Original subtitles

Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment

Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

Both: ♪ green acres, We are there ♪

Shh! They're still asleep.

Boy, they sure sleep late.

Hey, it's nearly 5:30.

Aren't they cute?

What's cute about 2 people sleeping?

I mean the hen and the rooster.

Ralph, let's get to work.

We'll wake 'em up.

We'll work quietly.

Shh! Shh!

Shh.

Saw this.

Oliver, stop snoring.

Hmm?

You're snoring.

Oh, sorry.

Lisa...

You're the one that's snoring.

I never snore.

Honey, you're doing it again.

What are you doing?

Oh, good morning, mr. Douglas.

Howdy doody.

Who are you talking to?

The monroe brothers.

Oh, hello, alf.

Howdy, ma'am.

Good morning, ralph, dear.

Howdy doody.

You going to get up now?

I... I guess we have to.

Ok, ralph, let's get to work.

Hold it, hold it!

You hung over?

No, I'm not hung over.

It's just that it's 5:30 in the morning.

Oh, yeah. We're A half hour late.

Could you just hold it

Until we get ourselves Together here?

Oh, we can take a coffee break.

Hey, alf, we're not Supposed to take it until 6:00.

Oh, that's right. We can't.

If we take it now, we'll Have to have our lunch

A half hour earlier,

And that'll throw our Afternoon coffee break off,

And we'll...

Take it now.

Ok.

Come on, ralph, let's eat.

Want half?

Please.

The salami's a Little stale. Ha ha!

Care to join us?

No.

Shee. What a grouch.

You'd be grouchy, too, If you were hung over.

I'm not hung over.

Where's the coffee?

I forgot it.

Ain't that just like A lady carpenter?

Brings the geraniums, Forgets the coffee.

Would you mind Eating someplace else

So we can get up And get dressed?

I'll make some coffee In a little while.

Well, thanks. Come on, ralph.

I'll make you some Hotcakes, too.

Yeah, that'll serve you right.

I am not moving out of this bed.

You insulted my hotcakes.

No, no, I didn't mean to.

You did. You don't like them?

Yes, I do.

How many do you Want for breakfast?

One.

3.

Why 3?

To prove that you like them.

Couldn't I just eat One and applaud?

Oliver!

Oh, look, I love your hotcakes,

But couldn't you make Something different

For a change?

Like what?

Oh, like hot cereal. Oatmeal.

I am game if you are.

Did you make the oatmeal?

Lisa: yes, darling.

Oh, that's wonderful.

You see, all you have to do

Is try something new Once in a while, and...

What's that?

Hot oatmeal.

It's easier to make Than hotcakes.

That's not the way You cook oatmeal.

Is there another way?

Yes. You get some boiling water,

And you put the oatmeal In the boiling water.

It's quicker this way.

Yeah, but it's not oatmeal.

Well, that's what It said on the box.

Did you read the directions?

Yes. It said "Open it here,"

And I opened it there.

No, no. I mean the directions

About cooking the oatmeal.

You want some hotcakes?

No...

Just some coffee. All right.

Where are the napkins?

They must be on the Table. I put them there first.

First?

Oh. Well, the napkins go On top of the tablecloth.

You don't like my napkins, You don't like my hotcakes.

I bet you don't like my mother.

What's that got to do with it?

Boy, you're grouchy.

That's hot water.

Where's the coffee?

In the can. I couldn't open it.

Why not?

There were no directions.

Oh, for crying...

Get the can. I'll open it.

All right.

Morning, mr. Douglas, Miss douglas.

Good morning, eb.

Mmm. Fried oatmeal.

You've heard of it?

Sure. My mama used To make it all the time.

What?

She said it was easier

Than boiling hot water And all that stuff.

You see? Eb's mother Made it that way, too.

Well, good for her.

Now you don't like Eb's mother, either.

You hung over this morning?

No!

Uh, where's the can opener?

Which one is that?

Over here. I'll show you.

You just put this in here.

Press down there.

There you are.

Let me try.

Yeah. Oh!

What did you do?

I did? I didn't open That end, you did.

What? Lisa!

We going to pull the Fence down this morning?

What fence?

The fence that separates The watson's place from ours.

We own that property now.

Yeah. We got a Lot of work to do.

Well, aren't you going To eat your oatmeal?

Uh, no, not now.

You don't like it.

I'm not hungry.

You don't like my oatmeal, You don't like my napkin,

You don't like my hotcakes, You don't like my mother,

You don't like eb's mother.

What do you like?

I like you.

Mmm. Just for that, I Scrape you up some coffee.

Come on, eb. We Got to get to work.

Thanks for the fried Oatmeal, miss douglas.

Howdy, alf. Howdy, miss ralph.

Oh, howdy doody.

What are you doing out here?

I thought you were...

We're still on our coffee break.

Pass me the chili, ralph.

Care for half a dill pickle?

No, thanks.

How about some finnan haddie?

How about getting back to work?

Boy, you are hung over.

Come on, ralph.

They're never going To finish that bedroom.

They've been working on it...

What's that?

Newt kiley's.

Newt kiley's what?

Hey, eb, come back here.

What was all the noise?

A skyrocket.

Oh, what are they celebrating?

I don't know.

Oh! That's why you Didn't eat my breakfast.

You've been sneaking Out here to have it.

No, that's...

How long has this been going on?

That belongs to alf and Ralph. They were having a...

Stop your bell!

Stop your sireen!

Who didn't put the sign down?

Haney, what's going on?

Mr. Douglas, don't You know better

Than to interfere With the driver

Of an emergency vehicle?

Emergency vehicle?

Didn't you see the Fire alarm rocket?

There's a fire at newt kiley's.

So, that's what it was.

Yeah.

Yes, ma'am. Would you Care to go along and see

Your hooterville Volunteer fire department

At work?

Oh, that would be very exciting.

Yes, I'll go along, Too, and help.

You belong to the volunteers?

No.

No amateurs allowed To ride on the fire truck.

Step in, miss douglas.

Wait a minute.

How come she can ride On your truck, and I can't?

You'll have to take That up with the chief.

But I... Stand clear!

See you later, mr. Douglas.

Are you coming, miss douglas?

I'd love to.

No. You can't go if I can't go.

Oh!

Oh, would you water... Take...

Would you hold those, please?

Will you keep the chili And finnan haddie warm

Till we get back?

Haney: start your bell!

Start your sireen!

All civilians stand clear!

Isn't that ridiculous?

Wouldn't let me ride To the fire with them.

You don't belong to The fire department.

They were going to Let you ride with them.

I'm sexier than you are.

That's not the point.

Well, if you want To ride with them,

All you have to do is join them.

I'd like to, but they Never asked me.

Well, why don't you ask them?

I am not asking them.

If they want me to Join, let them ask me.

Boy, are you hung over.

Are you going to ask mr. Drucker

Whether you can join The fire department?

No. Please, don't mention it.

Just do your shopping. Have you got your list?

Yes, right here. One can of coffee.

What else?

That's all.

What did you have To write it down for?

Well, all the other women Always have a shopping list,

So I want to be like they are,

So I've got a "One Can of coffee" list.

"Big hooterville fire,

"By joe carson, Foreign correspondent

For the hooterville World guardian."

Foreign correspondent?

Well, don't I do stories

About crabwell Corners and pixley?

"The hooterville Volunteer fire department

"Responded to a fire Alarm rocket call

"From newt kiley's Farm at 7:15 this morning.

"They arrived at the Scene promptly at 11:15

"And by 12:00 had succeeded

In putting out a false alarm."

How do you put Out a false alarm?

I don't explain Technical details.

I just report the facts.

Well, report 'em to Some other paper.

I ain't interested In buying this.

Mr. Drucker?

I'll be right with You, mr. Douglas.

Darling, are you Sure you don't want me

To ask mr. Drucker

Whether you can join The fire department?

Don't mention it.

How are you, mrs. Douglas, mr. Douglas?

Hello.

Mr. Douglas, you got any pull

With them city newspapers?

Well, I...

Joe, will you forget About that stupid story?

What stupid story is that?

The one you ain't gonna Read in the world guardian,

Because sam's Too cheap to buy it.

Joe. What can I Do for you folks?

I have a shopping List... One can of coffee.

Yes, ma'am.

What else?

Guess who wants to join

The volunteer fire department.

Now, I asked you Not to mention that.

I didn't mention any names.

All I said was "Guess who,"

And if mr. Drucker Can guess who "Who" is,

Then you're in.

But I asked you Not to mention it.

Mr. Douglas, you interested In joining the volunteers?

Oh, he guessed you're who who.

We'd be glad to have you.

Well, I'd like to.

Now, how do I go about joining?

You got to talk To the fire chief.

Well, all right. Now, who's the...

Are you the chief?

I ain't wearing this white Helmet to match my shoes.

Do you think he can join?

He can if he can pass Our high standard

Of fire fighting qualifications.

What are they?

What instrument do you play?

Instrument?

Can you play the sousaphone?

No. I can play a piano.

That ain't no instrument For a marching band.

Application denied.

What?

Joe, you can't turn Mr. Douglas down

Just because he can't play...

Look, sam, I got the White helmet, ain't I?

That makes me the chief.

I say a man can't fight fire

Unless he can play a Marching instrument.

That doesn't make sense.

It does around here.

We have more parades than fire.

Mr. Carson,

I think you've missed The whole point

Of the volunteer Fire department.

They were not formed As musical organizations.

They were formed to protect The smaller communities...

The farmer, his Home, his barn...

From the ravages of Flame and holocaust.

They were formed by men

Who were ready to drop Their hoes and their rakes

At the first flare of flame

And rush to the aid Of their neighbors

With hose, with water...

With their bare Hands, if necessary.

That's what a volunteer Fire department is.

Piano's the only Instrument you play, huh?

No. I play a little guitar.

Be at band practice Tomorrow night at 8:00.

We'll see if we can make A firefighter out of you.

Would you mind moving back?

What?

I said, would you Mind moving back?

No talking in the ranks.

I can't hear.

Ralph is playing the Cymbal right in my ear.

A little more arpeggio, ralph.

Candidate douglas, What were you playing?

When?

When the rest of Them were going...

♪ da da da, da da da da da da ♪

Oh!

Could I move somewhere else?

No. We got you Placed acroustically.

Now let's practice The marching formation.

Now, in this formation,

The band will Form a fire helmet.

On hearing my whistle, Start marching.

Hold it, hold it!

Now, the top part Of the helmet's ok,

But the brim Needs a little work.

Now let's line up And try it again.

Mrs. Bradley, it's Very kind of you

To give me cooking lessons

While the band is rehearsing.

Oh, that's all right. It Keeps my mind off the music.

Oh. Oliver doesn't Like my hotcakes.

He doesn't?

Mm. Or my mother, either.

Well...

Or eb's mother, Too... Or my oatmeals.

Oh, you cooked oatmeal?

Fried.

Well, that's... Fried?

Without water.

I never fixed it that way.

I'll give you the Recipe. It's very simple.

You open the box Where it says "Open here."

You dump it in a frying pan,

And that's all. It's simple.

It sounds easy.

Have you ever thought of eggs?

No, but alice has.

She makes them all the time,

Some of them with Little chickens in them.

Oh, isn't he clever?

Well, would you Like me to show you

How to soft boil an egg?

If it's not too difficult.

Oh, no, no.

Now, this is an egg.

That part I know.

Of course you do.

And this is boiling water.

Looks hot.

Yeah. Now, to make A soft-boiled egg,

You drop it in the water.

Oh, let me try.

All right.

Like this?

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

No, that's very good.

You just learned how To make a fried egg.

I did?

Lisa.

Oh. Ha!

They made me a member Of the fire department.

You've arrived... Helmet, Rocket, and marching guitar.

Mm-hmm.

Look, darling, I Made a fried egg.

Well, looks like a big night For the douglas family.

Oliver.

Oliver, where are you?

Out here.

What are you doing there?

Sky watching.

Well, what is that?

Every new recruit For the fire department

Has to do sky watch duty.

If I see a rocket, why, Then I call mr. Haney,

And he picks us up in the truck.

Can I watch?

Oh, yeah, sure. Come here, honey.

Oh, I saw one.

Where?

Oh, no, that was A shoosting star.

A shoosting star?

I'll make a wish for a fire,

So you can go in Your new helmet.

No, no, lisa, fires are Nothing to wish for.

This is very serious business.

Isn't the sky beautiful?

Mm.

Uh, lisa, I'm on sky watch duty.

I won't interfere.

Mm. Lisa, they'll make Me turn in my helmet.

All right, I won't disturb you.

I'll go to bed. Good night.

Ahem.

Morning, mr. Douglas.

Oh, good morning, mr. Kimball.

Well, looking for Anything special?

No. I got a stiff neck.

I had sky watch last night.

Oh. Well, maybe I Can ease it for you.

We county agents are required

To take a first aid course.

Oh?

Now, let's see. Oh, yeah.

Take a deep breath And count to 10.

What good will that do?

Well, that'd get rid of Your hiccups just like that.

Oh. I haven't got hiccups.

I got a stiff neck.

And hiccups?

No hiccups. A stiff neck.

Oh, well, then counting to 10

Really wouldn't work too well.

Or was it 15?

No. A paper bag over your head

Works even better.

Or is it 10? No, I guess it's 15.

Mr. Kim... Ow!

Hey...

It's all better.

Well, I guess it is 15.

Hey, your corn's Looking pretty good.

Yes...

Did you see something?

No.

You sure?

No...

Oh, you've got those Sky watching jitters.

Oh, well, that's ok, though.

All new members get 'em.

Yeah, I remember my First week on watch.

Yeah. Made a fool of Myself about 3 times.

Or was it 4 times?

No, it was 3 times.

I remember the first night.

I got the whole company out.

I saw this shoosting Star, and I...

Shoosting star?

Yes.

That's a star that Shoosts across the sky.

And then the second time...

Or was it the third time?

Oh, the third time, there Was a firefly on my nose,

And I woke up the whole company.

Well, that's too bad.

Did you see something that time?

Oh. Well, you'd better Take it easy, mr. Douglas.

You're just... What was that?

What was what?

Oh. Just a murdius callastra.

That's a silver-winged Callastra.

It's a little bird,

But it looks a Lot like a rocket,

And it causes a Lot of false alarms.

I'd watch out for those.

Yes, I will.

But you shouldn't Have any trouble

Seeing a rocket today.

It's so nice and clear and...

And, uh...

Mr. Douglas?

What?

My neck.

Oh.

Uh, hold still.

Oh. Gee, thank you very much.

You forgot to say 15.

I guess it works Anyway, though, huh?

Ha ha. Well, I'd better Be running along.

Well, not running, but...

Happy sky watching. Ha ha.

Oliver.

Yeah.

You still on duty?

Yep.

Then I can't nuzzle your ear?

No.

When can I nuzzle your ear?

Tomorrow night.

All right. I can wait.

What are you playing?

hot time in the Old town tonight.

It's the only piece The band knows.

It's very nice.

Do you like being a fireman?

Oh, it's all right.

What do you do when You see a rocket?

I call mr. Haney, and he Picks us up in the truck.

You'd better call him.

There is one up there now.

A skyrocket! Uh, wake...

Eb, eb, wake up!

Eb, eb, eb! Eb!

Hello? Sarah? Sarah?

Woman: this is a recording.

Your hooterville Telephone company

Closes at 9:30.

Good night.

Oh, for crying out loud. This is an emergency!

This is a recording.

Your hooterville Telephone company

Closes at...

Darlin, did you get mr. Haney?

No, no! The telephone Company's closed.

We'll take my car.

Oh, here is your helmet.

Oh, thank you.

Ain't you going to Take your guitar?

Come on! Come on, you...

There you are.

Bye-bye! Take care Of yourselves!

Mr. Douglas, maybe If you talk to...

Forget it, forget it. Go change your clothes.

We've got a lot of Work to do today.

Yes, sir.

Darling.

Darling, you're back.

Yes.

Well, where was the fire?

There wasn't any.

Well, who sent up the rocket?

Chief carson.

Why did he do that?

He called an emergency Band practice.

Where is your helmet?

Oh, he took it away from me,

Because I didn't Bring my guitar.

If a man ever needed nuzzling,

He needs it now.