Original subtitles

VTR Tim's 18796 part 1 take 1.

Thank you.

Here we are then.

Time for little drinkies.

Oh, you've got a new leaf.

Oh, who's growing into a lovely big boy then?

Now, why can't you grow like that? You are just not trying.

You're supposed to talk to them, not nag them.

Some plants need firmer handling, George.

Now, where's that cane?

That's right, give it good hiding.

I'm just giving it a little extra support.

Now, this is the lazy one.

He just flops around and he doesn't try.

I call it George.

Mildred, where's this fair crash helmet of mine, the old one?

It's for me dad.

Yes, quite.

Oh, you don't really need it, do you? Why, it'd be on the pivion.

Yes, of course.

Oh, right then.

I suppose I'll just have to repot it.

Oh, that's nice, isn't it? You stick implanting in anything that doesn't

Yeah. So don't fall asleep with your mouth open.

Right. Now, when are you collecting him?

Two o 'clock at the house.

But I thought they were knocking the house down.

Well, not till he's out.

No? Oh, well, I suppose they know what they're doing.

Bit of a tragedy, really, isn't it? When you're old and useless and nobody wants

you. I want you, George.

Not me, me dad. Nobody wants him.

Oh, you're exaggerating. No, I'm not. I don't want him for a start. Do you? No.

But there's your brothers and sisters.

Oh, well, I'm betting, Mildred, I'm the only one that's there.

All right, well, say bye

-bye to your house.

Yes, sir.

Here, you see that brick wall they're knocking down over there?

Yeah? That's where I first met your mother.

Up against that wall.

Don't you think of the past, Dad?

Why not? There's more of it.

Much future for me, though, is there?

That's true.

Seven kids we brought up in that house.

Four boys. Two girls.

And you.

Get on the back, then, Dad. All right, son.

Where they step.

Here. I left half underweight of coal in the bath.

You may leave it. They've got central heating at the old folks' home. Now hold

tight.

Oh, God.

You proud?

In the pram? Oh, I'm done. to see him again. Well, you saw him this morning.

Yes, I know, but they grow so fast.

Can't we change the subject?

What was he talking about the baby?

Oh, yes.

He's lost interest since he realised he can't play football.

And I am trying to work here, you know.

Whoops.

He doesn't have to do homework.

They're not what he's got to cry about.

Oh, no, dear.

Quiet.

Have you decided on a name for him yet? Oh, well, we thought of Tarquin and

Peregrine. Oh, and Georgia.

I think I'll go and finish this in the lounge.

I think he's suffering from postnatal depression.

No, we'll have to find a name for the baby soon. Otherwise, he'll grow up

answering to Coochie Coochie.

Hello,

Mrs. Roper.

You know the 12 o 'clock feed?

I think it's just worked its way through.

Oh, who was that clever little boy then?

Coochie, coochie, coochie, coochie.

Or, um, whatever you are going to call him.

I think I'll just go and bail out the pram. Oh, it's a lovely baby.

It's a sweet baby.

Ah, yes,

yes. Very nice, very nice.

Nice and homely.

Not like a home.

Yeah. You'll like it here, Dad. You'll really be able to... Oh.

Come on in, Dad.

Hey, George.

I don't like this place here.

It's got a big wall right round it. Yeah, well, that's to keep people out,

Anyway, look on the bright side. You won't be here that long.

Not your age.

Mr Roper, isn't it? Oh, yes, that's right. Welcome to Twilight.

Now, come with me and I'll show you your room.

No.

Not me. He's the one you want. Hey, Dad, go with her.

Don't let them take me, George.

I don't want to be locked up.

Oh, dear me, it's not like that, Mr Roper. You're free to come and go.

Oh, well, I'm going.

Hey, uh...

He's a bit nervous, see? No need to be.

There's jelly and custard for tea.

Jelly and custard?

Oh, that makes a difference, doesn't it?

Jelly and custard.

What do you think I am, a bleeding kid? Oh,

it's quite all right, Mr Roper.

Now, you'll soon settle in, honestly.

Let me take a... Don't you touch that.

You've got one of the nicest garden rooms and you'll be sharing it with

just your own age.

Yeah?

What's she like?

Look,

you'll be fine. You'll soon forget there's an outside world.

I'm sure your son will visit you every week.

Well, I don't know about that. It's a simply bus ride.

By the way, you'll be needing these. These are his Sunday tea.

And let me hold him today.

And burp him.

My word, he did give a big one.

You always tell me off when I do that.

And then he said, goo.

Oh, as plain as anything.

Goo. Goo?

No, it's not quite as cute when you say it.

You're not at all worried about my father, are you? You haven't once asked

he was this afternoon.

How was he? Don't ask.

him everything, you know, what I am today.

Phil,

we mustn't bear grudges.

Now, look, now he's old, what happens? Thrown on the rubbish dump.

But you said you'd taken him to the old folks' home.

Well, same thing.

He won't like it there, Mildred. They'll make him barf.

I mean, it wouldn't happen in China. In China, they look after old people.

Well, send him there.

George, I mean, you never liked him.

He used to take his belt to you.

That was his way of showing love.

By belting you all round the house?

Yeah, well, he couldn't find the words.

Oh.

Look, stop worrying about him.

I mean, old age comes to all of us, you know.

How about an early night?

No, Mildred, I'm a bit tired.

Mind you, it comes to some of us sooner than others.

Good night.

All right, all right.

Oh, blimey.

Ten past seven?

Hello, George.

Did I come in?

Dad, what the...? Well, they slung me out from there, and I've got nowhere to

go. Why?

What have you been doing? Have you been chasing old women?

No, no.

Go through, go through.

Who is it?

It's me dad. He's escaped.

What?

I'm soaked through.

A drop of brandy wouldn't go down too bad.

Anything on the telly, you say? Not a lot, Mr Roper.

Oh, hello, love.

Hello, dear.

Why aren't you at the old folks' homes? They slung me out.

Why? Well, maybe because I didn't eat all my jelly and custard.

My teeth aren't up to it. Yeah, but you haven't been there 24 hours. You must

have done something.

No, I didn't do nothing. Nothing.

Well, well, just a little bit of fun, that was all.

What was?

Well, I took the handbrake off old Mrs Taylor's wheelchair.

And I went straight into the petunias.

snitched on me for smoking in the bathroom.

Well, how did she find out?

Well, she was in the bath and I didn't know she was in the bath when I went in

there.

Good God. Just get him out of those clothes. I'll go and phone the home.

on, Dad.

All right, son.

All right.

Good

morning,

Twilight.

Good morning.

you slung him... You asked him to leave.

We did no such thing, Mrs. Roper. He left of his own accord because we

allow him to keep a pet.

A pet?

A common old budgie is provided in the restroom and they can take it in turns

feeding it. But we certainly cannot allow him to keep a ferret.

I mean, of course you could. A ferret?

He smuggled it in in a basket when he arrived.

Yes.

Holding on for a minute.

Thank you.

Ah!

Yes. A ferret.

Yes. And it's Mr. Housekeeper. And that is against the rules.

Yes, right.

But, you know, will he take him back? I mean, without his pet, I mean.

Well, all right. But he must make up his mind quickly. We do have a waiting

list. Yes, of course, yes. Well, I'll see to it right away. All right.

Now,

I'm not going to part with my Percy.

He's been like a son to me, he has, this ferret. Yeah, but, Dad... No, no, I've

had him for years.

He's the best ratter... In acne.

But don't open it.

No, no, no. No, no, no, Dan.

We'll take it to the vet. Have it put down.

Oh. Why don't you take me to the vet and have me put down while you're about it?

Oh, there's a thought.

Fine way for my only child to treat me.

I'm not your only child.

Yeah, but you're the only one what'll have me. Who said I'll have you? You

stay here.

Oh, I see.

Now, what would your mother say to that?

And they're hardly cold in her grave.

Well, it must have central heating then. She's been in it 20 years.

It's no use. I can't eat anymore.

I'm not surprised. Your plate's empty.

I don't feel well.

Walking about in all that rain.

I think I ought to go up to bed. Yeah, I tell you what.

You have a lie down in the spare room, Dad.

We'll sort this out when you're feeling better.

All right, sir.

Here, you

won't let nothing happen to Percy. No, no, no, no, of course not.

You go up the stairs, dear.

That's right, there's a way.

All right?

Now, listen to me, George.

That evil little animal is going to stay in the garage.

Not while he's got a cold, Mildred.

And don't think your father is going to worm his way into this house,

George. If he stays, I go.

Oh.

Good night.

Come on, Dad, wake up.

Dad, wake up. Come on.

Come on, it's half past five. You've been asleep all day.

It's flu.

Oh, it does when you're enjoying yourself.

It might be pneumonia, George.

Yeah, well, listen, Mildred's pressed your suit, see, so you drink the soup

I'll take you back to the wash, David. No, no, no, I can't eat anything, son.

Here, it might be what took your mother off.

Here, one minute, the next minute, gone.

Oh, come on, Dad, you live to be over 70.

I'm over 70 now, son.

See, what did I tell you? Right, now, come on now, you eat the soup, see. No,

no, no, you listen to me, son.

Listen, listen.

If anything does happen...

I want you to have my foot, Butch. Oh, don't, Dave. No, no, no, no. You're the

only one what stood by me, son.

And it's gold -plated half -hunter.

There's the pawn ticket.

Well, is he ready to go?

Well, he might be. That's what's worrying me.

He won't eat anything, Mildred. He's coughing and spluttering up there. I

think he's fit to be moved.

Uh -huh.

It hasn't crossed your mind that he might be putting it on a bit? Well, of

course he is, but that doesn't mean he's not ill.

All right, then. I'll send for the doctor. See what he says.

Oh, it's a good idea. By the way, he wants me to pop out and get something

his chest. But the chemist's shut.

I know, but the pub is, and he wants milk stout.

Of course, in that one, he's ten days old.

I've got one here where he's eleven days old.

Ah, here it is.

Eleven days old.

Look, he's smiling.

Yeah. You showed it to me yesterday, dear, and the day before.

Oh, well, look, I've got some here that you haven't seen.

Can I have a milk start, please, to take away? Oh, and a half a pint.

Make that a whiskey on me.

Aye? Well, we've got to wet the baby's head.

Have I shown you these photographs?

Oh, God, make it a large one.

Thank you for coming, Doctor.

I do hope I'm not wasting your time. That's quite all right. Is he running a

temperature at all? Well, it's a bit difficult to say.

I've only got a meat thermometer, and according to that, he's medium rare.

Oh, God.

Because I know how busy you're being at... Oh!

You see, at his age, the slightest thing could see him off.

Quite. Now, there he is in his pram. Oh, yeah, very nice.

What would he upheaval a movie, you see, and having his own knockdown? Oh, the

same again, please.

Oh, very sad.

Oh, look, there he is in the bar. Yeah, very nice.

I reckon he's lost the will to live.

Hello. The gay Gordon here.

Could you tell me, please, is Mr Roper there?

George Roper?

Oh, thank you, Gordon.

I just thought, you know, he might have taken his father down there. Yes, well,

if you track him down, let me know.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have another patient to see.

But when I say another patient, I'll let myself out.

Yeah, you're right.

I do apologise.

George! Mildred! Yes?

It's about your father.

He's gone.

Gone? Yeah.

Well, I was with the doctor. We went upstairs and he'd gone.

He's my dad. He's passed away.

There he is in the park.

George? Oh, George.

It's a bit nippy out there, isn't it?

What? A bit nippy.

Where have you been?

Well, I've been down the garage feeding my ferret.

You are supposed to be ill.

Oh, yes.

I don't think I can get up to bed on me own.

He's faking, Anne.

I know he is.

And George is fooled.

Well, old people can be difficult.

Come on, tea time. Put that faith gun away.

All right.

Mummy bought me this today.

It atomises people.

Oh, yes, dear.

It's bribery and corruption, really. Every time we buy the baby something, we

buy him something.

Yeah, and I'm beginning to like him a bit.

Old age pensioners.

It finally happened then, old fella.

You won't be needing the milk stout.

Waste of money, really.

Still, I expect they'll have some up there.

Or down there.

Wherever you're going.

It's funny, really, isn't it?

We never really sat down and had a talk together, you and me.

Oh, well, that's life, I suppose, if you'll pardon the expression.

I wasn't always a good son to you, Dad.

I was the one who put frogs in your wellies.

And when you weren't looking, I put Epsom salts in your tea.

Still, I meant no harm.

I'll tell you one thing, you'll see Mum again.

You won't like that.

Rest in peace.

Oh,

Stuart.

I've had... Oh, I've had a fright of me life.

What? You said the old fool had gone.

Well, he had. He was out in the garage.

Oh, Stuart.

Oh, dear.

I felt the air stand up on me head.

even sick.

He got up and swiped me one.

What for?

Oh, something to do about wellies and frogs and that.

It happened a long time ago.

There's no use arguing, Mildy. He'll have to go back to the home. I know,

George, but they won't take him with his ferrets. Oh, Struth.

Here, listen.

Perhaps we can send it to the Battersea Dogs' Home. They might not notice. Well,

perhaps they've got Battersea Ferrets' Home. You never know.

Oh, hello, Mr. Foremire. Hello.

I'm sorry to intrude. I know this must be a very sad time for you. It is.

There's nothing wrong with him.

Oh, well, I understand that you, your father, used to own a ferret.

Used to?

Yes, it ran out of the garage as I was driving up. I couldn't stop in time. Oh,

well, I don't know what you're talking about.

George.

Oh, well. I can't say how sorry I am.

Yeah, well, poor old Percy.

Still, I expect it was quick. Oh, very quick. Couldn't have been quicker.

I don't know if, um...

Well, how much do ferrets cost these days? Oh, no, you... Please, Mr.

Formile. Quite right.

Now, mere money cannot replace a loved one. Oh, no. Now, please, just leave us

alone with our grief.

Well, I think that solves the problem, Mildred.

Yes, George.

Well, he ought to be locked up.

Going around running over innocent poor little ferrets. It was an accident, Dad.

You must have left the basket open.

No, I didn't. It doesn't mean you can go back to the home with no argument.

You'll soon settle in again. Good company, good food.

Yeah. So I won't be putting Epsom salts in my tea, neither.

Well, it's been lovely having you here for a visit.

And you must do it again next year.

Oh, now, there's your taxi.

Right, well, this is it then, Dad?

Yeah. And I want my gold -plated half -hunter back.

Oh, yeah, right. Yes.

There you are, then.

And you, uh... Well, you mustn't think of this as goodbye, Dad.

Think of it as, um... Well, um... Goodbye.

George, Mr. Formile's got something for your father.

I know it can't possibly make amends, but I felt it was the least I could do.

I'm told its name is Fred.

Well, isn't that nice? Now, look, I'm not... They won't take me back now,

George. Oh, God.