Original subtitles

no idea what her name is. No.

Oh, we tried several, but the only one she's reacted to so far is dinner.

Mum says I can keep her. Only if we can't find the owner.

I've tacked a postcard on the tree to say we've found her, but no one's shown

any interest.

Oh, apart from that tomcat at number 27.

Well, I expect you'll soon find a name for her.

Daddy already has.

He found she'd done a mischief on his daily telegraph.

Yes, well, I'm not opening the door every night and calling that out into

street. Go and give her a nice saucer of milk. Oh, yes, like that.

There we are.

I think she understood that. Her motor's going.

Well,

have you done all your Christmas shopping, Mildred? Yeah, more or less.

about you?

Oh, it's all going to be a bit of a rush.

I'm taking the children up to spend a weekend with their granny first.

Geoffrey's not going.

But I must go. She hasn't even seen Tarquin yet.

And you're not really a granny until you've had a damp lap.

If Mr. Formile's going to be on his own, you know, for a few days, is there

anything I can do to help?

Well, there is, actually. I've got some fish heads in the fridge.

If you could pop in and put them on a saucer. Oh, he's more than welcome to

with us.

sporting match was marred when a hooligan hit the Fulham goalkeeper with

toilet roll.

Oh, yeah, those were the days when I still had the aim.

George, I've been thinking.

What's all this mess?

Oh, I'm bringing my scrapbook up to date.

Oh, here.

Listen to this.

It's about me.

Shy hero rescues drowning boy then disappears into crowd.

Well, sort of. I was one of the crowd he disappeared into.

I don't know why you bother to keep all this rubbish.

Slag Lane Secondary School?

Oh, yeah, we had our own magazine.

They were doing this item about me getting expelled.

Oh, fascinating.

Oh.

Marked man attacks women on common.

Why are you keeping this?

No, I'm keeping a bit about the best budgie competition.

Oscar came fourth.

Oh, for...

of it all.

Do you think so?

Oh, we can read it if you like. It's sort the story of my life.

It's boring, George.

Oh, I see.

Perhaps you think I'm boring too.

And I gave her some of that blackberry jam too.

Blackberry jam?

Well, she wasn't sniffing at it.

I didn't think she'd like jam.

No, but they're quite fond of caviar.

I wouldn't mention it to your father. He was saving that.

Anne. Anne, I think I've finally arrived.

So you have. Hello.

No, no, you don't understand.

What is the biggest social event of the year?

Um, Palace Garden Party.

Ask it.

The Hampton Wick Young Conservatives Christmas Dinner Date.

Billy of me.

And guess who's been invited to make the speech welcoming the mayor?

You have? I thought you looked like a cat with cream.

Or caviar.

Er, yes, well, you'd better know what it's up to, Tristram.

It's a bit short notice, isn't it, Saturday?

Well, Mrs Clifton -White had to drop out at the last moment. Her Pekingese got

the sniffles.

Now, you'll have to decide what you're going to wear.

Nothing. Look, Anne, I... Geoffrey, I won't be there. You know I'm spending

weekend with Mother. But that was before.

Look, the main speaker is supposed to take the floor first. I can't go out

and dance by myself.

And I can't let Mother down.

You'll just have to find somebody else to go with. Look, Aaron, I think that

you... What does he mean, caviar?

You never show me any respect, do you, Mildred? You treat me like a kid.

Well, of course I respect you, George.

Here you are.

Use the handle and don't dribble.

Other women, they respect their husbands.

So do I.

Yeah, well, it's easily said. No, it's true.

I respect... other women's husbands.

Yes, yes, Penelope, quite understanding.

Warmest regards to Michael.

Well, any luck?

No, Penelope's all fixed up.

She's going with that fat buffoon of a husband.

Well, that's the last one on my list.

Then you'll just have to go on your own, Geoffrey.

That'll make 13 at the top table.

Look, Anne, darling. No, Geoffrey, I'm sorry.

You know Mother's been looking forward to seeing the children.

Well, she can see them some other time. Go and visit the old bat after

Christmas.

Old bat?

A slip of the tongue.

Excuse me. Anybody home?

Oh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

No, no. Come in, Mildred.

How would you feel if your husband called your mother an old bat?

Did he?

I'll deal with him later.

I just popped in, dear, because I forgot to get your keys.

Oh, of course. Oh, lucky you did, actually. Yeah. Because Geoffrey's got a

problem. Anne, I don't think... You see, there's this dinner dance on Saturday

and he can't find anyone to go with him.

Oh. You wouldn't be free by any chance, would you? I know it's a lot to ask.

Oh, I'd be delighted.

Thank you ever so much, Mr Formoyle.

Pleasure.

Or perhaps I ought to buy something new.

Yeah, that's another thing. It means dressing up. I've only got the one suit.

You'll make me stand with my hand over the frayed bit all evening.

Right, George, I mean, you'll be much better off staying at home. Put your

up. Watch the telly.

All right, it's understood. I'm not going.

Understood. Of course, I mean, if it's important to you and you want me to

come... No, I don't. Eh?

I haven't even got you a ticket.

I'm going with Mr Fourmile.

Well, it's because of him I had to have the ball taken down.

I mean, it's bad for business when customers keep finding darts in the

their Guinness. Oh, my goodness.

Yes, I don't know what it is about him that gets my back up.

I think it's his habit of... Afternoon.

...butting in on private conversations.

Sir, you must have seen me coming. No, I didn't.

I'm still here.

Someone let up one in the snug on the house. Good idea.

Ah, afternoon.

I don't know if you remember me. I spilt beer on your poodle.

Yeah, he was a nice little...

Roper.

George Roper's the name.

You don't mind if I talk to you, do you?

Cheer up, it may never happen.

Are you talking to me?

Yes, if you'd rather be alone. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You're new here, aren't you? You haven't heard about me.

I'm just here temporary. The regular barmaid's down with flu.

Oh, good.

It's a nice pub here, isn't it? Yes, yes, very nice. So, between you and me,

some of the customers...

Band office, you know a bit.

Top of your nose.

You've a way with words, you have.

I thought I'd buy something tasteful. I didn't want Mr Formile to be ashamed of

me.

It's lovely, Mildred.

You don't think there are too many sequins?

No, not really.

The lady in the shop said it was absolutely me.

Of course, it means I can't wear me mauve stole with it.

Not with red. No, no, right.

How did Mr Roper react when you told him he doesn't mind you going with

Geoffrey? What, George?

Yeah, he was livid.

But who cares? I mean, he's such a misery, Anne. I mean, he's never got

to say for himself.

And a double top was needed, you see, just to win the game.

Well, a sort of hush fell over the bar as I took my aim, see?

And everyone moved well back.

Or so as not to distract me.

Come on.

Quick flick of the wrist, and there it was.

A double top.

Well, no, no, no. It would have been, only this aeroplane went over.

Some people have got no thought for others.

Never did like that woman's hat, anyway.

I'll have a brown ale, please.

Oh, what about you?

Oh, a brown ale would be nice. Thank you, Mr Rose.

Oh, please, George.

Oh, my name's Beryl. Oh.

Oh, that's a nice name, yeah.

I knew a Beryl once during the Blitz.

She had her leg blown off.

Do you know these things are sent to triumph?

Oh, yeah.

Well, those were the good old days, weren't they? When people needed each

You know, people who need people, they're the luckiest people in the

Now, you're quite a philosopher.

Nice to talk to somebody intellectual.

Me budgie and me goldfish, well, they're good company, but not the same.

You, um, you live on your own, do you?

I'm a widow.

Oh, really?

Oh, that's a coincidence.

So am I.

Afternoon. Oh, you're back.

You must be a mind reader.

That's just what I was going to say.

I have a brown nail.

Is she not here any more, then? Better all the other ladies?

No. Just as well, too.

From what I hear, she spent half her time chatting with some bit of rough.

Damn miracle drugs.

There was a time when flu used to hang on for weeks.

Beryl. Oh, hello, George.

I was hoping you might come in.

Oh, well, well, well.

I thought we weren't going to have any more of our little chats, Crisp.

You spoil me.

I was afraid you might find our little chats boring.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, it's me people find boring.

Never. Yeah.

I know it's hard to believe, but even my wife doesn't understand. Who never

understood me.

Same as my husband.

But I never knew him.

I mean, he was a good man, of course, but he only had one thing on his mind,

know.

It.

What do you mean, doing things?

I'm not against it.

In moderation.

Oh, no.

It can be overdone.

Because I think companionship is more important.

Oh, I agree.

Errol, I don't know if you're doing anything this evening.

No, why?

Well, I wonder if you'd like to come round my place and have a look at my

scrapbooks.

That would be fascinating.

Really? Oh, good.

Well, shall we say nine o 'clock? Give me time to see if the coast is clear.

the room is clear.

Clean.

Lovely. Have a, Chris. No, I'm all right. I've got this one.

You wouldn't enjoy it anyway, George.

Oh, it's all right. Don't you worry about me. You go off to the ball. Leave

here among the ashes.

Look, George, if they serve jelly...

I'll bring you some back. You'll like that.

You're not getting round me with a doggy bag full of jelly.

George, I don't like to see you sitting here looking so miserable.

I mean, I know that you've had... Oh, that'll be Mr. Formile.

Right on time. Couldn't be better.

Oh, hello, Mr. Formile. Come on in.

There we are.

I just get my bag.

I meant to get a new one.

Don't worry, the old bag will be fine.

I'm sure she will be, but what about me?

George, have you heard from Anne and the children?

Yes, yes, they're all right.

Tarquin was sick over his granny.

Excellent judgment in one so young.

Well, George, we'd better be going, I think.

George, are you going to be all right on your own? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, there you are. Now, if you get lonely, pop next door, talk to the

cat.

I'll try and have her back before midnight.

Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

When the clock strikes twelve, her make -up falls to pieces.

Did I do the right thing as we were coming in? I mean, is it overdoing it to

Curtsey? A little, yes.

He was only the doorman.

Can I get you a drink?

Yes, please.

I'd like a Campari and peppermint.

Yes, very Luton Airport.

Penelope, hello.

Well, where's Michael?

Oh, he's stuck in the Straits of Gibraltar. I always said he should lose

little weight.

Rough weather, he says, but I think he wanted to get out of coming tonight. He

didn't quite fit in last year. Well, they have widened the door since then.

So you're on your own, are you?

Yes.

Oh, I could have a Campari and... Oh, I'll have a white wine. Thank you.

I wish you'd let me know. We could have come together instead of...

Oh, this is Mrs Roper.

This is the Honourable Mrs Penelope Fitzsimmons.

Hello. Oh.

How do you do?

All

right.

Soft lights, brown ale.

Almost forgot the pickled onions.

But I will need more exercise.

I'm trying to persuade him to take up horse riding. Let's hope the RSPCA

get to hear about it.

Geoffrey, you're a beast.

Do you ride at all, Mrs Roper?

Only buckies.

Yes, sir. Your glass appears to be empty, Penelope. Let me get you another

drink. Thank you. And Mrs Roper? Oh, yes.

Thank you.

I hate to mention this, but...

There's a price ticket hanging down the back of your tray. Oh?

I must say, it's very reasonable.

Here we are, then.

Penelope, Mrs Roper.

Well,

we should be going in in a minute.

We're sitting at the same table. We can have a nice long chat about... Ah!

Oh, sugar.

I beg your pardon.

My dress, Mr. Forman. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take it off. Well, I

think... Oh, no, no, no.

At home.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave.

I do hope it won't spoil your envy for you.

Not at all.

I suppose I ought to drive you home. Oh, no, no, no.

I'll get a taxi.

Be a nice surprise for George.

Near accident as royal car swerves to avoid reckless motorcyclists.

I'm a show of that one.

Five to nine.

George!

Oh, my God.

George, I'm home.

Oh, I couldn't bear the thought of you sitting here all on your own.

Why are you in the dark?

Oh, eye strain.

What about Mr Formar and the young Tory twits? You can't let them down.

I don't think they'll miss me, George.

No.

My place is here, with you.

Oh, yeah, right. Oh, gold.

George, will you unzip me? What? I want to get me dress off.

Where are you going?

Out for a walk.

Oh, George, I've only spilled wine on me dress. I mean, it wasn't... I didn't

mean to... We were... Oh.

Hello, George. Didn't mean to frighten you.

Yeah, that's right. That's the place. I could have sworn you said number 46.

No, no, no. Definitely number 48. That's Mr. Formart. Mr.

Roper. That's me. Right, well, after you. Oh, right.

That's it.

Come inside.

Excuse the mess.

Oh,

what a lovely house.

Oh, everything's in such beautiful taste.

Is it?

Yes.

Who's this, then?

Oh.

Oh, it's the milkman and his family.

I don't know why he gave it to me. I do sit down. Oh, thank you.

Yes, I was just going to say... Oh!

Knitting? What?

Oh, yeah, well, it's a sort of hobby of mine, you know.

When it passes the time, don't you? Oh, good.

You're a man of hidden talents.

I can't wait to see your scrapbook.

Oh, scrapbook, yeah.

Just hang on there a minute, will you?

George,

I thought you were going for a walk.

Oh, yeah, I am.

I just thought I'd take my scrapbook to give me something to read while I'm

walking.

Ah, here we are.

You never told me you had a cat.

What's her name?

Uh, Fido.

Right, what would you like to drink?

Oh, a brown ale, please. Brown ale, right.

Just checking my toy cupboard.

Stupid place, isn't it?

Right.

Cool boys here.

Stuff on it.

Just hang on a minute, will you?

Just come for the brown ale.

I thought I'd have a little drink while I'm having a little walk.

George!

George, I want to talk to you. Right, you go ahead. I'll come back later.

George!

Sit down. Sit!

Please.

George, it's, um...

This isn't very easy for me. Well, perhaps another time. No, no, no.

I haven't been a very good wife to you, have I? No, no, don't argue.

I wasn't.

Well, you know, when two people have been married for 26 years, well, they,

know, they take each other for granted. They forget the little things that make

up a marriage.

Little things?

Well, like respect.

I haven't shown you a lot of respect, have I, George?

I mean, I've tried, but not hard enough.

Mildred, what's all this leading up to?

Well, it's just that, George, you and I together, right, we've got the whole

evening stretching ahead, and I want you to do something.

Do something?

Show me your scrapbook.

Oh.

There. All right.

are, George.

I was wondering where you'd got to.

I like your photo. You never told me you won prizes.

Oh, yeah. The knobbly knees competition.

Well, um, there's something I've got to say.

Yes?

Well, um, you know what I said the other day in the pub?

I'm afraid I lied.

You mean you did hit the double top?

No.

No, um, I'm not a widow.

I'm still married.

Oh.

Well, I don't know why I said this. Somehow I didn't feel married when I was

talking to you.

And now you do.

Yeah.

Well, marriage, it's... It's like dandruff, isn't it?

You can brush it aside, pretend it isn't there, but it still comes back.

I'm glad you told me, George.

Before things went too far?

Yeah.

Your marriage, is it a happy one?

Not often.

But sometimes, and that's all you can expect, isn't it?

There's no reason why we shouldn't still be friends.

Oh, no.

No, of course we can be friends.

But if you don't mind, I think I'll be going now, George.

Of course.

The budgie and the goldfish.

They'll be waiting.

I'll see you around then, Phil.

Yeah. Bye -bye.

This one's interesting. Look, look at this. Look.

Hampton Wick Flower Show.

An unusual entry by George Roper.

Oh, yeah.

Turned out they didn't have a class for buying weed.

It's fascinating, George, but I think I'll read the rest tomorrow.

I don't know, George.

We've had our ups and our downs, haven't we?

Yeah. Yeah.

More downs than ups. There you go.

But I'll tell you one thing, George.

In spite of it all, and underneath it all, you know, I love you, George.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I love you too, Beryl.