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Oliver: ♪ green acres Is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin' is The life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' Out so far and wide ♪

♪ keep manhattan, just Give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ new york ♪

♪ is where I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore a Penthouse view ♪

♪ darling, I love you ♪

♪ but give me park avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ times square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye, city life ♪

♪ green acres, we are there ♪

Honey, what's taking so long?

Darling, you'll be All alone with no one

To take care of you While I'm in new york,

So I made up your bed.

We've only been here 3 weeks,

And I already know How to make a bed.

Oh, I'm proud of you,

But the pillow usually Goes at the head of the bed.

But, darling, those are Your pajamas and your shoes.

What's this?

Oh, mignon,

I told you not to sit on the bed

While I'm doing it.

Come on, we got to get you To the hooterville station.

So that eb and I...

So that eb and I can get Back and get to work...

Getting the farm started.

Shouldn't you do a little Work on the house first?

I've got a lot of planning to do

About the farm. When you get back

From new york, You can do whatever

You want with the house.

You don't really mean that.

I do.

2 more, eb. 2 more?

Ms. Douglas, you got enough Stuff here to go to europe.

Europe?! Darling, Why don't we go?

No, no, no.

You're just going to new york

For one week to pack up

Our furniture. Now get in the car.

But, darling, I Forgot my handbag.

Where is it? In the house.

Where?

Oh, I remember Now. It's the second

Or third lump towards The bottom of my bed.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm going to miss You, too, darling,

But the month will go by fast.

A week! That's what I said.

A month will go by like a week.

Would you like a Traveling companion

To go to new york With you, ms. Douglas?

Eb, will you put the Bags on the train?

Yes, sir.

Darling, just tell me once more

How I get there.

It's very simple.

You take the train To pixley. Hmm?

And at pixley, you take A cab to the bus depot.

At the bus depot, you take A bus to the county seat.

At the county seat, you Take a jitney to the airport.

Got it?

Everything. Uh-huh.

Except what Happens after pixley?

Ask somebody.

Oh, what airline am I flying on?

Trans-consolidated.

Is it a good plane?

The best.

Be sure they give you Goggles and a helmet.

Those open-cockpit Jobs are kinda windy.

Eb, put the bags on the train.

It's a regular airline.

They have a hostess And everything.

Get her to show you how To shoot the machine guns

Through the propeller.

I don't think I Want to fly on...

Pay no attention to him.

Good-bye, darling.

Bye, darling. Good-bye.

Good-bye. I'm going to miss you.

Good-bye, mr. Douglas.

Eb, get off the train!

Eb...

This may not mean Anything to you,

But this is the Biggest day of my life.

You mean 'cause Your wife left you?

She didn't leave me.

No. Today's the day We start plowing,

Planting, and cultivating.

We gonna do all that today?

We're gonna get started.

Ok. What do you want to plant?

Look, you just don't Go out in the fields

And scatter around A handful of seeds.

You gotta plan what You're gonna plant.

Mr. Haney never did. Yes.

Did mr. Haney ever make Any money on this farm?

Not until you came Along and bought it.

"Planning the farm For profit and stability."

Has it got any pictures?

"On the farm,

"Planning involves taking Stock of the resources

"And utilizing them to obtain The largest possible income

From the existing land."

I got a suggestion.

What's that?

Make a drive-in movie out of it.

Eb, there's a lot Of money in farming

If you plant the right crops.

There's a lot of Money in drive-ins

If you show the right movies.

Eb.

Like them beach girl Pictures with bikinis.

Eb, will you please Let me read this?

Now, "Taking stock Of land resources.

The farmer should First ascertain..."

What to plant?

No, no, no. This doesn't Tell you what to plant.

It tells you how to Determine what to plant.

How do you determine What to plant,

So you know what to plant.

It says, "A good starting Place is to find out

What crops your neighbors Are growing successfully."

Now, that's a good idea.

Let's go and talk to ben miller.

It's your time. We can Waste it any way you want.

Oliver: mr. Miller.

Mind if I sit here And play the radio?

Help yourself.

Douglas, I was gonna come Over and visit you later.

I want you to know How sorry I am.

Sorry? About your wife.

I heard she left you.

Women are the strangest...

My wife didn't leave me.

I'm glad to hear that.

She just went to new York to get our furniture

Shipped out here.

Oh, then you're gonna stay?

Of course. Why do you Think I bought this farm?

I heard you was gonna Build a drive-in movie.

Eb, that's not the radio.

Mr. Miller, no matter What you heard,

I intend to farm this place.

This has been the One dream of my life

To own a farm, to work it,

Grow things.

Well, have you ever Done any farming?

Yes, I have. In new york.

I hear they have Some pretty nice farms

In upstate new york.

Well, you see, this Isn't upstate new york.

This is more like Upstairs new york.

I had my farm on my Terrace of my penthouse.

Penthouse?

Well, it's a place where I live.

Sort of the, uh, Top of the building.

Oh, the attic.

No, not the Attic. It... It, uh...

Mr. Miller, I came here To ask your advice.

Mr. Douglas, I make It a point never to mix

In family squabbles.

Now, if your wife Left you, she must...

My wife didn't leave me.

Good.

I just wanted to ask you What you think I ought to plant.

Well, now, let's see.

You ought to get That fence fixed.

Doesn't this belong To both of us?

Yeah, but it's Broken on your side.

What do you think You'd like to grow?

Alfalfa seems to Grow pretty well there.

That ain't alfalfa.

Mr. Haney said it was.

It ain't. What is it?

Well, uh... Eb, what Kind of weeds are these?

I don't know, but mr. Haney's Got 'em planted all over.

One thing you're Gonna have to do

Is run a plow Through all this stuff.

You got a tractor? Oh, yes.

Mr. Haney threw One in with the farm.

Haney?

Well, I'll give you The address of a place

Where you can rent one.

Smells good, doesn't it?

Needs liming.

Oh, well,

I guess we can do that.

Can't we?

You got a lime spreader?

Have we got a lime spreader, eb?

Eb: no, but we got a Automatic irrigator.

The radio is the One in the middle.

No, we don't have A lime spreader.

I'll lend you mine.

But I suggest you get in touch

With a county agent,

Let him tell you What you ought to do.

Anything he suggests,

I'll be glad to help you with.

Mr. Miller, may I Shake your hand?

What for?

You're proving When I've always said

That farmers are Helpful and friendly.

Well, I, uh...

Not like city people, you know.

Oh, they're always pushing You and shoving you.

Don't care whether You live or die.

Well, I gotta get back to the...

But farm people, they Care about their neighbors.

It isn't what a man Has, it's what he is.

That's why the Farmer's always been

The strength of our nation. The backbone of our economy.

Why, if you go back to The american revolution,

You'll find...

Mr. Miller?

Bye. So long, mr. Miller.

And let me thank you again For all that you've done.

You've restored my faith in...

I found the radio.

Doggone, mr. Douglas, I think it likes you.

It used to chase mr. Haney.

No wonder he threw It in on the deal.

Do you think we can fix it?

You might, if you can Get close enough to it.

Ah, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Haney, about this tractor...

I'm sorry to hear the bad news.

What bad news?

About your wife runnin' Off and leavin' you.

My wife did not leave me.

Now, look at the bright side.

Now you'll just have to pay Me rent on one of them cots.

You don't understand.

I'm chargin' you A dollar a night

For 2 cots.

We'll split it in half.

75 cents for one.

I will need both cots. My wife is coming back.

I'm glad to hear you Worked things out.

Well, if there's Anything else you need...

No, nothing. Just This tractor, now...

Oh, boy, it's sure A hot day, isn't it?

Ohh, you wouldn't Have a nice, cold glass

Of milk around, would you?

Oh, I forgot.

You don't even Have a cow, do you?

No. And I'm not Gonna buy that one.

What one?

Oh, that one.

I just brought Eleanor over to visit.

Ah.

Yeah, she was born Right in that barn.

Growed up here.

Her ma was laid to rest

Up on that hill.

You're breaking my heart.

Glad to hear you're A man with feelings.

It's pitiful.

I have to keep her Tethered all the time,

So she won't jump over the fence

And come back here.

Just look at her.

A-tryin' to bust out,

So she can get Back to her old barn.

She doesn't look Like she's trying

To break out to me.

She's the kind of cow That keeps it all in here.

How much? For what?

For the cow.

Did I mention money?

No.

Then I guess I better.

$200!

And I'm not underpricing Her just so she'll be happy.

I'm not paying $200 for The cow's happiness.

Well, all right.

I just hope that She don't bust out

And come over Here botherin' you.

Sorry, eleanor,

But you won't be comin' home.

I guess this is the Wrong time for us

To bother mr. Douglas With our problems.

He's got his own grief, What with his wife leavin' him.

For the last time,

My wife did not leave me.

She just went to New york for a week.

A week?!

Lisa, you are never Going back there.

I won't let you.

Darling, I promised oliver

I'm going to try It for 6 months,

And I'm going to.

I just came back to Ship our furnitures

To green acres.

Green acres? Mm-hmm.

You mean yuck manor.

Oh, how could he Take a beautiful,

Fragile creature like you

Out of this Magnificent penthouse

And drag you to That house of horror

In hooterville?

Oh, I did it on my Own free will.

Well, then, he must Have put something

In your martini.

Lisa, I warned you About marrying oliver.

That day at the wedding When the minister said,

"If anyone knows any reason Why these two should not

Be joined in marriage,"

I was sorely tempted To stand up and tell him.

But then I thought it Would be rather poor taste

For a mother to say anything Nasty about her own son.

I never regretted Marrying oliver.

Would you like Some coffee, dear?

I'd love it.

Where are you going?

To make it.

You make your own coffee?

What has oliver done to you?

Darling, there's Really nothing to it.

You put some coffee in the pot,

You go to the pump And pump some water,

You put some wood Into the oven and light it,

And there you have coffee.

Smelling salts.

Why, one night, I Even made supper.

Supper? Uh-huh.

Now he even has you Talking like a hillbilly.

Oh, you poor child.

Oh, darling, it won't be so bad.

It gives me a feeling Of usefulness.

I am sure there Must be other women

Who cook for their husbands.

Nobody I know.

Oh, come on, now.

Lisa, I've got a wonderful idea.

Why don't we go to Henri's for cocktails,

And then rochambeau for dinner,

And there's a new play...

Darling, I came to Pack up our things.

I must call a Moving company to...

Lisa, are you really Serious about that farm?

It won't be so bad after All our things arrive.

We're going to have the whole Place completely remodeled.

Ooh. Well, who's going to do it?

I don't know. I haven't Thought about it.

Rodney weatherby. Who?

He's the man who did Our house at sands point.

Why, he's marvelous.

Oh, he's the best.

Oh, I'm sure he must be busy.

Oh, well, whatever he's doing,

I'll just tell him to drop it.

This is much more important.

Soon as I finish this,

I'm gonna sketch out A plan of the farm.

Aren't you gonna wait For the county agent?

Yeah. But I want to Be able to give him

Some idea of what I want to do.

When you get this fixed,

Are you gonna Hitch the plow to it?

What plow?

The one you're gonna Buy from mr. Haney.

I am not buying anything Else from mr. Haney.

I thought sure he'd Sell you that cow.

Yeah, he knows I'm Getting on to him.

Of all the phony Stories, a homesick cow

That tries to break Away and come back here.

You know what to do, eleanor.

When you see mr. Douglas, Be sure you look sad.

Try to cry a little.

Sadder.

That does it.

That's pretty good, mr. Douglas.

Mr. Haney could never Get that wheel to stay on.

Or that one, either.

Leave it there!

I want to get to work...

Cut it out!

Where did she come from?

Guess.

Mr. Douglas, have you seen...

Oh, there you are.

Now, how did you Get out of that truck?

I wonder.

Oh, mr. Douglas, I told you.

I just can't keep Her away from here.

Look at that happy expression

On her face. She's back home.

Mr. Douglas, you just Can't turn her away.

Mr. Douglas, forget the $200.

Eleanor's peace Of mind comes first.

You can have her With my blessing.

And $100.

Well, thank you for The blessing, but no sale.

I'll tell you what.

I'll leave her here On consignment.

Now, you milk her For a few days,

And if you don't like her,

Just send her back.

And pay me for the milk.

Now, is that a fair deal?

Mr. Haney, I do Not want that cow.

You need a plow?

No!

Come on.

Now, if you run Away one more time,

I'm gonna give you To mr. Douglas.

Don't you believe it, eleanor.

Maybe you shoulda bought her.

Ms. Douglas mighta enjoyed Having another woman around

To talk to.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, but I don't Think I'll be able to do it.

I've been commissioned To do the barton towers.

Oh, put it aside.

I'll speak to larry barton.

He has enough towers already.

I'd like to help You, eunice, but...

Oh, mr. Weatherby,

It won't take you Any time at all.

Take a pencil and Make a drawing.

Just something Simple, like what you did

With the cartwright's Farm in darien.

Have you got a Picture of the house

The way it looks now? Do I?

I can't get rid of it.

Then you describe It, and I'll sketch it.

Let me see.

Now, there's a porch In front of the house.

Eb: how big a piece of Paper you need, mr. Douglas?

Big enough to draw A plan of the farm.

You pull that off the wall?

You won't notice it,

When you see what Was underneath.

I'm gonna draw an Outline of the farm.

And the type of crops To be planted in each field,

Just like the pamphlet says.

Now, there's the North boundary, right?

You left out the tree stumps,

The big boulder, and the swamp.

I am just interested In the boundary.

Now, if my memory's correct,

The east boundary Goes off at an angle.

There must be some mistake.

There is. In person, It is much worse.

What do you expect Me to do with this?

Just turn it into Something simple

Like this. Oh, eunice,

That's the bragwell Heights country club.

Lisa: why, that would be fine.

Just make it a Little bit bigger.

Now, here's the house.

And here's the barn. How's that look?

You aren't any grandma moses.

Why don't you wait Till you get together

With the county agent?

No, I just want to get an Idea of what it looks like.

Now, I got 160 acres...

160 acres?

Well, that's quite a bit Of land to work with.

Use as much as you need.

All we'll need is...

At the most, about 2 acres For the house and garden.

Take 3. Don't cramp yourself.

Where's the swimming Pool going to go?

How about here?

Oh, it should be as near As possible to the pump.

Pump? For the water.

That's the way You'll get the water?

No, oliver will have To carry it in buckets.

You can't carry...

Don't worry about it.

We'll fly the water in.

Put the swimming Pool over there.

Tomatoes will go in here.

They oughta be Closer to the pump.

Tomato hoeing's thirsty work.

Take a canteen.

Over here, I'm Gonna put in corn.

This would be a good place

For a tennis court.

Where are you going To play croquet?

Uh, over here.

No, no, no. That's Where you want to put

The putting green, remember?

This would be fine for croquet.

Sugar beets.

That's where mr. Haney Used to play croquet.

This is a farm, not A country club.

Sugar beets will go in here.

I don't see why you Have to go back there

For oliver's approval.

Darling, I can't go Ahead with the plans

Without talking to him.

Why? I never talk to his father.

When I redid our House at sand's point,

He never would have Known a thing about it,

If he hadn't happened To come home one night.

Darling, don't Worry about oliver.

I know how to handle him.

Now, what about your furniture?

Oh, mother, could You have it packed

And send it on to us?

Well... Oh, please.

Oh, all right.

But somehow I feel As though I'm helping

Send you to devil's island.

Boy, oh boy, have I missed you.

Darling. Oh, ho.

I've only been gone 3 days.

Yeah, why didn't you let Me know you were coming?

I'd have met you at the station.

Mr. Haney gave me a ride.

I couldn't wait to get back.

You hated new york, huh?

The smog and the Traffic and the noise.

And you missed all of this.

Well, I didn't miss all of this,

But I did miss you.

What about our furniture?

It will be here next week.

Oh, wonderful. It'll make the place

Look so much better.

Yes, especially With the plans I have.

That reminds me,

Have I got something To show you.

Come here. I got a Surprise for you.

Ha! Guess what that is.

A piece of wallpaper From the living room?

Oh. There.

Ah. That's a much Prettier wallpaper.

This is our farm.

It's just a preliminary Sketch till I check

With the county Agent. But look here,

Tomatoes, potatoes, beets...

But where is the house?

Oh, this square right here.

Darling, while I Was in new york,

I also made some Plans about remodeling

The house. Wonderful.

N-n-now, we're Getting somewhere.

You take care of the House, I take care of the farm.

What? Don't you want to Know what my plans are?

Surprise me.

Lisa, while you were away, I walked all over our land.

Our soil is the richest...

Well, it will be After we treat it.

We're gonna have the finest farm

And the finest Farmhouse in the county.

I know it, darling.

Ooh, I missed you While you were away.

Really?

Yes. That eb is the worst cook.

Did you call the county agent?

Yes, sir. He'll get Here as soon as he can.

Fine.

I picked up a copy Of this week's

hooterville world guardian.

Yeah? I'll read it later.

Interestin' story in here.

"Country club to Be built in valley"

Country club?!

What kind of a nut would build

A country club out here?

Well, I...

Gotta be out of his mind!

That's what sam drucker said.

Who's gonna be stupid enough...

Oliver wendell Douglas? That's me.

Where did sam drucker Get a story like that?!

From ms. Douglas.

When she went in to talk to him

About gettin' a contractor.

Lisa!

I told you I had plans.

I thought you meant You had some ideas.

Well, mr. Weatherby Drew them up.

Oh, weatherby...

Lisa, this is ridiculous!

A projection room, A swimming pool,

A putting green, a gymnasium...

I told him to keep it simple.

Simple?

A place like this'll cost us

A half a million dollars.

Well, we can leave out The projection room.

Where does the farm go?

Over here, darling,

Behind the tennis court,

So you won't be disturbed.

There isn't going to Be any tennis court,

Or swimming pool, or gymnasium,

Or billiard parlor, or...

Darling, don't get so excited.

I'm only trying to Make the place livable.

I just wanted you To fix it up a little.

Something simple, Just for the two of us.

For the three of us.

The three of us?

Yes, darling.

You, me, and eleanor.

Oh, that cow?!

She's yours. What?

Well, mr. Haney, when he Drove me back from the station,

He said you had your Heart set on her.

Happy anniversary, darling.

It's not our anniversary.

We've been here a month today.

Lisa...

It has gone fast, hasn't it?

Yes, darling. I hope The next 5 months

Will go just as fast.

Oh, darling.

Then my 6-month Promise will be up,

And we can go back to new york.

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