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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Anybody home?

Hey, cut that out!

You're gonna knock The whole house down.

Good morning, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Haney?

Is this yours?

Well...

Another day, another dollar.

May I have it, please?

A dollar?

Yeah, the rental on them cots.

Unless you ain't Gonna use 'em anymore.

You mean you...

And, let's see, there's Another 75 cents

For the rental of The kitchen table

And chairs.

You woke me up to tell me that?

Oh, did I wake you up?

Yes, you did.

Oh, I thought you'd be Up at the rooster crow.

We don't have a rooster.

You ain't got a rooster?

No.

And you call this a farm?

No.

You called it a farm When I bought it from you.

Well, I never would Have sold it to you

If I knew you was just Gonna let the atmosphere

Ooze down the gutter.

Imagine that.

A farm without a rooster.

What's that?

Uh... What's what?

Bertram, how did You get in that truck?

Maybe somebody helped him.

Who helped you, bertram?

Look, mr. Haney...

If you came over Here to sell me...

Sell bertram?

Mr. Douglas...

Bertram is not for sale.

Well, where did You get the chicken?

It's not a chicken, It's a rooster.

You bought him from mr. Haney.

No, I rented it from him.

You... You rented a rooster?

Yeah, I got it to wake us up.

We've been sleeping too late.

5:30 is too late?

Lisa, on a farm, everybody Gets up at daybreak.

Lisa, honey, all Over the country

Farm families are Already up and...

Hard at work hoeing And plowing the fields,

Milking the cows, Cultivating, making things,

Come to life.

Why, if our american Farmer didn't get up early,

Our whole economic structure Would come to a grinding halt.

Lisa!

Can you still see me?

Only a little bit.

Oh, good morning.

Good morning.

I'm hank kimball, The county agent.

You came to condemn the house?

No, I don't have anything to do

With condemning houses.

I'm with the state Department of agriculture.

Do you know anybody

In the condemning department?

Afraid not.

My job is to help the farmers With their farming problems.

I, uh... I understand your Husband wanted to see me.

Oh, yes. Oliver! Oliver!

Yeah?

There is somebody Here to see you

From the state department.

State department?

No, no, state department Of agriculture, mr. Douglas.

I'm the county agent.

Oh! Hey, I've been Waiting to see ya.

I'll be right down.

Darling!

Mr. Kimball would have waited.

You should have used the ladder.

I could get a roofing man

To fix that roof For you, mr. Douglas.

I have been trying to get A man to come out here

And work on this House for weeks.

Ooh!

I know a good roofing man.

Jack parker.

Here, I'll give you His phone number.

Uh, do you know a Good plumber, too?

I would like to get The water started

So I can do this Instead of this.

I'll give you ed Ferguson's number, too.

If you'll just call him, now.

On what?

Uh...

You don't have a phone?

Among other things.

Lisa, while I show Mr. Kimball around,

Why don't you drive In to mr. Drucker's.

You call, now.

The plumber and the roofing man.

And call the phone company

And tell them to Put in that phone

They promised us.

All right, as soon As I get dressed.

I want you to...

Go around with me. I...

I want your advice. I'm anxious to get...

Excuse me, darling.

I just remembered something.

What?

I don't know how to drive.

All right.

I will drive you in to Mr. Drucker's store

Just as soon as I'm finished

With mr. Kimball here.

Mr. Douglas!

Do you know you have A hole in your roof?

Yes, I know.

I just wanted to tell you so You wouldn't fall through.

Oh, hi, mr. Kimball.

Hello, eb. You working For mr. Douglas?

Yes, sir.

How's it going?

Oh, it's a million laughs.

Isn't there something You could do?

I could milk the cow.

Oh? You bought a cow?

Yeah. Mr. Haney Sold him eleanor.

Eleanor?

Eleanor.

Yes.

See what I mean By a million laughs?

Uh...

Would you like to Look at the farm?

Uh, the farm?

Please.

Uh, yes, of course, mr. Douglas.

Eleanor.

I'll send these soil Samples in to the lab.

Soon as I get the report back,

We'll go from there.

I appreciate your Coming over, mr. Kimball.

Any time, mr. Douglas.

That's what a County agent's for.

To help you with your Farming problems.

Uh...

Please. You haven't told me What you think of the farm.

What I think?

Well, uh, actually, it's, uh...

Well, you see, a farm is, uh...

I'll, uh, try to Rush this report

Right through, sir.

If there's something wrong,

I'd like to know what it is.

What it is?

What it is.

Yes, give me your frank opinion.

Frank opinion? Well, uh...

Want me to wipe the prespiration

Off your forehead, mr. Kimball?

Eb.

For example, uh...

What do you think of the soil?

Oh, the soil?

Well, now, that's Different, mr. Douglas.

I mean, the soil is...

Out there in the fields Where it should be.

Mr. Kimball, it seems to me

That you're evading The question.

What do you think of this farm?

Now, tell me the truth.

The truth?

Yes.

Well, uh...

You have a very...

Interesting place Here, mr. Douglas.

Now, what does that mean?

Just needs a little work.

Well, not a little work.

Needs a lot of work.

Mr. Kimball.

I am not afraid of work.

The farms of america Were not built by shirkers.

Well, mr. Douglas...

They were built by men Who put sweat and toil

And back-breaking Labor into them.

They nourished their Crops with love...

And muscle.

And their harvests filled The bread baskets of america

With corn and wheat and barley

To feed our great nation And make it strong and healthy.

Oh, I tell you, mr. Kimball.

It'll be the proudest day of My life when I can stand here

And look out over My growing fields

And join hands with them

And say...

"I am a farmer."

Yeah.

Well, I'll, uh...

See if I can't rush This report through,

Mr. Douglas.

What did the man tell You about the farm?

Oh, he thought It was very, uh...

Interesting.

He wouldn't tell you the truth.

He wouldn't say anything Till he had the soil analyzed.

Oh... All right, darling.

You can drive me To hootersville now.

Uh... Sweetheart, as long As we're gonna live here,

You should learn to pronounce The name of the town correctly.

Hooterville.

All right, let's go To hoosterville.

You going into hoosterville?

Very funny.

Would you mind getting A couple of milking pails?

Eleanor doesn't like Squirting into these.

She's used to that "Ping ping"

Of a galvanized pail.

Ok.

Oh, come on, mignon.

Why are you taking her?

I always take her with me.

In the city.

Oh, on a farm, every Dog's gotta earn its keep.

What do you want her to do?

Be a watch dog.

What do you want her to watch?

The house.

Please.

She hasn't been Feeling too well lately.

You stay here,

And you keep an eye On the house, huh?

And by the power vested in Me by the county and the state,

I now pronounce You man and wife.

Ahem.

And by the power vested in me

By the county and the state,

I now pronounce you...

Oh. Good morning, mrs. Douglas.

Mr. Douglas.

Morning. I, uh...

Hope we're not Interrupting anything.

Oh, no, no, I'm just practicing.

There's a young couple Coming in later this afternoon

To audition my $8 Wedding ceremony.

It's between me and The justice of the peace

In crabwell corners.

I am sure they're Going to choose you.

Well, I don't know.

The justice in crabwell corners

Has a wife that plays a Wedding march on the harmonica.

Well, what can I Do for you folks?

May I use your phone?

I have to call the roofing man.

You didn't hurt yourself When you fell through, did you?

No.

Mr. Drucker, where Are the milk pails?

Right over there. Help yourself.

I'll be glad to Call him for you.

Oh, jack parker.

Well, he's coming in today. I'll tell him to drop by.

But I also have to Call mr. Ferguson,

The plumber.

Oh, ed ferguson. Well, I'll get him for you.

Sarah?

Sarah?

She's a little slow plugging in.

Sarah? Sam.

Would you get me ed Ferguson up in pixley?

I...

No, I don't have a leak.

I'm making this call For mrs. Douglas.

What?

Oh, well, it's, uh...

Kind of a dress. It's green.

Chartreuse.

Chartreuse.

What?

Well, how would I know?

89.50.

89.50.

If she didn't own The phone company,

We'd have dials.

Mr. Drucker?

If she owns the phone company,

Ask her why we Haven't got our phone in.

Mr. Douglas wants to know Why his phone isn't in yet.

Well, it's not doing Them any good

Sitting on top of Your switchboard.

They need it.

Good.

They'll have it in tomorrow.

Wonderful.

Now, sarah, would You mind getting...

Oh. Hello, ed?

Ed, sam drucker.

Yeah, I got a little Plumbing job for you.

The folks that Bought the haney place.

Well, if you'll stop laughing,

I'll tell you what they want.

Tell him we want our plumbing in

So we can have running water.

Do you hear that, ed?

Fine. Thanks.

He'll be out first Thing in the morning.

Well, we'll be up

When the rooster crows.

Hey...

It's 10 after 5.

You're supposed to crow When the sun comes up.

Crow!

Come on!

Morning, darling.

Go back to sleep.

But I heard the rooster crow.

That was me.

I was trying to get him to crow.

You have to give Him crowing lessons?

You're ruining the whole effect.

Go back to sleep.

You know, you're Getting paid 50 cents a day

To do a job.

Morning, mr. Douglas.

Having trouble with bertram?

Yeah, he refuses to crow.

Well, bertram isn't the crower.

He's a pecker.

Eb...

Go milk the cow, will you?

Yes, sir.

Come on, come on. Wake up, wake up,

Wake up. Darling...

You told me to go back to sleep

Till I hear the rooster crow.

That rooster's not gonna crow

Till I straighten things Out with mr. Haney,

And you gotta make Some breakfast.

Oh!

Come on, now, come... Oh.

Oh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, stop that!

Man: you mr. Douglas?

Yes, I'm mr. Douglas...

Eh, down here!

Oh! Who are you?

I'm ed ferguson, the plumber.

Who are you talking to?

Ed ferguson, the plumber.

What?

Morning, ma'am.

What are you doing down there?

Tracing the pipes.

You want running water

In both the kitchen And the bathroom.

Yes, uh...

Uh...

But you'll have to excuse Us. We're getting dressed.

Very glad to have Met you, mrs. Douglas.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Let me help you with that.

Oh!

You're doing something wrong

With these pancakes.

Maybe she ought To use more milk.

What are you doing up there?

I traced the pipes up here.

And then I lost them.

Oh, for crying out loud.

You ought to get This hole fixed.

Somebody's gonna fall through.

We are going to have it fixed.

There's supposed to Be a roofing man here.

I'm here.

What are you doing Under the house?

I'm looking for ed ferguson.

He's got my hammer.

Hi, jack!

Hey, you got my hammer?

Yeah, I'll bring it down.

No, I'll come up and get it.

Gotta come down anyway.

Yeah, but, uh...

I gotta go up.

Hold it, hold it, fellows.

Why don't you meet In the back yard

So we can eat our breakfast?

Sure.

Meet you out in The back yard, jack.

Ok.

Morning, mr. Douglas, Mrs. Douglas.

Mr. Haney.

Hey, do I smell hot cakes?

Yes.

Oh, there's nothing Like a breakfast

Of hotcakes and eggs.

We don't have any eggs.

You don't have any...

I forgot. You don't have a hen.

Don't seem right,

Having a farm without A hen, does it, alice?

You can forget it.

Forget what?

You're not gonna Sell me that hen.

Oh, I wouldn't sell alice.

And you're not gonna Rent her to me, either.

That rooster you rented me...

Bertram?

Oh, he probably Knocked you out of bed

A-cock-a-doodle-doodling.

He didn't crow at all.

We didn't hear a Peep out of him.

Well, he ain't a Peeper. He's a crower.

He's not a crower. He's a pecker.

Maybe he's kind of off his feed.

Alice didn't feel so Good this morning, either.

She didn't lay one egg.

Hey, now I understand Why she didn't lay any.

Why, without bertram, There wasn't any reason.

And without alice,

Bertram didn't have Anything to crow about.

I should never have Broke up the sick.

Oh, come on!

Did you ever do any crowing

When you was separated From mrs. Douglas?

Now, look...

Well, then, why do You expect bertram to?

You mean, if we Would have a chicken,

Then the rooster would?

And vice versa.

Let me show you Something, mrs. Douglas.

A souvenir of nature's wonder.

Is that how it works?

Oh, for crying out loud.

You don't believe that, do you?

Now, mr. Douglas...

Are you gonna keep These two love birds apart?

No.

I'm giving bertram back to you.

Well, it seems a shame To uproot bertram

Just when he's getting so Well adjusted to this place.

Now, I could Rent you the pair...

No.

Well...

Where is the egg?

I guess you broke alice's heart.

Hey, he did a nice Job, didn't he?

Beautiful.

Come in.

Mr. Douglas. Sarah sent me.

I'm from the hooterville Phone company.

I got your phone.

Our phone!

Oh, lisa!

Lisa...

What's the matter, darling?

Our phone is here!

Oh, a phone! How marvelous!

You people never Had a phone before?

Oh, yes, but not Since we've lived here.

Brought over a couple of models.

This is our latest model.

Comes in black And battleship grey.

Uh, the black one.

You don't want to See the other model?

Not if that's the latest one.

This other's a wall phone.

This just comes in Mediterranean blue.

Well, you can put That one in the kitchen

And one of the other Ones in the living room

And one in the bedroom, and...

Wait a minute, lady.

You just get one Phone to a house.

Well, what about jacks?

Jack's what?

Phone jacks,

Where you have one telephone,

And you can plug It in in any room.

Heh heh. You're putting me on.

Uh, no, no, uh...

As long as you're here, put The blue one in the kitchen.

Hi, ed.

Hi, carl.

Well, your plumbing's All hooked up.

How about that, huh?

Plumbing's connected, Roof is patched,

We're getting a phone. Oh, we're really moving!

I'll go pack.

I mean we're making progress.

How much do I owe you?

Well, let me see, now...

I got here at 5:30 this morning.

It's 3:30.

Uh, that's 10 hours.

Um...

$6.00?

$6.00?

I had to raise my rate.

A plumber for 10 Hours for $6.00?

Ok. 5.50.

Oh, no, no, no.

Here's the... Here's the 6...

$6.00, yes.

You mean to say

We've got running water now?

Well, you will, as Soon as you hook your...

Pump up to electricity.

I'll go and connect it.

He'll be right back.

Didn't I tell you?

We don't have electricity.

Haven't you put In an application

To the county power And light company?

Yes, they said it Would take 6 months.

6 months? Whew.

You must have used some pull.

Oh, oliver, can't You do something?

You're darn right I can.

I'll write a letter to The power company.

Your phone's up.

Oh! Just in time!

I'll phone the power company.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hello. Who's this?

Mr. Haney.

Oh, mr. Haney, uh...

Look, would you Please get off the line?

He's not on the line.

Oh, for crying out loud.

The phone doesn't work.

It will, soon as We get a line run in.

How long will that take?

3 months.

Oh, oliver!

Oh, now, don't be discouraged.

We don't need an Electrical company.

We'll make our own electricity.

Do you have a recipe?

I need a generator.

Do you know where to get one?

Ahem.

Well, we got electricity...

Running water...

What a day, huh?

Up at 5:30. I'm exhausted.

Do you mind if I Turn the light out?

No, darling, go ahead.

I guess it needs A little adjusting.

Good night, lisa.

Good night, darling.

The nights are getting shorter.

Oliver!

Oh...

Hey, that mr. Haney was right.

Alice did make a difference.

That bertram sure Crowed this morning.

My husband...

The rooster renter!

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