All language subtitles for some_mothers_do_ave_em_1978_christmas

This is what I've been waiting for.

Standing here like my father's flying
boot.

You can just imagine what it used to be
like.

June 1940.

Scramble, scramble, enemy overhead.

Reach for your joysticks.

Our liberty.

Defended by a few small aircraft.

Mind you, I didn't think they were going
to be quite as small as that.

They'll seem even smaller once you're up
there.

I won't mind that, Grandpa.

I've been dreaming of this for years.

I mean, what a sight.

All lined up.

Cockpits ready to throb.

I can just see my father taking off in
one of those.

Yeah, your father was very good at
taking off.

If he was coming back, he wasn't so keen
on.

Do you think they'll let me take the
blue one up?

I've always been very lucky with blue.

Looks a bit cleaner than the others as
well.

There's plenty to choose from, Frank.

I mean, hardly anyone seems to be
flying.

Now, well, that depends on the clouds.

They were very thick when I took the dog
for a walk.

Now, if the clouds were as thick as your
dog, no one would be flying at all.

Start Tango Uniform. Clear to join. Left
hand downwind.

Runway 04, QFE 998.

Tango Uniform, roger. 04, 998.

Oscar Delta, final.

Sue Oscar, clear to final. Number one.

Zulu Oscar here, number one, Roger.

Zulu Oscar, there are three people on
runway 04.

I say again, three people crossing
runway 04.

Overshoot. Zulu Oscar, overshoot.

Clash for comfort.

Obviously a learner.

It's all right, Betty. You're perfectly
safe now.

I think it was the crop sprayer. I could
smell the fertilizers as he flew

overhead.

We're in the middle of the runway.

Thirty -five pupils a year.

I'll just make quite sure that
everything's right here.

Good morning, and excuse me.

Oh, good morning.

Are you a pilot?

Yes, I am. Oh.

And are you flying today, may I ask?
Yes, we're taking Aunt Zulu Victor.

Oh.

Would he be the African gentleman I
passed out to?

Goodness me, no, no. That's the name of
an aircraft.

You see, Zulu Victor.

Oh, well, I've just arrived, you see,
and I would like to enroll as a student.

Oh, well, you'll have to see our chief
instructor, Mr. Parker. He's not here

this morning, but he has a free space at
3 o 'clock this afternoon, if that

would suit you.

Indeed it would. Well, I'll let him know
to expect you. Name?

Spencer, F .W.

Spence.

How do you do?

Oh, how do you do?

My name is James.

This is Mr. Pruitt, one of my students.

He's about to take his first flight.

Oh. How do you do?

Little nervous, are we?

Well, that's understandable, isn't it?

Your focals are fogging up a bit.

He'll be all right.

Have you checked the weather forecast?

Pardon? It's just that on my arrival, I
noticed that your sausage was a bit

stiff.

The balloon at the end of the airfield.

Oh, you may... Oh, yes, the wind's cone.

No, no, that's quite all right. Just a
little fresh breeze, break up the

Oh, well, let's hope that all it breaks
up.

My father always used to like a little
joke before he went up.

As he always said, it could be my last
chance.

Well, it's understandable you being
nervous your first flight. It's a very

step to take.

Very big.

Have you measured the emergency exit?

Well, I don't want to, you know,
derogify your personals, but if there is

forced landing...

I think I'd just lean back, take a deep
breath, hold your stomach in, and let Mr

Jennings jump out first.

Oh, what an absolute brick.

Come along, Mr Pruitt. Well, good luck,
and may you have a safe take -off and a

safe landing, and don't worry about a
hedge at the end of the runway.

You can get over there. Just lift up a
bit as you get over there.

Bye -bye. If you feel a bit dizzy, put
your head between your legs, because my

mother... Mr Pruitt.

Mr Pruitt.

I'm not going.

I'm not going.

I'm not going.

What?

He says he's not going.

Mr Spencer, when you take your first
training flight, I sincerely hope you

meet up with an imbecile who will
completely demoralise you.

No, no, no. I'm made of stronger stuff,
Mr Jennings.

My father was in the Battle of Britain.

He was shot down seven times.

I want to be just like him.

If I had a gun, you would be.

That's a bit harsh, I feel.

Spencer Barron to control.

Mission accomplished.

We've wiped out 15 fish and chip shops.

Losses so far, 12 chips, three whistles
and a saveloy.

Ah, Betty, this flying book has got all
the pilot's language in it. Negative,

positive, affirmative.

I've got to learn all this.

This flying's going to be very
expensive.

It only cost me £2 an hour to learn to
drive.

But we spent £600 and you still haven't
passed.

Yes, but I have had 300 lessons out of
it. But have we got £600?

Not any more.

Look, I told you before not to worry
about the money. You just get your

licence so that you can come out to
Australia and help me with the farm. I

to run that place in a proper family
way.

Well, don't you worry, Grandpa.

Now I'm in the family way.

Grandpa, we still haven't heard from
Australia. How?

About the immigration interview.

Oh, well...

The man who interviewed me has been away
sick.

Sick?

Yes, it's a bit of a delicate thing.

Oh. Apparently, after I finished the
interview, he followed me out of the

and jumped off Waterloo Bridge.

Was it an accident?

Hardly. He was clutching a breeze block
at the time.

Luckily, the tide was out.

But it still took the crane three and a
half hours to get him out of the mud.

Oh, Frank.

It says here...

that a pilot has to be very careful what
he eats. It says that if you've had

radishes, apples or onions, you should
not leave the airfield.

If I'd had all that to eat, I wouldn't
leave the house.

Excuse me.

Is he all right?

No, no.

It's that long journey. He's still
suffering from the jet slag.

Jet slag?

Well, Australia, Betty. You've got to
remember, it's underneath the world's

bottom.

He was on his head flying until he got
to Calcutta.

It doesn't do your plumbing any good.

It's not just the blood that rushes to
your head.

He's got a lot of old pipes there.

Some of them must be a bit rusty.

I just hope he can make the journey back
all right. Yeah, it's only at the end

of the hall. No.

Yes, he will.

And then we'll all be together. You, me,
Grandpa and Jessica and me.

Shearing 20 ,000 sheep.

Yes, but you've never sheared a sheep.

Well, I clipped a poodle once.

We're round here.

That's a little joke.

No, no, seriously.

I shouldn't think that shearing a sheep
is any more different. You've just got

to get all the curly coat off in one go.

Apart from on the poodle, you leave the
little bobble.

Well, on the sheep, you cut the little
bobble off.

That's why you don't see a lot of sheep
smiling.

Yes, all right. Well, if we finish,
let's go upstairs and tell Jessica about

flying. Yes, and you can meet Alexander
at the same time.

Alexander? I thought your friend Linda
was looking after Jessica.

You're just right, but she's brought her
little son round with her. He's

Jessica's boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Boyfriend?

Exactly how long has my daughter been
courting, may I add?

Frank, she's barely...

There's only five.

That's not the point. This is a vital
stage in her life, Betty.

A new emotion is beginning to rear its
head.

In parts of India, they've been engaged
by now.

It's only a harmless friendship.

It may seem that way to you, but
children are made much more advanced

days. I didn't know what a girl was till
I was 12.

You must have done.

How could I?

I never saw one.

When my mother told me about the birds
and the bees, I thought she meant I'd

been born in a hive.

Listen, if someone has taken an interest
in my daughter, then I want to know

about it. I mean, what are his
prospects?

What did his father do? What do we have
in common?

Well, he is unemployed.

Apart from that.

Look, I don't know much about him,
Frank.

The only thing I do remember is that he
keeps sucking his thumb.

Well, no wonder he's unemployed.

Not the father, Alexander.

Fine husband he's going to make.

Hello.

Linda, I don't think you've met my
husband. This is Alexander's mother.

How do you do?

I've seen you out with Jessica. I
guessed who you were. You recognise the

It runs in the family.

My mother had it and now Jessica's got
it. You can see the resemblance.

Yes. And this is Jessica's friend,
Alexander.

How do you do, Alexander?

I'm Jessica's father.

And how long have you been seeing my
daughter?

A little bit shy.

Poor Alexander had to go to the doctor
yesterday, didn't you, Alexander?

Well, nothing catching, I trust.

Oh, no, he's just a bit run down.

Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. We
can't have that, can we? Not when we've

really been enjoying ourselves this
afternoon.

Well, who'd like something else to eat?

Jessica, would you like something else
to eat, darling?

Well, what about you, Alexander?

Would you like some blancmange with your
thumb?

Shall I tell you a story?

Would you like to hear a story?

Hands up, all those who'd like to hear a
story.

Well, what about my impressionations,
then? I could do Margaret Thatcher.

No, well, um, Edward Heath.

That's one of my best.

Or a gorilla eating a banana.

No, no, no, that will frighten them.

It won't frighten them.

It frightens me.

Right, who'd like to hear the story
about Peter the Pixie going to tea with

Fairy Queen?

And didn't he misbehave?

Now, who wants to know what he did?

Hands up, all those who want to know,
hear what Peter did.

All right, then, I'll tell you.

The Queen had a party with Peter.

She offered him trifle and such.

But he coughed in the jelly, was sick on
the telly, and made a Mastaskian hutch.

Wasn't that exciting?

Well, I tell you what. Why don't you
tell them all about your flying lessons,

Frank? Oh, yes.

Well, I happen to be going flying this
afternoon.

Isn't that exciting?

Yes.

And I know a song about a plane. Who'd
like to hear a song about a plane?

Hands up, all those who want to hear me
sing.

Well, I think we'll go, Linda.

Yes. Here we go.

Mr. Panda made a plane and took a trip
with Mary Jane.

But then he found his braces gone and
that's what held his

engine on.

Open your ear.

One day he came down in a zoo and said
this runway just won't

do. No wonder I had such a bump.

I landed on a camel's hump.

Mmm,

mmm, ever so good.

There. Did you like that?

Hmm? Yes?

What about you, Alexander?

Don't be afraid to voice an opinion.

Oh, no.

That wasn't too bad, was it? Thank you,
Mr Barker. I feel a lot more relaxed

after I was in session.

Good.

Goodbye. Mr. Spencer.

I am he.

I'm Mr. Barker. I'm sorry to have kept
you waiting. I've just been debriefing

one of my students.

Do come in.

After you.

This is my grandfather, Mr. Spencer. And
this is my wife, Mrs. Spencer.

I understand that you want to learn how
to fly.

I do indeed.

I'm raring to go. I just can't wait.

We've already had a good look round the
airfield and made some friends.

We waved to the man in the control
tower.

Oh, that was you, was it?

It wasn't just me. We all went... Mr
Spencer, please don't do that again.

An aircraft was trying to land.

Oh, we didn't see him coming. He was
coming down from above.

We all went... Mr Barker,

take Frank to get his pilot's licence?

Well, that rather depends how quickly Mr
Spencer picks things up.

Of course, he'll have to fly for a
minimum of 35 hours.

Can they stay up that long?

No, no, I mean a total of 35 hours
spread over several weeks.

Look, why don't I take you up for a
trial, if I can say about 20 minutes,

then I can explain the basic procedure.

and you can see if you have a natural
aptitude for it. Well, that seems fair

enough to me. You go right ahead, Frank.
Letty and I will get some coffee.

That's all right, Grandad.

Goodbye, Mrs Spencer.

Goodbye.

Oh, goodbye, Frank.

I'll be watching for you. Yes, I'll wave
as I fly overhead.

You sit down.

Mr Barker, I'm a little worried about my
qualifications.

Oh, you have some.

No.

That's what I'm worried about. You see,
I could have got my school leave -in

certificate, but unfortunately I did the
leave -in before they could certify me.

Don't worry, Mr Spencer.

We don't ask for qualifications.

I always say you need just two things to
apply, and they both begin with the

letter C.

Carrots.

Carrots? Yes, so you can see. Well, much
the sharper I am. No, actually, what I

was going to say is see for confidence
and coordination.

Well, I know I have confidence and I
have coordination.

I can move both my arms and legs and
together properly.

And plus I can control everything that
has to be controlled.

And you've got a very nice day for it.

Oh, well, I don't mind going up if it
rains.

Right, well, we don't want to take any
chances, do we?

When there's bad weather about, a pilot
always uses his best friend.

What, and sends him up instead?

No, no, Mr Spencer. A pilot's best
friend is a 180 -degree turn.

Well, now, all I've got to do is to time
you out in the flight record sheet, and

then we can go straight up.

Cramp, is it?

No, Spencer, FW.

Do you have cramp?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just excited.

I see.

Well,

you'll be flying Golf, Bravo, Foxtrot,
Romeo, Victor. All right? Yes.

Shall we go then?

Well, Mr... Haven't we forgotten
something?

Beginning with P?

No, I don't think so.

The parachutes?

They're in the aircraft, are they?

What parachutes?

Parachutes for the use of.

For the pilots, for the jumping.

We don't have parachutes.

Don't have?

What, not any?

Do you think that's wise?

I mean, I don't want to be pessimistic,
but... Look, Mr.

Spencer, tell me...

Do you know how to use one? Oh, I know
how to jump.

Well, using a parachute without
experience can be just as dangerous as

without one. But they always have them.
I mean, they always have them in the

movie. John Wayne never jumps without
one.

Yes, well, I'm afraid he wasn't one of
my students.

Anyway,

that was a military aircraft.

Our flight won't include a bombing raid
over Newport Pagnol.

Yes, well, if you're quite ready.

Oh, here we go, Frank.

It's a small step for man, but a big one
for a Spencer.

Roger and out.

Now, you've observed that... for my free
flight inspection, I'm using a written

checklist.

Affirmative. Do not trust my memory.

Now, mine's not too good either.

I don't expect you to take in too much
on your first flight. Just keep watching

me, learn the routine, and repeat
everything that I say.

That way, you'll get it fixed in your
mind.

Roger. So, what am I using?

A written checklist.

Good.

Now, this is our aircraft.

Oh, it's marvelous, Mr. Barker.

Can I sit near the window?

I remove the control wheel lock.

I check the fuel gauge.

Fuel on.

Master switch off.

There. Now I'm ready to... Mr. Spencer.

Mr. Spencer, what have I just done?

You just rubbed your nose.

I have just done something in my
aircraft.

I did it while you weren't looking.

You really must learn to pay attention,
Mr. Spencer.

Right, I am now going to check outside
my aircraft.

This bit's loose.

That bit is the only one. It's supposed
to move like that.

Oh, good.

I found a little hole.

It's not a little hole. That is your
cabin air ventilation inlet.

What is it?

My cabin air ventilation inlet.

Which you will check for any
obstruction, such as burnt, Mr.

Petler. All right?

There was one in the drainpipe outside
your window.

I think it was a weapon.

Now, having completed our exterior
checks, we will now get into our

begin our interior inspection.

is what I've been waiting for.

Oh, I think you can sit a little closer
to the controls than that.

No, no, no, don't get up.

Just put your hand between your legs.

I have my hand between my legs, Mr.
Barker.

There's a metal bar. Pull it.

Now, I think you can come a little
forward now.

There we are. That's it.

For a minute there, I thought I was
going to eject.

There are no ejector seats, Mr Spencer,
and there are no parachutes.

Whatever happens, we will stay with our
aircraft.

We also fasten our seatbelts.

Otherwise, we will bang our heads when
we loop the loop.

We're not here to do silly tricks.
Remember, there are old pilots and there

bold pilots.

But there are no old bold pilots.

Remember that.

I'll remember that, Mr. Barker.

There are no... old bold pilots.

Bold.

Bold.

Now...

Look round.

Get the wrench out.

Clear to start.

All right? I do that? Mm -hmm.

Clear to start!

Is that loud enough, Mr. Barker?

Yes, I think the control tower should
have heard that.

And probably the one that he throws,
well.

Now, we're ready to start the engine.

Ignition key in.

Throttle a quarter of an inch out.

I have suction, flaps, radio on,
earphones.

Ah, now I feel like a real airman.

No, no, no. The microphone goes to the
front.

Now, real airmen don't talk to the back
of their heads.

Well, now we have a final look around.

Granfield Tower, this is Roger Romeo
Victor. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

I'm not talking to you.

Why, what have I done?

Victor, roger. Clear taxi for holding
point runway 04, QFE 9998, over.

Romeo, Victor, runway 04, QFE 9998,
over.

Now, about aircraft direction.

In order to control direction, we use
our rudders.

If you depress the left pedal, the
aircraft will move to the left and vice

versa. Now I want you to take over the
controls.

Well, now, yes, we're going too far over
to the left.

So what should we do?

Depress the right pedal.

Yes, well, go ahead and do it. You're in
control.

Gently. Gently,

gently. Gently, don't stamp on them. I
haven't done you any harm.

Oh, I went the right round.

Left pedal to the left.

Right pedal to the right.

It's doing everything I want, Mr Barker.

Yes, you now have...

You now have control.

No, no, no.

I have control.

And me as well.

I have control. You have control.

We both have control.

Can you see my wife and granddad? Keep
your eyes ahead, please.

Watch out for obstructions by the
aircraft.

Roger.

Looking out for obstructions and for
other aircraft.

Mr Barker, I no longer have control.

You know where we are.

Well, I could always call the tower.

and get our exact position?

Mr. Spencer, I don't need our exact
position.

We are in the car park.

This is going to make my take -off very
difficult.

I thought he was going to hit something.

He must be getting his pilot's license,
not a parking ticket.

It's only his first attempt, and he's
bound to make a few mistakes.

can't afford to make any mistakes,
Lettie.

My name is Betty.

Look at the way he's moving.

Reminds me of a kangaroo I used to have.

Come to think of it, we used to call
that kangaroo Lettie.

This is Romeo Victor. Ready for takeoff.
Over.

Romeo Victor, Roger. Clear for takeoff.
Right hand turn out. Surface wind zero

six zero degrees ten knots. Over.

Romeo Victor, Roger and...

to maintain direction.

It's all clear ahead, Mr Barker. I ease
back my control column.

Ease back control column.

Mr Barker, we're still on the ground.

I know that.

I am now accelerating to take -off
speed.

Watch my nose rise.

Watch in your nose.

It's just down below us.

the controls.

Mr. Spencer, the control column.

What's wrong with it?

Nothing is wrong with it.

Now, this controls the elevator.

When the control column is pushed
forward, the elevator moves downward.

In other words, it raises the tail and
lowers the nose.

So, now I want you to ease it forward.

Nothing's happening, Mr. Barker.

My horizontal tail's not working.

Well, don't be afraid of it. Push it
forward.

anything that's just because you're
nervous there try to have more

a bit nervous when he first went up. I'm
sure he was. And all the other great

pilots, like Group Captain Cheshire and
Friar Tuck.

Stanford Tuck.

Because unless you're a bit nervous, you
could make mistakes, couldn't you? Mr.

Spencer, if I could get a word in eight
ways.

Now, in order to turn our aircraft, we
use our ailerons and our rudder. We roll

our aircraft into a bank.

Now, while this is happening, don't try
and keep your body perpendicular to the

horizon. Do you understand that?

No.

Look, you've been on a motorbike,
haven't you?

Not at this height.

When a motorbike turns, it leans to one
side, and you lean with it, don't you?

Well, rotating the control column to the
right causes our aircraft to bank to

the right. All right?

Well...

Just try it, will you? And you'll see
what I mean.

So if I move...

time Frank's grandmother took me into
the bush, it took us five days to get

back. Well, he can't stay up there for
five days.

He hasn't had any lunch.

We'll give him a few more minutes and
then we'll talk to someone.

The bloke in the control tower, he must
know where he is.

Why do you have to keep making such a
fuss?

is going to happen.

Letty, when will you learn that Frank is
a grown man and he's a Spencer?

I don't think you know what that means.

I know exactly what that means.

That's why I'm worried.

Feeling better now?

I thought back there we weren't going to
make it.

When the plane started spinning, my
whole past life flashed before me.

I could remember all the things I've
ever done.

It only lasted a few seconds.

Well, I haven't done all that much.

But I could see it all.

The air traffic controller standing by
his blackboard, nibbling his stick of

chalk. This is not the Battle of
Britain.

Aircraft flying one hour local do not go
missing.

If anything had gone wrong, we'd simply
have made a forced landing in a field.

And jumped out quick before we blew up.

Well, we'd have been prepared to get out
as soon as possible. Yes.

That's the only occasion on which you
would unlatch your cabin door before

landing.

Do what?

Unlatch your cabin door before landing.

Airfield in sight.

Granfield Tower, this is Romeo, Victor.

Oh, Mr Barker, you can open your eyes
now.

Mr Barker?

Mr Barker, are you unconscious?

Not at once. Affirmative.

Mr Barker's unconscious.

Keep calm, Frank. Keep calm.

I am not worried.

Repeat after me. I am not worried.

A good... Pilate never gets bold and
worried.

I'm worried.

Hello?

Press the button.

Hello? Hello?

It's a mayday. It's a mayday there.

Mayday.

Hello? Can you hear me?

Cranfield, affirmative.

Please identify yourself, over. Mr.
Cranfield, it's Frank.

Frank Spencer.

This is Cranfield Tower.

What is your call sign, over? I don't
know.

I can't remember if I'm a brave or a
zulu.

It's written in front of you. Read from
your instrument panel, over. I am G for

golf club, B for brave, F for... F for
foxy, R for

I can't remember, and B for very brave.

Roger, that's golf, bravo, foxtrot,
Romeo, Victor.

Are you solo?

position. I'm up here.

I must establish your position. Over.

Excuse me, please. Are you busy?

I'm a suspender and I'd like to know...
Romeo Victor, I must establish your

position. Romeo Victor, that's Frank's
plane.

Frank's? Quiet, Betty. This could be
serious.

Where is it? I don't know.

Romeo Victor, look out your window and
tell me what you see below.

Nothing. I can't see anything.

Cranfield to Romeo Victor. Are you in
cloud?

Look up.

Can you see anything overhead?

is your grandfather.

Be careful.

Do you hear me?

Well, do something. I'm trying to. Romeo
Victor, now don't panic.

Listen carefully. I have you in sight.

Are you familiar with your controls?

Can you remember anything your
instructor told you?

There are old pilots and bold pilots.

There are old and bold pilots.

Now he's delirious.

Romeo Victor, just calm down.
Concentrate on your control column and

throttle. Do you know which is your
control column?

Yes, but that's upside down as well.

Romeo Victor, it doesn't matter.

Now my cone's fallen out.

Romeo Victor, never mind about your
cone.

Just turn your control column to the
right until I tell you to stop.

Acknowledge.

Say, that's hardly the word I'd use to
describe my position.

In short, briefly and to the point,
describing myself in my mother's

I would say I'm up the creek with both
feet down the plughole.

I'm going away from the airfield.

I know.

I don't know how to turn round.

Romeo Victor, bank to the right.

Move your control column to the right
and press your right rudder.

Romeo Victor, you're losing height.
Over.

Well, I'll have to if I'm going to land.

Can you see your airspeed indicator?

Affirmative. I am doing 140.

Sometimes it takes longer.

Much longer.

We could be here for months.

Now, if you feel you've had enough...
Why, don't you worry, Mr Barker.

I'll stay just as long as it takes.