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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

Both: ♪ green acres, We are there ♪

Morning, eleanor.

Shh!

Darling...

Hmm?

There's a leak somewhere.

Is it raining?

No, it's milkin'.

Eb...

Couldn't you wait Till we get up?

I could, but eleanor can't.

I tried to get her To give butter.

It's softer.

Oh, that's very funny.

Just... Just finish Milking, will you?

How much longer are You and mrs. Douglas

Gonna flake off Here in the barn?

What's that "Flake off"?

Oh, that's a slang Word. It means "Sleeping."

We'll be flaking off here

Till our bedroom is ready.

The monroe brothers promised

To finish it this morning.

Yeah, they promised It last week,

And they promised It the week before.

Well, I wish you'd Move out of here.

Eleanor's gettin' a complex Tryin' to give quiet milk.

Eb...

She'd like to let herself go.

Oh, eleanor, darling,

You can let yourself go now.

We're awake.

Eb, will you finish milking

So we can get up And get dressed?

Boy, am I hungry. What are we having...

Aww.

Ohh! Hotcakes.

Vaffles!

That's not the Way you make va...

Uh... Waffles.

Wait. I'm not finished yet.

4, 3, 2, 1!

Vaffles!

It looks like a waffle.

Taste it.

Ooh!

Well?

I think I'll just Have some coffee.

When you came in, you Said you were hungry.

Well, I was hungry Until I tasted the...

Uh, coffee will be fine.

You don't like my cooking.

No, I love your cooking.

It's the eating that gives...

Pour my coffee.

You wouldn't like that, either.

Well, how can I tell Till I've tasted it?

Will you pour the coffee?

I won't take the chance.

I'm taking the chance.

What? Well, I mean...

In new york, you never Quarrelled about my cooking.

In new york, you never cooked.

Let's go back to new york. Then we won't have to fight.

If you're fightin', We'll come back later.

We're not fighting.

We were just going to start.

Oh, go right ahead. We'll come back later.

What do you want?

We just finished your bedroom.

What?

And you said they Would never do it.

He said that? Mm-hmm.

I never thought they would!

Well, you ought to have More faith in human nature.

Ralph!

Howdy doody.

Don't you want to see it?

It looks beautiful. We Took the bed out of the barn

And moved the furniture back in.

Come on. Let's Look at it right now!

Right this way.

Ah-ah!

Ladies first.

Oh!

What's that?

Ribbon... For the Ribbon-cuttin' ceremonies.

This is a bedroom, Not a freeway.

Oh, darling, if they Want to have a ribbon,

Let them have a ribbon.

All right. Give me the scissors.

I'll cut the ribbon.

Not so fast.

There's a ceremony That goes with it.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Mr. Douglas, we Worked hard on this job.

Hard!

We're proud of our work.

Proud!

This is an occasion.

An occasion! Yeah.

All right, let me Cut the ribbon.

Not so fast. Ralph?

Hey, that's pretty impressive.

Well, now can I...

You finished?

Now?

Not so fast. I have A short speech.

Oh, please, let Me cut the ribbon.

Oh, darling, I would Like to hear his speech.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, we Are gathered here today

To pay tribute to the Monroe brothers...

Now give me the scissors!

I'm not... I'm not through.

Yes, you are. And Get off the furniture.

Have you got the Scissors, ralph?

No, I only brought the bugle.

They're out in the truck. Will you play somethin' else?

No, no! Never mind, never mind!

Well, that isn't official,

But I guess it's All right to go in.

Ladies first.

It's nice and big, Isn't it, darling?

It's not finished.

Finished? Did we Leave out a wall?

No.

Remember the time We left that wall

Out of that house we built

For drury wilson?

No, we left the roof off.

I meant the walls Are not plastered.

Did you want 'em plastered?

Of course I want 'em pl...

You'll have to get Yourself a plasterer.

We don't do that.

You contracted to...

What's that?

Alf: what's what?

Oliver: these footprints.

It looks like grauman's chinese!

Chinese what?

Chinese theatre!

Oh, we don't build Chinese theatres.

No, just chicken Coops and bedrooms.

And look at the floor!

It slants downhill!

Well, naturally. If the roof leaks,

You gotta get good drainage.

The roof better not leak!

And I didn't want a cement slab.

I wanted a wood floor!

Oh. Well, we don't do flooring.

You like that?

What's that?

Your fireplace.

Fireplace?

We'll be so nice and cozy

On cold winter nights.

Yeah, but where's The fireplace?!

Oh, you'll have to get a Stone mason to build it.

We don't do that kind of work.

Do you want to see your Closet, mrs. Douglas?

My closet? Oh, darling, Isn't that wonderful?

At last I have a place

To put my clothes away in.

Well, come on. Open it.

Doesn't ralph first Has to play her buggle?

No, she doesn't have To play her buggle!

I don't want to interfere

With any ceremony.

There's going to be no ceremony!

Oh!

The door is not supp...

There's no wall!

He's got an eye like an eagle.

There's supposed To be a wall here!

Well, if you insist.

I insist!

Ok, we'll take care of it

Right after the Concluding ceremony.

What concluding ceremony?

Presentation of Your check to we,

The monroe brothers... Except ralph...

For a job well done.

I am not...

Sound pay call, ralph.

Hold it!

Lisa: oliver,

You didn't let ralph Blow her buggle!

I don't care if she Blows her brains out.

I'm not paying them Till this room is finished.

Now see here...

You see here!

Now, first you fix this closet.

Then you put this wall on,

And then you lay the floor down,

And then you plaster the walls,

And then you fix the fireplace,

And then we'll Talk about payment.

Now you did it. You made ralph cry.

I'm sorry,

But that's the way it is.

Oh.

Ohh, ralph, darling, don't cry.

Everything is going To be hunky-dinky.

Oliver!

Oliver: what do you want?

Where are you?

I'm up here!

Wha-what are you doing up there?

I just put up the tv antenna.

Ask eb how the picture is.

Eb, my husband wants to know

How the picture is.

It's not very good.

It's not very good!

What's wrong with it?

What's wrong with it?

I saw it before.

He saw it before!

I just want to know What it looks like.

My husband just wants To know what it looks like.

It's kind of round, And it's got lines on it.

It's round with lines on it!

That's the test pattern!

What is the test pattern?

Just ask him if it's clear!

Well, it isn't clear to me!

Lisa, will you please...

Will I please what?

Ohh!

Oh! There you are.

Oh, darling,

You didn't have to come down.

I could've asked eb.

I didn't want to come down.

I fell through the roof!

Oh, my poor darling. Did you hurt yourself?

No, I don't think so.

Ohh.

Tell mr. Douglas it's ok...

Oh, there you are.

He fell through the roof.

Well, whatever he did,

The picture's much better.

Come on, help me up!

Oh! Ooh! Ooh! Oh, my ankle!

I hurt my ankle. I think I sprained my ankle.

We'd better show it to a doctor.

Now, then tell me, mr. Douglas,

Does this hurt? Ohh!

Hmm.

How about this?

Uhn.

Hmm.

Doctor, what does That "Hmm" mean?

Oh, that's just something

They taught us At medical school.

When you're not quite Sure, you say, "Hmm."

You use that practicing Law, mr. Douglas?

Uh, no, doctor. In law, we use a...

"Ahem!"

Ohh, yes.

There was a medical School down south

That used to favor "Ahem".

But most of the big Schools teach "Hmm."

We had a doctor in new york

Who used to say "Uh-huh."

He must've been a specialist.

Uh, doctor, what about my ankle?

Well, it's just a bad sprain.

We'll just tape it up,

And you'll have to see

That your husband stays in bed

A few days and keeps off it.

I've got a lot of work To do around the farm.

Darling, the doctor said You have to stay in bed.

Aren't you going to give Him one of those shots?

What kind of a shot?

Well, you know, with a Hypochondriac needle.

Hypodermic.

Oh, yes,

I figured that's What your wife meant.

Well, whatever you call it,

Aren't you going To give him one?

No, I don't like to give shots

Unless its absolutely necessary.

You see, it makes Me feel a little faint.

Doctor, how long will it take

Till my husband gets well?

Oh, a week.

But you'll have to See that he stays

Off his feet for 2 or 3 days,

And if he has any pain,

Just give him a Couple of aspirins.

Well, aren't you going to Give him some subscription?

Prescription.

I figured that one out, too.

Darling, darling,

You don't look comfortable.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Come on, come on, Let me fluff you.

No, I... I'm all right.

Ohh!

Oh, I'm sorry! Come On, let me fix it.

There. Now, isn't that better?

Lisa. Aah.

Oh! Oh, I almost forgot.

Wait, wait.

There. There we go.

Aah!

Ooh!

Oh, darling, I'm sorry.

Ohh.

Now, is there Anything else I can do?

Uh...

Yes, I'm hungry.

How about some hotcakes?

Oh, no.

How about some vaffles?

No!

How about... Oh, dear!

That's all I know how to cook.

I'll just take a Little sleep here.

Let me fix your pillows.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine!

Well...

Well, you call Me if you want me.

Yes, I will.

My name is lisa.

I know.

Have a good shnooze.

What the...

Oh, howdy doody.

Went back to bed, huh?

I guess the ceremonies Wore him out.

I sprained my ankle.

Oh, how'd you do that?

I fell through the roof.

You didn't break our new roof?

No, it was in the living room.

Oh. Does it hurt?

Not much.

Well, let me make You more comfortable.

No, it's fine! No, no.

You want to watch tv?

No.

We'll move it closer. Give me a hand, ralph.

Look, don't bother.

No bother.

What's wrong?

Must be stuck in the cement.

I guess this spot Wasn't quite dry.

We'll have to saw The legs off to move it.

Leave it there!

Can you see it all right?

Yeah, he can see it all right.

Isn't that ed sullivan?

No, that's a test pattern,

And would you Mind turning it off?

Please.

Thank you.

And fix the door on the closet

And leave me alone. The doctor said

I should get some rest.

Yes, sir.

How do you feel, darling?

Is that ok, mr. Douglas?

Oh, that's fine. Thank you.

See, what we...

I'll see you later!

Yes, sir. Ohh!

You're killing me!

Lisa: I'm sorry, darling.

Sheesh.

There you are.

There you are. There.

Now, then, is there Anything else you want?

What are you serving?

Nothing.

What did you bring the tray for?

Well, to put the flower on it

To make you feel better.

Well, thank you.

You're welcome.

Aren't you gonna Bring me any food?

Why don't you watch television?

It'll make you relax.

Call me if you want anything.

Now, remember... My name is still lisa.

I'll remember.

Come in.

Oh, mr. Kimball.

That's pretty clever.

A secret door.

Although, it wasn't too secret.

I found it right away.

Well, I didn't find it.

Alf told me where it was.

Or was it ralph? Which one is the her?

Ralph.

Then it was the him.

Oh, I see they finished Your bedroom.

Looks very nice.

Well, not nice. It looks, um...

Were you sleeping?

No, I was just resting.

Um, I had a little accident.

Oh, much damage to the car?

I fell through the roof.

Oh, that's very unusual.

Well, not unusual.

It happened to my Brother 3 months ago.

Or was it 4 months ago?

No, it was my sister.

She was looking for His skateboard, and uh...

Is that ed sullivan?

That's the test pattern.

Oh. Boy, it sure Looked like ed sullivan.

Oh, my ankle.

What's the matter with it?

I sprained my ankle

When I fell through the roof.

Oh, you poor fella.

Aah! You mallet-head!

I'm sorry about the ankle.

Did you ever find Your skateboard?

Mr. Kimball,

I'm supposed to have a Little peace and quiet.

Oh, you go ahead

And have your peace And quiet, mr. Douglas.

I'll, uh, just watch Ed sullivan. Heh.

Mr. Kimball, if You don't mind...

Shh!

How's it look?

Huh? Ohh.

Good afternoon, All you good folks

Out there in television land.

I'm curly robins,

The host of your magnificent

Multi-million Dollar movie matinee.

Today old curly's got A good one for you...

Conway tearle and Mae marsh in, uh...

What? Oh.

Ohh. I'm sorry.

They haven't finished Showing that one

Over at the county Seat tv station.

But we've got an English mystery for you,

And this portion Is brought to you

Through the courtesy of, uh...

Of, uh...

Of the pixley diner.

And here's today's special...

First of all, we have a choice

Of soup, salad and beverage.

Then we have a tender, Succulent porterhouse steak.

And then we have Steamin' hot baked potato,

And then we have corn on The cob drippin' with butter,

And yummy chocolate cake.

Complete dinner... 49 cents.

49 cents?

Yeah.

Yeah, but he raised the prices.

Sure makes you hungry.

It sure does.

Hey, would you Like half a sandwich?

Oh, I see you got your tray.

You've already eaten.

No, no, I, uh... Shh!

Dame mae fishman?

Oh, boy, she's great.

You ever see her?

Not recently. I...

Shh!

Oh, darling, you're awake.

Oh, hello, mr. Kimball.

You have a visitor.

Who? Mrs. Ziffel.

Oh, come in, mrs. Ziffel!

Hi, mr. Douglas. Hi.

Heard you had an accident,

So I thought I'd bring You over a box of ca...

Butler: madame, cook has Prepared roast goose

Stuffed with wild Rice for dinner.

For dessert, cherries jubilee.

Lisa.

Lisa.

Shh!

Lisa, I'm starved.

Will you get me some food?

Oh, yes, darling.

Lisa!

Yes, yes, darling.

Mr. Douglas,

We're gonna take our lunch br...

Hey, alf, I'm hungry.

This is all you have to do?

Yes, ma'am. You just Add a can of water

To the can of Soup and heat it up.

Well, if I would've Known it's this easy,

I would've made it every Morning for breakfast.

Uh, folks, could I have a little...

All: shh!

Hi, mr. Douglas.

Oh, bobbie jo.

Mom heard you were laid up,

So she sent over This basket of fried...

Fried what?

All: shh!

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Oh, thank you, lisa.

I was starving!

All: shh!

Bobbie jo.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Good-bye!

All: shh!

Oliver?

In here!

Oliver!

What did you come out here for?

A little peace and quiet.

That wasn't very nice,

With all those people Coming to see you.

They came to see the picture.

But they came, and they All brought you food.

Yeah, and they ate it.

It isn't who eats It. It's the thought.

Well, maybe.

But at least they Came to see me.

You know, in the city, Nobody would do that.

You remember that time In new york I had that cold?

I was in bed for a week. Nobody came near me.

I did.

Yeah, and you caught my cold.

Oliver. Hmm.

Can you catch a sprained ankle?

I don't think so.

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