Original subtitles

At some point, just like athletes, we all have to deal with being released.

Released from a job, a relationship.

The question becomes, how do we respond?

Hey, you know what?

I have an announcement to make.

On the heels of my breakup with Wendy, I've decided that for the foreseeable

future, I will no longer be consuming any alcohol.

I don't understand.

I must not have heard him right. It is loud in here, isn't it? Yeah, he used a

lot of big words.

He doesn't talk normal.

Every time I've broken up with Winnie in the past, I always go on some crazy

bender, and it just makes me more depressed.

So this time I figured, lay off the booze, see what happens. I think I know

what'll happen.

You'll want booze. Yeah.

Hey! Mike, Bobby, Brendan.

Kenny.

Okay, I'm gonna go get a drink. Oh, I'll come with.

Complete waste of a breakup.

It's borderline un -American.

Oh, my God. Look away. Look away!

I just made eye contact with Keith Luger. Keith Luger from Northwestern?

think he saw me. Oh, my God. Is he coming over here? Because I think he's

over here. Calm down.

The guy is harmless, okay? He ran black and white movie night, for God's sake.

Hey! Hey!

Keith! Fancy being you two here. Yeah, right? Keith Luger.

Wow.

This is just like being back in college, right?

Yeah.

Except you're not wearing your bright orange suspenders.

Oh, guess again.

Bow!

That's amazing.

So what brings you gals here?

Oh, you know, we actually live right nearby.

You're kidding. Me too. Not me.

For much longer because my company has transferred me to the Orient. Oh. The

Orient.

Just got transferred to town to make computers, information technology.

Really? That's shocking. Yep. I'm an IT guy. I guess that makes me it.

IT it.

Yeah.

It was nice seeing you. Oh, wait a minute. Let me grab you guys a drink.

Oh, no, no. No, that would actually be really, really sweet. Thank you.

Oh, I'll have a scotch on the rock. She'll have a chardonnay.

Great. Okay, great. All right, I'll be right back. Okay, great. Bye. Yes, it's

so sweet.

What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so nice to people?

What do you want me to do, kick him in the neck? You know, you're kind of a

snob. He's perfectly nice. He's annoying.

He's a little annoying.

Look, he means well. He's new in town. He probably doesn't have a lot of

friends. I don't think that's because he's new in town.

How about now?

You drinking now?

Nope.

How about now?

As fascinating as this is, I'm going to the bathroom.

Ah, good. I'll come with you.

I don't want you to go with me. I need to go to the bathroom.

Come on. It'll be fun.

This is disturbing on many levels.

All right. They were all out ordering brandied apples.

Are you in?

Hey, look, I couldn't say anything in front of Mike, but I need your advice.

Oh, not good with that kind of responsibility.

Why don't you ask PJ?

No, no, I can't. It involves a professional source. PJ's a rival

Come on, please.

Okay, so I just found out there's going to be a shakeup in the Cubs' front

office this week.

Mike's getting fired.

Ouch. So the question is, do we tell him or should we let him find out on his

own? Oh, we'll see.

This is why I don't like responsibility.

I'm getting all sweaty.

Calm down.

Look, you know Mike as well as anyone, okay? What do you think he would want?

Um, I say no. He's got way too much pride. He'd want to tell us on his own

terms. You've got to leave him at his dignity.

Drinky, drinky, yum, yum, yum.

Who the nummy, nummy? I'm like you, you know.

He's an inspiration to children everywhere.

Okay, here we go.

Drinks for the sweet. That is really nice of you.

But we actually have to get back to our friend now.

Oh, yeah, me too. I'll let you go, but great seeing you guys. Yeah, it was

seeing you. Okay, bye.

PJ.

Yes.

I was just wondering, maybe you want to grab dinner some night this week.

Oh.

Sure. I'd love to have dinner with you. Hang on. Let me give you my card.

Give me a call. I will. Thanks. All right. Bye.

I'll call you.

Bye.

You see what being nice gets you? What? It's one dinner.

Some of us were raised to be kind to those in need.

Hey, Peach, grab me a beer, will you? Get your own.

Oh, you got some, right? Closer.

Oh.

Come on.

Sorry, guys.

It's like six hands in a row he's won. Yeah, what is up with that?

I'm telling you, I think it's this whole not drinking thing. I mean, this week

has been amazing. Things taste different, they smell different. I'm

again. Adults don't dream.

I'm telling you, I never knew my brain could function at this capacity. Wait,

are you telling me you can do complex math problems?

I guess. What's 9 times 7?

63.

Hey, Peach, how'd that mercy date go with your old college buddy? Hold on, it

wasn't a mercy date. It was a mercy date. Oh, I have a mercy marriage. All

right, it was a little bit of a mercy date, but it was fine. He was a perfect

gentleman, you know? Now when he calls, I'll let him down easy, and, you know,

we'll all live happily ever after. Wait, you went out with him Sunday?

Yeah.

That's four days ago.

What, are you going to pull the four -day rule on me? What, I'm sure he had a

busy week at work.

Oh, I'm sure he was busy. Oh, I mean, he was.

Look on the bright side. Now you don't have to deal with the guy, right? Yeah,

you get it.

The most difficult kind of release is the one you are not expecting.

In its own weird way, it's like a mini -death of sorts, complete with all the

different stages of grieving.

No messages.

Denial, for instance.

You know, I am sure he's going to call. I would love it if he didn't, but, you

know, he's going to call.

Yeah. Sure. Sure, dude. Totally.

Hey. Sorry I'm late. Hey. Had a really rough day.

I'm a little off.

Ah, what the hell. I got fired.

Oh, man.

People can also respond with despair.

Yeah.

No, I don't believe that. They fired a bunch of us.

Apparently it's been in the works for a while.

Yeah, I actually heard something a couple days ago. I'm really sorry,

did? Who told you?

Sorry, it's confidential.

Ugh, bite me.

Wait a minute, I'm sorry.

Did you say you heard something about me a couple days ago and you didn't tell

me about it? Uh, yeah, because I thought... No, man, no, you didn't.

You couldn't have just thought, because if you'd have thought for just one sec,

you would have told me. Dude, come on, what good would that have done?

Oh, I don't know. I would have been prepared for it, done something to save

job. You know, at least I could have quit and kept my self -respect.

Mike. And then, of course, there's the old standby.

Anger. You know what, man? I'm going home. It's nice to know who my friends

Mike. Mike.

hasn't called yet.

Well, he's probably just having a busy week at work. That's what I said.

You really think so, right?

Sure. How many days has it been? Five.

Oh.

Well, I don't understand why you care. You don't even like him.

No, I know that.

That's not the point, you know?

I mean, even when you're not interested in somebody, you call them, you tell

them what a nice time you had, and then you say you're going to be busy for a

few weeks. You lie.

It's common courtesy, Steph.

Yeah, and you were doing him a favor.

Exactly! And how does he repay that kindness with rudeness?

You know what?

I'm going to take the high road.

I'm going to call him and tell him what a nice time I had.

Teach him a little thing or two about manners, you know what I'm saying?

Hi, Keith, it's PJ.

Yeah, well... Oh, okay, well, yeah, I guess I just beat you to it then, didn't

I?

Uh -huh.

Okay.

Great. Bye.

We're going out on Saturday night.

What?

No, no, wait.

This is a guy you're not remotely interested in, yet somehow you ended up

calling him and agreed to a second date.

Wow, this guy's good.

Meredith was good.

Now look at me.

Get out.

You know what? On your next date...

Don't reveal too much about yourself, all right? That's what I did with Wendy,

and, uh... Yeah.

Still not drinking?

Still not drinking.

I'll get another pitcher, just in case.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Wow!

Silent Bob!

Anything you don't want to tell me? Like, have you talked to my doctor?

Because if I have ball cancer, don't tell me. Just let me figure it out. Come

on, dude. The guy's apologized like a million times. And didn't we agree that

nobody was allowed to say ball cancer? I've stuck by that rule.

I'm going to throw some darts.

Try throwing them up in the air and see what happens.

Hey, look, we'll talk to him, okay? We'll make him forgive you. I don't want

to forgive me. I didn't do anything wrong.

Boy, how many times have those words come out of my mouth at Wendy?

Now, happy as a clam, man.

Do you know the suicide rate among clams?

You can't stay mad at the guy forever.

Sure I can. He's dead to me now.

You know who he is?

He's Fredo.

He broke my heart.

Maybe he was just trying to protect your pride. Did you ever think of that?

No. Anybody who knows me knows I would have wanted to know.

It's as simple as that.

True, but he feels really bad about it. You know, I don't care how Bobby feels

right now, okay? I'm a little more concerned about myself at the moment.

Look.

You gotta know, it's gonna be okay.

How? How am I supposed to know that, okay? I've never been fired before.

Yeah, that's right, okay? I don't have a job, and I don't have the slightest

clue what to do about it. Mike, look, I know that it sucks, but I promise you,

you're gonna get another job.

I have to.

And soon.

How else am I supposed to maintain this lifestyle?

Yeah, I can see where that might be a concern.

Hey, so where are you going on your big day tonight?

Oh, I don't know. Hopefully somewhere cheap.

You know, so I don't feel guilty when I tell him I never want to see him again.

Does this look good?

Really good.

Oh, crap.

Hey, so did you talk to Mike yet?

Uh, oh, yes.

Yes, I did.

Good. So then you explained to him that I talked to you about it first and that

we're both really, really sorry.

Yes. That's exactly what I said to him when I spoke to him.

You're not even trying to lie.

Yes, I am.

Come on, man. You're really hanging me out to dry here. It doesn't serve

for Mike to be pissed at both of us. It's much better if I can act as a go

-between. Better for who?

It's paid off already.

Now that I've talked to him, I totally understand what's going on.

Yeah? What?

It's simple.

Mike feels worthless right now. I mean, he's never been fired. He doesn't know

what to do.

Let's get him a job interview.

I mean, you know people in other front offices, right?

Well, yeah, of course.

Great. Make some calls.

Doesn't even matter what sport. Just get him an interview.

Seriously, it will boost his spirits.

Yeah.

I'll see what I can do.

It's a little too hot.

Kind of smoking.

Smoking. Damn.

Try a turtleneck or some scuba gear.

As painful as it is to be released, it's no picnic being the one doing the

releasing either.

The trick is to try and do it as gently as possible.

It was really good seeing you again. I had a really fun time. I know.

I just wish I weren't going to be so busy with work the next few weeks.

Oh? Yeah.

I'm just going to be really busy.

Look, PJ, the thing is, you and I... Unless you realize someone's about to

release you first. I don't know. I just think... We're not the right people for

each other.

I couldn't agree more.

That's not what I was going to say at all.

I was going to say, I thought we had this incredible connection that could

surmount anything.

Oh, well, that's different.

I thought things were going so well.

Uh...

Oh, my, oh, Keith, uh, hey.

Look, you know, these things can be really tricky sometimes, you know? I

you can't take them personally, you know? I know, I know. Okay.

Okay. I'll just, um, I'll just go inside. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Um.

So, come here.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Um, sure.

Oh, God.

What does a girl got to do to get released around here?

All right, let me get this straight. This time, you were in the middle of

breaking up with him, and then all of a sudden, you were making out with him?

Pretty much.

Wow, this guy's working at a whole nother level.

Yeah, let me get this down.

What's the first thing he said to you? Oh, would you guys stop? He's not

me, all right? But clearly I could use some advice. I mean, what is the best

to break up with this guy?

I'd say the worst way to break up with someone, you go out with that person on

an off -road, I don't know, seven years.

You buy that person a ring, you start planning a wedding, then you find out

of a sudden they're not exactly who they say they were.

Still not drinking.

Still not drinking.

You could just ignore his phone calls.

Oh, I can't do that. You know, I've been out with him twice.

We went to college together, you know?

I kind of got to do it in person.

Are you crazy?

Can't see this guy again, you'll sleep with him.

No, I won't.

What? It's true. I know, but still.

Face it, PJ.

You're dating a hypnotist. You want my advice?

Don't go out with him.

But since you didn't listen to that, go with, it's not you, it's me, because

it's an oldie but goodie and it works like a charm.

No, no, no, no. This guy's a pro. You're going to have to get a lot more

creative than that.

I've always found insulting someone to be very effective.

Example, if you tell someone that their face is too smushed, generally, they

don't want to hang out with you anymore.

Have you ever broken up with anyone before?

No, but I've been involved in many breakups.

You want to know the best way to break up with someone?

Marry them, have a kid, live in a house for 40 years, and eventually...

Die. Boom. You're free and clear.

Almost happened to me.

Don't worry. I'm sure it will.

All right.

You want my tried and true method?

Yes. You turn it around on them. You chase after them.

You go from stocky to stalker, and they run like hell.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That would not work on this guy.

Trust me. It works on everyone.

You know nothing. You know nothing. Hey, guys.

Hey, Bobby.

Wow. Oh, he speaks.

Two words is a lot for Silent Bob.

Look, Mike, I got you a job interview.

It's with the Blackhawks. I know you hate hockey, but it's the best I could

No, I mean, I don't hate it. It's just, I mean, I think it's stupid. It's soccer

on ice with a stick.

Might not want to lead with that in your interview, but... Hey, a job interview.

How about that?

Hey, man, thanks for setting that up, and I'm sorry about overreacting. I was

dick. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I should have.

You know what?

I should have said something.

I should have told Wendy the first time something happened. I knew it.

Hey,

guys.

Welcome home.

Brad, no!

I'm the luckiest man in the world.

Why is that?

Because I have you.

Yeah.

Like, about that, Keith.

You're a great guy, but I don't know if things are going to work out between us.

Well, there's no way to know. See, that's the beauty of life. You just kind

have to let things happen.

See, I don't know that there's room in my life for a relationship right now,

it is not you.

It's me. PJ.

I would never stand in the way of you exploring who you are. Never. Has anyone

ever told you your face is a little mushed?

Excuse me?

Nothing.

It's just, bottom line, whatever it is you're supposed to feel for a certain

person, I don't have those feelings for you, Keith.

And I do think it would be best that we didn't see each other anymore.

Okay.

When it comes to being released, often it just comes down to pride. So if

willing to forego yours to preserve someone else's, anything's possible.

All right, I can't do this anymore. I can't lie to you or to myself anymore.

The truth is, I'm actually scared of how real the connection between us is.

You are?

Yes. I mean, can't you feel it?

I can, ever since I first laid eyes on you back in Northwestern.

Benders signaling to me like beacons from your heart.

Keith, let's elope right now.

I love you.

Come again?

Let's hop into a car right now and go to Vegas. I want to get married tonight.

All right, that's a little sudden, don't you think?

Mrs. Keith Luger.

Mrs. PJ Luger.

So Mike's method really works. Oh, what can I say? The man is a genius.

Hey, he had his interview with the Blackhawks today, right? He did. Yeah,

didn't get it.

I talked to my buddy already.

Apparently, he hadn't heard that Wayne Gretzky retired.

What? Oof.

Oh. So I should tell him, right? Of course. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I

all learned that lesson. Okay, just making sure.

Okay, Franklin.

I call.

Queens and fours.

I got a straight.

You only have four cards.

What?

How about another beer for Brendan?

I am back in the saddle again.

Feast your eyes on the next assistant public relations director for the

Blackhawks. I was on fire.

Thinking about Sonic Gretzky is my first deal.

It was amazing, man. I got in there.

He asked, I answered. He thrusted, I parried. You didn't get it.

You didn't get the job. I talked to my friend already. You...

Did not get it. What the hell, man? You can't let me enjoy myself for just one

night? You said if I heard anything.

I know what I said, but you seem to just relish taking the wind out of my sails.

No, I don't. Oh, I definitely sense some relishing. It's funny. Once you

recognize this whole pride thing, it all becomes really clear.

Second, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Dude, you are lucky you didn't get that job. You're completely overqualified for

it. You know who I spoke to today? The guy who works at the Bears.

He says they're going to be looking for somebody in about a month.

Seriously? Yeah.

Come on, take a seat.

That would be amazing.

Thank you so much for doing that, man. No worries.

And hey, you know what? I'm sorry.

I can't help it. I'm a dick. Don't worry about it, buddy. You're a good friend.

You're a good friend, too.

You were a really good friend. All right, before you two start making out,

we please get back to the game?

This has been my favorite episode of Gilmore Girls.

All right.

You guys were mad at each other, and then you got back together.

Oh, the mom in that show is so hot.

And her daughter. So in the end, while it sucks to get released, ultimately

there's acceptance.

And if you're really lucky, you've got friends around to help you pick up the

pieces. You know, I might be an ass, but I'm a sensitive man.

See?

That's why it was right not to tell him about getting fired in the first place.

Who knows what he would have done if we'd been the ones to tell him. That's

right.

Wait a minute.

You knew?

Oh, you are in so much trouble.