Original subtitles

Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york is Where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you, But give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment

What are you doing up there?

I'm getting dressed.

Can't you get dressed Somewhere else?

I'll go out in the living room.

You can't. Mother is in there.

Maybe she's up.

Help.

Help.

Lisa, I'm stuck here. Help me.

Wait a minute, darling. Wait.

I'm stuck! Wait!

Wait, I'm coming. Ooh. There.

Ohh!

Oh, sweetheart, Are you all right?

Yes, I'm all right!

Shh. You'll wake up mother.

Well, why'd you ask her To stay here, anyway?

She came all the Way from new york

To see us.

To see you.

She doesn't like me.

She likes you. You are her son.

Why does she always introduce me

As her attorney?

Only reason she came out here

Was to get you to go Back to new york with her.

Darling, I promise You I'm not going

Back to new york.

Oh, thank you.

Today.

Eb: mr. Douglas, mr. Douglas!

Eb...

What's the matter?

Just wanted to make Sure you were up.

Bertram didn't crow again.

Yes, I know.

You want to have A talk with him?

No. Get the tractor Out of the barn,

And hook up the power saw.

He's not gonna use It on you, bertram.

He's gonna fix the porch rail.

It's none of his business What I'm going to do.

Oliver, stop shouting. You're gonna wake up mother.

I'm sorry!

About what?

For shouting.

I don't mind.

Your bark is worse Than your bite.

Get the tractor.

Yes, sir.

Oliver, what are you doing?

I'm fixing the porch rail.

Oh, oliver, you were Such a lovely child.

What happened to you?

One...

2...

3...

4...

Good morning, alice.

There will be 4 for breakfast.

Oh, I hate to put you

To the extra trouble.

Well, what are you doing, dear?

I'm looking for the egg beater.

Is that where you keep it?

No. It fell into the batter.

I'm making hot cakes.

Hot cakes... What are they?

They are little cakes.

You put them on the Girdle and make them hot.

Oh, oliver's gone too far.

He's dragging you down with him.

Look... It's easy.

Ooh! Good heavens!

That's all right. It Always does that.

They're alive!

Would you like to turn them?

I never touched A kitchen utensil

In my life.

Darling, cooking is fun.

Oh, you poor darling.

You've cracked under the strain.

Mother, why don't you try

To make yourself useful?

Oh, I fully intend to.

I'm going to get a court order,

And have you taken out of here.

No, mother.

At least just set The table for me.

Oh, very well.

Cooking your own breakfast.

Setting your own table.

Oh! What a Primitive way to live.

I'll tell oliver to fix it.

He's so handy.

Oh, your gorgeous china...

Must you use it?

It's better than Using the tin plates

Mr. Haney rented us.

Tin plates? Ecch!

And darling, use the tablecloth.

Isn't this the linen cloth

I sent you from ireland?

Yes, mother.

Well, I guess it's Right at home here

In this peat bog.

What's that?

Coffee.

Oh. Is it ready yet?

It is now.

Darling...

Oh, darling, breakfast

Will be ready in a little while.

Uh-huh.

You, uh, you notice anything?

Oh! You chopped enough wood

For the whole winter.

Uh, those are just a Few mistakes I made.

Here. Take a look At the porch rail.

What happened to it?

I fixed it!

Oh, darling, you're so clever.

Yes, I, uh...

Well, maybe I can Do a better job.

It's a little, um...

It looks fine.

It matches the Way the roof goes.

Now that I got the knack,

I can redo it someday.

Darling, you better come in.

Mother is setting the table.

My mother?

She only broke 2 dishes so far.

3.

Hi, mr. Douglas.

Hi, mr. Kimble.

Break your thumb?

Uh, no. No, no.

Now, mr. Kimball... Oh!

I see that you sawed up Your lumber for the winter.

Uh, no, uh...

Look, did you get that report

On my soil analysis yet?

Well, not yet. You see, the, uh,

The lab down at the Agricultural school

Is pretty busy This time of year.

Oh. I mean,

All the other county Agents are sending

In samples for analysis.

I wish they'd hurry.

I'm eager to get started.

I'm going to take Those fallow fields,

You know, and turn them over.

Plant those sleeping seeds

There in that rich, brown loam,

Where they'll be nourished

By the sun and the rain.

Finally, they push up

Through the earth. Tiny green stalks

Reaching up to the sky.

You can almost hear them say,

"Pick me! Pick me!"

Pick me?

Well, it certainly Is a good idea

About sawing up The lumber there.

Mr. Kimble, is there Anything I can do?

I've got 160 acres lying idle.

Oh, I wouldn't say They were lying idle,

Mr. Douglas. No, sir.

They're growing some Pretty nice weeds.

Well, they're not all weeds.

Uh, some nice rocks And tree stumps.

Well, you could plow All that stuff under.

You couldn't plow it all under,

But you could get a good start

While you were waiting.

Plow up the fields, huh?

Hey, that's a good suggestion.

It is? Yeah.

Oh, it is!

Do you have a plow?

No.

Then it isn't a very Good suggestion.

I'll get one.

Oh, fine, fine. I Suggest that you

Get a moldboard plow or a disc,

But I wouldn't wait too long.

No, it's important that you get

Your plowing done As soon as possible,

Or you'll be too late For the planting season.

Oh?

If you're too late, You'll just, uh, miss it.

Well, I'll get one somewhere.

Oh, fine, fine. Very good.

I'll leave you a Couple of bulletins

From the department

Maybe give you a Little help there.

Oh, thank you.

You know, you county agents

Certainly perform A great service

To us farmers.

Well, it's our job To help people

Who don't know What they're doing.

Yes. I mean, uh...

Not that you know What you're doing...

I mean...

Well, if you run Into any trouble,

Just give me a Call, mr. Douglas.

For crying out... Mother...

I'm sorry...

Oh!

That the whole House didn't fall down.

Lisa wants you to Come in for breakfast.

Just a moment, oliver. I want to talk to you.

What about?

Oliver, you've got to Give up this madness

For lisa's sake.

Well, she likes it.

Likes it?

Have you ever seen That lovely creature

Fielding coffee pot tops?

What?

Or dragging her batter For her egg beater bottom?

What are you talking about?

Oh, oliver, if you won't do it

For lisa's sake, Then do it for me.

No!

Since you came here, I have been barred

From the sand's point polo club.

So what?

Oliver, please give it up.

No!

Oh, oliver, where Did I go wrong?

Well, good morning, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Haney.

Good morning, mrs. Douglas.

You been drafted?

This is a riding habit.

Oh, well, uh, maybe You can break it. Ha ha!

Uh, well, how'd you Sleep last night?

I don't believe that's Any of your business.

I hate to disagree With you, but it is.

See, I rented mr. Douglas That cot for you,

And if you didn't sleep,

Then I won't charge him for it.

I didn't sleep at all.

Uh, you got any witnesses?

I beg your pardon!

Uh, mr. Haney,

If my mother says She didn't sleep,

She didn't sleep.

Oh, well, then, There's no charge

For the cot. Thank you.

Just, uh, 50 cents For the mattress.

50 cents.

Well, that's all filled

With hand-plucked Goose feathers.

If there is so much As one goose feather

In that entire mattress, I would like to see it.

There'll be an extry Charge for ripping it open.

Oliver, don't you dare pay him.

She's a feisty one, ain't she?

Look, mr. Haney, I've got to get

Some breakfast, And then I've got

To go out and look for a plow.

Oops!

Did you say plow?

Mr. Haney, I'm not going

To buy that plow that you just

Happen to have on your truck.

Oh, I haven't got One on the truck.

All I've got is a stove And an armchair,

And that old thing.

Whatever it is.

That is a plow.

You're joshing.

Mr. Haney, how is It that you always

Show up with just what I need?

Well, let me put it another way.

How is it you always need

What I show up with?

I'm not going to buy That plow from you.

I'm going to order One from mr. Drucker.

Oh, well, sam Carries a fine line

Of farming equipment.

He does.

Charges fair prices, too.

Right.

And his deliveries

Are the slowest in the county.

Reckon it'll take You about 3 weeks

To get a plow from him.

3 weeks!

Just in time to miss Planting season.

I can't wait 3 weeks.

You want to give me a hand?

All right. You ready?

Ok.

Hold it! Hold it!

What's the matter?

Shouldn't we use the whole plow?

Where's the rest of it?

Back there.

Ohh... That haney!

After buying the Tractor from him,

I should've known better.

Well, at least the tractor

Held together.

You and your big mouth.

How much you want for this?

$15.

I'll give you 10.

15!

One barrel's shorter Than the other.

It ain't going to Do you any good

To knock the Merchandise. It's $15.

12. It's second-hand.

15. It's never been Fired. It was owned

By a little old Schoolteacher up in pixley.

She just used it For demonstrations

In her biology class.

That don't make sense.

Makes as much sense as You offering me $12 for it.

Well, I got to have It for duck season.

I'll take it.

Now, that'll be $15.

Put it on my account.

You haven't got an account.

Put it on the shady Rest hotel account.

You ain't authorized

To charge anything To the shady rest.

I'm the manager.

You're a relative.

Listen, sam, why don't you...

Good morning, mr. Drucker.

Mr. Carson. Hi.

Mr. Drucker, what I...

You like duck hunting?

Uh, yes. Uh, mr. Drucker...

You got a shotgun?

No.

What do you think of this?

Mr...

Uh, very nice. Very nice.

Mr. Drucker...

You like to go Halves on it with me?

Uh, no, thank you. Uh, mr. Drucker...

Your half would Only cost you $15.

The whole gun costs $15.

His half would cost him less

Than what the whole gun cost me.

You wouldn't want To take advantage

Of me, would you, mr. Douglas?

No, no, no.

Yeah. Put it on Mr. Douglas' account.

I'll use it the first week.

Oh, no, no. Look...

I came in to buy a plow.

Can't hunt ducks with a plow.

Well, I'm not going hunting.

Then what do you Want the gun for?

Joe, leave mr. Douglas alone.

What kind of plow do you want?

Uh, a moldboard, uh, or a disc.

I'd buy a moldboard. $15 cheaper,

And you can use The money to buy a...

He doesn't want a gun!

I suggest you get a disc plow.

Now, I could have One here for you

In a little over 3 weeks.

3 weeks?

While you're Waiting, we could do

A little duck hunting If you had a gun.

Look, mr. Carson, This is very important.

If I don't get my fields plowed

Within the next 3 weeks,

I'm going to miss The planting season.

Well, mr. Douglas, Even if I had a plow here,

You'd never get your Farm plowed in time...

Not with that tractor Haney sold you.

What am I going to do?

Mr. Douglas, how'd You like to have

Your whole farm Plowed up in one day?

Joe, he'd have to have 15 plows

And tractors to do that.

I figured 18.

How about sunday Morning, that all right?

Where you going to get 18?

Sam, you tend to your Second-hand shotguns,

And leave the Agricultural problems

To us experts.

Mr. Carson, even if You could get them,

I couldn't afford it.

Won't cost you a cent.

I don't understand.

Just leave it to me.

Oh, sam, hold that shotgun.

I'll be back for it later.

Darling, stop Walking on the bed.

I'm not walking on the bed.

Then what is making it jiggle?

Ow!

Holy smoke!

The front yard's Full of tractors.

What?

Tractors!

Men: mornin', mr. Douglas.

Fred, how are you? Hi.

Where's the start Place going to be?

The starting place?

What kind of prizes Are you giving?

Prizes?

What are we having for lunch?

Lunch?

That's what it says right here.

"Giant plowing contest..."

"Douglas farm.

Old haney place. Entry fee $1.00?"

Gentlemen, there's Been some mistake.

Joe said you had Some good prizes.

Joe who?

Carson.

Joe carson. We already Give him our dollar

For entrance fee.

You paid joe carson to...

Good morning, gentlemen.

All: good morning, mrs. Douglas.

Doggone, you sure look pretty,

Mrs. Douglas.

Why, thank you.

Oh, I wish my wife looked That pretty in the morning.

Or in the afternoon.

Or in the evening.

Or in the summer.

Mr. Ziffel, please, This is important.

I'd like to get this Straightened out.

What is it you want To straighten out?

Oh, what a clever idea To get your land plowed.

It's not my idea. It's Joe carson's idea.

Gentlemen, joe carson has Perpetrated a fraud on you.

Well, we're used to that.

Yeah. Anytime joe's Got something going,

We know it ain't what he's

Got going that he's Really got going.

Yeah.

Well, I wanted to Have my fields plowed,

And he needed a shotgun,

And here we are.

Well, if you wanted Your fields plowed,

Now, why didn't you ask us

Instead of thinking Up a contest?

I didn't think it up.

Well, we're your neighbors.

You'd do the same for us.

Wouldn't you?

Sure, but...

Well, why wouldn't We do the same for you?

Uh...

We'll have it done before lunch.

Oh, what a day, huh?

Biggest lunch you ever saw!

Oliver!

All you can eat! Bring your families.

Oliver!

I've always said that The american farmer

Is the only member Of our society

With a true spirit Of neighborliness.

The only man you can depend on

In a time of trouble.

Oliver, 75 for lunch?

There may be more.

Lisa, it's the least we can do.

Those people are Out there plowing up

My fields, and all They ask in return

Is a simple lunch.

The only thing I ever Learned how to cook

Are hot cakes.

Oh, those...

Well, uh, you'll Think of something.

What I am thinking...

Is against the law.

Where's oliver?

He's out there, helping With the plowing.

Good! We can get The bags in the car,

And be out of here before...

Mother, I'm not leaving.

Oliver wants me to Cook lunch for 75 people.

Just like his father.

Many's the time he's called me

From the turkish bath and said,

"There'll be 150 for dinner."

And what did you do?

What any good wife would do.

I'd pitch in, roll Up my sleeves,

And call the caterers.

Mother, there aren't Any caterers here.

Then I'm sunk.

Good morning.

Good morning. Are You mrs. Douglas?

Who else would she be?

I'm mrs. Miller, and This is mrs. Ziffel.

Howdy.

Oh, you're the ladies For the tractors.

Come in, please.

You kids play outside.

You said we could See the funny house.

Play outside. Now, run along.

You know, wilbur's...

They're so cute. Come in, please.

Thank you.

Oh, my, isn't it beautiful?

It's like kansas city.

Oh, it's lovely, mrs. Douglas.

Thank you.

Did your husband shoot that?

Uh, no, no. It came like this.

Would you like to sit on it?

Oh, I'd love to.

Emily, we just come Here for lunch,

Not to sit on the furniture.

Lunch...

What are you serving?

Well, I...

The last time I had a Crowd over to the house,

I served fried chicken.

Ha ha ha! You Could've fooled me!

I suppose you can do better.

Anytime.

Everybody says I make the best

Fried chicken in the valley.

I never said it.

Ladies, wouldn't you

Like to settle this Like gentlemen?

Thank you very much!

Good-bye!

Well, mother,

What do you think of Our neighbors now?

I'll let you know after I've counted the silver.

Lisa, can you imagine all Those men coming here

And helping me plow my fields?

And all those women spending

The whole morning in the kitchen

Cooking chicken.

Yeah. I don't think You should've

Asked them to Cook after the men...

Darling, I didn't ask them.

Why did they do it?

I had a chicken cooking contest.

A what?

I borrowed the Idea from mr. Carson.

You didn't ask them For an entry fee!

Oh, no!

I offered them a prize.

Bye, mr. Douglas.

We thank you very much.

Not at all.

We should thank you, mr. Miller.

Good-bye.

Come back again soon.

Bye, mrs. Miller, Nice to have you here.

Now, lisa, what did you...

Wait a second! That's our couch!

No, darling. That Is the first prize.

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