Original subtitles

Chicago winters can be brutal.

They tend to weed out anything that isn't strong. Today's high was one, you

guys.

One. Does anybody remember the last time it was over ten?

That time of year.

I think my mailman has all my mail in his garage.

Can you blame him? No, he'll get to it.

Shut the door!

Screw it. I'm tired of being treated like this. I'm done with Chicago.

We'll miss you.

Eh, it'll be quieter. No, I'm serious. Why do we live here? Look at Hawaii.

80 degrees there.

That's like 40... 79.

79 degrees warmer than it is here. Why aren't we all moving to Hawaii right

The humidity makes my hair explode. There's no baseball team?

Brady Bunch went there and almost died.

I don't look good in Hawaiian shirts.

Yeah, because you look great in... Are those parachute pants?

No, they're weightlifting pants.

Oh, that redeems it. Why don't you just call them astronaut pants? You haven't

done that either. Hey, it's cold out. Forgive me if I haven't been to the

laundromat in a while. Since 1989?

Hey, they keep me warm. It's all part of my layering system.

Long johns, sweats, jeans, astronaut pants.

Dude, how long does it take you to get undressed at night?

Undressed? Oh, Lord.

All right, come on, you guys. We can beat this.

It's just Chicago winter, right? We just got to buck up and show a little

toughness.

Oh, Bobby's car doesn't start.

He's not going to make it.

I'd rather be dead.

Shut the door!

And hello to you, too.

Why are you in such a good mood?

I'm every bit as sunny as I always am. Andy loves the cold weather. He always

has. Come on.

It's true. The colder, the better.

My body's built for this. Look at me.

I am descendant from a long line of men who ice fish.

I've never understood that hobby.

I never understood hammer time.

So does Meredith like the cold, too? Oh, God, no. Which is another reason why

I'm so happy.

She took the kids to her sister's in Florida.

I got the whole place to myself.

So you're all alone, just like me?

Not at all like you.

But, yeah, shaping up to be a pretty sweet week.

Ugh, not for me. I haven't seen Bobby in four days because of the car or you

can't find a cab or my pipe burst.

Ooh, I bet your pipe burst. Got it.

I've never had a relationship last through the winter. Or the spring,

fall. Hey, they said there's going to be a warm front tomorrow.

If it gets above 20, I'm taking out the garbage.

No, you won't.

No, I probably won't.

Hey, maybe they'll move all those abandoned cars off the street. That ice

truck has been parked out there since the first snow of November.

You think the guy's still in it? He's probably keeping warm in the freezer.

Ooh, ice cream. Who needs?

I scream, you scream, we all scream.

Shut the door!

And overnight, warm weather shows up and everybody comes out of hibernation

overjoyed.

Mine are clean.

Mine are dirty.

There's no sorry in hacky sack.

Well, then I guess I'm not.

Hey, stranger.

Hey. Hi. I'm going to dip you now.

Aloha, amigo.

And a little thing.

So you really bought a Jeep?

It feels like spring, man. The warm weather is here, and I want to be in it.

Huh?

Getting a tan, toes in the sand, drinking my hand. Come on!

And the dog?

Man's best friend.

With me till the end.

I hope I don't offend.

This warm weather has to go away.

Where are your sleeves?

He also bought a jeep and a dog.

I am so sorry.

Oh, I love this little guy.

Bingo and I are going to have a great time together, aren't we, buddy? Aren't

we? Yes.

Why'd you name him Bingo?

Because he can do this.

Oh, what a cute dog.

Who do you belong to?

Bingo. Uh, if you'll excuse me.

It's like the weather changed and his brain just turned to mush. Yeah, it

much of a stretch.

Everyone's lost their mind. When will you people learn?

I saw you kissing some skateboarder outside.

I won't tell Bobby.

That was Bobby. Where is Bobby? Oh, he's running some errands. Aren't you hot in

that sweater? Of course I am. But this is winter. This weather's gonna flip.

And I'll be prepared.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'm going to go home, turn on the air conditioning, and watch Ice Road

Well, in the meantime, want to go to the park and throw the frisbee? Or we could

open up a fire hydrant and just dance.

Don't you have to work?

Are you kidding? Nobody goes to the bars when it's this night out.

Ah, look around.

Yeah, I should probably go to work.

Ben goes over there laying the groundwork for me.

I'd like to let him pick which one.

I prefer the curly -haired one, but I'm not going to question his process.

Hey, everybody.

Hey. This is Heather.

How are you? Hi.

Kenny told me so much about all of you, I feel like I already know you. Oh,

that's nice.

Who's Kenny?

What?

You're hilarious. You must be Bobby.

No, I'm Mike.

What? Is Bobby the funny one?

He's got a silly streak, man, yeah. You're Mike? Oh, Kenny never mentioned

Well, smart move. Probably because I'm rocking the gun show.

Now you're funny.

Well, it was nice to meet all of you. Yeah, you too.

I gotta go, but I'll see you later, okay? Okay. I love you. I love you too.

Bye.

I love you. I do love her. But you met her like three hours ago.

Hey, when you know, you know.

Dude!

You might want to work the party a little more before you break open the

All right, take it easy, puka shells. Look, I met her.

I love her.

What can I say?

Love is in the air.

He ain't lying. Check that out.

The whole world is turned upside down.

Oh, hello, everyone.

Hey, Seth.

What's up?

Oh, did you see my little show?

That's Trevor.

And Trevor is? Smelly, deranged, getting back at his parents. Is that Kenny?

Oh, I didn't recognize you without your Joe Piscopo costume on.

Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. You met this guy, what, this

morning? And now you're, what, you're dating?

Sure. Let's call it dating.

I'm gonna have a margarita for lunch.

Anybody? Ah, I'm all good. Okay.

They've all gone insane.

Maybe they were always insane.

And it was just so cold out that they moved slower so you couldn't see the

insanity.

Aren't you supposed to go back to work?

Oh, God, yeah, I keep forgetting.

Later.

Buddy? What's going on, guys?

Everybody's gone crazy.

Like dancing in the streets crazy? Or like box of fingers under your bed

Somewhere between those two. Yeah, like a happy -go -lucky guy who cuts up

squirrels. Well, then maybe you wouldn't mind if I stole you away for a little

lunch in the park.

A picnic?

Ooh! A picnic!

See, I was avoiding that word for exactly that reason. But yes, a picnic

park. I would love to.

What's the, uh, occasion?

It's a beautiful day.

I have a beautiful girlfriend.

Girlfriend? No.

Beautiful?

Let's go.

I was starting to think I wasn't going to see you until the end of winter.

I know, I know. I was so lonely sitting in my apartment.

I had whiskey sours with my neighbor, Mrs. Jenkins.

She'd think I'm Frank Sinatra.

It was exhausting.

Oh, but now a picnic. Oh, wait a second. You didn't forget the booze. Oh, no.

Beer. Oh.

But they're warm.

Maybe we should run back to Crowley's and grab some ice?

I've got a better idea.

Why am I so nervous?

Oh, patient, pause. You act like you've never stolen ice before.

Is this something you do regularly?

Cover me. I'm going in.

Oh, my God, this kitchen is gorgeous.

Hey, concentrate.

There's more than one kind of ice.

Someone's coming. Just get the ice and get out.

Oh, my God, you've got to see the stove.

If I had the stove, I'd learn how to cook.

That's funny, because if I had that couch, I'd be napping right now.

There's a skylight in the closet. There's a TV in the bathroom.

There's a Murphy bed in the guest room. There's a working fireplace in the den.

There's a wet bar in the bedroom.

There's a wet bar in the bedroom?

That looks like an herb garden.

Oh, yeah? What do you know about herb gardens?

Uh, enough.

All right, why don't you name four herbs?

Okay, parsley, Italian parsley, Chinese parsley, and

Elvis parsley.

Hey. What?

Let's live here.

Wait, why? I want to buy this place, and I want you to move in with me, and we

could live here.

Really? Yeah. I mean, come on. The place has heat.

And air. We could take whatever Chicago throws at us. What do you say?

Okay. Okay?

Okay. Okay!

Okay! Okay!

Oh.

Wow.

You guys are shacking up now, huh?

Moving in together, man. That's big.

All sorts of joys await you.

You guys have to see this house. It is...

Fantastic. It's got a great little yard, too. Ooh, bingo. We'll love that.

Does it happen to have an extra bedroom where, say, a friend could live?

They just found the place, and they're already trying to move in with him.

Mike's dog's digging up their yard.

Whoa.

Excuse me.

Yeah, he's not really going to. No.

He's not going to. No. I love your dog. Your dog is awesome. He's the best.

Another bartender just called in sick. It's the third one today. You know

they're not really sick, right?

Yeah, I know, but I mean, I've used that excuse so many times myself, I can't

really say anything.

Well, today is your lucky day, hermano.

Yo soy un bartender.

Really? You know how to bartend? Si.

You're hired.

Uh -oh. It's Meredith.

Hi, honey.

I don't know what you're talking about. It's still really cold here.

No, you shouldn't come back early, because I'm sick.

All right, man, we got to go.

All right, all right.

Hey, we got to stop by my place and pick up Bingo. No, dude, you can't bring

your dog.

Why not?

Because, I don't know, it's against, like, health code or something.

Dude, they let him in here. They let you in here.

Point taken. Thank you.

I got to take off, too. I got to meet my cousin, the real estate agent.

I'm really excited.

Me, too.

Hey, buddy.

Hey.

Where'd everyone go?

Oh, we're all meeting up at John's. I didn't invite you, but...

You're sick.

Well, she did say I should drink plenty of liquids.

Dude, this is the busiest we've ever been.

We're running kind of low on rum, though.

Because they can't get enough of my tie.

It's called a mic tie.

That's clever. Well, I'm trying to push the tequila. Come on, man. I'm sweating

through my three -pound sweater. Where's my beer?

Listen, any chance you're going to sleep with me tonight?

Uh, no.

Then embrace the back of the line.

Can I interest any ladies in a mic -a -rita?

Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey, PJ.

I'll be right back.

I love you so much. I love you.

Wow.

Things look like they're going well.

Yeah. We're going to go to Columbus this weekend and meet the folks.

That make sense? Think it's your one -day anniversary?

Uh -huh. I know you have your doubts, but when I'm with Heather, I feel

fantastic. That's great, but don't you think this gorgeous weather is playing a

little part in that? I feel fantastic because I'm in love. Because I'm in

I'm able to enjoy this gorgeous weather.

All right, fine. I'm just saying that saying I love you and meeting the

in the first week is really fast.

When did you and Bobby first say I love you?

We still haven't. Really?

Yeah, and we've been dating, what, a couple of months?

You see... Kenny, there is a healthy and natural progression to these things. I

see. So it's date a couple of months, move in, then say I love you. Or wait,

no, no, wait, or is it celebrate your 50th anniversary, then move in, then say

love you. I can't... Well, to say it like that, it sounds like I'm making a

mistake.

Oh, hey, hey.

Where is your new man?

Oh, Trevor.

I'm meeting him later at a rooftop vegan barbecue in Drum Circle.

But don't get too attached to Trevor. I'm not.

Really? Yeah, yeah. It's just a crazy warm weather thing, you know? Just going

with the flow.

Or as Trevor would say, I'm keeping my stoke on.

Okay, see, well, I just went with my flow.

And are you ready for this?

Bobby and I are moving in with each other.

Wow. That's a little crazy, right? A little.

Yeah. See, we saw this townhouse, and Bobby really wanted to buy it.

And...

I don't know. I mean, we haven't even said I love you yet.

And it seems fast.

It's fast.

Yeah. How is the house, though?

Gorgeous. Oh, my God. You would love it. There are so many closets. There's a

closet that has another closet in it.

Don't do this to yourself.

And don't do this to me.

Is it still for sale? Can I afford it? No.

Plus, Bobby has a history of moving really fast in relationships, you know?

And...

I don't really want to end up like Elsa.

Even if you could have her legs? No, I'd tip over on those things.

Well, look, did it ever occur to you that Bobby just got caught up in this

weather thing, too?

I mean, he has to know this is crazy.

You think?

Sure. My guess is as soon as the snow starts to fall again, this whole moving

together idea will disappear.

Yeah, you're probably right. Yeah.

I mean, look at this bar full of crazy people acting like they don't have to go

to work in the morning.

And Mike and his dog, Kenny?

No, Kenny's just an idiot.

Oh,

dude, that better be water.

All right, you know what?

Bingo has got a go -o.

All right? He can't hang out here anymore.

No way.

We're a team, bro -ham.

We just split up Batman and Robin? Yeah.

If Robin peed on the file cabinet.

Uncool, Bingo.

But since he already peed, he's probably solid for, like, another hour or so.

Oh, hey, guys.

Oh, my God, you're so cold.

It's snowing. It's snowing? Yeah.

No way.

That was fast.

Yeah, I made the mistake of ordering an iced coffee, and now I have this.

Something tells me I'm not going to an outdoor vegan drum circle tonight.

I mean, that usually goes without saying, doesn't it? So that's it for

huh? Oh, God, yes. I mean, the guy endlessly talked about following Fish

How random is that?

Does she know Fish is a band?

Let's not tell her.

Snow's back.

What? No, this sucks.

Oh, grab my bag. We have to go check on my cats.

Cats? I didn't know you had cats.

Whatever. You're going to love them.

I am, in fact, highly allergic to cats.

I don't believe in allergies.

They're all up here.

No, it's actually more down in here. It's a very real choking sensation.

Don't be silly.

Grab my bag. Look, Heather, I don't do cats. I'm not a cat person. Maybe it's

because I will die if I get near one, but even without that, I don't trust

My cats are like family. I can't believe you didn't know this about me.

We only met like yesterday.

Oh, okay. I suppose next you're going to tell me you're not super into

renaissance fairs. Rennaissance fairs? Like mutton and jousting? And gestures.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He thinks I'm starting to have grave

He thinks the crazy cat lady is correct.

Goodbye.

I gotta give it to her. She went for the lap instead of the face.

That's old school.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm just glad I nipped that in the bud before turning a hot mulled wine

from a flagon.

Sorry.

Oh, hey, I know how to make you feel better.

How? Hey, Mike. Hey. Did you know it's snowing?

So? Did your Jeep come with a top?

I like my Jeeps the way I like my ladies.

All right.

You got to give it a second.

Snow, top, Jeep. Damn it. Excuse me.

Yeah. That makes me happy.

Holy cow. It is really coming down.

Man, it really is. And we should probably get out of here. Yeah.

Hey, sort of bad news. I talked to my cousin, and it turns out that the owners

of the townhouse already accepted an offer.

Oh, no.

That sucks.

Yeah, but she has a bunch of other places just like it that she wants to

this weekend.

Gosh, you know what? This weekend, I'm actually pretty busy.

Well, okay, and we'll find some time on Monday.

Did you see this now?

I did.

Falling from the sky?

Yeah.

Is everything okay?

You know, I really miss you when I don't see you for three days.

I know, me too. That's why we're moving in together.

No, but I think it's great that I miss you.

You know, and that's not always going to be the case.

What are you saying?

Um...

I don't really think I'm ready to live with you.

But I thought things were really good between us. Oh, my God, things were so

great, you know? And that's why I'm not in any hurry to move on from this part

of our relationship.

What part is that?

It's the part that's, like, new and exciting and fun, and, you know, my

jumps when you enter a room, and you surprise me with picnics.

And you don't think we could still do that? Oh, honey, if we have that dining

room, we ain't going on picnics.

Yeah, yeah, and I would never leave that couch.

You know, we only have this one chance to have this part.

You know, before we live together and we deal with bills and plumbers and

arguing over who's going to tell Mike it's time to leave. No, I was just going

to never tell him where we live.

He'd find us.

You know what? Maybe you're right.

Maybe...

Maybe living together right now is a little bit fast.

Maybe.

Yeah.

I love you.

Yeah? Yeah.

I do. I do. I just... I don't know. Is that too fast?

Do you want to go to my place and I'll clear off some space for your

Hey, hey, hey, slow down, lady.

Come on, one thing at a time, huh?

Yes, sir. And sometimes all it takes is a nice day or two to remind you that

cold weather has its upside, too.

Whoop, will you poop, please?

Night, Mike.

I'll see you guys.