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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Squawk! Squawk!

Darling, turn off The alarm clock.

Oh!

Darling, why are you Sleeping down there?

Oh, I fell out of bed.

We got to get seat belts

Or put the wall back in.

We've got to get The monroe brothers

To finish this bedroom.

Get out of there!

Oh...

Oh, look!

Alice laid me my Breakfast in bed.

Oh, that's very nice.

Do you suppose if I put it under

The electric Blanket, it'll cook?

Get up!

Oh...

Uhh.

Good morning, chickens.

Oh, good morning, harriet.

That's too bad.

What's too bad?

Harriet doesn't feel good.

Can you understand What she says?

No, but I understand The way she said it.

Lisa...

It's impossible to understand

What the chi...

What are you doing?

Pulling down the shade.

What for?

Well, I can't get dressed

With the shade up.

The sides are open.

But darling, if anybody looks in

From the side, I can see them.

Get dressed in the bathroom.

All right.

You know, I'm going to call

The monroe brothers...

Oh, I forgot. They Took out our pole.

Oliver...

What?

Tell me just once more

Why the monroe brothers Can't finish the bedroom.

Because, the building inspector

Said that their License allowed them

To build only chicken coops.

Well, then why don't they build

A chicken coop that Looks like a bedroom,

Then we put in all Our furnitures,

Then we show it to the chickens,

And if they don't Like it, we move in.

What?

Then the inspector Can't say that

We built a bedroom, Because we gave

The chickens first choice.

Suppose he doesn't believe us.

Then we get it in writing

From the chickens.

That they didn't like it,

And it was all right For us to move in.

In writing, huh?

Mm-hmm. That'll make it legal.

You see, living with a lawyer,

I know all the loopholes.

Now, why don't you go and dress?

I'm going to take a shower.

Eb!

You'd make better time Walking, mr. Douglas.

There's something wrong With the carburetor.

Yeah. It needs a New tractor on it.

Eb... Could you start pulling up

Some of these Weeds in the wheat?

Can't I just pull up the wheat?

There ain't as much of that.

Just do as you're told.

Yes, sir.

Mornin', mr. Douglas.

Well, good morning, mr. Watson.

You're selling your farm?

Oh, yes, uh, you Noticed the sign?

I didn't know you were Thinking of selling it.

Oh, yes.

I decided after I Got the good word.

What good word?

I social securitied today.

Social sec...

Oh! Well, congratulations.

Me and the missus decided we'd

Quit farming and do Some real traveling.

See the country, huh?

Yeah. Drive up to pixley,

Maybe stay overnight.

Then over to the county seat,

And see a real Wide screen movie.

When are you leaving?

As soon as you buy the...

Soon as somebody buys the farm.

Mr. Watson, I've Already got a farm.

I know you have,

And it seems to be doing fine.

Is that wheat?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

How about that?

Yeah. It's not doing As well as your corn.

You like it?

Oh, yeah. Wish it was mine.

Sold!

No. Wait... Wait a minute here.

I've often though Of adding some land

To my farm, but, I, uh...

2 ls in douglas?

No. One "L." yes, it'll...

What are you writing?

Bill of sale, uh, just in case.

Aren't you rushing me a little?

Seriously, mr. Douglas,

I'd like to see you buy it.

Now, you have a love of the land

That I don't exactly understand,

But I think you'd take good care

Of my farm.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I love the land.

To me, that soil is a Vibrant, living thing.

It takes a little, Sleeping seed, you know,

And it awakens it, coddles it,

And gives it strength

To push up into The sun and the rain,

So the plants'll Grow big and strong.

You want your wife's Name on this, too?

Oh, yes...

I haven't said I'd buy it!

I can give you a real good deal.

140 acres, with your 160,

That'll give you 300 acres.

300? Whew.

Hey, that's a real farm.

Come on over and Take a look at it.

Well, I've got the, uh...

Oh, come on. Come on!

Just step over Onto your own land.

Come on!

Mmm. It's good!

Yeah. I got another bumper crop

Of apples this year.

Mm-hmm. And all That alfalfa and corn.

Real farm.

That's a nice house.

Oh, that don't go with the farm.

You don't need a house, anyway.

You got that beautiful Place of yours.

Yeah. I don't really Need a house. No.

Me and cora want to keep it

So's we have someplace To come back to

After we do all that traveling.

Yeah. I can understand that.

Well, mr. Douglas, Have we got a deal?

Well, the price is right.

Well, sign here.

Uh, I'd like to talk it over

With my wife first.

Hi, mr. Kimball.

Well, hello, eb.

Where's mr. Douglas?

He's coming in on his tractor.

Be patient. He'll get here.

Congratulations. You made it.

You always drive it that way?

No, I don't always Drive it that way.

It's stuck in reverse.

Where can I get I fixed?

Well, that shouldn't Be too hard.

Well, it won't be easy, either.

What kind is it?

Oh, it's a, uh...

Hoyt clagwell?

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha!

What's so funny?

Oh, there's a farmer Over at steuben bluff

That has one of these.

Of course, his front Wheel keeps falling off.

No. I wasn't his front wheel.

It was his back wheel.

Not that one. It Was the other one.

Yeah. That's the one.

Oh, I give up.

I got to get a new tractor.

Especially if I buy That watson place.

That'd be a good idea.

The watson place? You going to buy it?

Mr. Watson's Thinking of retiring.

He's made me a very good price

On 140 acres.

Well, with your 160 acres,

And his 140 acres, that Would give you 300 acres

Of the best farmland In the valley...

Except your 160 acres.

Mr. Kimball, what do You think of his farm?

Well, you couldn't Go wrong in buying it.

Well, you could go wrong.

Well, not wrong, but not right.

Unless...

Could you give me a Straight answer for once?

A straight answer?

Please.

Well, let's put it this way...

He has a fine crop started,

And if you take over And do the same thing

That you did to this farm,

You'll... Oh, boy.

Are you implying That I'm not doing

A good job on this farm?

Oh, no, sir, mr. Douglas.

I never meant to imply

That you're doing a good job.

What I'm trying To say is... Oh, boy.

Lisa: oliver!

Out here by the barn.

Have you told the missus

You're buying the watson place?

No.

Chicken, huh?

No! I just heard It was for sale.

What did she say When you told her

You bought this place?

Well, she said...

Oh, boy.

Well, I better be running along.

I don't want to stay around

And see the fight.

Not that there Has to be a fight,

But there probably will be.

No. Stick around.

No, no, no. You don't need me.

I mean, eb knows All about first aid.

Oh, good morning, mr. Kimball.

Oh, morning, mrs. Douglas.

How is everything?

Well everything Was all right up until,

Uh... Oh, boy.

Well, I'll be seeing you folks.

What is mr. Kimball Oh, boying about?

Oh, nothing.

I just told him I might Buy the watson place.

Oh, boy!

Lisa...

I could make a real Good buy on that.

Oh, boy!

It's a beautiful farm.

I don't like it.

You haven't even seen it!

The least you can Do is take a look at it.

Which way is it?

Over there.

I don't like it.

You can't tell from here.

Oh, yes, I can.

Lisa, come over there with me.

Drive over and take A look at it close up.

Oliver...

It's a wonderful Buy! A perfect farm.

All it needs is somebody Beautiful like you

To make it come to life.

Oh, boy.

Will you just take a look at it?

I'll look, but I won't like it.

I told you I wasn't Going to like it,

And I kept my Promise. I don't like it.

Lisa... We have as much farm

As we need, and much more.

All that corn, and the alfalfa,

And these apples... Here...

Try one. They're delicious.

I don't like apples.

Is that their house?

Yeah. Did you notice That brook over there?

It's lovely.

Oh, it's pretty,

And the alfalfa. Buy it.

Why can't... Buy it?

Yes, darling, buy it.

You know what you just said?

I said buy it.

Lisa...

When you folks are finished, You can sign the papers.

Up here!

Just doing a little pruning.

We're ready to sign the papers.

I figured you would.

Do you like it, mrs. Douglas?

I think it's lovely.

Me and cora been Mighty happy here.

Even if we haven't seen Any wide-screen movies.

Well, you got a deal.

Now, I'll leave you a deposit,

But I've got to go to new york

For a couple of days, Transfer some funds here

To my account At the pixley bank.

Oh, there's no hurry. The place is all yours.

Me and cora will pack tonight,

And leave the first Thing in the morning.

Oh, thank you.

Cora, I told you he'd go for it!

You better get aboard.

Ok. It's going to be so lonely

In new york without you.

I'll go with you, if you want.

I was not talking to you.

You just take good Care of mrs. Douglas.

Yes, sir.

By the time you get back,

The house will be ready.

You're a wonderful wife.

I'm going to miss you.

Something else You're going to miss!

What?

The train!

Oh! Good-bye!

Good-bye, darling.

Wait for me!

2 bits he don't catch it.

Who is it?

Mr. Haney.

Oh, come in.

I can't. I've been De-doorknobbed.

Oh, one moment.

You want me to put this

Back on for you?

It'll only cost you a quarter.

Oh, don't bother.

We're not staying here, anyhow.

My husband bought The watson farm.

We're going to move As soon as possible.

You mean that you're leaving

This beautiful, modern house

For that squatter's shack?

As fast as I can.

You city people are Sure hard-hearted.

When your husband forced me

To sell him this house,

I cried for 3 days.

Until the check cleared.

Well, that did

Brighten things a little.

Although the puny amount

Didn't equal the true value

Of this priceless old homestead.

Would you like to buy it back?

Uh, no, thank you.

Mr. Haney, do you know A good moving company?

Yeah!

The tiffany art treasure,

Trans-continental Transportation,

And special handling Moving company.

Who are they?

Me.

Now, I could move This fine furniture

In my spacious padded truck

Fer...$75.

25.

60?

15.

Hold it!

You're going in the Wrong direction.

When I'm coming down,

You're supposed to be going up.

10.

Mrs. Douglas, you just ain't got

The spirit of this thing.

5.

If it's all the same to you,

I'd rather do business With your husband.

Where is he?

In new york.

Oliver!

Hello, mother.

Where's lisa?

Oh, she's not with me.

She left you!

She did not!

Oh? Why not?

Aren't you glad to see me?

Oh, yes, of course, dear.

Now, then, where is lisa?

Oh, she's back in hooterville.

You chained her to the stove!

Mother, don't you want To know why I'm here?

Let me guess.

You're going to See a psychiatrist.

I'm going to the bank To transfer some funds.

I bought the farm next door.

My medicine.

No, no. That was Your father's medicine.

My pills.

Oh, mother, do you Really need those pills?

Oh, my poor lisa.

She told me to buy it.

Oliver, this is your mother

You're talking to.

She did!

Well, I'll just find Out for myself.

You can't call her.

They took out our pole.

Oh, no!

Mother, take my word for it.

She's very happy there.

You know why she stayed?

She's fixing up our house.

Well, the outside doesn't need

Much fixing up.

It just ain't got the Charm of your old place.

That's what you say.

Oh, look!

The doorknob Stays with the door!

That ain't no reason For buying a house.

Isn't it lovely?

What is all the furniture

Doing here?

I guess lud sold it furnished,

What with them Traveling and everything.

But what am I going to do

With all the furniture?

You might give it to some fellow

Who lost a lot of money

Selling his priceless Farm to your husband.

I am not going to give it away.

I'm going to sell it away.

Do you know someone Who might buy it?

Well, let's see now, There's the pixley...

No, they wouldn't Give you nothing for it.

Or the crabwell... No.

The elite antique

American high-priced Furniture buyers.

That's you.

No. That's my cousin,

But I act as his agent.

And I think that he Would authorize me

To offer you $50 for everything.

$100.

45.

150.

Mrs. Douglas, when is Your husband coming home?

Lisa!

Lisa!

Go away for a couple of days,

Everything goes to pot.

Lisa!

Lisa?

Lisa!

Lisa...

Where are you?

Sure looks good.

Yes. Mr. Douglas Is going to love it.

Did you bring everything over?

Yes, ma'am, 'cept eleanor.

Well, you'd better Go and get her.

Hello, eleanor.

You know where my wife is?

I sure do.

Then you tell me, be...

Eb!

When did you get home?

Just a little while Ago. Where's my wife?

Over at the new house.

What new house?

The watson place you bought.

I didn't buy the...

Your furniture sure Looks great over there.

You mean she Moved the furniture?

Yeah. Wait until You see the place!

Lisa!

Come in, darling.

Oh, for crying out lou...

I did that to make You feel at home.

Come in, darling.

What's going on here?

Isn't it lovely?

Well, yes, but...

It's not ours.

But you said it Was all paid for.

I'm not talking About the furniture.

I'm talking about the house.

Then, the deal fell through?

No. I didn't buy the house.

I just bought the land.

Then we can't live here?

No! The watsons are coming back

As soon as they've Seen a wide-screen movie.

This is a so much Nicer house than ours.

Now, don't worry.

Ours will be nicer than this.

We've already got The chicken coop...

The bedroom half finished.

It'll be all fixed up.

You promise?

I promise.

Now, let's get our Furniture back.

No harm done.

There's some harm done.

What's that?

The furniture... The Watson furniture...

Yes?

I sold it.

You sold the...

No, no. It's all Right. I'll buy it back.

That's no problem.

There is a problem.

What's that?

I sold it to mr. Haney.

That's a problem.

That's mr. Haney's truck.

I wonder what he's doing here.

Mr. Haney...

I'm in the house.

Mr. Haney, I want to talk to...

How do you like it?

What's all this doing here?

Well, now that you own 2 houses,

I thought you might like

To rent one house out furnished.

Now, I can make you a good buy.

We don't want to buy this.

These are the watson furnitures.

No, ma'am. This is the property

Of the elite antique american

High-priced furniture buyers.

All right. We'll buy it back.

Well, 3 rooms of Genuine antique furniture,

Uh, how about $750?

Why, you just Bought it this morning

From me for $200.

That's why antiques are Such a good investment.

They're always going up.

Mr. Haney, I'm not Going to pay you

One penny more Than you paid my wife.

Well, I'm afraid you'll Have to take that up

With the elite antique American high-priced

Furniture buyers. I'm just the agent.

All right.

Shall we discuss This with the sheriff?

Oh, um...

Uh, no need to bother him.

$200 sounds like a fair price.

I thought it would. Now, you take

This furniture over To the watsons',

And you bring our Furniture back here.

Oh, now, mr. Douglas, You wouldn't ask me

To move all this furniture For nothing, would you?

How much do you want?

$200?

I'll give you 50.

100?

60.

Darling, please, Let me handle this.

Mr. Haney...

What was your last bid?

$100.

35.

75?

20.

Mr. Douglas, no Offense intended,

But I ain't doing Business with your wife.

Oh!

Ohh!

Oh, sweetheart, What's the matter?

I banged my head on that...

They put the telephone pole

Back while we were sleeping.

Oh, look, there's a note on it.

"From your friends, The night crew

At the hooterville Telephone company."

Aw, wasn't that sweet of them?

Oh, that certainly is.

But why did they put it back

In the chicken coop...

Uh, the bedroom?

Oliver...

What?

I love you!

I love you, too,

But that stupid Telephone company!

Of all the incompetent, No good, idiotic,

Wet-lipped idiots! The...

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