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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york is Where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Ooh!

Isn't this cozy?

Ohh!

Our first rain storm, And here we are,

Snug against the elements.

Oh, darling, I'm scared.

There's nothing To be scared about.

This house is built To stand. It's strong.

It got weak doorknobs.

Aw, that's nothing.

The penthouse in new york

Didn't have weak doorknobs.

Honey...

Or loose bricks In the fireplace.

Lisa...

And holes in the roof.

Lisa, this rain is good For our wheat crop.

Well, I'm not a wheat crop.

Darling, couldn't You fix the roof?

Yeah. Soon as the rain stops.

But then we won't need it.

I can't fix it While it's raining.

Oh, we sprung another leak.

I'll put a pan under it.

Oh, oh, oh! Oliver!

Sorry.

Oh, pardon, mignon.

I wish mignon had enough room

Down there for for me.

That's one of my best hats!

It was $125.

$125?

It doesn't even hold water!

Who is it?

Eb: it's me! Let me in!

Just a minute.

Oh, what's that? Wood for the fire?

No, sir. I found this outside.

It's the porch rail.

Where do you want it?

Oh, put it right over there.

I'll fix it

As soon as it stops raining.

I thought you were Going to fix the roof

When it stopped raining.

I'll do that, too.

You going to fix the barn door?

What's wrong with it?

I don't know. I can't find it.

Did it blow off?

No, sir, it's still on the barn,

Wherever that is.

What?

Just joking.

I don't think that's funny!

It got a big laugh

On the beverly hillbillies.

You see, granny came in...

Look, will you spare Me? I'm not interested.

Mr. Douglas, I got Some exciting news.

The coast guard wants Us to abandon ship?

What is it?

Well...

Lisa...

Do you know what?

How could I?

He didn't whisper loud enough!

Our cow eleanor's expecting!

Expecting what?

She's expecting a calf.

Oh! I didn't even Know she was married.

Oh! Cows don't get married.

Eb!

They don't even get engaged.

Eb, please...

How is she?

Oh, fine. She's Just a little wet.

The barn's leaking To beat anything.

Oh, the poor thing. In her condition...

Lisa, cows are Used to being wet.

They stand out all the time

In the rain and the snow.

Maybe your cows Do, but not mine.

Lisa, that's our comforter.

Eleanor needs Comforting much more

Than we do right now.

She's going to be a mother.

Honey, she's a cow.

A cow by another Name is still a mother.

That doesn't make sense.

It would if you were a mother.

My arm's getting tired.

Oh, you don't have To hold that umbrella.

Oh, yes, you have to hold it.

You hold it.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

She wants it!

Look, I'm not going To stay here all night

Holding am umbrella Over a wet cow.

All right, then, I'll hold it.

Oh, you're welcome.

Come on, eb, let's Get out of here.

Men... They don't understand Us women at a time like this.

You want a pickle or something?

I'll get you some first Thing in the morning.

Shh!

Moo!

Eleanor, who Brought you in here?

Mrs. Douglas.

What did she...

What is she doing In the kitchen?

She ain't cooking breakfast.

She's supposed To be in the barn.

Mrs. Douglas left A note about that.

Darling, I got tired

Of holding the umbrella,

So I brought Eleanor in the kitchen.

She should keep dry At 3:00 in the morning.

P.S. Don't wake me.

What?

That's what it says, darling.

Take eleanor back to the barn.

That sounds like Mr. Haney's truck.

Sounds like he's really Got it loaded down today.

Well, whatever he's got on it,

I am not buying.

Maybe you ought to. Take his mind off eleanor.

Eleanor?

Want me to hide her?

Why?

Well, she must've Been in her condition

When he sold her to You, so he'll claim the calf.

Oh, come on!

Did the same thing To henry cartwright.

Went to court, And mr. Haney won.

Well, if he wants To get me into court,

He'll find out he's Up against somebody

Who knows something about law.

After all, I'm an attorney.

You ever tried a case

In the superior Court of pixley...

Judge haney presiding?

Judge haney?

Mr. Haney's grandfather.

Well, if we get into court,

He'll have to Disqualify himself.

We'll get another judge.

The other judge is his uncle.

Hangin' haney.

Oh... Well...

Better take my advice And let me hide her.

All right, if it will Make you happy.

Haney: mr. Douglas!

I'd better take her Out the front way.

Good morning, mr. Douglas!

Shh!

Mrs. Douglas is still sleeping.

What was that?

Nothing.

Oh, it was mignon.

She's very clumsy.

Uh, what have you Got on your truck

This morning?

Oh, nothing you'd Be interested in.

Just a lot of junk that I got back from a fella

I had to take to court.

The judge awarded them to me.

Uh, which judge?

Your uncle or your grandfather?

My cousin... No bail haney.

By the way, mr. Douglas,

How's eleanor?

Why do you ask?

Well, I just ain't seen her.

Well, she, uh...

Eb took her out for a walk.

A walk?

Yes. She's been cooped up.

The rain and all. Say...

I'd love to see what you've got

On your truck Today. I just might be

In the mood to buy something.

See anything there you like?

How about the moose head?

Oh, that's not for sale.

I'm taking that home To polish the antlers

And clean the Eyeballs fer a feller.

Wait a second...

There's something You might like.

You mind holding this?

Now, come over here...

Where the light's good.

You recognize this feller?

Fellow?

It's a self-portrait... Beethoven.

He was a composer.

That's why he's made His self up like this.

He didn't want folks to Know he was a-paintin'.

I don't think that I'm in the market.

Good morning, darling.

Well, good morning.

I think she was talking to me.

What's that?

That's a portrait of beethoven

When he was a young girl.

I mean, what you Have in your hands.

Oh, this? This is a cradle.

That would be just right for...

Lisa! Darling,

Did you tell mr. Haney About the good news?

What good news?

Oh, it's a family matter.

A family matter?

Well, you see, I...

Um, how much you want for this?

Well, it's an antique.

You know that this Come over on the...

I'll take it.

You don't want to hear

The story that goes with it?

No.

I do.

Lisa, go back to sleep. You need your rest.

I'll give you $10 For the cradle.

Well, you could've had it for 8,

If you'd listened to the story.

There.

Now, if I need anything else,

I'll let you know.

Hey, mr. Douglas, You buying that for...

Uh, mignon.

Mignon is expecting The stork, too?

No... Uh, yes.

I'll explain later.

Well, I can tell That you got a lot

Going on around here.

Best I be running along.

Yes. Thank you Very much, mr. Haney.

Are you sure?

Sam, why would he buy A $6.00 cradle for $10,

That I would've sold him for 8?

That don't mean They're expecting.

Did they come right out and say

They're going to have a baby?

Mrs. Douglas was Trying to tell me,

And he kept shushing her.

I'm convinced. Have a cigar, haney.

Hold it!

That'll be 20 cents.

Charge it to mr. Douglas.

What?

He's going to be Passing them out

Eventually, anyhow.

If mr. Douglas wants To pass out cigars

For his baby, that's up to him.

Well, I got to go home

And knock down my chicken coop.

What for?

The douglases are going to need

A load of new lumber For the nursery.

That haney...

Get that, will you, joe?

Will I get a cigar?

No!

Drucker's store,

Run by drucker the cheapskate.

Just answer it! Don't make

Editorial comments.

Hello? Hello?

Hello, hello, yourself.

Who is this? Who is this?

I am mr. Douglas' Mother. I'm calling

From new york, and I'd like...

Hi, eunice. How are you, honey?

Oh... Is this mr. Carson?

It ain't vincent lopez.

I'm trying to get in Touch with my son.

Oh. He been avoiding You again, huh?

The hooterville operator Said that the lines

To his farm were down Because of the storm.

I can take a message For you, grandma.

Mr. Carson... My Name is mrs. Douglas.

You want the kid To call you that?

What kid?

Well, I guess you ain't Heard the news yet.

The young mrs. Douglas Is having a b-a-b-I-e.

B-a-b-I-e?

What is a babbie?

Don't you know how To spell? That's baby.

I can sp...

A baby?

Yeah. Say, uh, Would it be all right

If I got a cigar and charged it

To your son in honor Of the occasion?

Get off this phone, you clod!

I've got important things to do!

A baby! Oh! A baby!

Oh, that poor Child... In hooterville!

Cut off from civilization At a time like this!

Good afternoon, mr. Douglas.

Hi, mr. Kimball.

Barn get flooded last night?

Oh, just a little water.

Eb and I are bailing it out.

You like to do a little Indoor skin-diving,

Mr. Kimball?

Where did you get those?

The feller in the Boat gave them to me.

The boat?

Mr. Kimball, is there Any law against fishing

For barracuda in a barn?

Keep bailing.

Yes, sir.

He's quite a comic.

Yeah.

Of course, there is A law about fishing

For barracuda in a Barn, or is it trout?

No, it's barracuda.

I remember one time at The county agents meeting,

We had this other agent...

Mr. Kimball, I want to talk

To you about eleanor.

I was going to Ask you about her.

Is she sick?

Oh, no, no.

She's expecting.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you, thank you.

Gives you a warm Feeling, doesn't it?

Yeah. I can imagine.

Why?

Uh, well, uh, I mean, She's the first thing

Born on my farm.

My fields are all Planted with wheat.

I feel like a real farmer.

Yeah. I see what you mean.

Yeah.

I don't really see What you mean,

But if that's what you want.

Although I don't Know why you want it.

Well, I guess I can see it.

It kind of gives You a warm feeling.

Yeah. That's what I said.

About what?

About the calf and the wheat.

Oh. That's where I heard it.

Oh, hello, mr. Kimball.

What've you got there?

I brought lunch.

Oh, that's very sweet of you.

Heh. For eleanor.

What?

You want your kiss back?

No.

Poor darling. I'm very Worried about her.

You know, she wouldn't eat

A stick of hay all morning.

So, I cooked her Something nice and warm

In her condition.

Want me to translate That for you?

Oh, no, no, no. I Understand her perfectly.

Well, not perfectly, but...

Well, what did you Bring for old eleanor?

Hot cakes.

Hot cakes. Very interesting.

Well, not interesting...

She can't eat those!

Even I can't eat... I mean...

I know what you mean,

But I brought it for someone

Who appreciates good cooking.

There you are, darling.

You're wasting your time.

A cow will not eat...

Would you like to Have another one?

Smart guy.

Did you ever hear of a cow

That ate hot cakes?

Mr. Douglas, animals Do a lot of things

That we in the department Just don't understand.

I remember, the chief Once had a prize hen.

Well, it wasn't a prize hen...

It just liked to lay Eggs in a loving cup.

It had the same strange Taste that eleanor has.

You mean, it liked hot cakes?

No. Rutabagas with chili.

You don't expect Me to believe that!

Have you ever read the Department of agriculture

Bulletin number 228-74?

No, I haven't.

Well, you ought to Read that sometime.

Oh! I have a meeting at 3:00,

And, uh, uh...

No, that was yesterday.

Or is it tomorrow?

Well, I have to be Someplace at 3:00,

And I better be There... Wherever it is.

Oh, mr. Kimball, Is there anything

Special we should Do for eleanor?

No. You're doing all you can.

Well, not all You can, but, uh...

Well, just keep up

With the hot cakes And the comforter,

But don't overdue the Rutabagas with chili.

No, that's for chickens.

Well, bye.

Darling, isn't Mr. Kimball helpful?

Did you understand what he said?

Every word.

Well, not every word,

But most of it. Well, I didn't

Understand most of it...

Where are you going?

I'm going to catch a Barracuda for supper.

Kate, kate, I got Some great news.

Guess what?

You got a job!

Look, if you're going To joke about it,

I won't tell you.

I wasn't joking.

Well, I'll tell you anyway.

The douglases are going to have

A b-a-b-I-e.

A babbie?

Don't anyone know how to spell

Around here anymore?

The douglases are Going to have a baby.

Oh! That's wonderful! Who told you?

Haney. He sold them A cradle this morning.

Well, I bet Mr. Douglas is excited.

Yeah. Haney said He acted just like

A newborn father. He won't admit it.

Oh, I don't believe that.

Haney said he tried To make him believe

That the cradle was

For that dog of theirs mignon.

That's min-yon.

That's the way haney Said douglas acted.

When is the stork due?

I don't know.

You know, maybe I Should go over and see

If there's anything I can Do to help mrs. Douglas.

What's this for?

Sweeping the porch.

Mrs. Douglas!

Oh, hello, mrs. Bradley.

Why, you shouldn't Be standing on chairs!

The only way I can find What I'm looking for.

Well, you get Down and I'll look.

Oh, would you?

Well, sure. Thank you.

How are you feeling?

Well, I'm a little tired today.

Well, I can understand that.

Uh, oh! What're you looking for?

A can of rutabagas and chili.

Rutabagas and chili?

You know something?

I don't think they come in cans,

Or any place else.

But, how about some pickles?

No. Rutabagas and chili.

Well, when I go Back to the hotel,

Maybe I can fix you some.

Would you? Sure.

Uncle joe told me the good news.

Oh, oliver wanted To keep it a secret.

Well, I won't say a word.

This is your first, huh?

I don't know.

You don't know?

I've only been here 6 weeks.

But... Rutabagas and chili, huh?

Well, maybe I can fix You some for supper.

Oh, no, no. We're Having fish for supper.

Oliver is in the barn Catching a barracuda.

Barracuda...

I'll tell him you are here.

No, no, no, no, No. I'll find him.

You stay right there.

Oh, mrs. Bradley!

Hello, mr. Douglas.

Did you have any luck?

Oh, this belongs to eb.

Have you seen lisa?

Yes. I was just talking to her.

Um... Mr. Douglas, is She feeling all right?

Well, she's a little tired.

You know, she was up

Until 3:00 this morning,

Holding an umbrella Over the cow.

Well, I, uh, I heard The good news.

Congratulations.

Thank you, thank you.

You know, you've had A lot of experience

With this, haven't you?

Oh, yeah. We had 3.

Tell me, did you have any help?

Yes.

You think it's really necessary?

Well, uh...

Mr. Kimball was Here this morning.

He said there should Be no problems.

Mr. Kimball?

Yeah. She's healthy. She's strong.

You know, she ate

A whole plate of hot cakes

Out in front of the barn

This morning?

Really?

Well, I think I better get back

To the hotel, mr. Douglas.

No, no. Stay for supper.

No, thank you. Uh...

Barracuda doesn't agree with me.

Where do they catch Barracuda around here?

Mr. Douglas! Mr. Douglas!

What's the matter?

Eleanor's going To have her calf.

Oh, darling, what Are we going to do?

I'll get a vet.

Oh, I'd better stay with her.

She shouldn't be left Alone at a time like this.

Where can I get a vet?

There's doc johnson

Over in crabwell corners.

Aah!

Mother!

Dr. Fillmore, what Are you doing here?

I brought him.

What for?

Well, your mother Heard the news,

And she got hysterical...

Hysterical?

Just because we're having a...

Lisa: oliver, help!

Sounds like the Stork's on his way.

What? Oh, lisa!

She's not in there. She's in the barn.

The barn?

How could you?

Lisa: oliver, come quickly!

Oh, doctor, please! Please!

Now, you got this all...

Don't you speak to me!

Oliver, how could You do a thing like this?

In the barn!

I suppose tomorrow,

You'll have her Out in the fields!

Why not?

Why not?

Oliver, you are no Longer a son of mine.

I disown you.

Mother!

Oh, lisa.

Get back in that barn!

The doctor just chased me out.

He what?

Darling, the doctor Said the calf will

Be here any moment.

Calf?

Yes. That's what I've been trying

To tell you. Our Cow's having a calf.

But, mr. Carson told me...

I thought that she...

Uhh!

Ohh!

For crying out loud.

Just have this filled out,

And give it to her twice a day.

Thank you, doctor. I know this

Is a little bit Out of your line.

Oh, that's all right.

It was a nice change of pace.

And don't worry about the calf.

She's a fine, healthy girl.

Mother, we're going To name her after you.

Eunice cow.

Thank you.

Good-bye, lisa.

Good-bye, darling.

Good-bye, oliver.

Good-bye, grandma.

Grandma?

We're ready, mr. Haney.

Are you sure you don't Want to sit up front?

Not without a seatbelt.

Come along, doctor,

You can treat me On the way home.

Uh, mr. Douglas, Now, about that calf...

Uh, mr. Haney, that Calf belongs to us.

You've got no claim on her.

Oliver's going to fight you

In every court.

Oh, but I don't Want to fight you.

You can have the Calf. She's yours.

Well!

Just pay me 50 cents A day rental for her.

Out.

But, I...

Out!

Good-bye, mother!

Good-bye, grandma!

Well, we had quite A day, didn't we?

Oh, it isn't over yet.

Eleanor isn't the only one

Who needs rutabagas and chili.

Lisa...

Oh, not me, darling.

Alice.

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