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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

Both: ♪ green acres, We are there ♪

Lisa: ♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

Morning, eleanor.

You know what today is, eleanor?

D-day. This is the day

Miss douglas is Supposed to decide

Whether or not she's Going to stay on the farm

Or go back to new york.

Wonder if she'll stay.

She will.

She won't.

She will. She won't.

She will.

I won't.

She will. I won't.

She will.

Maybe.

Lisa...

Did you say maybe?

Uhh.

I wish I knew what was going on

In that silly little Blond head of hers.

Oliver: 6 months.

I remember what lisa said

When I went back to new york

And told her that I'd bought this farm.

Aah!

I remember the Expression on her face

The first time she saw the farm.

I remember your reaction

When you first saw the house.

And my mother's reaction The first time she saw it.

I don't know why Everybody reacted that way.

It wasn't that bad.

Eb: mr. Douglas, are you awake?

I came to find out If you were awake...

Shh!

Has miss douglas decided

Whether she's Going to stay or not?

I don't know. She's still asleep.

I got to know. If you don't stay,

I'm going to have to Look for another job.

Even if we do stay, you may Have to look for another one.

I don't have a very Bright future, do I?

Mm-mmm.

Mr. Douglas, what I can't figure out

Is how you ever got miss douglas

To come out here at all.

Well, it was very simple.

I... I just talked her into it.

Oh, lisa,

I know you'll love it.

It's got a farmhouse and a barn

And trees and land

That's just made For growing things.

Why don't you fill up a few pots

And bring them back?

Lisa, you know how much This means to me, don't you?

If I didn't, I'd move In with mother.

Try it for me, will you, please?

For how long?

Oh, just long enough to See whether or not you like it.

5 years?

Write me once in a while.

Do it.

It doesn't have to be a letter.

A postcard.

Just so that I know You're all right.

Look, you tell me how long.

One month.

One month is not Enough to find out.

2.

9.

4.

6.

Well...

Please?

All right. 6 months.

Darling, thank you.

Just a little soft Soap and a handshake.

That's all there was to it, huh?

Yep, yep. Now run Along, will you?

Ok. You ain't got any idea

What the final Decision's gonna be?

As soon as I find out, You'll be the first to know.

Ok.

I wonder what's running Through her mind.

She will.

She won't.

She will.

She won't.

She will.

What are you doing?

Oh, howdy doody.

Howdy doody.

Well, what's it going to be?

Is mrs. Douglas going To stay, or isn't she?

She will. She won't.

She will. She won't.

Shh!

Mrs. Douglas is still asleep.

Has she given you any hints?

Hints?

Yeah, like packing her bags.

She hasn't packed her bags.

What'd you do, hide them?

No.

Mr. Douglas, we just Can't stand the suspense.

Yeah, me and ralph have to know.

Why?

Because if you're Going back to new york,

We'd like to get paid.

In cash.

Whether or not we Go back to new york,

You don't get paid

Until you finish that bedroom.

What's the sense in Finishing the bedroom

If you're not going to stay?

They will. They won't.

They will! They won't!

Lisa: oliver!

Oh, she's awake.

Well, let's go in and ask her.

Just a minute.

I'll ask her myself.

Hoo.

Ooh.

Oh, good morning, sweetheart.

Oh, good morning, dear.

You look so rested.

You sleep much better Out here in the country.

I do? I haven't slept at all.

I had the most Horrible nightmares.

First, there were Machines in my head...

Clang, bang.

And then a train went through

With whistles and Bells... Ding dong.

And in the clanging And the banging

And the dinging and the donging,

I couldn't sleep at all.

Oh.

You had nightmares in the city.

Only about coming out here. Oh.

Now, come, you like living here.

I do?

Don't you?

I know what today is.

You do?

Today's the 6 months Day when I decide

Whether I'm going Back to new york

Or whether I'm not Going to stay here.

Now, what is that Supposed to mean?

Well, let me put it to You in other words.

Where are my suitcases?

Oh, now, come On. Don't tease me.

All right. I cook you breakfast.

Lisa.

Lisa, don't keep me in suspense.

Well, I haven't made up my mind.

It's a very important decision.

I know.

Well, you see, if I decide to stay...

Then you'll be happy, And I'll be unhappy.

And if I decide not to stay,

Then you'll be unhappy, And I will be happy.

Now, when we got married,

We got married for Better or worse.

The question is Whether it's better

If it's worse for you

Or if it's worse if It's better for me.

Lisa, I know we'll Both be happy here.

Look, mignon is Happy living here.

When we lived in the city, She had no place to run.

Now she can run Through the fields.

She can chase rabbits.

Mignon...

Go on. Chase a rabbit.

Hey, come on, mignon.

That's it. That's the stuff.

Enjoy yourself.

She loves it here.

Oh, lisa...

You will stay, won't you?

That isn't fair. You're Tampering with the jury.

I'm not tampering.

Whatever you are doing, I wish you'd stop doing it,

Because I can't make up My mind while I'm tingling.

You're tingling?

Well, that's what I Always do when you kiss me.

Do you love me?

Of course I love you.

Then you will stay?

What do you want for Breakfast, hotcakes?

No, no. Look, I'll cook Breakfast this morning.

You don't know how To cook hotcakes.

Well, neither do you...

I mean, I can't cook Them as well as you, but...

I know what you Mean. I can't cook.

But you're learning.

When we came here 6 months ago,

You couldn't do anything.

Now you can...

Uh, well, you know how...

Well, you can't learn Everything in 6 months.

I haven't learned anything.

Yes, you have.

You've made a home for us.

Look what you Did to this kitchen.

Do you remember What this looked like

When we first walked into it?

Dear, wait until Our stuff gets here.

We'll put the Refrigerator there,

The stove there, The dishwasher there.

Oliver, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Why, of course. This Is your house, too.

Where are the Electrical outlets?

Electrical outlets? They're always at...

Ahem. Yeah, you'll find The electrical outlets...

There aren't any,

And I haven't seen any lights.

This house doesn't Have any electricity.

Electricity's no problem.

I'll just telephone The light company.

How? Well, on the phone.

What phone?

On the telephone. There's a...

You'll get them on the tele...

I'll take care of it.

No phone, no electricity,

No bathtub, no sink... Nothing.

I'm going to get All those things.

Get the phone first...

Then you can call Me in new york.

Lisa!

You promised you'd Try it out for 6 months.

Did I?

Yes, and a promise is a promise.

All right, if I promised I'd stay for 6 weeks...

No! 6 months!

Dear, it won't Always look like this.

We'll fix it up...

Paint the walls, Varnish the floors.

Look at that floor.

That's solid oak.

Darling!

You all right?

You should see the Size of this cellar.

Oliver, that's one reason

I don't think we Should stay here.

You're always falling Through something.

What did I ever fall through?

Well, the kitchen ceiling...

The living room ceiling.

You fell off the telephone pole.

Now, that's got Nothing to do with this.

Are you going to Stay, or aren't you?

Now, darling, you must Give me some more time

To think it over. I...

Was that...

Yes, it was.

It was a city dog Chasing a country rabbit,

Only the wrong way.

Mignon!

Lisa...

She won't.

She will.

She won't.

She will, she will, She will, she will.

That don't prove nothing.

It proves I'm a better Checker player than you are.

I don't care how many Times you jump me.

I say she ain't staying here.

What makes you so sure?

Most women ain't like us men.

They can't stand the hardships

Of country living,

Like, uh, cleaning fish.

What's that got to Do with mrs. Douglas?

Did you ever see Her clean a fish?

No. See?

Well, I hope they stay.

I do, too. Maybe I'll Get another chance

To sell that bottom land Of mine to mr. Douglas.

You mean that piece of land

That's buried under Simpson's swamp?

He'd never buy that.

I almost sold it to him once.

When? 6 months ago...

When he first came In here and told us

He bought the haney place.

All: the haney place?

That's right.

Mr. Douglas, if you Want to buy some land

For speculation, I Got some bottom land...

Oh, no, no. No, no,

I didn't buy this For speculation.

I'm going to live There and farm it.

All: the haney place?

My wife and I are going To be your neighbors.

Has your wife seen it?

No.

Have you seen it? Oh, yes.

And you bought it?

Mm-hmm. That's right.

What business you in?

I'm an attorney.

Maybe you can sue haney And get your money back.

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

This has been the Dream of my life...

To buy a farm,

Move away from the city,

Plow my own fields, Plant my own soil,

To get my hands dirty.

To sweat and strain To make things grow,

To join hands with You, the farmers...

The backbone of our economy.

Sam, mr. Douglas ought to have

That bottom land of mine.

Well, mr. Douglas,

All I can tell you is We'll be mighty happy

To have you and your wife

Living here in the valley.

And he'd have bought That bottom land

If you would've kept Your mouth shut.

Joe.

Well, good morning, gentlemen.

Hi, mr. Douglas.

Say, about that bottom land

You was interested In buying from me...

What bottom land?

Joe.

There you go Spoiling the deal again.

Well, mr. Douglas, What's the big decision?

Yeah, is your wife going To stay, or ain't she?

Well, she hasn't Made up her mind yet.

You sure you want her to stay?

Well, of course I do.

Maybe you're going About it the wrong way.

If you want to get on The good side of a woman,

You ply her with gifts.

What about some perfume?

Imported... From pixley.

What kind of a gift For a woman is perfume?

How about a fish scaler?

My wife doesn't clean fish.

Told you so.

Look, let me see the perfume.

What's that?

Huh? Oh, a shower curtain.

I'll take that.

Wrap it up.

A shower curtain?

Well, you see, this has A special significance.

When I first brought My wife out to the farm,

I was showing her Around the place.

We got to the bathroom, and...

This is the bathroom.

Where is the Bathtub and the sink?

Oliver, how could you Buy a house without seeing

If it had a bathtub And a sink in it?

Oh, I'm not interested In the house.

I'm interested in the farm.

What's that?

The shower.

I'll get a curtain for it.

You know, I never did Buy that shower curtain.

That's what you're Giving your wife

To get her to stay here?

That's right.

It was nice knowing you.

Haney: she won't. She will.

She won't. She will.

She won't. She will.

She won't.

Mr. Haney.

Any news? Mrs. Douglas decided?

No, not yet.

Well, we'll soon find out.

She will. She won't.

She will. She won't.

I've gotten some pretty Accurate forecasts plucking.

Oh, come on.

I plucked a chicken

Just before I proposed To the little woman.

I plucked a "Yes"

Right out of a 3-year-old Rhode island red.

Mr. Haney.

To this day, I can't look At a defeathered chicken

Without thinking of my wife.

Well, I don't think You've got anything

To worry about too much.

Yes. I wish I was as Confident as you are.

Oh, mr. Douglas,

What about the grandfather's Clock you ordered?

What grandfather's clock?

That one.

I didn't order that.

You will if you want to get Mrs. Douglas to stay here.

That one-handed piece of junk

Is going to get Her to stay here?

Yes, sir. It's the one touch

Your living room Needs to convince her.

When she hears it chiming

Every other hour On the half hour,

She'll know that She can never again

Find happiness in the city.

No, thanks.

Ever since you sold me This farm 6 months ago,

You have palmed off on me

Every conceivable Type of worthless junk.

Such as?

Such as the hoyt Clagwell tractor.

And the generator That's always blowing up.

And the hot water heater.

Well, there's always A few little things

That don't work exactly right.

Uhh. Here, go pluck a chicken.

Right on time.

She made up her mind yet?

No.

Well?

Not yet.

Lisa?

Darling, darling, come Here. I want to talk to you.

Pull up a chair. Sit down.

Well, all day long,

I've been sitting Here and thinking,

And the more I thought,

The more I thought I thought I should think some more.

Should I go, or shouldn't I?

It's a very important decision.

Yes, it is.

That's why I didn't want to jump

On any hasty concussions.

Oliver...

Yes?

I... I don't want you to think

That I've been unhappy here.

Well, then you Haven't been unhappy.

Well, yes, I have, but Not all of the time.

But once in a while of the time.

But on the other hand...

What are you trying to tell me?

Darling...

Darling, I'm sorry,

But I think we ought To go back to the city.

Oh.

Darling...

Darling, you're not Mad at me, are you?

No, no.

I... I kept my promise. I Tried it for 6 months.

Yes, you did.

I tried hard.

Yeah, you did. You tried Hard, and I'm grateful.

You know, most men have Dreams they don't realize.

At least you made Mine come true,

Even if it was Only for 6 months.

I'm glad you're being Such a good sport about it.

I'm not being a Good sport about it!

Let's just pack up the Bags and get out of here!

Uhh! Oh! Ow!

Sorry.

Here's your bill.

Out!

Well, good afternoon.

Hi.

Well, it's not a good afternoon.

It's a bad afternoon.

Well, not bad... Sad.

Yes, I guess it's a Sad, bad afternoon.

You heard the news, huh?

Well, I didn't hear It. I read about it.

Sam got out an extra.

This rates an extra?

Well, people in the valley Are going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you.

You know, in the last 6 months,

I've become quite fond of you.

Well, not fond.

Yeah, fond. I like you.

Well, thank you.

You've been a good friend,

And I never will Forget you, mister...

Uh...

Uh...

Douglas.

No, hank.

Hank kimball's my name.

Gee, you forgot my name already.

No, no, I...

Oh, I'm sorry to see you go.

I always thought you had The makings of a good farmer.

Well, not a good farmer.

Well, I mean, you Took this place

When it was nothing, And you made it into a...

Oh, boy.

Oh, mr. Kimball.

Oh, I just came over

To say good-bye to You, mrs. Douglas,

And to mister, uh...

Ahem. Yes, sir, I sure am Going to miss you people.

Well, not miss you.

I'm... I'm gonna...

There, there, mr. Kimball.

Now, mr. Kimball, Now, stop crying.

Ralph: oh!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Stop blubbering, ralph, And sound retreat.

On this sad occasion,

We are gathered here To bid a fond farewell...

Well, keep blowing.

I... I can't. I think I Swallowed the mouthpiece.

Oh, here it is.

Oh.

On this sad occasion, We are gathered here...

Please, please.

I appreciate your sentiments,

But I've got to finish Loading the car.

Mr. Douglas, me and eleanor

Want to say good-bye to you

Before we take Our afternoon naps.

Good-bye, mrs. Douglas, mr. Douglas.

I sure am going to miss you.

You been just like My own kinfolks.

Oh, thank you, eb.

It sure is going To be lonely here

With you and dad.

Dad?

I kind of feel that Way about you.

Darling, don't you think

We should take eb with us?

Wouldn't you like to come, eb...

I'll send for my valise.

Get out of there!

I'll get the bags.

Oh, you've been a Nice cow, eleanor.

What's going to happen To her after we leave?

Oh, tomorrow, I'll take her Over to the slaughterhouse

And... Krk!

Slaughters house?

Oh, yeah. A cow like eleanor

Isn't much use except For a good pot roast.

Well, it won't be a Good pot roast, but...

Well, what's going To happen to alice

And all her little Daughter chickens?

Alice will probably End up in a fricassee.

Fricassee?

Sound taps, ralph.

Oliver!

Darling, do you know What they're going to do

As soon as we leave here?

They're going to fricassee alice

And pots roast eleanor.

Oh, well, we're not Going to be here. We...

Well, they're Not going to do it.

What are you going to Do, take them to new york

And keep them in the Penthouse with you?

Well, you know perfectly well

They don't allow any Penthouse chickens,

Cows, and children.

I know they don't, so...

Well, put those down. We're not going to go.

We're going to stay Here and look after them.

Stay here?

Yes.

You mean stay here forever?

One month.

Uh, 3 years.

2 months.

6 months.

Well...

Please?

All right, 6 months.

Oh, lisa, thank you.

Oh, thank...

Oliver. What?

How come every Time I say 6 months

You shake hands with me?

Well...

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