the world and then had it taken away?

That's what I was talking about. We have a guy for you. This is so fortuitous.

Oh, fuck!

What are you, 70?

What are you saying that you're not attracted to me?

You sounded a lot younger than you are, okay? If you don't mind, can you place

another order?

Produce is looking for business!

Oh, yeah.

We just got three more orders in.

You know what? If this keeps going like this, you know what I'm going to do with

my money?

What? I'm going to buy a bottlenose dolphin.

I always loved them, man. Always. My whole life. I always wanted one.

Where are you going to put it? You have like a one bed, one bath.

I don't care if you're a rapper. I don't care. Your order will be ready in an

hour.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it right there. I want to look at you.

Do you realize you're inside, sir? You have your sunglasses on.

Makes you look like a douchebag. Off.

What are you doing here?

This is where you sell the blendies.

Yes. I have an order for Endeavor to pick up, so it's a pretty important one.

Oh, Endeavor.

Cool. You must be practically an agent.

Lines that way.

I'm just going to...

This one, I'm gonna call the Shambone.

Hey guys, is this a problem? We're out of magic.

Yeah, fuck yeah that's a problem, man.

We're fucked without that shit.

Okay, we need it, we need it. What?

It's no problem.

Well?

We're finally seeing each other. I know, I know. Which is nice.

By the way, whose place is this?

It's a loft of a dead designer, I think.

So what's going on? What are you pissed off about?

I guess I just get up in the morning and I do have a certain amount of

schockenfreude towards other performers.

Schockenfreude?

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Like jealousy.

Ah! Is that a...

Bula term, or is it a Jewish term? I've never... No, I think it's an old -school

German term.

Schachenfreude. Like kindergarten.

Uh, 22 is up. 22.

Come here, Stoltz. What do you want?

226, is that you?

I'll stop here. This is position one.

Cherry Lewis and the Nutty Professor, you ordered the Linda Evans?

You want a strawberry slot?

Thank you very much.

Don't forget to get validated.

I'm just getting resentful of the whole Hasidic movement, you know, the

Orthodox, you know, trying to tell us women how to be. And last time I went to

Shabbat in jeans, I got a raft load of shit from everybody. But you knew this

going in, so yet you wore the pants. Well, because a lot of times it depends

the rabbi. You know, they've guest rabbis that show up.

And then they give you, like, the attitude. They give you the evil eye.

curious as to why the fight. Why the religious fight? You fight politically.

You fight on a human rights level.

Why do you think that you want to rebel so much against?

Well, it's not against Judaism. It's like I'm trying to find that happy

because I like to hear the Torah reading.

I like to follow the traditions. I like to light the candles with me and my

daughter. And my girlfriend will look on sometimes and taunt me because she's

not Jewish.

That's right. She's a...

She's a Protestant.

Episcopalian, whatever, you know.

Well, I mean, she's like me in that we don't like made -up religions.

More. Oh, my God. This is crazy. Oh, my God.

Next, where are the broccoberries?

Oh.

45?

That's it. Whoa, I think that's what's happening.

Double -check your order. Hey, cowboy, over here.

Started with a dream, you know, to bring the freshest produce.

Am I supposed to care?

I look at my daughter and I think, am I doing right by her? Am I patient enough?

Probably not. That scares me. I don't assume that you're a good mother.

I just don't. I would.

Maybe.

26.

26. Make it safe.

Together.

Oh, I made a 22. We don't even need a 22. Hang on to it. We'll need it soon

enough. Okay, 26 is up.

I'm here to, like, try to figure out how to, like, evolve and grow up. And I

don't feel like I'm getting any pointers from you. I think that you should be

alone.

Well, am I supposed to give my daughter to my girlfriend? Yeah. And spend time

by myself and let them figure it out? Yeah. I just, I want to see you survive

the wild. I think that that's going to sort of tame the inner beast, if you

what I mean. Have you thought about it?

Well, I want you to be in a situation where you are going to literally raise

yourself.

You're going to raise yourself in the wild. I want you to go with some panty

liners and a knife, and I want you to stay out there for a good year.

What am I supposed to do about you?

We'll still have phone sessions. You can bring your BlackBerry.

Good for your heart, your mind, and your soul. Come back real soon and see us.

Guys, we are doing it out there, huh?

I'm telling you, you've got a dream. You stick with it. I'm going to bring this

ship into work.

Are you going to need more?

Oh, my God. This is great. We're really doing this. Isn't this great? I think I

feel happy.

Oh, no.

This is really happening out there.

Magic!

You don't mind that I called your home. I just felt like, you know, we haven't.

It's been so long. It's nice. It was great to hear you. I just don't want you

think it's weird that I called. I just figured.

Not at all. You know, it's nice when a therapist returns. And if you wanted to

tune up, I just thought I was here in Manhattan. And I didn't want your wife

be, you know, threatened or.

We can't have pork without wine.

Oh, absolutely. Tell me, I didn't know if you wanted red or white. Oh, I love a

Shiraz. Excellent choice.

There it is. That's it. That's the way to do it. This is a bit crowded.

So who's she?

She's my assistant, Lola.

She's very beautiful.

No, she's not beautiful. She's attractive.

If it keeps up like this, we're going to need more space. We're going to need to

expand.

Yeah, I think that's all right.

I've been checking around on Craigslist.

for a couple different places, and I found if we go to the valley, it's of

course cheaper, but then we're pretty far away from people that we want to go

to. But if we go over to Glendale, it's even more cheaper, but then we're more

further away, so I was thinking maybe we could go to Venice, because things are

pretty cheap there. The further you get away from Abbot Kinney, the more you get

towards Lincoln.

I don't get to see people in my practice very often that have such solid unions,

so I'm glad. I heard from Nigella that they were separated.

She was mistaken, or maybe she was joking. How about some palate -cleansing

fruit? Ooh, an excellent idea.

Did you cut these yourself?

I did. I cut them. Okay.

Magnificent. I love an apple and a peach. Nothing better, is there? Thank

Lola. If you could just fill out the tax form.

Yeah. Okay.

All right.

Derek?

What's up, bro?

Put down the root vegetable.

Put it down. All right.

What's going on?

Let me ask you a question one time.

You drinking the blendies?

No. Let me ask you one more time. No.

You drinking the blendies? No.

I make. You're fucking lactating, man.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you're fucking lactating.

Okay? Yogurt.

Are you kidding me?

No, I just got some yogurt on them. Are you dating? Is there anybody in your

life?

There's no one significant, but I'm planning on dating.

Casual sex? I mean, something going on?

Little... No, no, no, no.

No, Mario, you know, I just, I don't like.

Well, you were hot in the day, I remember. In the day, in the day. In the

In the day, in the day.

I'm in here every day with these things, all right?

You don't get it. You're drinking it now, man.

It's so good.

Yeah, I know, buddy.

I know. You're out there with the customers.

Hey, I understand, but you've got to let this go, man. Look at me.

Look at me.

You're letting Ron down.

The guy's a saint.

He's so great.

He's so awesome.

Does he know?

I don't know if he knows or not, but listen to me.

Oh, God, he knows.

Was I so awful that you couldn't create a relationship with me?

No, you were great. You were great. No, but you didn't marry me, did you, Mario?

No, but we were busy. It was a mutual decision. We moved on. I know, but why

I with you during the lean years?

Well, look at how great you're doing. I'm not doing so great. Your career has

taken off. You've got cool people that you're helping through their problems.

couldn't be better. That's what I wanted.

I just got a bunch of fucking lunatics bleeding me dry.

Come on.

It's not your fault.

You hear me?

It's not your fault.

It's not your fault. I need you to hear me.

No.

Whose fault is it? The magic.

Magic's fault.

And a little bit your fault. Probably, yeah. And also a little bit. Quite a bit

of it's probably my fault.

So wait, wait.

We take food and we take psychiatry and we marry edges.

It's cerebral and it's gastronomic. It's genius.

Interesting. Yes.

Victory over victuals.

You know what? You go and sell, and I'm going to make.

We're produce, buddy.

Produce. You got again, you're getting the milk on me.

All right, buddy. We're good, man.

I'll be back in one minute. Yeah, you just leave me alone in here with all

stuff you know I have a problem with.

So what I do with my Pavlova, and correct me if I'm wrong, is that I like

whip up the cream, and then I just spoon it on, and I sometimes have a little

lick of the spoon I must have been.

Cora, do you want a hand putting her to bed?

Oh, no, she'll be fine.

You like this a lot? Yeah.

Where were we?

Um...

Number

three on the Hollywood buzzers, Hollywood hot list, Wendy. So are you

buying a blendy? Uh, no, actually I work here.

Oh, so your office is right here?

My office is right here.

So are you the doctor? I'm the doctor, yeah.

What do you have to say about this blendy crate?

I think it's great. I think it makes people feel good.

Whatever makes people feel good is I'm on board.

Buzzards fans, do you have any celebrity patients?

Well, you know, yeah, yeah.

So are you good?

I'm good, yeah. How are you?

Do you ever want to talk about anything? Right here.

How are you doing with all that weight on your shoulders?

If you ever want to talk, I'm up here.

All right?

nude amongst the leaves.

Tell me, tell me you hear it. Tell me, everybody, tell me.

Nude in the sky would bring fire, fire, unending, undulating,

undulating, masturbating with the fire, masturbating with the fire, feeling it.

Listen to me. I want everybody in my office, including you two idiots with

apron.

Thank you for calling the offices of Dr. Good and Dr.

Finkelstein. Please leave your message at the beep.

Lola, hey, Jeremy Berger. How are you? My God, I hear you guys are back. That's

such great news. Funny story, I'm in the building.

I'm down at Mickey Fine's having a coffee.

I'd love to buy you a cup and we can just talk.

You expect it in corporate America.

You expect people where there's a lot of money and greed and power to backstab

authority. But you don't expect it here.

Who bailed you out?

You helped out.

Ron Julia.

When my nana was on her deathbed, you closed her eyes.

I'm sorry. It looks like you're berating Ron, and that's what's wrong, because

he hasn't done anything wrong. I didn't!

Who are you? We're Perduche. We're Perduche.

We've been making blendies. It's like different fruits.

Oh, no!

I invented the blendies. If anyone is going to be the blendie captain, it's

I haven't seen you back there. I've been working really hard.

I must have gotten disconnected. It's Jeremy.

No need to call me back. Just come down. I'm here.

If anyone...

invented the blendies. It's Ron, OK? He has helped us set up the base of

operations out of his office. You are getting out of Ron Giulio's office.

Who are you?

Are you like a principal or something?

I'm Dr.

Elizabeth Good, and this is my office.

Should we be afraid of you, or what's going on?

Get out.

Myron, you owe me back rent now.

Coming up. How much back rent do you owe? A couple of dollars. Well, you two.

Kevin,

I think frequent urination is not a sign of dementia.

I mean, some people just have small bladders. Well, I know. I mean, I know

not dementia. Otherwise, I would forget that I... I was going at night.

But I want to keep, like, a little notebook, like, next to the toilet so I

mark how many times I go because sometimes I forget the amount of times I

Right. Can I make a suggestion?

When you pee, save a little bit in a cup. That way, when you take it to your

doctor the next morning, based on the color, he can kind of get an idea of

what's going on. Well, the color is yellow. Well, there's a light yellow,

there's a butter yellow, and then there's the dark kidney failure yellow.

Another one of these.

I don't think it's physical. I actually think that there is something going on

with you in your head.

It would be my educated guess that your urine is probably a thimble full, you

know? No, it's a toilet bowl full.

Well, then maybe your urethra is... sending some kind of a message to your

brain. Maybe I should see a doctor, a real doctor about this, and not a

therapist. You know, I think you should see a general practitioner, but my job

is to kind of be the doctor in your head.

And as I'm sort of laying you out on the table, I honestly don't know which tool

to pick up first. Do you know what I mean? And so I'm trying to kind of do

cup of emotional urine at a time.

Hey, Lola. Sit, sit, sit. Have a seat. Yes, I'm fine here. Thank you.

I appreciate you coming. Yeah, I don't have long.

Okay. About five minutes. She's in a session.

You're tense about this, and I appreciate that. I can appreciate where

coming from.

Yeah. Who's she in session with?

What's going on with you in your life that you're stressed?

I think it's low self -esteem, which explains my poor posture. You know, I'm

tall, but I also have plump shoulders.

And very, very gigantic feet. I know. Were you teased as a kid?

Uh, no, these, I did not always have these size feet. They grew to this size,

you know, over a period of time. Do you feel like you can't live up to the

expectations of your feet?

Yeah. Listen, this is what it comes down to. My heart's broken, and I want half

my heart back.

You know what I mean?

I want half my heart. I want half.

You think you deserve half?

I want my dignity back.

I think you might have to claw back a little harder than that to get your

dignity back. I want... I just want... I want... Kevin,

I'm going to ask you a question. It'll seem a little intrusive, but do you have

a large penis?

In what way?

If you measured your penis up against your basketball shoe... Width or length?

I'm talking about length. If you lay your penis in one of those foot charts

the shoe store, where would it... It's about a six.

A kid six or an adult six?

Kids. Listen, I'll make you a deal, okay?

Here's my proposition.

Put in a good word for her to sign these papers, and I'll disappear.

You'd leave LA?

For a good... Out of her life, no phone calls, no poaching clients?

If you put in a good word, then I'll... Really?

Yeah, for a good... for a little bit.

Um, the truth of the matter is...

The shoes are large, but my feet are small.

I wear large shoes.

Oh, Kevin.

And I know it's a problem, but it's the image I want to project.

I actually have a size 7 1⁄2 foot, and I wear a size 16 shoe.

Little, little, little soldier trying to march off to war.

Think about it. That's all I want.

Well, I should go.

You owe me another cup of coffee.

You are.

Excuse me, Annie.

Yes? Could I have a cup of coffee, please?

Is it for you or for him?

I cannot call him anymore. He just drank too much already.

I've got to be honest with you. I came here to try to get a little better self

-esteem, and I leave here always feeling less than ample.

That's up to you. My feet are too big, my penis is too small, and I don't know

if this is really helping me.

I think in the long run it will, Kevin.

Well, how much longer is the run? A good therapist treats until death.

And then I'll be happy?

Well, then you'll be dead.

I want to show you one thing because I don't think you're understanding this,

okay? Okay.

The problem is, and the reason that you have body dysmorphic disorder is because

the reality is this will never be

able to get in there.

Never. It's just not going to happen.

I didn't know that was an option.

Really, really good stuff today.

Hey.

I'll see you next week? Yeah.

Call me if you need something.

Okay.

Remember, get a chamber pot.

Yeah.

So when I say go someplace else, you think maybe that's six inches away?

Oh, God damn.

I don't know. Mexico?

Ecuador. No.

Tampa. No.

Brian.

Go, go, go, ladies.

The gig's up, okay? They're on to us. We're moving the whole operation.

All right, we're out. Let's go.

Leave the perishables. Take the hardware.

Take the hardware. Go, go, go, go, go. Take the hardware. Go.

Get in. Get in. Get in. Move.

Come on. Hit it. Hit it. Come on. Come on.

Oh, fuck.

No.

Ron, you're coming with us.

Run.

Come with us.

What the fuck are you doing, man?

Ron.

No, no, no, no. Ron, Ron, no, no.

No! Ron, come with us.

Oh, God, Ron.

Brian, he's got to chart his own course.

I know.

This is so rough, Ron.

You be the captain. You're the captain. You're so fucking cool.

How are you?

Yeah, Jeremy here.

Again.

You!

Why couldn't it have been us?

See?

Why? You ask yourself that?

Is that fair?

Just think about it.

Think about that.

Is that fair?

Simple question.

I was a bamboozle.

Hoodwinked.

See? I tried so hard I didn't try.

It's not my fault, Steve.

This is what loneliness looks like.

You happy?