Original subtitles

Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment

You want me to cover up

This lumber, mr. Douglas?

What for?

It makes the rest of the house

Look worse than it is.

If that's possible.

That's funny. Give Me a hand here,

Will you? Yes, sir.

You're really going

To rebuild this house?

Yep. That's why I'm Pulling this stump out.

I'm gonna extend the House out about this far.

Give her full Power, mr. Douglas.

I am!

Go ahead and say It, mr. Douglas.

That won't be necessary.

I'm perfectly capable Of controlling my...

Ooh! You dirty...

What happened?

Ooh! I was trying to Pull this stump out.

I got the tractor going And rope tight and like...

Well, why didn't You do it that way

Instead of ruining the tractor?

Oh, wait till I see that haney.

Well. Morning, Mr. Douglas. Mrs. Douglas.

Mr. Haney.

Look at that tractor.

Well, what's the matter with it?

What's the matter?

It came apart while I was trying

To pull up that Little tree stump!

Well, you got it up, didn't you?

I pulled it up by hand!

Well, you should Have done it that way

Before you ruined the tractor.

Well, that's what I said.

I know what you said.

But he said the same thing.

I don't care who said it!

Mr. Haney, you sold Me a defective tractor!

No, sir. It's not a defective.

It's a hoyt clagwell.

Yeah, a defective has Bigger wheels in the front.

Eb!

Isn't there anything You got to do?

No, sir.

Then do it!

Mr. Haney.

That tractor is the last thing

You are ever going to sell me.

Yeah, but...

I don't even want To talk to you!

Oh, mrs. Douglas. I'm sorry this had

To happen in front of you.

Such a beautiful And delicate lady.

Why, thank you.

Doggone, you're prettier Than a little red wagon

Going up a steep hill.

Oh, please, seth. Don't...

What's that mean?

Huh?

That thing about A little red wagon

Going up a steep hill. What does that mean?

I don't know.

It's just one of them things

That you city folks

Expect us country folks to say.

Oh, mrs. Douglas.

Ever time I see you,

It reminds me of a speckled hen

Setting under...

Oh, come on!

Eh, eh, eh.

A speckled hen Sitting under what?

A little green wagon.

Ohh. Isn't that charming?

That doesn't make any more sense

Than a little red wagon Going down a steep hill.

Up the hill.

If you're gonna say 'em,

Say 'em right or everbody'll

Know you're from the city.

Mrs. Douglas, I've Got your wallpaper

On the truck.

But we didn't order Any wallpaper

From you, mr. Haney.

You will when you See what I've got.

We don't want to see it.

Oh, but, darling, we Need some wallpaper,

And it doesn't hurt to look.

Mrs. Douglas,

You're as thoughty As a bluebird flying

Over a tumbledown yeller barn.

Ohh.

All right. We'll look At your wallpaper.

And this patter is Called winter's dream.

Winter's dream?

Yeah. That's the kind of thing

You dream about During the winter.

It might be the kind of thing

You dream about, not me.

Oh, I... I'm afraid I don't like this.

Well...

How about camels At the water hole?

No. I don't like this, either.

I have to agree with you.

I like the water hole,

But the camels don't Do anything for me.

How about doctor's waiting room?

No.

It's real practical.

You can sit anywhere in the room

And test your own eyes.

There's nothing Wrong with my eyes.

Well, then I can't understand

Why you don't Like winter's dream.

Now, ain't that a pretty Pattern, mrs. Douglas?

That's the one we Got on there now.

I don't like it.

Oh, I'm afraid, mr. Haney,

You haven't got anything That appeals to us.

Well, you don't have to Make any snap judgment.

Leave 'em up a week.

Live with them.

You might learn To like one of 'em.

I doubt it.

Well, like they say,

Learning to like wallpaper

Is like pushing a Purple straw hat

Through a keyhole.

Pushing a purple Straw hat through a...

Don't try to figure it out.

Ha ha ha.

We're pulling into Hooterville, mrs. Douglas.

That's the best news I've Had since we left pixley.

Hooterville!

All ashore that's going ashore!

Mrs. Douglas, where are you?

I'm right here.

Mrs. Douglas,

Passengers are not allowed

In the baggage compartment.

They shouldn't be Allowed anywhere else

In this train, either.

It's a menace to life and limb!

Enjoyed your train Ride, mrs. Douglas?

Train?

How dare you call this Liver shaker a train?

Need a hand?

Keep your grimy Hands to yourself.

Visiting your son?

Yes.

I sent him a wire To meet me here.

I wonder where he is.

He's a nice fella.

Folks around here

Sure like him.

Then why did they let him Buy that horrible farm?

The haney place?

Ohh, it's not so bad.

Is there someplace I can get a taxi?

Yes, ma'am. Where?

In pixley.

Would you like to Ride back with us?

I wouldn't get back On that horrible thing

For all the money in the world.

Where's hooterville?

Right there behind That billboard.

That!

All right, floyd. Best get rolling.

Nice having you aboard, ma'am.

Help!

Good morning.

Good morning, mr. Drucker.

Sam: well, good morning, Mr. Douglas, mrs. Douglas.

Doggone, you look as Pretty as a green wagon

Going up a steep hill.

Red wagon.

Oh, I always said green.

No, the green wagon Is where the pickled hen

Is sitting under.

No. That's speckled hen.

Yeah, but she's not sitting Under a green wagon.

She's hopping up and Down on a hot silo.

Speckled hen...

Could I get some information?

Well, quick as a slow Rabbit chasing a...

Please, please.

Oh, sure.

Uh, mr. Drucker.

Do you have some wallpapers?

Oh, I got a sample Book right here.

And, now, what'd You want to know?

How can I get my tractor fixed?

What kind is it?

Hoyt clagwell.

Heh heh.

Heh heh.

Oh, oh, excuse me.

I haven't heard That name in 40 years,

Since hoyt busted Up with clagwell.

You see, mrs. Clagwell Couldn't get along with mrs. Hoyt.

So the 2 fellers...

I... Look, I just want To get some parts

For my tractor.

I don't want the family history.

Look, darling.

Winter's dream. Oh.

Oh, no. No.

That's paradise lost.

This here is winter's dream.

No, no.

That is camels At the water hole.

Hey, what's this?

Oh, this is an eye chart.

I use this for Giving driving tests.

Mr. Haney called this Doctor's waiting room.

Haney.

Has he been trying to Sell you this wallpaper?

Yes.

Well, doggone him.

I've got the exclusive Selling rights

On this line in the valley.

Mr. Drucker, about My hoyt clagwell.

Oh, yeah.

When mr. Hoyt busted Up with mr. Clagwell

On account of their Wives couldn't get along...

I just want to know

Where I can get it fixed!

Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you.

After hoyt and clagwell split up

Because their wives Couldn't get along,

Hoyt went into the Wax fruit business.

He made the realest looking Persimmons you've ever seen

And clagwell... Mr. Drucker,

Where can I get My tractor fixed?

Darling, if you Stopped interrupting

Mr. Drucker, he'll tell you.

Thank you.

Like I said, hoyt went Into the wax fruit business

And clagwell went Over to the county seat.

I got one of his cards Here somewheres.

Whoo.

Oh, sue ann bedlington.

If you ever need a good Blacksmith, she's great.

There's a coincidence. Tony webster.

He used to do all of Hoyt's persimmon paintings.

Hey, how 'bout this?

Here's a letter for You and mrs. Douglas.

Oliver: oh, uh, may we have it?

Ooh. Just a second.

I like to keep things official.

Thank you.

Oh, darling, it's from mother.

Why didn't you deliver this?

Is that an official inquiry?

Yes.

Well, sir, this is a Class d1 post office,

And that means It's part post office

And part general store.

And a class d1 don't have

To deliver mail or groceries.

Any other questions?

No, no.

Oliver, mother Sent our furniture.

When is it supposed to get here?

Wednesday.

That's today.

Well, shouldn't we be Home when it arrives?

Darling, do you realize

What you just said?

You said shouldn't we be home?

That's the first Time you've called

Our place home Since we've been here.

Did I say that?

Yes, you did. Say it again.

Let's go home.

Oh, doggone it.

You two remind me of a Pair of lovesick cuckoos

Flying over a load Of monday wash.

Hello?

Hello, operator.

I want the haney place.

I want to talk to... Ohh!

Hello?

Why aren't you here at The station to meet me?

Didn't you get my telegram?

Uh, who is that?

It's mother!

Ma?

Well, sure don't Sound like you, ma.

Well, it doesn't Sound like you, either.

Who is this?

Who is this?

I want to speak To oliver douglas.

Oh, well, he don't live here.

Well, isn't this The haney place?

That's right.

Well, where is oliver?

Uh, he's at the haney place.

But I thought you just said This was the haney place.

Well, this is the New haney place.

Now, what you want Is the old haney place.

You see, I used to live At the old haney place,

But I sold it to your son.

Oh, you worthless, no-good...

It's been nice Talking to you, too.

Hello.

Hello, operator.

You gave me the wrong number.

I want the old haney place.

They don't have a phone?

Excuse me. Could I get at the phone?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Just a moment.

I believe that's my dime.

Can you identify it?

Well, no.

You've got to have a Stronger case than that.

You one of them lady drummers?

Am I a what?

Lady traveling salesman.

No. I am not.

Ah, I guess you're A little too old

For that sort of thing.

I beg your pardon!

Oh, that's all right.

Just a second.

I wonder if you could help me?

Oh, I don't think so.

I'm trying to get To the haney place.

Old one or the new one?

The old one.

Oh, that's the one That the douglases

Got suckered into buying.

You know, she's real nice.

He's kind of strange.

He is my son.

Oh, well, I guess That accounts for it.

Uh, can I give you a lift?

Oh, that would be wonderful!

I got a car right Around the corner, here.

Oh, uh, what about my bags?

Oh, uh...

I wouldn't leave them there.

The couch goes in the kitchen.

And the refrigerator Goes right here.

No, darling.

We're not putting the Couch in the kitchen.

It goes in here.

And the refrigerator Goes in the kitchen.

And the dishwasher?

Yes.

Well.

Got the whole thing solved.

We're going to put the Stove in the bedroom.

Everything is going To fit perfectly.

It's going to be beautiful.

If it ever gets here.

It will.

It's getting late. I Wonder where it is?

Furniture for me?

Well, this is the Haney place, isn't it?

That's right.

Well, the lady that Sent it said to be sure

To tell you good luck.

Well, wasn't that nice of her.

Is it all paid for?

Oh, sure.

No charges?

Nope.

Bring it in.

Well, I wonder which one

Of my feminine Admirers sent me this?

What are you stopping for?

To get my breath.

When you said car, I thought You meant automobile.

If I'd a had an automobile, I'd a said automobile.

Keep pumping.

Why do I have to pump?

Somebody has to steer.

Why can't I steer?

You got a handcar license?

No. Of course not.

Keep pumping.

Good morning, mr. Drucker.

Oh, morning, mr. Douglas.

Did your furniture get here yet?

No. Not yet. My Wife is all upset.

I want to call my Mother in new york

And find out exactly When they promised

To deliver it.

Could I use your phone?

I-I really don't think You ought to do that.

Oh, I intend to pay you.

Oh, it isn't that, mr. Douglas.

It's just that I better put The call through for you.

Any long distance call Farther than pixley,

And sarah goes all to pieces.

Uh-huh.

Hello, uh, sarah?

Sam. Are you sitting down?

Well, you better.

Now, get a firm Grip on your plugs.

I got a long distance Call to new york.

Hello?

Sarah?

She'll come to in a minute.

Hello?

Hello?

Uh, pardon me, mack,

Is there a good Mechanic around here?

Mechanic? Uh, well, I really don't know.

Ask mr. Drucker, here.

My moving van broke down.

It's a lucky thing it happened

After we delivered The furniture.

The furniture?

Yeah. We brought a Load out from new york.

New york!

Was there a leopard-skin couch

And a glass table With red chairs?

Yeah. That's the stuff.

Ah, at last!

Hello. Sarah?

You better cancel That new york call.

No, no, now, don't cry.

He'll make another one someday.

For crying out loud.

Lisa, open the door.

Right away.

How does it look? Does it fit?

Where is it?

Where is what?

The furniture!

Well, where is it?

It's here! Where?

Well, I just talked To the moving man

At mr. Drucker's store. He said he delivered it.

Who is this?

You looking for this?

No, I got...

I just dropped by.

I wondered if you Made any decisions

About the wallpaper.

We're not interested In wallpaper.

We're interested in furniture.

Mr. Douglas, this Is your lucky day.

I got some furniture that Was just made for this place.

An unknown lady Friend sent it to me.

I told you I am not going to buy

Anything else from you.

It's a shame. It Fits beautifully.

No.

Nice, leopard-skin couch, Red velvet chairs, glass table.

Don't you understand Simple english?

I don't want a Leopard-skin couch

And red velvet chairs And a glass table and...

That's our furniture!

Yours?

Yes. How did you get it?

Well, this fella come To the door and...

I don't care how You got it, I want it.

Well, I don't want To keep anything

That don't rightly belong to me.

Just send your truck Over for it and you can...

I haven't got a truck!

Oh?

I got a truck.

Let's see. It'll take About 4 trips at $6 a trip.

Plus storage charges.

Get it!

Hold it. This is As far as we go.

Get off here.

Well, you might give me a hand.

Oh.

And remember, you take The path straight across...

Mr. Carson, I have Been on african safaris,

Mountain climbing Trips in switzerland,

And I have floated Down the amazon.

Yeah. But you ain't crossed Newt kiley's pasture

With a mad bull chasing you.

Now, remember, You bear to the right

Till you come to the forest.

Thank you. You've been A perfect gentleman.

Yeah. So have you.

Oh!

Here's the first Load, mr. Douglas.

Lisa! Our furniture's here!

I'm sorry this happened.

Oh, I'll bet you are.

Well, it was an honest mistake.

These fellas got The new haney place

And the old haney Place mixed up.

Second time it happened today.

You mean you got Something else meant for me?

Uh, just a phone call From your mother.

My mother!

Yeah. She called this morning

From the hooterville station.

Well, what did she say?

I wouldn't care to repeat it.

Why didn't you tell Me that this morning?

Well, I was busy.

These fellas was moving Furniture into my house.

Darling, did you know That mother was coming?

No.

She should have sent a Telegram or something.

The poor darling.

She must have been sitting At the station all day.

Uh, you want me to go get her?

It'll only cost you 75 cents.

No.

Lisa, you go and pick up mother.

Get eb to drive you.

I'll help mr. Haney Unload the furniture.

Mother!

Did you find her?

No.

Mrs. Mother!

Mrs. Mother!

She isn't here.

No.

Strange. I wonder Where she could be?

Now, see here.

Don't you think you Can intimidate me.

Go on! Scat!

Where's mother?

I don't know.

We looked all over hootersville

And we couldn't find her.

Oh.

Well, if I know my mother,

She probably got Back on the train

And went back to new york.

Darling, don't you think We should look for her?

Oh, no. Don't worry About mother.

She knows how to Take care of herself.

Come on. I want to Show you something.

I put all the furniture in.

You have? Yeah.

Close your eyes.

All right. Open your eyes.

Open your eyes!

It looks better With them closed.

Well, it's not perfect.

It needs a little rearranging.

Oliver, don't you think...

The kitchen. Wait till You see the kitchen.

Well?

What do you think?

If I tell you, you'll Only get mad.

I just stuck everything Around, you know.

Just to give you an idea of What it's going to look like.

It gave me an idea.

Let's go back to new york.

Now, lisa.

What is this doing here?

Oh.

Well, I thought, in case You got tired cooking,

You might like to lie down.

This goes into the bedroom.

The bedroom?

I almost forgot. Come on. Come on.

Wait till you see this.

This will make you feel better.

No more sleeping On mr. Haney's cots.

How about this?

Oh, there's plenty of room!

Well, how do I Get to my dresses?

Follow me.

If you please.

Here they are.

Easy. Eh?

Where are my trunks?

In the bathroom.

But where are the Clothes which were in it?

In the closet.

How do I get them out?

Open the closet door.

Aah!

Oliver!

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry.

Did I, uh...

What was that?

Eb!

Yes, sir.

What's that racket?

Oh, that's newt kiley's bull.

Sounds like he found himself

A new girlfriend.

You go away, you nasty beast,

Or I'll give your Name to my butcher!

Lisa, do you know What that bull is saying

To his girlfriend?

No. What?

He's saying, "You're as Pretty as a little steep wagon

Going down a red hill Pushing a purple speckled hen

Through a load of wash."

That doesn't make any sense.

Love never does.

Moo!

Captioning made possible By mgm home entertainment

Captioned by the national Captioning institute... Www.Ncicap.Org...