All language subtitles for George and Mildred s03e01 Opportunity Knocks

VTR 1018791, part 1, take 1.

It doesn't look as if anybody else is
going to come to my little coffee

No. No.

Well, they should have let you know if
they couldn't make it. Oh, they did.

It's just that I thought one or two of
them might change their minds, you know.

Would you like another cup?

We've got gallons to get through.

Well, just a small one.

It might keep Emma awake.

Oh.

Emma? It's a girl today, is it?

Got to be. It gets all restless when
Darcy and Hutch come on to me.

Yeah, don't we all?

Right.

It is black, isn't it?

How many people did you invite, Mildred?
Oh, just a few, dear.

Well, about 40.

Well, I didn't think all of them would
want to come.

All right, you were.

Did you send proper invitation cards
out? Oh, of course, dear.

Oh, nothing fancy. You know, just, uh,
Mildred Roper will be at home on

morning.

One of them wrote back and said, so will
I.

Oh, there, you see.

I knew someone would, uh... You have
her, Gwynny. Right. Uh, oh, do you think

we've got enough sandwiches?

Oh, there's plenty, Mildred.

Yes? Mm.

Right, well, excuse me.

Good morning.

The knob fell off your nose, Mildred.

The bit that was on his hat.

We left it out in front of the
lawnmower, he did. I told you to stay

I am expecting company.

You want people to think I'm the
gardener, don't you?

Morning.

Sir, I noticed you didn't bring me out a
cup of coffee. Well, I was going to,

when everybody else had gone.

Everybody else?

Oh, I see.

You're the only one that's turned up,
aren't you?

Well, yes.

out of 40 invitations.

Oh, no, it's the same, isn't it?

Sure, you won't be cold topping those
snobs round here, the lot of them.

Thank you.

Oh, no, not you. You're different.

You feel sorry for her.

George, have you finished weeding that
fine garden?

Well, oh, yeah, yeah.

I've slung them in next door.

Well, no, not your side, the other side.

I'm sorry to be the first to leave,
Mildred.

Well,

I did say I had to go. Yeah, of course.
Jeff is coming home for lunch. Yes,

dear, yes.

Thank you ever so much for coming.

Pleasure. I'll see myself out. Bye. Bye
-bye, dear.

So, lettuce, watercress, cucumber?

Oh, no wonder nobody come.

You should have made them sausage or
fried egg sandwiches.

I had no complaints from Anne.

Well, she's probably on a diet, isn't
she?

Yeah, she needs to be.

I don't know if you noticed, but she's
not put on a lot of weight lately.

Put on a lot... Oh, you fool.

I told you weeks ago she was in a...
interesting condition.

What do you mean, she's... Yes.

Oh. I thought you meant she was drunk.

Well...

That's the last of the vegetable garden.

It's also the first.

Yes.

Well, at least we got one meal out of
it. And it's not much more expensive

buying it in the shop. Quite.

How was the coffee, Molly?

Oh, it was a disaster. Nobody turned up.
Well, what do you expect? Mrs. Clifton

-White was holding hers at the same
time. Oh, I didn't mention that to

The wife of the local council or the
wife of the local scruffbag.

No contest.

You know, sometimes I think Mr Roper's
right.

There are a lot of toffee -nosed snobs
around here.

Nonsense! They're all much the same as
me.

Dad, Dad, I found a caterpillar. Can I
keep it in a pet?

No, no, no, I don't think so.

Don't let it see the lettuce, it'll go
berserk.

You see, son, caterpillars don't stay as
caterpillars.

They form a cocoon, then it births, and
out comes a butterfly.

When's Mummy going to birth?

Not for two or three months yet.

It's a long business, isn't it?

Yes.

Oh, hello, Jerry. Hello, George.

Have a lollygobble chuckbook.

Oh.

Is it all right if I leave my ice cream
van outside?

What? Oh, yeah, that's all right, yeah.

Hey, I haven't seen you for, oh, must be
about a year.

No, it's eight months, George, with full
remission.

What won the Derby in 1928?

I don't know.

A horse.

Oh, dear, dear.

Oh, yeah, it's a good day, isn't it?
Yeah, a horse, yeah.

As mildew.

What?

She's much the same. Oh, well, you can't
win them all, can you?

Oh, you knew I was coming, then.

Oh, go on, help yourself.

All right.

Let's see what we've got to drink.

There's gin, whiskey, vodka.

They're all empty.

Here, do you fancy a prune brandy?

I'll stay with a coffee if it's all
right.

George, sit down.

What? Listen.

I'm going to make you a millionaire
overnight.

Well, that's very decent of you.

It might take a month or two, but this
is the investment opportunity of a

lifetime. What, flogging ice loggies?

Oh, no, no. I just borrowed that van
from me granny.

I usually drive around in an XJS.

Had to loan it to the finance company.
Now, this scheme, fully backed by an

consortium... And who would let that ice
cream van jacked up?

Oh, I might have known.

Morning, Mrs Hart. Yeah.

You know, for a moment there, I thought
you was your own daughter when you come

in. Shift it!

Before the neighbours complain.

Right.

Jerry was just telling me about... It's
all right, George.

It's all right. We'll carry on chatting
in the pub.

Even those little laughter wrinkles seem
to enhance their... Shift it!

of yours, eh?

I'm just going to say one word to you,
George.

Pigeon.

Pigeon? What's the first word you think
after pigeon?

Well... Oh,

yeah, that as well.

There's a fortune to be made in pigeon
farming.

Is there? I have here the projected
profit ratio, input -output cash flow of

first year. Oh, yeah.

Incredible.

And the initial livestock can be got
from Trafalgar Square for nothing.

All you need is a handful of millet and
glue right along your arm.

Then you start breeding them.

They don't need much encouragement.
Before you know where you are, you've

whole chain of Kentucky Fried Pigeon
Shots.

Well, you know, when they fly away.

Not when they're covered in breadcrumbs
and cooked.

Now, if it's just you, me and the Arab
consortium, how much are you going to

in?

Everything. Good man.

My life savings. Well done.

£10 .76.

No, no, George, I was thinking more in
terms of four figures.

Well, that is four figures.

Yeah, but let's put it this way, that
won't even buy the shovels to keep the

cages clean.

Well, how much would I have to put in?
Well, it's got to be in thousands,

George. Not so much for the money, more
for the personal commitment.

Well, personally, I'm ready to be
committed.

Yeah.

What about old Mildew?

Has she any cash tucked away?

Well,

there's so many left over, dear, I
thought that you might be able to use

you know, for Tristram's tea.

Well, thanks, Mildred. I'll try them,
but I think he prefers sausage or fried

egg sandwiches.

Yes?

Oh, well.

Oh, don't go too badly about this
morning, Mildred. I think Mrs Clifton

was having a coffee morning as well.

What, the counsellor's wife?

The WI chairwoman? The one on the board
of governors of the school?

Oh, you know her?

No.

I don't know anyone.

Except the Avon lady.

Perhaps you should have invited her.

I did.

She didn't come either.

Mildred.

Roper.

I was just saying, how dare you?

What?

How dare you accuse me of going through
your personal papers?

Oh, so that's what you were doing, was
it?

How did you know?

I was just seeing how we were sort of
fixed, you know, financially.

Oh, I'm all right, George.

You have nothing.

Next question.

What about this insurance policy?

It must be worth something.

Yes, when you're dead.

Well, couldn't I get an advance on it?
Very likely.

I mean, let's face it, there's not a lot
of life left in you.

Anyway, what do you want money for?

Oh, well, Jerry's got me interested in
an investment scheme he's thought up,

see, and... Oh, I see, and you want
money to have your head examined, is

it? Yes. No, no.

Yes, well, this idea he's got is...
Yeah, well, don't bother to tell me,

I'm not in the mood to laugh.

When it comes to your fat friend and his
get -poor -quick scheme, there's no

money in this house.

Ah, the house.

Yes.

Yes, I... Yes, I do agree that our
advertisement says the property is on

river and not in it.

But that only happens twice a year.

Yes, I've put details of other
properties in the post.

Goodbye.

All right, Maisie, he's been waiting an
hour. Show him in.

Good afternoon.

Quite.

If you want to borrow my lawnmower,
you'll have to wait till you give it

me.

No, it's all right. I'll get it fixed
first.

What do you think I'll get for my house?

What do you mean, fixed up?

You're selling your house.

Well?

You're moving.

Oh, my.

Depends how much money I'll get.

Oh, lots.

Lots. Have a drink.

I've never really fitted in round here.
Oh, true.

I'd be much happier in a council flat.

Oh, you would.

I've said as much to Anne many times.

What sort of commission do you get?
None.

In your case?

None. I could put it on the market at
once.

You could be out in a fortnight.

Cheers. Oh.

Oh, yes, cheers.

Hello, George. Geoffrey here.

Who?

Mr. Formeyer.

Look, I have a couple with me who are
very interested in looking over your

property. A Mr. and Mrs. Williams.

Oh, yeah, right, yes.

What, three o 'clock? Yeah.

Yeah, all right, then. Three o 'clock.

Oh!

Who was it? Oh, it's the wrong number.

They wanted a speaking clock.

That's why I told them the time, see?

It's only quarter past one.

Ah, yeah, well, they didn't want to know
the time now.

They wanted to know what it would be at
three o 'clock.

It's a bit silly, really, isn't it? Yes.

Mildred? What? Would you like to go to
the pictures this afternoon?

There's a good film on. Oh, George!

We haven't been to the pictures together
in the afternoon since we were...

Well, since we were courting. I don't
know.

Here, do you remember?

You got your shirt tail caught in the
tip -up seat.

Yeah, I remember.

Anyway, I looked here.

Nympho night nurse coupled with red -hot
and ready.

George, we can't go and see anything
like that.

Oh, not me. I've seen them already. No,
you can go.

Well, I'd be.

Well, I wouldn't. Anyway, I've got a lot
of shopping to do.

Ah.

Good.

Gin and tonic, please, and tomato juice
and a club sandwich.

Oh, this is no fun.

I can't drink and I can't smoke.

All right, Anne, I've had to give up a
few things as well.

Only the one.

And that's what caused it in the first
place.

We did miss you at our little coffee
morning.

Yes. I don't think you've met my
husband, Geoffrey. Mr and Mrs Clifton

How do you do, sir?

Please, Reginald. Reginald. Can I buy
you both a drink?

Gin and tonics? Right.

I'd already arranged to go to my next
-door neighbour's coffee morning.

Absolute disaster. Nobody turned up. Oh,
how awful for her. Oh, quite, quite.

Sad business.

Her name's Mildred.

Mildred Roper.

You really should meet her. I'm sure
you'd get on. Yes, I must pop in

say hello.

Oh, she'd like that.

I'm chairing the committee for repairs
to the church roof.

Perhaps I can persuade her to sit on it.

Thank you.

Should we all grab a table? Right.

You're wasting your time.

They'll be moving soon.

Who will? The Ropers. They put the house
on the market.

And these, well, as you probably
realise, are the stairs leading back

the hall, see?

And down there... Will you be leaving
the carpets and curtains? Oh, no.

Thank God for that.

Down here, there's more hall, see?
Leading through to the lounge -stroke

room. Yes.

Well, what do you think, my dear?

Can you hear the neighbours through the
wall?

Oh, yes. Better than the telly some
nights.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no. It's a nice area.

It's a good park. Football pitch,
cricket, tennis.

What about drafts? Well, that's more
your indoor game, isn't it?

Do you mind if I jump up and down?

Oh, you like the place that much, do
you?

The floorboards. Oh, yeah, there's
plenty of them. They're under the

Er, George!

Oh, my God.

Excuse me.

Talk amongst yourselves.

You're back early, my precious. Yes,
well, shopping doesn't take too long

you don't meet anybody to gossip with.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, just people.

A man and his wife. Well, they dropped
in to say hello.

What, neighbours?

Oh, George, how nice.

You see?

They aren't all toffee -nosed snobs. How
do you do?

Oh, this is my wife, and this is Mr. and
Mrs. What's -her -name. It's very nice

of you to come.

George,

where are your manners?

How nice to meet you.

Yes.

A few squeaks here.

Yes, the floorboards.

Oh, do sit down.

Have a sherry, or a...

prune brandy.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, George.

Pour us all out a drink. Come on.

Oh, do sit down.

There we are.

Oh, how nice of you to drop in.

Well, not really.

We wanted to look round your house.

Oh? You can't tell from the outside, can
you? No, I suppose you can't, no.

You can't tell what?

For instance, your bedroom's a lot
smaller than we expected.

George showed you our bedroom.

Oh, yes.

And the bathroom.

We were rather hoping for a shower.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, perhaps after you've had a
drink.

Here we are. You just swig these down,
then you can go.

Your ceiling's got one or two very nasty
cracks.

Right.

Let's get the homework done, otherwise
you'll have nothing to forget to take to

school tomorrow.

All right.

Mum? Yes?

Jason's rabbits just had ten babies all
at once.

Really? If you had ten, we could form
our own football team.

And I'd be captain, because I'm the
oldest.

Homework. I'm just popping next door.

There you are.

I suppose if the kitchen were a bit
bigger, but, well, frankly, I really

like these houses.

Neither do I.

Well, I'm sorry about that.

Here, well, we won't detain you.

It would look better with our furniture
in. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, right, off you

go. It's very nice of you to call. I see
your own self out.

They were a nice couple, weren't they?

Ah!

And did they say where they lived?

Potter's Bar.

Potter's Bar.

Oh, they've come all this way?

Just a drop in?

Yeah, well, it's neighbourly of them,
wasn't it?

A complete waste of a perfectly good

prune brandy.

Here?

Oh, hello, love. Come on in.

Mildred, I'm so sorry to hear we're not
going to be neighbours anymore.

You're not moving.

What?

No, you are.

Pardon?

The big fight, followed by a general
hospital.

Er, George?

Yes, Melody?

Do you want to be buried or cremated?

Well, neither.

I'm not dead.

Not yet.

What do you mean?

You. Have been trying to sell this house
behind my back.

Oh, no, no, I'll just put it on the
market to see how much it'd be worth.

Why? Of course, I could sell it.

No, you see, Jerry's got this very
good... Cremated. Oh.

And how many other people have been
poking their noses round my home,

at my ceiling, insulting my furniture?

Well... I can tell you now, George, it
is going to stop.

Mildred, Mildred, I didn't mean to,
Mildred.

This is your fault.

Sorry.

It is Roper?

Yes. We probably should have telephoned
first. Oh, no.

I'm not going to come into my house and
criticise it. But surely... Jumping up

and down on my floors.

Saying my bathroom's too small.

Poking your nose into my lavatory.

Go away!

Oh, Mildred, they didn't come to look at
the house. They came to see you.

What? That was Mr and Mrs Clifton
-White.

Cheers.

Here we are.

Yeah, so, well, I thought it wouldn't be
right to sell the house behind

Mildred's back, see, so I won't be able
to raise enough money to come in on the

pigeon farm, Jerry.

Ah, that's fallen by the wayside.

The Arab consortium withdrew its
finances.

Abdullah and his missus at the sweetly
shop.

Oh.

Seems they had a gas bill.

So you did say you had £10 .76, didn't
you?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, a remarkable
opportunity has come up for the small

investor. Really?

You know how the French eat snails,
right?

But it takes a man of vision, a man such
as yourself, to realise the marketing

potential of the humble British newt.

Just think of it, George, think of it.

Newt and chips.

Newt burger.

Newt in a basket.

Tell me more, Jerry.