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All language subtitles for Head Case s01e05 Ralph Macchio And Liz Phair

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,220 So I went to medical school and, you know, I really wanted to help people. 2 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,360 you know, okay, I failed the dental hygienist test and I can't do surgery. 3 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:19,180 I let the frog go. So what? The point is I wanted to get into people's heads, 4 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:19,878 you know. 5 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,560 And I feel like that little kitten hanging onto the branch, you know, hang 6 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:27,500 there. Well, I'm trying, but I'm bombarded with so much craziness, you 7 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:31,540 sometimes even when I cut my thigh and I go deeper and deeper with a ballpoint 8 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:35,620 pen, I don't feel anything. How am I ultimately going to help people if I 9 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:36,620 add out myself? 10 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,680 Do you know what I mean? 11 00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:40,460 I have an idea. 12 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:43,780 Go ahead. Try it. Try it. 13 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,920 Welcome to Fatburger. What can I get cooking for you? 14 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,340 I'm going to have a zucchini deal. Can I have zucchini fries and milkshake? 15 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:52,080 Okay. 16 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,380 Oh, my God. That's amazing. 17 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:55,760 It is a different perspective. 18 00:00:55,940 --> 00:00:57,840 I know. I mean, she wanted something, and I gave it to her. 19 00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:01,760 And I could tell she was crazy right when she walked up. And then I'm... I 20 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,940 what you did. Right. Thank you. I know. I knew you'd like this. 21 00:01:04,739 --> 00:01:05,740 I know. 22 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,700 We should probably keep helping her. 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,740 Gross, I'm a fat burger guy. I need a shrink. 24 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,160 Katie, what was the name of that dating website you used when you cheated on 25 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:33,160 David? 26 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,580 So do you prefer Ralph or Ralphie? 27 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,500 Ralph. So have you been thinking about college? 28 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,060 Have I been thinking about college? Yeah. Would you like to go to college or 29 00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:05,060 join the military? 30 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,620 You know, it's funny because I went, 31 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:09,860 I applied to college. 32 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,800 Oh, already? Yes, yes. 33 00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:15,880 I'm older maybe than you think. 34 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:20,940 Okay. Okay. So I'm married. You know, I have a wife and two kids now. Oh, you're 35 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:21,940 married. 36 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:22,980 Yeah, yeah. 37 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,920 I love role -playing. This is great. 38 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:33,360 And your kids are Barbie and Ken, Cabot's Pat, some 39 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,960 of those Flatsies, Patsies. Which ones are your kids? 40 00:02:38,420 --> 00:02:39,740 They could even be dinosaurs. 41 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,420 Oh, Ralphie. 42 00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:45,220 Look what I've got. 43 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,140 Oh, Ralph, pick a color. I've got some little sucker pups for you. Pick a 44 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,040 any color you want. No one's judging you. 45 00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:54,930 I'll go with the red one. 46 00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:57,490 Nice strawberry red one. Good. Strawberry red? Good boy. 47 00:02:58,430 --> 00:03:02,750 Sometimes in behavioral therapy, children like to have a stuffed animal 48 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,950 sucky pop or something that makes them feel more secure and able to talk. 49 00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:10,050 No, Myron, you're not on the board yet, but you have made our consideration 50 00:03:10,050 --> 00:03:11,770 list. Oh, yeah. 51 00:03:12,070 --> 00:03:15,450 So there's a short list, and that's the beginning of it, and then you go on from 52 00:03:15,450 --> 00:03:16,510 there? Exactly. That's great. 53 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,790 Thank you very much. Yeah. Really appreciate it. My pleasure. 54 00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:25,150 Do you have an animal? Do you have a pet? Do you have a blankie? We have a 55 00:03:26,010 --> 00:03:27,770 You have a dog? Is it a real dog? 56 00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:32,490 It's a real dog, yeah. Do you sleep with the dog? The dog actually sleeps on the 57 00:03:32,490 --> 00:03:36,290 end of the bed. My wife and I... Your wife? Is that what you call your... Do 58 00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:41,310 have a... I'm thoroughly confused, but I will... I'm saying... You know, at dusk 59 00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:44,470 after you've played Kick the Can and had some mac and cheese and you play house, 60 00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:45,670 who plays the mom? 61 00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:49,730 No, I'm the... Ralphie? Yes? Do you like a little... Sure, 62 00:03:50,670 --> 00:03:53,390 I will have a little... Don't spill on the couch. Is it orange juice? Good boy. 63 00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:55,850 Yeah, I'll take a sip of orange juice. And Lola, make sure we have a Guardian 64 00:03:55,850 --> 00:03:59,410 signature in the file. Yes, I'll get it. I'll get it on the funny page. Ralphie, 65 00:03:59,410 --> 00:04:00,369 what do you like to do? 66 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,590 What are some of your hobbies? 67 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,650 Do you like to draw? Do you like to paint? 68 00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:08,110 I like to... 69 00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:11,510 I like to listen to music. You like listening to music. I'm not good at 70 00:04:11,890 --> 00:04:13,730 I like to write. 71 00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:15,390 Okay. A little bit. 72 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:19,149 A little bit. Good for you. Now, do you masturbate a lot, Ralphie? 73 00:04:22,670 --> 00:04:24,750 Not as much anymore. 74 00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:29,990 That's great. I'm going to continue doing all the pro bono work I can. 75 00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:30,990 yeah. 76 00:04:31,090 --> 00:04:34,410 Oh, by the way, I'm a little short on samples. 77 00:04:35,030 --> 00:04:36,730 I'll pop by next week and bring some with me. 78 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,110 I'm very scared. 79 00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:38,889 Are you scared? 80 00:04:38,890 --> 00:04:42,010 I'm a little on the pins and needles right now because I don't quite get it. 81 00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:43,350 you think about your mommy's friends? 82 00:04:43,770 --> 00:04:45,230 Do I think about my mommy's friends? 83 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:49,150 Do you think about the lady from the bake sale or the woman from church? I 84 00:04:49,150 --> 00:04:50,150 believe I just said mommy. 85 00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:54,250 Yeah, you see a mommy at a bake sale or maybe somebody in curlers. That's not a 86 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:57,650 turn on the curlers. No. No? No, that has to be, the curlers have to be done. 87 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,950 Ralphie, it sounds like you're getting a little bit grumpy. I think it might be 88 00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:04,910 time for a nap. Yeah. Okay. Oh, nice. There we go. 89 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,560 Dr. Nichols, I appreciate it. Thank you very much. My pleasure. Thank you. It's 90 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,940 not my pleasure, Myron. Sure, this will work. 91 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,200 Dr. Freud, thank you. 92 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,600 To us. 93 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,060 Thank you. 94 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,900 Oh, what a week! 95 00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:34,560 No, it's just that I can't eat sugar pops without whole milk. 96 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:39,140 I mean, I appreciate the skim milk, but I've just had a crazy week, so I'd like 97 00:05:39,140 --> 00:05:40,420 to have as much dairy as I can. 98 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,060 You look like Dustin Hoffman. Did you know that? No. Are you an actor? 99 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,940 No. No? You're just a waiter? 100 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,820 Yes. Oh, really? Because I think you could be famous. 101 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,380 People have told me that before. 102 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,640 Yeah? 103 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:58,980 No? No. Because I treated Dusty years ago, and, you know, Napoleon Complex. 104 00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:03,020 God, you really look like him. It's funny. And look at your eyes. Wow. 105 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:07,250 blue. Thank you. Steve McQueen Blue. Really? Yeah. That's very nice. All 106 00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,350 Well, listen, from now on, sugar pops with milk. 107 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:14,590 Definitely. Okay. You got it. All right. Thank you so much. You're welcome. 108 00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:15,690 Okay. 109 00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:23,920 I was trying to do something good for you. Oh, I don't need you to do anything 110 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,880 for me, my God. Thanks, you're my assistant. 111 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,760 But that doesn't mean I don't have any experience in the dating world, does it? 112 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,579 Oh, am I so pathetic? 113 00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:32,700 Are you kidding me? I can't walk down the street and I'm just trying to help 114 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:37,500 you. Well, clearly it is really hard to be this popular girl in my sorority. I'm 115 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,780 trying to help you. 116 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,640 Do you care that you've got 163 responses? 117 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:45,720 163? 118 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,840 Okay, I'm going to narrow it down for you, Lola. 119 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:51,580 No Bible belt. Nobody that lives with their parents. 120 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,920 I don't like anybody that doesn't wear briefs. I'd like a college education. 121 00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:57,780 Some cooking would be nice. 122 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,980 I like a man with a manicure. 123 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:02,300 Pets are okay. No fish or birds. 124 00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:05,500 And this guy with the blackheads? Yeah, 125 00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:07,940 that's nasty. 126 00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:14,440 So you won't eat your dinner if any of the food is touching. 127 00:07:14,860 --> 00:07:16,780 Well, I like to eat. 128 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,820 I'm sort of compartmentalized. 129 00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,480 Well, anybody that eats all their peas is a good boy. 130 00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:23,420 Lizzie! 131 00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:27,940 Hello. How are you? I'm fine, thank you. How lovely to see you again. 132 00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:29,180 So good to be back. 133 00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:31,280 So what are you going to dress up for Halloween? 134 00:07:32,020 --> 00:07:34,780 Um, I'm not a big Halloween guy. 135 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:38,980 Oh, come on. You like candy, don't you? I do like candy. 136 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,940 Can I first interest you in a tiny dog adoption? 137 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,730 I've missed Pebbles. Oh, it's the Reynolds Fine. 138 00:07:46,190 --> 00:07:47,190 God, no. 139 00:07:47,590 --> 00:07:50,570 You know, I really don't like the kick -me -dog. 140 00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:55,630 Dr. Nichols, appreciate you coming by. Well, thank you for having me. I hope to 141 00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:58,590 get to sit on a board with you. Well, I hope so. Listen, I think I can speak for 142 00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:02,430 the entire board of consensual mental health and psychiatry when I say the 143 00:08:02,430 --> 00:08:05,690 volume of your pro bono work is very impressive. 144 00:08:06,030 --> 00:08:08,690 Well, thanks. I love doing it. Thanks for this. Well, you're welcome. If you 145 00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:10,670 need more of those psychopharmacological samples... 146 00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:12,340 Scoop me a quick email. 147 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,320 Oh, 148 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:15,460 you're Dr. 149 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:17,660 Georgina, right? 150 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,680 No. No. 151 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:24,020 Myron, this is Liz Fair. Liz Fair. I love your work. 152 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,080 Dr. Nichols. Nice to meet you. 153 00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,300 How are you? 154 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,340 I'm great. How are you guys doing? Big fan. 155 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:31,560 Really? Yeah. 156 00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:33,039 What's wrong? 157 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:35,380 All of them. 158 00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:38,940 You've slept with more or less than 50 men. 159 00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:43,710 God, math was never really my strong suit. 160 00:08:44,010 --> 00:08:45,030 I'm going to say over. 161 00:08:46,510 --> 00:08:47,950 How do you meet men, Liz? 162 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,350 I don't really meet men. I think they kind of meet me. 163 00:08:52,370 --> 00:08:53,670 Tell me, how does that work? 164 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,410 I don't know. It's just wherever I go. 165 00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:58,430 They come up to me. 166 00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:03,730 And how can you tell if a man is interested in you? 167 00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,150 Did buy you a drink? 168 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:10,880 Okay. 169 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,140 So you're in a bar? 170 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,060 Did I say that? 171 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:20,100 Do you think they like a professional look or more like you, jeans and T 172 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,320 and expensive ripped things? 173 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,880 When I go out, I try to look nice. I try to wear like a dress or like heel 174 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,340 stuff, you know, something like a neckline. 175 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,580 Are you wearing a padded bra? 176 00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:32,880 I think I can tell. 177 00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,160 They can tell. 178 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,360 And do you think men like professional women? 179 00:09:38,180 --> 00:09:41,140 women in a suit and pearls? I thought you meant hookers. 180 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,660 Oh, do they like hookers? 181 00:09:44,740 --> 00:09:46,280 Look what I got! Look what I got! 182 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,900 Lola, I'm in a session. Liz, could you please sign this? I'll sign it. No, no, 183 00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:54,940 it's not for Liz. It's a DVD from the internet dating website that I signed 184 00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,700 up for. Look, it's a man. It's a man. 185 00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:58,060 Let's watch it. 186 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,500 Yes! It's my session. 187 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:02,900 Right, 188 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:05,660 I'll just press play. 189 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,340 Hi, my name is Eric, and this is my video profile. 190 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,660 It's my first time doing this, so it's a little rough. Forgive me, but I want to 191 00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:15,800 tell you a little something about myself. 192 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,600 I love to play golf. I love to fish. 193 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:24,320 I play water polo. I keep myself in shape. I like to run 15, 20 miles a 194 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,440 I actually pole vault as well. 195 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,760 I love animals. 196 00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:33,200 My dog right there, his name is Bacon, and I have a cat. Oh, he's got a cat. 197 00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:37,050 I think that's a maitre d' for Meechie. No. 198 00:10:38,230 --> 00:10:39,230 Him. 199 00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:41,490 My car. 200 00:10:44,050 --> 00:10:45,050 Oh! 201 00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:50,130 Here's my cock Here's my cock Here's my cock 15640