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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Oh!

Oh, good morning, dear.

What's good about it?

Ah, a beautiful day, isn't it?

Flattery will get you nowhere.

Oh, lisa!

Ugh.

Lisa.

Some husbands have big Bedrooms for their wives.

Oh!

Excuse me. Oh.

Honey, where are you Getting all those blankets?

Outside the window.

Aw! For...

Ugh.

Oh!

Oh!

Lisa, what's the Matter with you?

I am tired of making the Bed inside and outside.

This room is too Tight to move around.

No. It's not so bad. It's...

Ohh!

What's the matter?

I'm stuck.

Well, you can stay Stuck for all I care.

Either you make This room bigger,

Or the 6 months I Promised to stay

Are up immediately.

Lisa!

I called a carpenter 3 weeks ago

To come and give us an estimate.

Well, I'll give you an estimate.

Either you make this room bigger

Or I'm leaving.

Oh, lisa!

It's either or.

All right. I'll call them later.

That's either. Good-bye.

No, no! I'll call him right now.

Go that way. It's faster.

Oh, good morning, mr. Douglas.

Good morning, eb. What Are you doing here?

Calling my girl.

Ophelia, are you still there?

Well, I'm still here.

8:00 tonight all right?

Ok. I'll drive by And pick you up.

Mr. Douglas, can I Borrow your car tonight?

No.

I'll walk by and pick you up.

Good-bye.

It's all yours, mr. Douglas.

Hello, sarah?

Can you connect me

To the monroe brothers, please.

Carpenter shop.

Oh, hello. Is this the Monroe brothers?

No. This is just one of them.

Oliver, on phone: Well, uh, this is...

Which one do you want To talk to, alf or ralph?

It doesn't make any difference.

Well, it does to us. One of us is married.

Who are you?

I'm alf. Ralph is out.

Oh, well, this is mr. Douglas.

Uh, you promised to come Over here 3 weeks ago

And give me an estimate

On enlarging the bedroom.

Oh, yeah. Well, ralph's Been on vacation.

Well, when will he be back?

Last wednesday.

You want us to come out today?

Yes. I'd appreciate It very much.

This is very important.

Thank you.

Mr. Douglas, if You'll lend me the car,

I'll get it washed for you free!

No, thanks.

Ophelia's the front Fender swabber

At the pixley car wash.

Right.

She worked her way up From rear bumper swabber.

She's got ambition!

I'm sure she has.

Did you get the Bedroom-enlarging man?

Yes. They'll be here today.

They better be.

Remember. Either or.

Your milking's Improving, mr. Douglas.

Ain't it, eleanor?

That's right from The horse's mouth.

First time I ever saw You, I said to myself,

There's a man who's got the Makings of a great farmer.

A man who could plow A field, plant a crop,

Milk a cow, and lend His hired hand his car.

No!

Well, if you won't Lend me the car,

Would you lend Me the front seat?

What do you want The front seat for?

It'll look a lot better Than standing at the drive-in

All through the movie.

You can't have the Car or the front seat.

How about the horn?

So's we can toot During intermission.

Will you forget about the car.

I'm not getting any milk.

I guess eleanor can tell

When there's a mean Hand on the throttle.

Here. You take over.

Yes, sir.

Co-pilot to crew, I'm Taking over the controls.

Well, hello, mr. Haney.

That'll be $12.

Just for saying hello?

No. For this.

Oh, that's a photograph Of the house.

Painted personal By dory comstock.

He's got a lot of talent.

He done this.

Oh! That is a work of art.

When narrow ties come in, The world lost a great artist.

That's a matter of opinion.

Would you like to buy it?

For just $2, you can Have an old masterpiece

Hanging around your neck.

No, thank you.

And no, thank you for that.

Well, I just thought

You might like to remember How the house looked

Before you brought In the monroe brothers

To destroy its Magnificent symmetry.

How did you find out

About the monroe brothers?

We're on the same party line.

I just happened to Pick up the telephone

And heard you talking to ralph.

I was talking to alf.

Oh, well, you must have had

A better connection than I did.

Or else I didn't hear so good,

Because I felt kind of faint

When I heard what You was gonna do

To my house.

It's not your house. I bought it from you.

Yeah. But I built it.

Mr. Douglas, I put my heart And soul into that house.

You should have used lumber.

Oh, that is cruel.

Almost as cruel as bringing in

A couple of perfect Strangers to change it.

Mr. Douglas, nobody but Me should touch that house.

Well, mr. Haney, I appreciate

Your love for this old mansion,

But the monroe brothers Are going to do the job.

Oh, well, now, I'll admit

That they're mighty Good carpenters.

Mm-hmm.

And they use the Very finest materials.

That's right.

And their prices are right.

And the building inspector Will never approve of their work.

Why not?

'cause he's my cousin.

Are you trying to tell me

That unless you do the job,

Your cousin won't approve it?

Well, no, sir.

What I'm trying To tell you is...

Oh, there you are, darling.

Oh, good morning, mr. Haney.

It wasn't until you walked out

And made the sun shine.

Oh, no!

You're like a south wind Blowing down the canyon

Causing the pine trees To murmur to each other,

"Let mr. Haney Enlarge your bedroom."

Aren't the monroe Brothers going to do it?

They are.

Well, then, why is mr. Haney

Murmuring in the pine trees?

He can murmur all day,

But the monroe brothers Are going to do it.

Is that definite?

Yes. Ok.

Do you want to pay me A consultation fee now

Or do you want me to bill you?

Your consultation fee?

For warning you About my cousin buford.

Mrs. Douglas, he's the Tough building inspector

That probably ain't going To approve of your bedroom.

Oliver, why won't his cousin

Approve the bedroom?

Oh! He's just Trying to coerce me.

You're wasting your time.

Then you ain't gonna Buy the photograph?

No.

Or the hand-painted necktie?

Definitely not.

Then I guess I am Wasting my time.

I'll be seeing ya.

Oliver, could he Really do something?

No, no.

He's always got Some kind of an angle.

Probably doesn't Even have a cousin.

He's just trying to... Eb!

Eb, what are you doing?

Washing the car.

In case you change your mind.

Well, I'm not going To change my mind.

Oh, why don't you Let him have your car?

Because I don't want to.

How about the front seat?

It's a long picture to stand up.

Has he been talking to you?

No.

How about the horn?

He's not going to get The car and that's that!

Now let...

Oh, excuse me.

You called me this Morning for an estimate.

Oh, you're the monroe brothers.

No. I'm just one Of them. I'm alf.

Ah, well, I'm mr. Douglas.

Glad to know you.

Uh-huh. How do you do.

And this is mrs. Douglas.

Oh, how... Uh, would You... Would you mind?

Uh-huh.

How do you do?

Are you the enlarger?

Yes, ma'am.

Now, what we'd like is s...

Ralph, ease off!

Ralph... Ralph made Some sketches.

Ralph? Bring the Sketches out here.

Ralph?

Ralph?

I'd like you to meet My brother ralph.

Howdy doody.

Your brother is a girl?

No, he's really my sister.

I don't understand.

Wouldn't you be a little dubious

About hiring a girl carpenter?

Oh, yes. I suppose so.

That's why I call him ralph.

Oh, you don't have To worry about her.

She makes a miter that'd Knock your eye out.

You draw the plans for Enlarging the kitchen?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Here. Here they are.

Wait. We didn't want The kitchen enlarged.

Oh, why not?

We could do that, too.

No. Lisa...

And the bedroom and the Living room and bathroom.

We could tear down The whole house

And start from over.

Whole house done again, huh?

All righty. We can...

Wait a minute, alf.

We got that job Over at stubin bluffs.

Oh, I forgot.

We're building a 2-story chicken coop.

Chicken coop.

Look, have you ever done

Any house remodeling?

Oh, yeah.

We redid the ziffel place.

That was a real big job.

Took us over 2 months.

2 months?

Well, I know mr. Ziffel.

If you've got any Doubts, why don't you

Take a run over There and look at it.

I think I might just do that.

Lisa, will you show The gentlemen...

Uh, I mean the gentleman

And his, um, brother...

What you want done.

How much bigger do you want it?

Oh, I don't know.

Just lay it out and Give me an estimate.

Come along. I'll Show you around.

Come on, alf.

Hey, you did a good job, eb.

Thanks, mr. Douglas.

Next time, put the top up!

Hello, mr. Douglas.

How are you, mr. Ziffel?

Good. I'm glad to see you, sir.

Thank you.

Come on in and sit down.

Thank you.

Arnold, get down from there

And let mr. Douglas sit down.

Wait, I don't want To disturb him.

Well, he needs disturbing.

He sits around too much.

Go on out and chase your ball.

Doris got him spoiled Something awful.

Sit down, mr. Douglas.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, mr. Douglas, what Can I do for you, sir?

Well, I wanted to Talk to you about...

Fred, have you seen my hairpins?

Oh, hello, mr. Douglas.

Mrs. Ziffel.

You see that, fred?

See what he did when I came in the room?

What? Stood up.

What's the matter?

Ain't your chair comfortable?

Well, yes, but...

Well, sit down, sir.

Stand up.

You see, fred, that's What a gentleman does

When a lady comes in the room.

Doris, you been going To the library again.

What is that you wanted To ask me, mr. Douglas?

I wanted to talk To you about the...

Sit down. Oh, thank you.

How's your wife?

Oh, fine. Thank you.

She always looks so pretty.

You do, too, mr. Douglas.

Thank you.

Well, I'm going Over to see kate.

So long.

You see that, fred?

Even stands up when I leave.

Sit down. Oh, thanks.

Stand up.

You know, you could take A few lessons from him.

Doing what?

Standing up.

I know how to stand up.

Well, then, why Don't you stand up

When I come in the room?

Because you Always take my chair.

Oh, fred.

So long. So long, mr. Douglas.

Oliver: good-bye.

Sit down.

I've been trying to.

Fred: you know, mr. Douglas,

I've been thinking about it.

Maybe I ain't been As polite to doris

As I oughter have been.

You know, she's a good woman.

Awfully good woman. Good worker.

Oh, you ought to See her behind a plow!

And she's Kind-hearted to a fault.

Mr. Douglas, there ain't

Another woman in this valley

That I'd trust my pigs with.

Well, it's nice to have Such an ideal mate.

Now, I wanted to talk to you About the monroe brothers.

Oh, the monroe brothers, yes.

You see, they ain't Really brothers.

One of them's a sister.

Yes. I know.

They said they did Some work for you.

Yes. They did.

Pretty good job, too.

What did they do?

Well, come here. I'll show you.

They fixed this door, here.

You see, I had them To rehang this door.

This door used to Open out the other way.

It opens this way now.

In 2 months, is This all they did?

Well, they knocked Down the front porch.

Of course, that was an accident.

They didn't charge me for that.

Well, uh, thank you...

Now, arnold, I didn't tell you

You could turn On that television.

How could he do that?

I don't know.

Doris taught him, I reckon.

Oh. Well, thank you, mr. Ziffel.

Yes, sir.

Very kind of you.

Yes, sir. Glad you come over.

Good. Bye-bye.

Park your car, sir?

No, thank you.

Ah! Ah!

What happened to the d...

How do you like the estimate?

What have they done?

Well, they pushed out the walls

So we can see how big The room is going to be.

Why did you let Them do that for?

Well, they said they do it

To all the chicken coops.

It's going to be lovely.

Look. This is the Clothes closet.

And we can walk right Through to the shower.

And, look. I can make up the bed

On both sides inside.

Why did y...

Where are they?

They went to get the lumber.

I didn't even see the estimate!

It's very good.

How much is it?

1 week.

1 week?

That's all it's going To take them to build it.

How much is it going to cost?

Well, they tell you When they're through.

I'm not going to approve An estimate like that.

You don't have to. I did.

You did?

This is community property

And my community Said to go right ahead.

What about the specifications?

What kind of lumber Are they going to use?

Very good. Wood lumber.

Oh, lisa!

Why, darling, if You don't like it

When they're through,

You can sleep in The living room.

I am not going to Sleep in the living room.

Then you like it.

Well, if it makes you happy.

But it won't make you happy.

It will. It will.

Then why are you sleeping

In the living room?

I'm not...

Look, tell them to Go ahead. To build it.

They can't.

Why not?

They need a building permit.

Well, let them get one.

They can't. They're Getting the lumber.

Well, who's going to Get the building permit?

You. From mr. Drucker.

Monroe brothers are the Contractors, is that right?

Yes. That's right.

Well, you couldn't Have got 2 better boys.

Except ralph.

You really think They're good, huh?

Did you see what they Did for fred ziffel?

Yes.

Ooh, that door of His really swings now.

Well, I guess That about does it.

Except I have to stamp it With a building code stamp.

Where is that thing?

Oh, well, I'll just Stamp it air mail.

Nobody ever reads these Building permits anyway.

Who moved the bed?

Howdy doody, mr. Douglas.

Oh, did you get the permit?

Yes, but...

How do you like it so far?

I'd like to find out how Much it's going to cost.

I said how much Is it going to cost?

We can't tell you Till we're all finished.

Then we'll give you a Real accurate estimate.

Don't you have any idea?

Saw that.

Now, I tell you, it Won't be too expensive.

How big a trapdoor do you want?

Well, I d... I... What trapdoor?

The one in the ceiling.

So we can climb up the Pole to answer the phone.

You can't leave The pole in the room!

Why not?

It'll make a wonderful Conversation piece.

I don't want a telephone Pole in the bedroom.

You mean, you Want us to move it?

Yes. We can't.

That's the property

Of the hooterville Telephone company.

They're the only Ones who can move it.

Is that so?

Well, I'll straighten that out.

I'll call sarah.

She's not there, darling.

She went bowling With her league.

Hey, that's right! Today's wednesday.

Come on, ralph!

Where are you going?

We're in the league!

Come on!

Oliver: wait a minute.

You can't leave it like this.

You had to enlarge the bedroom.

Hey. Is dinner ready, honey?

Almost.

What are we having?

Guess.

Not hotcakes again.

No.

Veetcakes.

I did it with our own veets.

You what?

I went into the fields

And I picked some veets

And I put it in the batter.

Lisa, you don't use Wheat from the field.

I just came in to Say good night.

Doesn't eb look nice!

Thank you, mrs. Douglas.

Ophelia likes the Ivory league clothes.

Aren't you starting A little early?

Well, I'm walking.

Ain't I?

Yes.

You won't change your mind?

No.

Well, I hope you Have better luck

With mr. Wilkins Than I have with you.

Wilkins?

The building inspector.

He's looking over your bedroom.

Ah, hello there.

Howdy.

I'm mr. Douglas.

You look like your cousin.

Which one?

Mr. Haney.

Folks do say they's A slight resemblance.

But I look more like my aunt.

Except she don't wear glasses.

I'm glad you didn't Let my cousin

Talk you into Giving him this job.

Them monroe brothers,

They know their business.

Then this is all right, eh?

Oh, yeah.

There's no reason Why I shouldn't mark it

A-proved.

Hi, mr. Wilkins.

Oh, hi, eb.

So, you're taking ophelia

To the drive-in Movie tonight, huh?

Yes, sir.

Ophelia's mr. Wilkins' daughter.

Ah. Oh.

It's mighty nice of you to Let the kids have the car.

He ain't letting us have it.

He ain't?

Dis a-proved.

Hey, wait a minute.

Also con-demned.

Darling, you better Let him have the car.

No. I won't.

Double con-demned.

This is nothing but blackmail!

$50 fine.

Look. I'm not going To pay any fine.

$100 fine for refusing To pay $50 fine.

Oliver, give him the keys.

No. I'm not going to.

It's either or.

All right.

A-proved.

Thank you, mr. Douglas.

That was a mighty nice thing That you did, mr. Douglas.

Now can we get the permit?

Certainly can.

There you are.

Signed, sealed and de-livered.

Thank you.

By the way,

You'll notice that I Approved this for occupancy

Of no more than 60 Chickens and 2 roosters.

Well, that's very...

What's that about the Chickens and the roosters?

It's going to be a bedroom.

I don't care what the Chickens use it for,

As long as there's no More than 60 of them.

You don't seem to understand.

The monroe brothers Enlarged the bedroom for us.

Dis a-proved.

Why?

The monroe brothers have A j-2 contracting license,

Which means they can Only build chicken coops

And rehang doors.

I'll be seeing you.

They can't do that to us!

I got that permit From mr. Drucker.

I'm going to call him And... Who took the pole?

I didn't.

Well, what happened to it?

We moved it.

Where to?

Ben miller's farm.

What for?

You didn't want it.

Ben was next in line.

Well, get it back.

You'll have to File an application.

So long, mac.

Of all the stup...

You want to move Back to new york?

No. I don't.

Now, come on.

Let's drive into town.

We'll have some dinner. We'll go to a movie.

Put the top down on the car...

On what car?

The car that I loaned eb.

We can't go out!

Oh, yes, we can, darling.

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