Original subtitles

Buy a cookie and help me save trees.

Now, trees would be no air. Without air, there'd be no us.

Think of the trees, people!

Try Grandma CJ's brownies and you'll see just how good a brownie can be.

Way better than a cookie.

And the list of my failures continues to grow.

That crashed harder than my aviary club.

Miniature club.

Magician's assistance club.

That was just Tuesday.

Sounds like you could use a little help from an experienced salesman.

Sit and watch.

Do you think you are a failure? Are you afraid you will never achieve your

goals?

Well, hot...

What?

This is the best part.

You're in, but...

He's from the disguise.

Oh, situation.

All right, April. Just remember this. When making a sale, you are not selling

the cookie.

You are selling an idea. Go on.

Fly, my little Lou.

Okay. You can do this, O 'Neal.

People of New York, are you enjoying the sunny spring day? The outdoors?

The breathing of air by this cookie.

Oh, there won't be any more air. Or cookies. Or us. Because trees!

Don't sweat it, April. Sit back and watch how it's done.

Remember this smell?

Hyping hot chocolate chip cookies, like Mom used to make.

Oh, it brings me back to simpler times.

Times when I had someone to kiss my boo -boos. To read me stories.

To tuck me in at night.

Now who wants to buy some love?

I don't currently take Mandarin, Spanish, Swedish, and Flemish to be

these phonics.

Uh, Julia, Grandma CJ wants to see you.

Boss, no sales are down, but you've got to believe me. It's not my fault.

There's this new, super cool, hairy, tainted, skinny jean slinging cookies

rocks. Cookies?

The peasants of dessert are beating my brownie. This will not stand.

Excellent. I shall crush your chocolate chip enemies between my fists.

Now, bring them to me.

These fashion -forward punks are either going to work for me or they're never

going to work at all.

80, 90, 95, 110, 120, 135.

What'd I tell you? We nailed it.

You did.

No one took a pamphlet except that one guy who used it to wipe the cookie off

his face.

Okay, that's it. What has gotten into you?

Without you, I wouldn't have raised a single dollar to plant new trees.

I'm such a failure.

April, you're not a failure.

You're...

Girls, could you give us a minute? I was just ramping up to a life -changing

speech. The only thing you're ramping up to is a meeting with Keith and

Fitzgerald. A read at a 10th grade level.

Where am I? What am I doing here?

Grandma CJ wants to see you.

Apparently, she wants to recruit you.

Why would she want me when she's got you guys?

You're amazing.

Yes, we are.

You should really let me go. If you do, this will go a lot easier for you.

And how are you going to break out of here?

Breaking out of place is easy.

Me, I just go through that duck. Whoa, you can crawl in that duck?

It's ducked, not duck.

Duck, that's what I said.

No, you didn't. Uh -huh. Nuh -uh. Uh -huh.

Nuh -uh.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Brownie, maybe you should hit me again?

Do not lie to me, Lujitsu!

I know you're here to stop my world takeover.

World takeover?

Yes!

As Grandma CJ?

Brownies are the key.

You sell enough, you get to meet everyone.

Fortune 500 CEOs, mayors, world leaders.

Once everyone knows our brand, we'll be able to get into any office in the

world, even the oval one. Sounds complicated.

How long is this going to take?

Based on our projections and factoring in inflation and natural disasters to

cocoa region, it should only take... Ten years?

Ducked? Duck.

Ducked? Excuse me.

Excuse me. Whoa.

Did you just, like, untie yourself with a walnut?

Amazing. That was basic.

That was amazing.

You know,

those Forkman guys, they never really treated me right.

But we were doing cool stuff.

You know, like trying to raise the shredder.

You do that and you're top dog. The world is your oyster to crush.

Mm -hmm. We have all been there. Now I'm looking at brownie projections and

watching the next ten years just bake by.

I'm a failure!

Just because you failed doesn't make you a failure.

You're focusing only on the negative, not the positive.

What do you mean?

Let me tell you about a girl I know.

She also thinks she's a failure.

She's incredibly tenacious and capable.

Not everything she does works out.

But that never stops her from trying.

Oh, Nick!

I hate to beat up an old lady.

Exactly. She could fail again.

And again.

And again.

And again. But despite her many failures, she never gives

in. She always finds a way forward.

You remind me a lot of her.

Your passion. You both strive for greatness.

Don't forget milk!

Wow, did you just French -breed all of us together?

Amazing!

And maybe brownies are not your key to world takeover, but if anyone was

going to take over the world with brownies... I doubt they could do a

than what you have.

Thank you so much. You're such a great listener.

I feel like I did most of the talking. I feel like things are going to be

different from now on. From this day forward... You're going to start being a

good person? Nobody will stand in my way to world domination!

Wrong lesson! Wrong lesson!

You've taken out my entire brownie clan.

Impressive. Let him go.

Make me.

Everyone calm down.

I'm sure we can all find a way to get along.

Enough. Talk cheap.

I couldn't agree more.

How much you have in common?

No, we don't. Cheap enemy.

Need I say more?

Give me back my money and the rat.

How about I let him go, but I keep the money?

Hmm.

Well.

Really?

Fine.

Well,

she's gone. And so is our tree money.

Looks like another typical April O 'Neil failure.

April, you are not... Although, I did rescue you. Yes, we... And I did take

a troop of lethal little girls.

See, this is what... And I got myself free with a walnut.

A whole walnut.

Look at you.

A J -I -T -S -U course graduate.

Yeah, but I can't even sell a single cookie.

Oh, I know you will. It is like I say in my videotape. There is no one path to

success other than the one you make.

If a pompadour punches it working, approach your problem with a flaming

armbar! Yes! Teach me how to armbar my way to world domination!

Thank you.