All language subtitles for George and Mildred s02e01 Jumble Pie

Thames VTR 18059 Part 1, Take 1

Oh, dear.

Oh, my God.

Disgusting.

Oh, yes, my love.

George?

I've got something to tell you. It's
going to be a good year for carrots,

Mildred. I think I might plant a couple
of bushes.

Oh, George.

Look, I want you to be brave.

Why? What are you going to do?

I don't know how to tell you this,
George. It's just that death comes to

us sooner or later.

You keep away from me.

George, it's Oscar.

He's gone.

Aye.

I came in to clean his cage out, George,
and...

He must have passed away during the
night.

He could be pretending, Mildred. Playing
a trick on me.

He's dead, George.

Come on, Oscar.

Who's a pretty boy, then?

George, he never said it in life. He's
not going to start now.

Well, he might.

He's ticking, Mildred.

That's your watch, George.

Oh, look, love, he was getting on a bit.

Yeah, I suppose so.

Well, I mean, if he'd been a human, He
had a telegram from the Queen years ago.

I'm all alone in the world now, Mildred.
Oh, I'm here, George.

Yeah, it's not the same.

He really liked me.

Yes, well, I get your point.

Look, George, I mean, it's not the end
of the world. Well, you try telling him

that. What I mean is he might be gone,
George, but we'll have him in our memory

forever. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Remember that time your sister Ethel
came round and he did his whoopsie on

hat?

Yes. And that other time he flew up your
dress and you... Yeah, I remember.

It's a wonder he lived as long as he
did.

Well, I suppose I'd better find
something to bury him in. Otherwise next

cat will have him up.

George, there is an empty packet of
cornflakes in the kitchen.

You have no respect, Mildred.

Besides, I want to do the competition on
the back.

Here, now, I'll use your jewellery box.
You will not.

Give it here.

I mean, where am I going to keep my
rubber bands and...

hairpins and paper clips.

Oh, well, I suppose you might as well
have it.

Well, I'll dig a little hole for him in
the garden.

Oh, really?

It'll be the first time you've taken a
spade to it since we've been here. Yeah.

I haven't got a spade.

Geoffrey, I'm not sure I should give
this dress.

Wasn't it the one I was wearing when you
proposed to me?

You weren't wearing a dress when I
proposed to you.

Because, uh, because she was wearing
slacks.

What's the homework today, then, Big
Ears? It's about nature and the

reproductive process.

Oh, yes.

Anne, Anne, they're giving him sex
instruction.

Well, it's only the life cycle of the
tadpole.

It's nothing under the wedge.

Oh, is that how they do it?

Eight.

Oh, yeah, eight. He's only eight.

Was I ever a tadpole?

You see?

No.

Well, yes.

Sort of.

There's plenty of time for this when
he's 13 or 14.

Well, he could be trapped into an affair
with a frog by then.

All I'm saying is, Tristram, go in the
lounge and do your homework.

I'm going to talk to Mummy about
something I shouldn't hear.

No, no, not at all.

I suppose, sir.

As long as it's BBC.

All I'm saying is I didn't learn the
facts of life until I was 16.

And nowadays it's sex, sex everywhere
you turn.

Yes, dear.

I mean, even our local news agents. The
place for sex is in the home, not in the

high street.

Especially if it's raining.

Anne, I don't think that's very funny.

Excuse me. Yes, what?

Oh, Mrs Roper.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Mr. Formile, could I borrow your spade,
please? It's for George.

Oh, yes, yes, I suppose so.

It's in the shed.

Oh, thanks.

Is he doing some gardening, Mildred?
Yes, in a way. He's planting our budgie.

Oscar? Yes, he died during the night.
Oh, dear.

Oh, thank you. Yes, well, it was
probably his heart, you know. I found

morning. Legs in the air, stiff as a
poker.

Good God.

I thought, you know, a discreet little
burial at the end of the garden.

Mr Roper.

What?

The budgie. Oh, what a shame.

About the budgie.

Yes.

Have you time for a cup of Mildred? Oh,
yes, yes, if you're not too busy. No,

I'm just sorting out all this stuff for
the Brigham Buy sale.

Oh.

Oh.

There you are, Oscar.

You'll be cosy in there.

And I'll put your little bell in with
you.

George! George!

They're having a jumble sale at St Bute
off this afternoon.

Oh, good. You could do with some new
clothes.

I've offered to help.

Though I'm not sure we've got anything
decent enough to give to a jumble sale.

Hey, we can make a few bobby, yeah?

George, you give it. It's for the
church.

Well, you haven't been to church for
years.

Well, do you blame me?

The last time I went in one, I came out
married to you.

I shall be on a stall.

I hope they get a good price for you.

I know why you want to get involved.

So you can hobnob with all them blue
rinses.

Pardon me, Lady Muckamuck. Did my cream
bun catch in your diamond tiara?

George, they're nice people.

Ah, stop.

Come Sunday, you can't get through the
church door for golf clubs.

Well, don't you talk like that in front
of the vicar.

Was he coming here? Yes, to get our
jumble.

Oh, yeah.

He could say a few words over Oscar.

You dare.

George, now, um, what have we got that,
uh, that we don't need anymore?

Oh.

Oh,

you know how to twist a knife a little
bit.

As I was saying to Anne, things have got
completely out of hand.

Even the local newsagent thrust smutty
magazines under your nose.

Really, Anne? I hadn't noticed.

Well, they're on the top shelf, so you
have to stand on tiptoe.

Well, not what you would... That sort of
thing should be stamped on.

Oh, that must be difficult.

If it's on the top shelf.

Sorry.

It's not so much people like you or I. I
mean, we can handle it. Yes. It's the

working class. The assault of the earth
goes without saying. But they are easily

inflamed. We're all the same in the
sight of God.

Well... Yes.

They don't have the training and self
-control that we have. No, quite.

Another chocolate biscuit?

Oh, thank you.

No, no.

Mustn't overdo it.

You can't give him this coat, Mildred.
It costs you ten clothing coupons.

George.

I was ashamed to wear that at the
Festival of Britain. I'm certainly not

to wear it now.

Hey, what about this skirt?

We could cut it up for polishing cloths.
I made it out of polishing cloths in

the first place.

Hey, what are you sticking your name on
for?

George, there's no point in giving to
charity if nobody knows what you're

Oh, now.

Behave yourself, George.

Sit up straight.

And don't click your upper set.

Ah,

Mrs. Ripper? Yes. My name is Steps. Oh,
do come in, Your Reverence.

Thank you.

Mrs. Formile said you might have... Oh,
yeah, I do have, yes.

Oh, I've got lots.

And none of it being used.

Please, come in. Thank you.

There we are.

Oh, excuse me.

There we are. Thank you so much. Of
course, some of it is slightly past its

best. My husband.

Mr. O 'Connor, we haven't met.

Though I did see you the other day in
the local newsagents.

I'll deny it.

You seemed rather taller at the time.
Ah, that was somebody else.

I was buying gardening magazines for the
bottom shelf.

Do sit down, Your Reverence. Yeah, take
a few.

Thank you.

So you're friends of Mr and Mrs
Fourmile?

Yes.

The family's been involved with some
boot -offs the generations.

Our graveyard is full of Fourmiles.

Yeah, it's the best place for them.
George.

Can I offer you a cup of tea?

Thank you.

Oh.

Here, tell me something.

Do budgies go to heaven?

Budgies? Yeah, budgies.

I mean, if they haven't sinned, that is.

Well, I don't know if you can't do in a
whoopsie on a hat is a sin.

I'm not sure that I've... Yes, it
appears to be gone.

Oh, exactly.

But where to, you see? That's what I
want to know.

I mean, he'd be in his element up there,
wouldn't he?

He's having the wings already, you see.
I don't think so, Mr Ripper. Oh.

Well... What about coming back in
another form? You know, like re -in...

-in... What's the name of that tin milk?

Re -imprimison?

That's it, exactly.

I mean, after all, we could have been
budgies in a past life, couldn't we, you

and me?

Well, especially you. There's something
about the nose.

Here we are, then.

I thought I might be able to press you
to a sponge finger. Oh, very kind.

This is really more Buddhist than
Christian, you know. Oh, really?

Well, perhaps you'd better have a ginger
biscuit.

Oh, I see. For all I know, you might
have been a Buddhist. A Buddhist budgie.

George, put it away while we're eating.

Sugar? No, thank you. I believe you've
offered to help out in the stall this

afternoon. Yes, indeed.

Oh, most kindly. He could have been
Jewish.

I mean, he very rarely rang his bell on
a Saturday.

Oh, George.

I do not wish to hear another word about
budget. That's perfectly all right.

Finish your tea, and then you can help
me take the stuff out to the van.

Right.

Some quality stuff here, you know.

I knew how to make shirt tails in the
old days. You could tuck them in the top

of your socks.

Nowadays,

they barely cover your...

If that's everything.

Oh, well, there is one other thing.

I was going to bury him in the back
garden, but I thought, well, you know

do it properly.

Yes. Well, you know, consecrated ground,
that sort of thing.

You don't have to dig a special hole for
him. He won't mind sharing.

Well, I mean, next time you're burying
someone, you could slip him in as well,

see?

Oh, I nearly forgot.

A few more bits of peaches.

Most kind.

I shall see you both this afternoon
then. Oh, yes.

I'm not coming. You're coming.

George,

you're not ready.

I'm not coming, that's why I'm not
ready. I think it's dark in a way, our

thing, just to make an impression.

George, I've only given away the things
we don't need.

I'm in the budgie cage, those old
gardening magazines of yours.

Do what?

I mean, you never do any gardening,
George. I don't know why you bother to

them. Not the ones under the stairs in
the cardboard box.

Yes? Oh, my God.

What's the matter? Oh, nothing.

Oh, my God.

George, you're hiding something.

No, it's just that, see, well, they
weren't all gardening magazines.

Just the top layer.

And what was underneath?

What do you mean, the other hundred or
so?

Well, they were sort of, um... Well,
they were sort of art books.

Art?

What sort of art?

Well, art.

What were they called?

Nudge, wink, titter.

And I've sent them some tribute -offs.

With my...

Well, how do you think I feel about it,
Mildred?

Took me years, that collection.

It'd be hard to replace some of them.

Especially the Swedish ones.

Now,

look, George.

Just tell me.

Now, be honest.

Were they too rude?

Well, no.

Well, I mean, some of them were a bit
sort of, um... Well, a bit sort of...

they were rude, Mildred.

I mean, how could you buy things like
that?

It's cheap, cheap, cheap.

You sounded just like Oscar, then.

I only bought them for the crosswords,
Mildred.

That is besides the point, George.

They are crosswords.

Well, no, but I didn't know that when I
bought them.

Get your coat!

George, with my name on the box, they
might think that some of those

are of me.

Oh, no, no possibility of that, Mildred,
no.

I mean, you're nowhere near as, um...

No, no, no, can't do that. Get your
coat!

Socialism the way ahead.

Put that with the fiction, I think.

How much should we charge for this bed?

Oh, about 50p, I should... Just a
moment.

That's mine!

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure. Look.

I lend it to Roper and he gives it to a
jumble sale.

Tell you what, if it isn't yours, you
can have it for 25.

Daddy?

Can I have these comics?

Why, I suppose so.

5p. Can I have 5p?

What have you done to earn 5p?

I've helped you sell these comics.

Yes.

Yes.

I think we've got a little capitalist
there, eh?

Well, we're all ready for the off, apart
from that Mrs Wilson story.

Ah, gardening magazines.

One of my little hobbies.

Really? I'm quite keen on it, but...

Rush from that.

Oh, yes, indeed. I'll keep that copy
aside for you.

Can I see it, Daddy?

No, no, no.

You go and see how old Mrs Wilson is.

All right.

Perhaps we should open the doors now?

Yes.

Mrs Wilson, my daddy wants to know how
old you are.

Quick, George, we can get them back
before anybody sees them. I'm doing me

Mildred.

Why can't we have a car like normal
people?

You've got to cut it, this machine,
Mildred. It's a thoroughbred. You've got

quick -talk it.

If you don't start in five seconds,
you're going to end up on a scrappy

tomorrow.

I wonder what happened to Mildred. She
was supposed to be helping out.

Probably ashamed to show her face.

Why? Never mind.

Mrs. Wilson says she's 72.

It's any of your business.

What? She's 72.

Oh. Well, uh... Happy birthday, Mrs.
Wilson.

Now, George.

Smile. Don't let people know there's
anything wrong.

Oh, my God.

Go and get them back, George. Go on.

Oh, no.

Ah, Mrs Roper.

I thought it was you. You thought what
was me?

You were you.

And looking for anything in particular?

Oh, no, no, just this, that and the
other. Oh, well, we have some of this

some of that. Or are you more interested
in the other?

Well, it's gardening magazines. That's
what I'm really interested in. Oh, yes,

we had some of those. Now, what happened
to them?

Did the vicar buy them?

Eh? Oh, no, no, no. Come to think of it,
didn't you contribute some gardening

magazines? Oh, yeah, yeah, I believe I
did. Now, they were good. I wouldn't

having them.

Would...

These be they.

Oh, yeah, right. I'll take the lot. Just
a minute.

How much are you offering?

Oh, well, 10p.

Oh, 10p each. That's very handsome of
you. No, no, 10p for the box. Oh, they

must be worth, uh, five pounds.

Yeah, but I gave them. Well, then you
know what they're worth. Let's have a

look. Oh, no, no, no, right.

No, uh, five quid. Yeah, that's, uh,
that's very fair.

Well, then, Christina, I need good help
out of Mr.

Fourmile's store.

Yeah, I've got them, Mildred. I've got
the magazine.

Oh, yeah, afternoon.

Oh, God, Nygma.

I think you're keen on it.

Not so you'd notice, no.

There, Mr. Formeyer's stall.

Right. You should get plenty of wear out
of those, thank you.

Tristram!

Oh, hello, Milford. You finally made it
then. Yes, well, Barry Sheen had a bit

of trouble starting.

Oh, that's a nice suit.

Yours for two quid. Done.

Hello.

There you go.

Thank you.

How much is the dead buggy?

Oh, yes.

Oh, that's very smart.

Of course, you don't quite fit it. It
did not fit me, Milted.

Look at these trousers.

Well, hitch them up a bit.

Careful, Milted.

All it needs is a little alteration.
Now, we'll take up the trousers and take

the sleeves and, uh, oh, yeah, we'll
just take a little tuck in the waistband

here. Well, it'll be similar to getting
a new husband.

Don't think I haven't thought of it.

Oh, by the way, George, did you get rid
of those mucky little magazines of

yours? Well, I only just got them back.

Oh, George, I am not having this sort of
rubbish in my house.

Well, you'd never be ashamed of any
human body, Mildred.

Have you seen yourself in the bath
lately?

Explain to me, George.

I mean, why do you buy things like
amateur gardening, Gardening Weekly,

Rosegrower's Journal... Practical
Gardener, Greenhouse Gazette.

They're all gardening magazines.

George!

And when the tadpole is big enough, it
breaks out of its cocoon and turns into

butterfly.

I think you may have...

Turned over two pages there, hmm?

Oh, yes, a frog.

And when the frog meets the lady frog,
they start it all over again.

Any questions?

No. No, no, no. I think you've made it
perfectly clear.

So, can it never really get married to
Miss Piggy?

What?

Oh. I suppose anything's possible on
ITV.

Ratings mad.

Does Mummy lay eggs?

What?

Uh, watch television or something.

Phew.

Oh, here. I want a word with you. I'm
Mr. Roper.

Why are you wearing one of my old suits?

Never mind that. I'll... Eh?

Oh, blimey.

It's 185 quid for a box of gardening
magazines. What was the matter with

Well, they're all gardening magazines.

I see. And what were you expecting to
find? Well, I expected... Well, I mean,

thought... Well, you know what was
underneath.

Oh, them.

I tossed them in the incinerator. Best
place for that sort of smut. George, you

are not to bother Mr. Formeyer with...
He's burnt them.

Burnt... Burnt what, George?

I know nothing about them.

Geoffrey, what are these doing on top of
the wardrobe?

No!

I, um, I thought they might be good for,
uh, lagging the pipe.