Original subtitles

The end of baseball season can be bittersweet. If your team didn't win the

series, you're left second -guessing decisions made along the way and hoping

get another season to get it right. Steph, I know the flight leaves in 72

okay? And I am thinking about it. It's just... PJ, it's on you. What are you

going to do? All right, look, Steph, I got to go, okay?

I got to pay attention.

Steph! Steph!

Steph!

Steph! All right, Steph, I'm hanging up on you.

Who was that?

Dude, I love her to death, but she is driving me crazy. All she wants to know

who I'm bringing to Italy.

Really? Seriously?

You guys that bored?

Inquiring minds want to know. I thought you were taking that botanist guy,

Ethan. Evan.

Yeah, I thought so too, but then he ditched me with I'm swamped, remember?

Thanks for bringing that up, though.

So now I've got three days to find this perfect date to Italy, and it's driving

me crazy.

Well, if you're willing to let go of perfect and...

Well, consider sad and pathetic.

I see four options here.

Pick me.

Pick me. I'd happily take one of you guys, but come on, what's in it for me?

Well, first of all, Kenny Moritore.

Enough said.

No, no, say more.

Moritore?

Moritore? I got family there. Where?

Some on the heels, some on the toes, some on the calf.

What if I were to tell you that my family owns a villa in Florence and...

Parlo italiano perfecto senza l 'accento. Really?

Who cares about that? Everybody over there speaks Italian.

Take me, and I'll be your personal valet. I'll carry your luggage, I'll

cabs, and I promise I won't be creepy.

This time.

Wow. Well, I hate to burst your bubbles, fellas, but history teaches us that PJ

and I are excellent traveling companions.

Costa Rica.

Mm -hmm. Six days in a shack in Puerto Viejo.

Beer, surfing, beer, some tacos, beer. This is true. This is true.

You know, it's interesting. We travel all over the world and go to museums and

sea sites, and we don't see a lot of that same stuff in our own city.

Oh, come on, dude. Chicago's got nothing on Italy. I mean, the food alone is

worth traveling. Not true.

DeSigli is on Erie. Hands down the best Italian food on the planet. Many

Italians agree.

They got a great man of goat.

And wannabe Italian.

Look, I love traveling. I'm just saying there's so much stuff to see right here.

These last few weeks, me and the family went to the zoo, the aquarium, the

planetarium, and it's been great.

That would be really fun to check out some Chicago sites. I mean, there's some

pretty great things I've never seen.

Let's each pick a place we've never been and we'll all go.

Like Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Yeah, that sounds awesome.

It'll be one last hurrah before I start my new job.

See? I was in until he said hurrah.

Hurrah means drunken adventure.

I'm back in. Are you guys just furious about this?

I don't know. I mean, playing tourist all day, it seems kind of... Oh, what's

the word?

Lame. I used to sound like you when I lived in the burbs and my soul was dead.

But I can fix that.

I guarantee you'll see something you've never seen before.

Yeah, I don't... Ah, ah, ah.

No need to thank me. Your smile will be thank you enough. Boop. Hush.

Wow, last night was amazing.

I canceled our trip to the Sistine Chapel.

Breakfast?

My auntie made me a bowl of Capitano de Cruncho.

Capitano de Cruncho.

That is impressive.

I assume. I said, me and my man would like to have breakfast in bed, please.

Oh, my God, I had the weirdest dream.

Was there a boyfriend in it? Because we're two days away from leaving. Who

you bringing? Do you remember our philosophy professor, Dr. Heavley?

You're bringing Heavley?

He's like 100 years old.

No. He said something I always liked. He said, before you make these big life

decisions, consult your soul in a cool, quiet hour.

So who are you bringing?

No one. I am going alone.

Excuse me? The pressure of finding this perfect date was tainting the whole

trip. I mean, when did I become this crazed girl whose happiness is all tied

with finding the right guy?

Six months ago, when we agreed to devote ourselves to finding the right guy.

Look, I know you're not psyched about this, so I have a little present for

What?

I'm going to let you pack for me.

Please. You think just because I have extraordinary packing skills and a sixth

sense for combining outfits that you can bribe me with it?

T -shirts, tennis shoes,

Cubs jersey.

I'm done.

And you can't find a date to go with you to Italy?

Shocking.

We are mapping out the day -off itinerary. Yeah, we each picked a place

never been. I picked the Sears Tower.

Mike picked on the company of a satisfied woman.

Hey, you got one.

Did it feel good?

Hey, Bobby, how are we going to do all that stuff? We have the Cubs press

conference tomorrow.

I know. They're just announcing some roster changes. Get pizza cover for you.

That's what I'm doing.

I would, but I'm taking two weeks off to go to Italy, so I feel like I should be

there. I'll go for you.

Please.

I need an excuse to not go on this dumbass field trip. You keep talking

that, and nobody's going to want to sit with you on the bus.

Hey, Andy, where'd you pick?

I'll give you a hint.

There's the desk, a phone, and it's my new office.

Oh, man.

The new job called, and they asked me to start early.

You're bailing on the day off? Come on, man. This whole lame thing is your idea.

I am still committed to you having a great time, Brendan. I'll be with you in

spirit.

Hey, I thought I'd find you here.

Evan!

Oh, um, you remember the guy?

Yeah.

What's going on? You got a second?

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Um, hi.

How are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm great, I'm great. I just got back from

Belize, and I wanted to see you. Wow, from Belize? Yeah, we had an emergency

situation down there. One of my advisors discovered a new species of plant, so I

flew down there to assist him, only to learn that what he really discovered was

Amanita muscaria.

Oof. He was shrooming his ass off.

Oh. But he's fine.

Mostly. Yeah.

Thinks he's Batman.

Keaton?

Kilmer.

Now, listen, I just wanted to say that I was really enjoying your company, and

I'm sorry I disappeared like that.

Oh.

So you, like, really were swarmed.

Totally. But I have some time off now, and, you know, this might sound crazy,

but I was wondering if you wanted to come to my parents' lake house in

You know, we could play some Risk.

Go canoeing, roast marshmallows.

Do your parents live in a summer camp?

Kind of, except with better liquor and there's no talent show. God, I would

to.

But I'm actually going to Italy in like two days.

No, you do not want to go there. This time of year, mosquitoes and fat people

and that annoying accent. No, wait, that's Michigan.

Well, I don't even know if it's possible, but try and have a good time.

try.

I'll call you when I get back.

I would love that.

Okay. Thanks.

Great.

Bye.

You guys really that bored?

Yeah. Michigan.

There's a problem. I can't find any clothes in your closet I like enough to

for you. Guess who I ran into?

Evan. Evan?

Cute Evan? Evan the botanist? I get this. He really was swamped. He even

me to his place in Michigan.

That's perfect.

Did you invite him to Italy instead?

No. What?

Why not? I am going alone, okay?

I consulted my soul in a cool, quiet hour, remember?

Well, consult it again, okay?

Keep consulting it until it tells you that Evan is the one... Hey, Stephanie,

think it'd be really fun to wear makeup in Italy.

You think I don't know what you're doing, but I do.

You're going to need eyeliner, mascara, blush, and some moisturizer.

Thirty -three years old, you've never been to the art institute?

Would you skip elementary school?

On a giant list of things I'm not interested in, museums fall somewhere

ballet and arena football.

Hot chicks hang out in museums.

Museums are creeping up the list.

So what do you think?

I mean, it's big, and that's cool.

You know, years ago, I was fighting with my family.

They wanted me to take over the Newman Trust, and I wasn't sure about it.

So I came here, and I ended up staring at this painting.

You see, on one side, you have this opulent building and a lot of faceless

people, right?

And on the other side is a couple simply walking together in the rain.

And it kind of made me realize that I had a choice to make my life about

pleasures and people, not money and status.

Wow. I just thought it was big.

Seems like this place holds a lot of memories for you.

Yeah, I guess you could say that.

You see anything good today?

Hey, buddy, yeah.

Bet you're glad you're not here.

Are you kidding?

Do you know how bad I want to be with you right now? I was this close to

in sick just so I could expose you to new things.

That probably sounded creepy out of context.

You know, it was just a bored phone call. No, we're just torn. I mean, I

it.

I used to come here with my dad all the time. I thought we were supposed to pick

a spot we'd never been before.

Well, that's the thing.

I've been here dozens of times.

I've never been there.

Are you afraid of heights?

Yeah. Well, when I was a kid, you know, my dad would try and get me to the top,

but I didn't have the guts.

I'm a grown -up now, so I'm sure it won't be a problem.

Meet it, Dad.

Hey, man, you should really try to make it these last 20 feet. The view is

incredible. Dude, there's a full half inch of glass between you and splat on

pavement.

That wasn't very supportive, was it? I think I'll just hang back here. It's

okay, Kenny. We're proud of you.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey, man. Hey, buddy.

I can only say for a second I'm on my lunch break.

Check this out. You can see my new office from here.

Right there.

There. Another helicopter.

Brennan, is anything good today?

Well, you know, if I squint really hard, I think I can see Wisconsin, so that's

just, um, magical.

Not to worry.

I still have a trick up my sleeve.

Yeah? All right.

I gotta go. See you losers later.

Oh, shoot, me too. I gotta go to that press conference.

We're actually going now, if you want to go. Oh, thank you. Do good, buddy. I'm

proud of you.

I feel like I can do anything.

all traded to the brewers huh yeah um you know at first i was bummed but then

spent the night thinking about it and i realized it's a good thing a really good

thing oh yeah change of scenery is always great i have a huge crush on you

what sorry i'm done trying to be cool since i'm no longer a cub there's no

ethical roadblocks keeping us from having dinner that's one of the good

so let's have dinner Or breakfast, or both.

Okay, wow.

I would love to, but I am leaving for Italy tomorrow,

so... Really? With your boyfriend?

No, with my friend and her boyfriend.

Well, that doesn't sound awkward at all.

Okay, it's a little awkward.

Well, okay, I have some free time, but...

traveling around Italy with a gorgeous woman, eating great food, drinking wine.

I'd hate to be the fourth wheel.

I will call you when I get back.

You better.

Don't look back.

Fight it.

Fight it.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

How's it going?

So?

The beach, man.

Sand and water, not much to think about.

I don't understand.

You've never been here before?

Nope. Grew up in that building right there. This is the first time I've ever

stepped foot on this beach.

That's crazy.

Why would you come over here?

I wanted to, but my parents wouldn't let me. They said it was public, which in

rich speak means dangerous and dirty. Dude, you better be careful. That golden

retriever will lick you to death.

Anyway, it's the whole reason I wanted to come down here.

Get a view of Chicago I've never seen before.

Oh, actually, Bobby, I wouldn't, uh...

Let him go.

Ah!

You guys, the view from out here is awesome!

Great! Why aren't there more people in the water?

Didn't I read something about an algae bloom?

I love you, Chicago!

Yeah, we'll stop at the drug store later.

Yeah.

Yes, but now he's been traded to Milwaukee, so there's nothing standing

way. Well, does the cute former cub have a passport?

Steph. The universe sent you two perfect men who both said, take me with you. If

I were you, I would just live here. Oh my god, I have to call you back.

Thorne? Hmm.

Hi.

Uh, hi. Oh my god. What are you doing here? I thought you moved to Seattle.

Uh.

Sorry, no, I just flew in just now. It's an interview with Barack Obama.

Fancy. Wow.

How are you?

How's married life?

I'm good. I'm not married.

Yeah, that never happened.

We got along great when we were hunkered down in Kabul, but apparently put us in

a house in suburban Seattle.

Epic fights. Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

We always have Kabul.

I can't tell you how good it is to see you.

I was going to call you after the interview.

Have dinner with me tomorrow night. Oh, my God, I would love to. I am going to

Italy tomorrow.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, have dinner with me there.

In Italy?

I have an open schedule.

Is there a better place to have dinner?

Wow,

you really like dinner, don't you?

Among other things.

Guys, the good news is I think my feet and ankles are finally falling out.

Yeah, but there's no way to get in that lake without your balls jumping into

your throat.

Please. Oh, sorry.

Hey, did I show you my art?

Take a look at this.

Nice, huh?

No way.

I'm going to have it framed.

You're going to hang this on your wall?

Yeah. Mike, that's a big step. You don't have anything on your wall.

I never had art before.

Now I have art.

Hey, what's up, Smiley?

You should be chatting up the cute hoses over there. Yeah.

I got digits. Oh, look at you.

First the Sears Tower, then talking to a really hot girl. I am enjoying the

Kenny show today.

You know, it's been an extraordinary day for all of us.

PJ had two different men resurface and offered to come to Italy.

Are you serious?

Who's number two? I thought it was just Evan. It's actually three. What?

Who's number two?

The cute cub. Who's number three? Thorne. I just ran into him.

Thorne. I thought he was getting married. He broke off his engagement.

Oh, my God.

Can we please appreciate how weird this day is? I know. Believe me, I don't even

know what to think. Stop thinking and pick one.

Steph, I am going alone, okay? I will call them all when I get back.

What is wrong with you?

Embrace life.

about. I just spent all day sightseeing instead of packing and working.

I'm not saying you're not adventurous and deceitful. I'm saying when it comes

matters of the heart, you protect yourself. You hold back.

Please. Look at the facts.

You have three fantastic men available to you.

Six.

Pick one.

I'm no longer available.

And what's including you?

No. There are too many ways for this trip to go wrong.

It's just not worth the risk.

What risk?

Having too much fun?

Falling hopelessly in love?

Nothing good ever happens when you play it safe.

This is true.

Can't let fear rule you. Although there is an argument for looking before you

leave, because seriously, guys, my ankles itch a lot.

All I'm saying is, you and your brother are great at motivating people to do

great things, but when it comes to your own life, you pull back.

That, of course, up there is the Sears Tower.

Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, you are a wonderful crowd.

I would like to play one of my favorites here.

I dedicate it to a man who thinks he didn't see anything good today.

Brendan Dorff, this one's for you. No, no, wait. Okay, I did see something

Mike got turned on to art. Kenny busted out of a shell.

Bobby got a rash.

Too bad. I'm going to sing anyway.

Hit it.

believe you showed up alone.

Yeah, actually, Stephanie, I took your advice, and I consulted myself again,

it turns out there was somebody that I wanted to bring to Italy.

Oh? So I called him, and I invited him, and he said yes.

Really?

And he's not here.

I waited for him outside, and he didn't show up.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Pete.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who?

Who did you invite?

Flight attendants. Cross check for departure.

Oh, wait.

Oh, no.

Shoot.

You know what? I was fine.

I was fine, and then I listened to your advice, and now look where I am.

Can't even get my damn bag in the damn overhead.

Penelope Franklin?

I'm sorry?

A gentleman has upgraded your ticket to first class. We have a glass of

champagne waiting for you behind those curtains.

What? Allow me to store your luggage.

You made it.