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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Uh, what are you going to do?

Plug in the coffee.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Uh, what's the rating On the coffee pot?

2.

Uh-huh. And what have You got already plugged in?

A 6 and a one.

And that adds up to a 7.

That's the top load the Generator will carry.

Oh? Well, then I Pull out the one,

And I push in the 2.

Is that all right? No.

It will blow out the generator.

And we don't want to do that.

No. We don't.

All right.

I'll put in the one.

I pull out the 6,

And I plug in the 2.

Good.

But I don't need the one.

Pull it out.

Is that all right With the generator?

Anything is all right With the generator,

So long as it doesn't Add up to more than 7.

Oh.

Darling, how much is An electrical frying pan?

That's a 3.

What are you going To use that for?

I've a surprise for you.

I'm not going to cook Hotcakes this morning.

Oh, wonderful!

You don't like my hotcakes?

Oh, no! Yes, I like Your hotcakes.

I'm just glad you're Not going to...

Uh, what are you

Going to cook instead?

Eggs.

Have we got any?

I left a note with the egg lady.

The egg lady?

Alice the chicken.

You left a note for a chicken?

Mm-hmm. I told Her we need 3 eggs.

Excuse me. I want to see If she got our order in.

Good morning, alice.

Did you get my note?

Look, darling!

She made us an extra one.

Douglas did all the Preliminary work

On the clarkson case, didn't he?

Yes, mr. Felton, but...

Wilson, he can win That case for us.

Yes, he can, but, when he left,

He said he would never come back

To this office.

Well, it will only Take him 3 weeks.

But he won't leave That farm of his.

Mrs. Brumley, come in, please.

I think I can persuade him.

Yes, mr. Felton?

Mrs. Brumley, do we have

A telephone number For mr. Douglas?

I believe we do.

Hooterville 297 ring 2.

That's the general Store, but they'll call him.

Get him, please.

You're wasting your time.

It's just a simple Telephone call.

Get that, will you, joe?

Put that down.

Got mirrors in the Back of your head?

Hello.

Is this hooterville 297 ring 2?

Yeah. Who's calling?

Judson carter felton.

You don't sound like

No judson carter felton to me.

Just a moment, please.

Hello.

Who's this?

Judson carter felton.

I just talked to a girl,

Said she was judson Carter felton.

That was my secretary.

Must be kinda confusin',

Both of you having The same name.

Look. I wonder if I could Speak to mr. Oliver douglas.

What about?

This is personal. I'm Calling from new york.

How's the weather back there?

Why... Well, it... It's fine.

Hey, the weather's Fine in new york.

New york!

Who you talking to?

Hello? This is sam drucker.

My name's felton.

Put that down!

Oh, I'm sorry, mr. Felton.

I want to speak to Mr. Oliver douglas.

Is that call really From new york?

Yes.

Let me say something.

Go away!

Oh, please, sam.

I never talked to Nobody in new york.

Mr. Felton, floyd's never talked

To anybody in new york.

Is it all right if He says hello?

Oh, all right.

Hello, new york. This is floyd smoot!

Smoot?

No, this is sam drucker.

Who'd you want to Talk to, mr. Felton?

Felton? Doggone, I haven't heard

From him in years.

How are you, gomer?

Gomer?

This is judson felton.

Are you any kin to gomer?

No.

Where do you live?

In new york.

Oh, well, he lives In kansas city.

You got the wrong number.

Oh!

Mrs. Brumley, will you get me

That number back again?

The soil should be limed

Whenever there Is a noticeable drop

In the ph of the soil.

Ph what?

Uh... Just ph.

The soil got a drop in the fa?

Fa?

No. Ph. It's an abbrevia...

Morning.

Oh, good morning, mr. Haney.

How do you pronounce ph?

Fa.

I told you.

Mr. Haney...

Oh, you're going To do some liming?

Yes.

I suppose you know You'll need a lime spreader.

I know.

Have you got one?

No. And I'm not going to buy

That one you've got

Out there in the truck, either.

Oh, I ain't got Anything on the truck.

Oh?

You wanna buy a truck?

No. I don't want to buy a truck!

Oliver. Oliver.

Mr. Haney, would you like To have some breakfast?

Well, that's mighty Thoughty of you.

We're having eggs this morning.

Eggs from little alice.

I told you when I Sold that hen to you,

That she was a layer.

Ha!

I left her a note To make us 3 eggs,

And she made us 4.

Well, she probably just don't Recognize your handwriting yet.

You gotta make the Numbers real big, so they...

Oh, come on now!

A note-reading hen!

Well, they've got a Horse on tv that talks.

He doesn't talk!

Well, he sure Sounds like he does.

Uh, there will be a 10-cent Charge for checking.

Now, do you want The 35-cent special?

Or would you like The 45-cent blue plate?

Oliver!

Well, he's always Charging me for everything.

Fair is fair.

I'll take the 45-cent blue plate

And you owe me 10 cents.

What?

Well, I come out here to deliver

A 55-cent message to you,

So, deducting the blue plate,

You owe me a dime.

What's the message?

I'll tell you when I get

My dime and my breakfast.

Darling, are these done?

Why didn't' you take Them out of the shells?

Well, I didn't want to Hurt alice's feelings.

She went through so Much trouble to put them in.

I believe I'll just take

The 55 cents in cold cash.

There you are.

Now, the message is, uh...

Give me my change first.

Don't you want to Hear the message?

After I get my change.

Now, the message is...

You're 10 cents short.

I deducted excise tax.

It's a telephone message.

From a mr. Felton.

Oliver: judson carter felton?

Well, it wasn't gomer.

What was the message?

Uh, he wants you to call him

At his office in new york.

It's urgent.

Could you get new york for me?

Plaza 36098.

I want to talk to mr. Felton.

What line's he in?

He's an attorney.

I used to be Associated with him.

Ever win many cases?

Yes. We...

Um, mrs. Brumley...

Who's she?

Mr. Felton's secretary.

You mean judson carter felton

Fired judson carter felton?

What?

Oh!

This is oliver douglas.

Oh, yes. Mr. Felton's most Anxious to talk to you.

Mr. Felton! It's mr. Douglas.

Hello.

Hello, oliver.

How are you?

Oh, I'm just fine.

Good. I'm glad.

Woman, on phone: Hello. Hello. Hello.

Who's this?

Doris ziffel. Who's this?

My name's felton.

Gomer?

No. Not gomer.

Look, I'm talking from new york.

New york? How's The weather there?

It's fine.

Look, I want to talk

To mr. Oliver douglas.

Try sam's store.

Uh, this... I... I'm in Sam's store now.

Hello. Who's this?

Oliver douglas.

Oh, mr. Douglas, there's a Call for you at sam's store.

You better get over there.

That's where I am now.

Hello, oliver?

No, this is doris ziffel.

Madam, will you please hang up?

Oh, all right.

Hello?

Hello. Hello!

I... Ooh, the miserable!

I was cut off!

Shall I try to get him back?

No.

No, mrs. Brumley.

Just get me a ticket On whatever it is

That runs to hooterville.

It'll be easier talking to him

In person than trying to get him

On that phone.

Lisa!

Why does this thing...

Lisa! Yes, darling.

I'm so glad.

You made a good choice.

What are you talking about?

Telling mr. Felton You're going back

To the law practice.

I didn't even talk To mr. Felton.

Oh. I'll go unpack.

Maybe he'll call back.

I won't unpack.

This is ridiculous.

We've got to get A telephone, and...

Mr. Douglas, your lime came,

And mr. Kimball's Waiting for you

At the barn.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Haven't you forgotten something?

Thank you.

But all I wanted Was the doorknob.

Ah, good morning, mr. Kimball.

Oh, hi, mr. Douglas.

What do we have here?

Lime.

Couldn't get raspberry, huh?

That was a little joke.

Well, it wasn't a joke.

It was nothing.

But the chief made it up

And if we don't Laugh, we get fired.

Well, not fired.

He just suspends Us without pay...

Forever.

Uh, mr. Kimball, I'm Planning on using

About a ton to the acre.

Now, do you think that's enough?

Enough what?

Enough lime.

Oh! That depends Upon the soil's fa.

That means ph.

I know.

You do?

My wife told me.

Did she study chemistry?

Uh, I don't think so.

Hmm.

I wonder where She heard about fa.

That's sort of a Trade expression.

Mr. Kimball, about the lime,

How much per acre would you use

If this were your farm?

If this were my farm?

Oh, boy.

Well, to be on the safe side,

I ought to give it a Quick acidity test.

I have all my, uh...

No. I don't have it.

I must have left it at, uh...

No. I wasn't there today.

Maybe I left it...

No. I left my lunch there.

May I use your phone?

It's not connected.

That darn hooterville Phone company

Put the phone in the kitchen

And then never put the wires in.

Every time I get a Call from new york,

I've got to run Over to drucker's.

Well, you can come over to My house and use mine any time.

Look, mr. Kimball, You're the county agent.

You know everybody here.

Now, do you have any pull

With the phone company?

Pull?

Well, I know sarah.

The lady that owns The phone company.

Ah?

Oh, yes.

We've known each other Since I was that high.

Well, I was a little Sma... I was, uh.

She's my mother.

Your mother!

Do you think you could Talk to her for me?

Talk to her?

Oh, we're not talking.

We had a little argument.

Well, it wasn't a Little argument,

It was a big fight.

I ran away from home.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Gee, I-I wonder If mom misses me.

I've been gone a week.

Mr. Kimball, I have A mother, too.

Now, we don't always See eye to eye...

Yeah. I know what you mean.

No. I don't know what you mean.

What do you mean?

Look. We really Need a telephone.

I'd appreciate It if you would...

I'll think about it.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

It's been nice talking to You today, mr. Douglas.

Well, not very nice.

You brought up a lot Of unhappy memories.

But you did make me realize

That a boy's best Friend is his mother.

No. Not his best friend.

His best friend's a dog!

That's what the Argument was about.

She wouldn't let me have one.

Well, I'll s...

Bye, mr. Douglas.

Lisa.

Get up. It's after 5:30.

We overslept.

5:30!

Oh, what a day!

Look at that beautiful...

Who put this telephone Pole in front of the window?

What pole?

Oh, morning,

Mr. Douglas, mrs. Douglas.

What is a telephone Pole doing here?

Oh, this is a Present from sarah.

With thanks for all You've done for her.

What did you ever do for sarah?

Mrs. Douglas, your husband

Cooked up this wonderful story

About needing a telephone

Just to get mr. Kimball

To go in to talk to his mother.

He brought a mother and son

Closer together again.

I didn't.

Mr. Douglas, you Deserve a telephone pole.

Why put it here?

Well, this was as far as The wires would reach.

I don't want...

Oh, darling. It's Better than nothing.

It's not better than... I'd...

Well, hello? Where are you?

Man: I'm up here.

Sarah? Testing. 1-2-3-4.

4-3-2-1.

How am I coming through? Ok?

Sarah says thanks again For everything, mr. Douglas.

Darling, darling, You shouldn't do this.

One day you are Going to hurt yourself.

How did you get out?

Through the front door. See?

Look, I don't want

This telephone pole here.

Oh, this is only temporary.

We're going to move it.

When?

Oh, in a couple of months.

Ever see a watch like That? Calendar watch.

When are you going to hook it up

With the telephone In the kitchen?

Soon as we get some more wire.

We've got plenty of wire!

Oh, come on. Please!

You can't use just Any kind of wire.

You've got to use 08 Double strand interwoven

Coaxial weather resistant.

And when are we Going to get that?

Well, just as soon as the 5-and-dime opens in pixley.

See ya.

Oh, darling, our First telephone call!

Be careful.

Hello.

Who?

You've got the wrong number.

Well, here we are.

Doesn't this thing Have any springs?

No. It's all air cushioned.

I never had such a Shaking up in my life.

Yeah. It's good For the circulation.

I'm glad you enjoyed It, mr. Felton.

That'll be 75 cents.

75 cents?

Yeah. If you'da been gomer,

It would only cost you 50.

Oh, all right.

There you are.

Thanks. I like a man that tips.

Mr. Felton!

Oh. Hello, oliver.

I-I was waiting for You to call me back.

Well, I thought It would be easier

To talk to you in person.

Now I'm not so sure.

What's so important That you'd come

All the way out Here to talk to me?

Oliver, the clarkson case

Has finally come up for trial.

Now, you did all the Preliminary work on it,

And we want you to Come back to new york

For a month or so and more.

No. I couldn't... The... The liming season is on.

The what season?

Uh, that's when you prepare The ground for planting.

No. I couldn't go Back to new york now.

But, oliver, we need your help.

I tell you what. I'll fill you in

On the direction I was Going to go on the case.

Come on in the house.

You mean, that's what you gave

A park avenue penthouse up for?

We're going to Work on it, you know.

Come on in.

Lisa will be glad to... Oh.

I fixed that.

Oh, really?

Yeah. You learn to Do a lot of things

When you're out here, you know.

Lisa, open the door.

It always comes off.

What's the matter, darling?

Oh, mr. Felton!

Lisa, you are more Beautiful than ever.

Thank you.

Come in. Come in, won't you?

Thank you.

Here we are.

Homey, isn't it?

Uh, is this the furniture that You had in your penthouse?

Yes. This is it.

Just fits.

Yeah.

Um, oliver, if we could Spend a couple of hours

Discussing the clarkson case...

Oh, have you had breakfast?

Why, no. No, I haven't.

I'll cook you some.

You cook?

Um-hmm. 2 things. Fried Eggs and hotcakes.

Except fried eggs.

But with toast.

Oh, tha... Really, I think...

Come on. Come on.

We can discuss it While we're eating.

Lisa's turned out to be

Quite a cook, hasn't she?

Oliver, about the clarkson case.

I'll go plug in.

You know,

The preliminary Depositions that you made...

What happened?

The generator blew out.

What have you got plugged in?

I've got a 2, a 2, and a 4.

Well, that adds up to 8.

You know it will only take a 7.

7 what?

Well, um, you see, the Generator only likes a 7.

That means if you Have a 6 plugged in,

You can only plug in a One, which is a can opener.

But if you pull out the 6,

You can, plug in the Can opener, the toaster,

The electric frying Pan, the coffee pot,

Or you can use the dishwasher,

But only with the can opener,

Or you can use the Washing machine,

But not the refrigerator,

But you can use the can opener.

I see.

Uh, oliver, about The depositions...

I've got to fix the generator.

Come on along. We Can talk while I work.

If we can show where The fiduciary in...

Aha! It's empty.

Will you get me some gas?

Where?

Out of my car.

I'll adjust this.

Caught ya! Pfft!

Mr. Douglas, I caught a feller

Swiping gas from your car.

Eb, this is mr. Felton.

Oh. How are you, mr. Felton?

If I were you, I wouldn't Smoke for a while.

I'm sorry, mr. Felton.

Now, look, oliver.

About that clarkson case...

L-look, I just remembered,

I've got some notes I made

On the case right here.

Oh? Could we look at them?

They're in my bedroom.

You gotta suck it In a little bit there.

I know it's in my briefcase. Right along in here.

Ah, here we are.

Yeah.

Oh. Telephone. Excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, mrs. Brumley.

Yeah. They installed It this morning.

What? Oh.

Just a minute.

Uh, mr. Felton.

Mr. Wilson wants to talk to you.

He's on his way.

Hello.

Hello, wilson.

No. He won't come back.

But, look. He's got A brief outline that...

Wait a minute.

Uh, oliver, would You get the outline

And read it to wilson?

Sure.

Uh.

You'll have to excuse Me, I'll have to get...

Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah.

I'll be right back.

All right. I'll tell him.

Wilson's waiting for you.

I found it!

Mr. Felton, what happened?

We got disconnected.

You know, that mr. Felton Is a perfect example

Of why I left that Rat race in new york.

Did you... Did you see him?

He was a bundle of nerves

From the minute he got Here until the time he left.

You think he's really Going to sue you?

Oh, no. He was just blustering.

You know, I used To be like that.

Tense and nervous and Upset by the least little thing.

And now look. 6 Weeks in the country.

I'm relaxed. Calm.

Who's calling us This time of night?

Darling, relax!

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