Original subtitles

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Fuck me!

Fuck me!

Cut!

Cut?

Are you kidding me?

Don't cut!

Hey!

Don't cut!

Don't cut!

Don't cut!

Hey why were you telling me not to cough?

I wasn't coughing.

I didn't say anything.

Then what were you yelling?

Hey!

Yeah?

Come in here for a minute.

Hey! Why are you peeping on me in the shower?

Ha! What haven't I seen before?

I'm not talking to you.

I'm talking the ducks.

"Hey! Quit Staring!"

"I'm not!"

Cute.

You didn't even notice. I drew it a while ago.

Pass my towel?

You don't pay me any attention.

You'd be the last to know if I grew a beard.

Why the long face?

So you're unemployed... it's not the end of the world.

I'm employed! I'll keep you around for now.

But you'll have to pay me back someday!

It's been a whole year...

Not a year... not quite.

I feel... like the phone is going to ring with a job offer!

- No way... - Yes way!

Give me your duck face!

It'll. All. Be. Fine!

The phone!

- Hello? Sing? - Yes, that's me.

- I'm Chung. - Oh, Chung!

- What was that! - Nothing, nothing... What's up?

That script you told me about? I found an investor who loves it!

Let's meet up and talk about it.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey! Can you hear me? Are you still there?

I'll buy tickets then!

I'm fucking your mother right now.

You better figure it out!

You're asking me?

Go to war? How many vans do we need to rent?

And what about the equipment?

And then there's the drinks and snacks after; you think those are free?

All for saving face?

This face? Your face?

Idiot! We're business men! This is a legitimate organization!

You think you're gangsters?

Next time, check with Accounting first.

Does it make us money? Only come ask me if it does!

Get out!

Where were we?

Yes, so, in our story, in the opening scene,

we were saying, the protagonist goes down into the subway,

and he realizes he's being followed.

And so he uh, walks into the passage ways...

Boss, you've been on the subway, you've seen the passage ways...

And then the camera will... follow him... chase him, and then, uh,

lots of motion blur... then...

Apologies.

Hey!

Motherfucker, burn down the shop. Duh!

Tell me!

What is the Hong Kong government doing?

My film is premiering tonight,

and the VCDs are already for sale in Mong Kok and Sham Shui Po!

Directly impacts my bottom line, right?

Yes!

Burn his mother's shop!

We're too too off topic.

What were you saying about the subway and getting high?

The protagonist runs into the killer on the subway...

...then...

Yes! The killer!

Have you seen that movie?

Seven? Se7en?

That one I've seen. Probably easy to make!

We can add comedic elements to it!

And we can call it...

Double Se7en

"Cheaper by the Baker's Dozen?" Oh! That's good!

Add some violence, add some nudity, $300.000 budget, and we have a winner.

Brilliant!

And the main actor...

Fucking speak up!

Mango?

It's Mango!

Daddy! It's not fair!

You said I could be leading lady!

You lied!

But the director just made me pace around.

Topless, too!

I don't mind nudity if I'm in the lead role,

I don't mind sacrificing a little for art,

- But, - Alright, alright, alright, just quit then.

We're talking about a film. Let me introduce you.

This is Hong Kong's most famous producer and most famous director.

Hello Mr. Director... Hello Mr. Producer...

Hello, Miss Mango.

She's good, right?

Absolutely!

Hey! Why are you walking so fast!

Hey! You have something against him?

Did he kill your father and rape your mother?

Is that so? No, right?

Why did you treat him like that?

Were you listening to him?

- What did he say? What? - Were you listening?

You said he liked my script!

That's why I took that meeting!

But he's obviously making Category III films!

Se7en?

What's violence plus nudity plus comedy?

That's not filmmaking, that's selling out!

He's an investor, of course he's thinking about money!

What's wrong with that? If you don't take it, someone else will!

You've made two flops.

If you flop again, you're over.

Have you paid rent? Have you paid your water bill?

Have you given your mother money yet?

Have you?

Film is an illusion!

If this one makes money, no one will care.

It's just how the industry works!

You've been at it for 10 years now.

Tell me, what can you do other than make films? Ask yourself!

Even if you don't eat,

your girlfriend has to eat. You want to be a kept man? Here.

- Take it, just take it. - What are you doing?

Call me tonight. Think about it!

What can you do other than make films?

What can you do other than make films?

What can you do other than make films?!

It's you again!

Oh yes, what a coincidence! I'm on my way to deliver a document for the judge.

Delivering a document? You switched jobs?

Yes!

I am now working for a real estate company as an administrative assistant.

And you? Have you found a job yet?

Not yet...

I've been making films for a decade. I haven't done anything else.

- Can I really change careers? - Why not?

Filmmakers are multi-talented!

Good at kidnapping, murder, coercion...

And masters of bullshit, what can't you do?

The "Employment Restructuring Plan Division" specializing in helping the unemployed of all ages.

They found me this job, and it's going well.

Go get registered!

Brother, do you want an orange?

Did you see me?

What are you talking about?

Be quiet.

Mom, I'll get you your allowance soon...

I want to sell the flat, what do you think?

Why all of a sudden?

Mrs. Poon next door sold her flat for 2 million.

If I sell it,

I can rent something cheap, and invest the rest in the stock market.

Terrible idea! What if you lose all your money?

And what if the housing market crashes?

Your siblings are still in school, and you have your own life.

I can't keep asking you for money.

It's not like I don't have work.

I really thought you didn't have work. What are you doing?

RTHK (Radio Television Hong Kong)

When will it be on?

Soon soon... part of the "Let's Talk About Sex" series

Not bad!

When do you have time?

Want to go to look at houses with me?

I said we're not selling!

Not this kind of house, the kind for when I snuff it!

Again with this...

Your dead dad's been all alone at the columbarium for so many years.

I was thinking I would move him and

Quit thinking about it, you're staying put.

Bye bye.

What, but, hey, we were talking! Stay for dessert?

The other day, I was watching Lil' Long's movie.

You know Lil' Long right?

I told him it'll be a smash hit.

But then I told him, next time, try a little harder.

And don't make this shit again.

Wow, you were so blunt! What did he say?

He looked at me like you're looking at me now, and told me, he had put his all into it.

I saw the film. I don't think it's that bad. There are some interesting elements.

What? Been unemployed for too long? Where are your standards?

Are you kidding me?

No, no, we're not buying.

Hey, we're unemployed, unemployed, you know? Unemployed.

Unemployed!

Unemployed!

No, go away. Go away.

I didn't want to say it, but he forced me!

- Keep your voice down! - I've got no work, man!

Do you guys know who is behind "Ishikawa Jirou"?

The Bloody Killer guy? With the endless thrusting and unstimulated sex?

I know. But I'm not saying anything.

Fuck you! Don't be like that!

- Is it Herman? - No

Who do you know that I don't?

- It's got to be Herman. - I said it isn't!

Don't go around spreading rumors. He has a family.

Look at all your veins popping. If it isn't Herman, who is it?

- Hey, do you guys know Producer Chung? - Of course!

He called me today and asked if I wanted in on a Category III film.

What did you tell him?

Of course not! Category III films are bad for kids!

Even if you make it big, everyone will know you started in AV.

You'll have bad luck for three years, and another three, and another three after that...

How many three years? You'd need a long life!

Many, many, many, years...

And we'll spend them all sitting here,

talking and sitting, sitting and talking and nothing will ever change.

Sing?

She's here! Your missus!

Madam! You're off already? No prostitutes to round up?

What's the point? All you curb crawlers are sitting right here.

Funny!

How was your meeting today?

What? What meeting! Hey man, tell us, tell us!

It's nothing...

C'mon we're brothers. What's the deal?

Just shooting the shit...

- Shooting what kind of shit? - Hey! I'll even do Category III!

- What did you say? - What?

Hey, do you like plastic watches?

I have some here, pretty much the same as its brand-name kin.

Only a couple bucks, take one home!

I can't believe you also sell watches!

He wanted me to shoot a Category III film.

Hmm?

He wanted me to shoot a Category III film.

Forget I said anything.

Chung asked you to shoot a Category III film?

You make movies?

I used to too!

But I just couldn't cut it. What's wrong with Category III?

That movie Tina Leung made... Lucky Seven (1970)

So many perverts came out of the cinemas with nose bleeds!

Yes.

Do it.

You really don't mind?

Who still looks down on it?

As long as you do a good job.

Yes. Make it sexy, but not exploitative.

Alright, then you must buy a watch from me to celebrate.

Okay!

I'll take this one!

Call me when you start, I'd love to be an extra.

Deal.

Add oil!

Add oil!

Add oil!

Add oil!

Add oil!

Add oil!

- Add oil! - Enough, enough!

Don't listen to her!

She's crazy, crazy...

Ready? We'll start facing this way.

Ready and action!

Rolling... and action!

Cut, wait...

Excuse me? Mister?

We're working on an experimental film over there,

and you're in our shot... sorry...

Not a problem.

Not bad,

Everyone is shooting video and here you are shooting on film.

Yeah...

You're writing a script?

Yes.

Let me get out of your hair. Enjoy the shoot!

Alright. Hey, thanks!

"If it's your number one priority, then you better see it through."

"Catch your dreams."

"Keep at it!"

- END -

Viva Erotica

Well?

It's really good.

Really?

But...

Why would...

...the bad guy get shot in broad day light,

under severe machine gun fire,

and no one seems to notice or call the cops.

Since I'm a cop,

I really want to know.

And then there's the old cunt,

why must he not be able to get it up?

Is it because if he didn't have erectile dysfunction, it would ruin the average perverted audience member's narcissism?

And then that girl gets raped by a guy, practically a stranger,

and then somehow, someway, mid-rape, she really seems to enjoy it,

to the point where she even seems to have an orgasm...

And she's a whore, so,

She does her job.

She finishes her job.

Gets paid.

And then sits at the foot of the bed waiting... I have no idea what she's waiting for.

I really don't know what she's waiting for.

I have absolutely, completely have no idea what your film is talking about.

Why make films? Why make them at all?

Someone needs to say "Rolling!" Someone has to say "Camera!" Someone has to say Action!"

Why does someone have to yell "Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!"

Help... Don't kill me...

Help... Help... Don't rape me...

Help... Don't kill me. Don't rape me...

Stop yelling, let go of the cloth!

- That way! - (Don't kill me... help...)

Raise both your hands.

- (Help! Don't kill me...) - Please raise both your hands.

Help... Don't rape me...

Both your hands now, come on,

Help... Don't rape me...

Cut!

Do you think you can raise both your hands at the same time?

Why?

No one raises their hands like this, right?

- I disagree... - No?

If someone is pointing a gun at you, wouldn't you raise your hands?

And, if you raise your hand, the bedsheet will fall,

distracting the person so that you can counter-attack, right?

I wouldn't.

Of course I'd seek cover, like over here first.

If he points the gun this way, I'd duck like this.

And if he points this way, I'd run over here.

Moreover, I can pretend to be a bear.

See?

Why would I just stand around here like an idiot, why wouldn't I run?

I can climb the ladder and get away.

Director, let's give her a break, and move onto Big Chiu scenes.

Miss Mango, you've done so many takes...\

Why don't you take a break, I'll get someone to buy you some pears.

Oh, alright...

- You better tell them to get me paradise pears, - Yes, got it.

I'm allergic to other kinds of pears.

Bitch...

Dicky, sorry about that just now. You okay?

We'll do the reverse shot now, starting with...

Big Chiu pointing a gun at Mango. So let's do...

- ...handheld. - Again with the handheld?

Are you kidding me?

When you show the film in backwater countries,

and the camera is swinging this way and that, they'll only think the shot was unstable.

Well, I mean, I think handheld shows the motion quite well.

What motion? This shot is handheld, that shot is handheld...

Is there no movement without handheld?

You can add movement in editing no? If you love handheld, hold it yourself.

36E!

Hey! Didn't you hear the man! Handheld!

Turn on the light! This way!

Closer, closer,

Light here! Don't light me!

Where's the co-star?

I'll check, I'll check.

Come, come over here.

Big Chiu, right? We're not going to rehearse.

Go over to the T-mark,

take off your clothes,

face the left side of the camera, saying,

And say, "raise your hands, be quiet, raise your hands,"

Got it?

Left.

Right.

Left.

It's loaded, man...

Right.

Left

Are you sure he knows what he's doing?

I hope so...

Let's give it a go...

Dicky, ready,

Let's go.

- Rolling. - Speed. - Go.

Action.

Don't move! Shut up! I said shut up!

Cut!

- What are you doing? - Isn't this how you cover it?

Cover?

Are we making Dumbo here?

Sorry, sorry...

Well, if that's no fun, let's try this instead.

See if you can pull it out.

Easy la...

Stop holding so tight...

You're holding on too tight... just relax a bit! Relax for me!

- Harder, harder... - Relax!

Is it my turn yet?

- You were messing with me! - Who was messing with you?

- Carmi! - Yes!

Come take a look on set with me!

I'm not playing with you anymore!

Mango! That guy was such a perv!

He touched my hand on purpose!

Watch out when you're shooting with him...

What a perv...

- Really? - Yeah!

He used to be loaded, but spent it all on women and at the gambling tables.

And now he's a porn actor, even a role where he can't get it up.

And still acting like he's somebody...

Director, are you shooting me?

If not, I'm leaving. I'm not made of time.

Of course we're shooting you,

But since we've lit the room this way, we're finishing up the shots.

How much longer do you expect me to wait?

Very soon Miss Mango. We're almost done here.

Daddy...

- Director, how is it going? - Hi sir...

Not bad.

I've been waiting all day for my scenes!

Also... you said it wasn't a porno...

- But I'm topless in all the scenes... - Alright, alright...

Whatever you say, we'll scrap the nudity, okay?

I brought some fruit, come have some.

Take a break, have a snack!

Sing...

You should start with Mango's scenes...

No shit...

She won't shoot this, won't shoot that... What am I supposed to shoot?

Alright... I got it... I'll take care of it.

Hey, I fixed it.

I'm leaving now.

I'm heading out now, and when you're done, I've a reservation for us...

We'll have Japanese food tonight, okay? Be a good little girl now...

Thank you, thank you...

Keep at it, director!

And uh... don't listen to her. The more nudity, the better.

- Alright, we're off! - Bye, everyone!

Let's go!

Are you shooting? If so, hurry up.

I've got a date... you heard...

You think I want to be shooting Category III?

I have a date too.

Let's do this.

Camera rolling.

Speed.

Action.

Help... don't kill me... Help... don't rape me...

Help... don't kill me... don't rape me... Help...

Cut.

Okay.

What a blurry mess! How can anyone tell Mango is naked?

Don't you realize you're making a fleshy Category III film!

I do...

Good! Because no one is asking you to be Wong Kar Wai.

Can't you be Wong Jing?

Then bring me Chingmy Yau.

What about Chingmy Yau?

So what about Wong Jing or Wong Kar Wai?

I just want to make something with my own message.

Message, what message?

No one wants to watch your autobiography!

You only make films you know how to admire! What's the point?

You don't have to worry about being cheap, it's not a bad thing.

Wong Jing has the highest box-office of the last decade.

Let's go see the midnight show, and watch the audience.

You'll see.

"The rock crushes the crab!"

(Are you kidding me?)

(What kind of of shit is this? Refund!)

Amazing! How does he think of this!

See?

The audience is yelling and laughing at the same time.

This is the modern audience.

Motherfuckers...

Didn't I say not to fucking watch this one?

I thought there would be some racing...

Excuse me, what film did you see?

We saw A Chinese Torture Chamber Story

How many stars would you rate this film?

I have no idea what it was on about!

Really? I enjoyed it...

I'd give it four stars.

- (Four stars?) - Good plot, think we can steal it?

- How? - (No way...)

Think about it. Give me a minute, let me ask about the box office.

- Excuse me, what did you see tonight? - No Tyres of Chariot.

How many stars would you give it?

Fuck, two maybe, I have no idea what he was trying to do.

Fuck, you think this is the wet market? One star is one too many!

Yeah! What a scam! If I see the director, I'd give him a good beating!

Director Yee, Director Yee! Wait! Wait!

Director Yee, it looks like you made a flop. Any comments?

I think audiences are free to choose...

Someone said they want to beat you up, any comments?

Do you think that you're a failed director?

I wouldn't put it like that...

Excuse me...

Thank you!

Do you know how much that film made?

A million just from the midnight screening!

Poor guy... 24 screens, just over $7000...

Three empty halls!

Look.

Derek Yee's No Tyres of Chariot.

How can a chariot not have wheels? One hundred percent going to fall flat on its face.

Who would foot that bill... how pretentious...

Cut!

No dice?

Not bad this time, but you forgot...

Ah, yes, because last time you were abandoned.

So this time, uh...

Are you Derek Yee?

Yes, I am Derek Yee.

Alright, from the top!

Alright, ready?

Action!

Cut!

Well? How was it?

Award-winning director Derek Yee Dives to His Death Overbudget "No Tyres of Chariot" bombs amid bad reviews

Dumped by Boyfriend and Box Office, Award-winning Director Drowns Self

I didn't think he would die.

He used to make good films.

Like you said, used to...

Last words: "I think audiences are free to choose."

So they chose not to watch...

Is it really that Derek Yee? David Chiang's cousin?

It's a hit!

What?

The film has been revitalized!

- How? - I just checked the box office.

Made $300,000 just at the midday show!

His death had a great return on investment.

Before long, he'll break Jackie Chan's record!

So what? A talented director is dead.

What?

Is it your father who died?

Let's support the film. Let's see the midnight screening.

- I have complimentary tickets! - Yeah! Let's!

Let's go, your treat!

Let's go to karaoke too then!

How could he miss?

I've been thinking...

I'm not talented enough to be a director...

I'm thinking of switching careers.

Oh please!

Talent? Who cares?

It's about diligence!

What else would you do? Play soccer?

Watch the game!

Yeah, I'd love to, I've tried that already.

What kind of referee is this?

Penalty kick!

You cost us the game!

Don't take the kick if you suck!

I'd quit if I were you!

Yeah! We'd probably win without you!

Get out of here and stop wasting our time!

You're a lousy player.

- No need... - No need?

It's the ultimate plan! What's our film lacking?

Publicity!

When Julie Lee took off all her clothes in front of the Man Mo Temple,

she was the talk of the town!

If we shot a Category III scene on the street,

It'll be a surefire jackpot!

Don't think too hard, it'll work.

What are you laughing at?

Think of me.

Think of the film.

What you've shot already isn't great.

The investor might call the whole thing off...

So, I wanted to ask you...

What would you do it I killed myself?

Licentious Producer Forces Young Director

To Shoot Sex-scene in Public, Kills Self.

You dickface!

Not a bad idea!

Tell them to have everything ready... Nothing fancy...

So, just,

tell Mango to let Uncle Wah grope her a bit...

You get it... take care of it...

I don't know, director... You better come...

She's throwing a tantrum.

Are you kidding me? Get him here now!

Where is he?

Get him here now!

Alright, wait for me.

Yeah? Are you on your way?

- Well? - She's mad!

Miss Mango, what's wrong?

Why did this scene suddenly change to being shot on the street?

I'm not doing it.

It wasn't my idea. But the producer and investor chose this location,

So that's why we're here.

But don't worry,

I'll make you look good. You won't look cheap!

I don't want him to touch me.

Whatever you say.

We'll fake it. We'll stop as soon as he's close!

I'll only do it once.

Got it, one take.

I was thinking the same...

Director...

How do we pretend without him touching her?

- Are you sure this is going to work? - Let's just get started.

Get her out here!

What the motherfucking shit am I doing? (Is that guy a movie star?)

- Who is he supposed to be? C'mon... - I swear!

- Director... - Uncle Wah.

So just, you know, uh,

I know what to do. Don't worry.

Thank you, Uncle Wah.

So Dicky, set the tripod here, facing that way.

I was thinking of using handheld...

Handheld?

In a situation like this, we need to be flexible.

I think I saw a movie star! Maybe they're shooting a movie!

Miss Mango...

Just the once, okay?

Sure thing!

Uncle Wah, you ready?

I'll do my best.

Okay, let's get right to it.

Ready Dicky?

Speed.

Action.

Action!

- Lower left quadrant! - How could you say that!

Awesome!

Nothing to see here!

Are you kidding me? I can't see anything!

Get! it! Off!

Is it real?

What are they doing?

Is her boob out!?

Are you kidding me? Who is covering the camera?

Are you kidding me?

I quit!

Fuck you!

Bless me! How could you do such a thing!

Mrs. Chan, there's nothing to see here, let's go.

Are you kidding? You said we were faking it!

Now everyone's seen everything! Everything!

I quit!

You think I want to be doing this? What?

Why are you yelling at me?

What are you taking pictures of?

- What are you doing? - What's it to you?

Why don't you watch some TV?

No, no, it's okay. My eyes are tired.

What about the radio?

I'm fine, don't worry about me.

Oh, you're home?

Chat with your mom!

Hey!

Come here.

I'm glad I was here today.

Your shoot was on TV!

It might upset Mei.

But I didn't tell her! I just asked her...

if you've been busy with your episode of "Let's Talk About Sex!"

Isn't your mom the best?

But, she's still a girl... Her friends might make a fuss if they knew

her boyfriend was shooting Category III films.

But, when I was young, your dead dad and I

used to go see a lot of Li Han-hsiang's erotic films.

I liked them!

Lots of folks criticized him.

Hey, what time is it?

Just past eight.

It's past eight? I have to get going.

Hard to get a cab at this hour!

Mom...

Spend more time with Mei.

I know.

You should have more fun yourself.

I'm an old lady,

too old to fool around.

What's important is that you're stable and happy.

Don't work too hard.

Go back inside.

Oh, wait,

Watch out for the soles of the actress' feet!

All the actresses had dirty soles

Got it? Make sure they're clean! I'm off.

Where's mom?

She left.

Why didn't you keep her for dinner?

You should go visit her more often.

She loves you.

Loves chatting with you.

Why do all you women need so much love and care?

How could they write that?

They write what they want.

- Did you really hit someone? - No way, was it you?

What? I was one-handed.

I'm sure it was Strongman, I saw him!

Please, if I hit him, he'd be in the hospital now.

Director, Mango won't come.

She's kicking up a fuss and said she's quitting. Now what?

Where's the producer?

...I'm telling you!

I know it's my fault.

We're at fault here, it's my fault for hiring him.

Don't be mad.

I'm bad, I'm bad.

As long as you know!

Carmi! Get Miss Mango in costume!

It's solved.

Slight script change.

Instead of Mango kissing Uncle Wah,

now Uncle Wah is kissing Mango.

That's a slight change? Why don't you just rewrite it?

Who cares about plot these days?

Just need to see some tits and ass!

Help me out, man! It wasn't easy getting her to agree.

Are you warm?

Fan harder!

Miss Mango, Miss Mango,

Miss Mango!

Uncle Wah, just smooch her right here, okay?

You may only smooch my arms and legs.

Pas de problème, no problemo!

Can we start now?

Rolling.

More, Mango! Sluttier, hornier!

Harder, Uncle Wah!

Smooch her! Kiss her! C'mon now!

I want ecstasy! Miss Mango!

More! Faster!

More passion, Uncle Wah!

Smooch it!

Lower!

Smooch, smooch her foot!

Suck her toes!

Go for it!

Harder! Suck her toes!

Uncle Wah! Smooch it! Yeah, smooch it!

Yeah, smooch it!

Smooch it!

That's it, with feeling!

Go down on it, yeah!

Yeah! More feeling!

Yes! Good! Smooch it!

It tickles.

Aiya, please no... no...

Yes! Kiss it!

Suck it!

Suuuuuuck it!!

Yes! Awesome! Good! Good!

Cut!

Everyone wait.

Chung, come here.

Now!

Even though it's Category III, we need an ethical baseline.

Did you see Uncle Wah's reaction?

Be clear here.

Are we talking about your baseline, or Uncle Wah's?

Uncle Wah doesn't have any standards.

I pay him.

And he does what he has to do.

You still don't have to take it this far...

Far? I just asked him to suck on her toes!

What's the big deal?

It wasn't easy getting Mango onboard.

What? Are you fucking with me?

Please,

This is my fault...

Let's not fight.

Let's skip and come back.

Skip? You want to skip everything?

I promise you I'll be good in the next take.

Uncle Wah, you don't have to be on his side.

He's king just cause he pays you?

Money? This is professionalism!

Professionalism? You want to talk about professionalism?

If you had any, you wouldn't make us shoot in the streets!

What are you trying to say? I asked you beforehand!

You said yes!

Of course I said yes!

You said if I didn't, the investor would pull out!

Yes! You're doing a bad job!

If I didn't think of something, this would be over!

Blame your bad directing!

- Did you just call me a bad director? - Yes!

If you weren't bad, why were your two other films flops!

Hey! Don't blame my two other films!

You think you have a good reputation?

Everyone knows you're shit!

Who else would help you?

Help me with what?

To shoot this!

You want to quit?

You said it!

So we're stopping? Yeah?

Well I hate making pornography anyway!

Good!

Not shooting? You don't want to shoot? Yeah? Not shooting?

I'll shoot!

This scene! Get to work!

Standby!

What are you waiting for?

You're shooting?

Go for it.

Small Wah, turn off the lights!

Got it!

Fine! Go home!

So you say you don't want to shoot Category III...

How do you think I feel?

Thanks.

What?

I didn't do anything.

Just did what I was supposed to do.

If the director said we're not shooting, who am I to shoot?

Which is not to say you're right or he's wrong.

So you came out ahead.

Now what?

Yes, Dicky, would they call it off?

Maybe they'll just change directors.

Memos out: production has been shut down for two days!

And I heard the investor super mad on the other end!

Now what?

I haven't received the second installment.

I have three months of credit card bills!

Don't worry... I'll talk to the boss tomorrow.

Fuck, your period is here?

What? Change her out!

What are the specials tonight!

We've got it all!

Innocent school-girls!

Ruthless S&M!

Luchadores galore!

Danish free-range chicks!

Flutist Little ChunLi!

You name it, we've got it!

I'll take two girls, one stud,

Bacchanalia!

Deal!

Grope her like a motherfucker!

Cut!

Brilliant!

- Two of us! - Come again next time!

This was it! Call me next time there's good stuff!

Definitely!

Definitely...

Hey! Why'd you take my money!

You're just making movies... why sink so low?

Mr. Wong... I've thought about it...

Mr. Wong, I've thought about it. Fire Chung.

If you fire him, I'll do such a better job.

Boss... I know you're a reasonable man...

Even though you do like illegal things, your money is still the product of blood and sweat, right?

So if you give me directorial freedom, I promise you that...

- Are you named Sing? - Yeah? What?

Hey! I don't know you! What are you doing?

Boss.

Boss...

I know you're a reasonable man...

- So I was... - I understand...

If you think the script needs work, fix it and then start again.

What's wrong with the script?

Chung told me last night.

You wanted to stop production for a few days, and try to smooth things out.

Makes sense.

But can you reveal what you want to do?

Anything to drink?

- Water is fine. - I don't have any.

Do you want ice?

Sure. I'll help myself.

So... li...

I... ha't...

...ye..t

I don't want to say anything until I'm sure.

No wonder!

Chung says you're an artist!

I'm sure you'll think of something!

Work hard!

Chung says you'll be fine!

I know you'll be!

Chung...

Sorry...

Come in.

- I wanted to say...

I've sent out the call sheet for tomorrow.

You decide if you're shooting.

I'm getting old, no time for artistic airs.

If you feel confident, I won't interfere.

Just don't go over budget.

I want you to shoot something good too.

Not just talk.

Tell me if you want to quit.

So I can plan ahead.

It's you!

How'd your script turn out?

How's your film coming along?

Something I can't figure out.

Me too.

Do you know Derek Yee?

Met him a few times... Why?

The night he died...

we had a chat...

He said he started working as an extra at 17 years old.

I started acting at 17.

And at 27, my mentor told me

Costume dramas are dead. I should go do something else.

Just go get a normal job.

I was so mad

He brought me into the industry.

And then after ten years, he tells me to quit.

So what? I wasted a decade?

And then my director said to me,

even if you don't act, you can stay in the film industry.

You can try directing.

I didn't know what to say...

but I said to him, if that happened one day,

I would call him.

Three years later, I really made that phone call.

Because I finally got the chance to make my first film: The Crazies

So don't give up.

Why, even will all this clarity,

why did you chose to die?

I'm only human!

And humans have feelings and so it's really quite reasonable!

If you let me choose again,

I wouldn't choose death.

Thank you.

Hey!

Hey!

He's coming...

He's not coming...

He's coming...

Chung,

Something wrong with the flowers?

No problem.

- Is he answering? - No...

- No one at home. - Keep calling!

- Director! - Sorry!

- I know I'm late. - Cameras are in position.

Wait, I changed it a bit.

I want to talk to Mango and Uncle Wah first.

Sir Dicky! Can you set up the tracking shot this way?

- How long? - Not sure yet, just try it out.

- Good morning director. - Good morning Uncle Wah.

I have a few new pages...

I want to reshoot scene nine.

What? Reshoot?

Read the new script first.

Dicky,

So we'll...

Action!

Please don't...

Please don't...

Don't...

Cut!

Don't...

Wait, wait,

What do you want?

So Mango,

Even though the script says you fake the orgasm to encourage Uncle Wah,

But I want you to make it look real.

Then how would the audience know I'm faking it?

I'd say the opposite.

The more real you make it, the more the audience will buy into it.

Only if they think it's real, would they believe that Uncle Wah thinks it's real.

Well, I really don't know how.

You've must have had an orgasm before.

That's the feeling I want now.

Think of your best orgasm, the very best...

And bring that feeling.

And that's it.

Don't let me know you're faking it.

Got it?

Let me think about it...

Alright.

Uncle Wah?

Yes, Director?

I wanted to ask... have you ever... mid-way through...

and you couldn't keep it up?

There was the one time...

Well, I don't know if I was nervous or what... but it was a while ago.

How did you feel?

I was upset.

Did you feel any shame?

No. More like... afraid.

So in the next take,

Can you bring that fear?

- I'll try. - Let's try it.

Let's get going.

Dicky, can you track very slowly in this shot?

Okay, got it.

Again.

Cut!

Cut!

Again.

Cut!

What is it?

Again!

Cut!

- Towel! - It's fine.

Here, you've got something on your foot.

Again.

Come closer,

I don't have horns.

Cut!

Okay!

Thank you.

Let's get them their clothes?

Take a break, okay?

Dicky,

- Sunny? - Yes?

When you get us extras,

Find us some in their twenties, not their teens, okay?

- What? - You seem different.

I don't know what you're talking about.

My phone. Excuse me.

My treat, what do you want?

Hello? What's all that noise?

Nothing, I'm doing aerobics.

What?

I thought you were still mad at me.

Mad at you?

Even if I were, like you would cheer me up. I always have to call you first.

No... I was thinking of calling you.

Yeah?

I can never keep up with these aerobics videos.

I suck.

When are you back?

Soon, I'll be back soon.

Alright, do your own thing then.

Okay.

Have fun. Bye.

Hey! Sorry about that.

Hey, isn't that Director Wong?

I love his movies!

They're such shit, are you kidding me?

Hello!

Look who the dog dragged in!

Director Wong,

heard you have a big cast, big budget. Big blockbuster!

Stephen Chow, plus a Jet Li.

But this time, we have a fresh trick...

We're making a musical!

If the investors get onboard that is!

Oh, Director Wong,

who turns you down these days?

Not at all...

Let him be, talk is cheap.

Best Cinematographer indeed!

Heard you're working on a Category III film.

Even though the lighting doesn't matter as much,

But you still need lights.

Or else you'll get switched out again, no?

But don't worry!

Since we're buds, come work for me!

For you I'd add a department.

You can be third unit camera.

That's a bit extreme...

The man is known for being insulting.

Mr. Dicky, you've worked with him before?

He directed my first film as cinematographer.

He fucking fired me.

He said my shots were too dark.

The audience are there to see the actors.

It's so dark, I must be shooting for ghosts?

So someone told someone, who told someone, and suddenly no one would hire me.

Beer please!

Don't drink so much.

So what? Everyone knows I'm the best around.

Best at getting drunk!

Alright, I'm with you tonight.

And I'm going to be Best Director!

Doesn't that makes us Best Crew?

Yes!

- Beers! - Cheers!

Bottoms up!

Viva Erotica

Viva Erotica Third draft, May 23, 1996

Red key light to orange key light...

Lots of famous Japanese directors started out in pink films.

Feeling better?

Look, this is Abnormal Family.

From the director of Sumo Do, Sumo Don't.

- Really? - Yeah, I really like him.

I have another of his, let me show you.

This is it.

I swear the box was here...

Look at the way he uses handheld

You really can't just decide to use handheld.

- Got it? Yeah? - Yeah.

Once you've seen enough of these,

you'll know what's good and what's not.

But remember,

you can't rush it.

If you're rushed, it gets messy.

And look, look at the cutting, it gets right in there.

Weird right?

Not sure if you're the person I should be talking to.

You don't have to say anything. Just enjoy your drink.

I was waiting for him all night.

I know he's working...

And I wanted to call him, but I didn't want to bother him.

And I'd seem needy.

I know being a director is stressful, but so is my job...

I don't ignore him when I'm working...

It's so hard...

Dump him.

My husband was a director too.

They live in a fantasy world.

They don't know how to take care of people.

They can't even take care of themselves.

Just like kids.

Some never grow up.

If you're unlucky, they end up like Sing's dead dad.

I'm the example.

Talk to him. If he won't change,

you're the one who is going to be unhappy.

He'll get upset if I bring it up

Think about it clearly first then.

I'm fine.

I just had to blow off some steam.

I don't want to interfere. In any case,

Call me whenever you want!

Uncle Wah, Mango,

This scene is your meet-cute.

You want to hook up with her. She's not complicated,

She's not complicated, just after the money. So you're settling on the fee.

No niceties, you go straight for her legs.

So I grab her thigh. And then?

And then you say your lines

Director? The cinematographer wants you.

Then, uh, you two talk about it first.

Miss Mango, the other day, did he like...

Can you not be such a gossip?

If you talk about him behind his back, I'm sure you talk about me behind my back.

I know what you're thinking, that I'm the same way.

I know I'm like that.

So, from now on, I'm not speaking ill of anyone.

What else is there to talk about?

Well, then...

we'll talk about our own shortcomings first!

Why are you like that?

I'm hard, aren't I?

Are you no longer in love with me?

You like someone else?

You're crazy.

Why haven't you fucked me in so long?

It's been so long...

I know you're shooting, and so you're tired?

Yeah, I'm tired.

If you're so tired, then quit.

The anti-vice guys were saying how hot your actress is.

She has tits, and ass, and a pretty face,

That you're going to dump me for her.

- Are you after her? - You're crazy!

Are you crazy? Finally it's going well and you want me to quit?

You don't trust me!

Go back to sleep.

What did you make this out of? It's too thick!

Egg whites!

Thick is good!

Thin means not enough sperm.

No sperm means no strength!

Works for my character!

Your character can't get it up!

Just faking it!

I can in the end!

I have some!

- What's that? - Sperm.

- How is this it? It's weirdly yellow. - How did you make it?

- It's real. - Real?

Well, I mean, maybe I haven't been drinking enough water.

Uncle Wah, we're going to do that angle we missed!

Just relax, and we can stop around here.

Okay, Mango?

What? Making Category III? Hardcore films?

- ID cards! - Who's in charge?

- Identity cards!

- What did he say? - I'll take care of it.

It's fine, I know him.

Your Category III boyfriend?

- Hello, hello - How do you do.

Mango, right?

- Can we take a photo? - Yes! Yes of course!

Of course! Anything you say!

Jupiter, grab the camera, let's get a picture.

Picture time!

One, two, three!

Thank goodness you were there just now.

Your co-workers seem nice. Pretty friendly!

What are you doing?

I'm leaving.

Hey! Are you crazy? Where are you going?

Are you fucking her?

I'm not.

So you know who I'm talking about?

You looked terrified that I saw you holding her.

And the moment I arrived, you put your arm on me,

but you never do that in public.

And during the photoshoot, you were looking everywhere but at her.

Ready? 1, 2, 3!

I smell a rat.

Even if you didn't, you definitely thought about it.

Hey!

Hey!

I confess I thought about it.

But I can't control my thoughts.

Any man would think about it!

You would leave over this tiny thing?

- No, not because it's miniscule. - Then what?

I can't stand it, I'm very unhappy with you.

Don't you think we're more like roommates than lovers?

Things bad with your girlfriend again?

Yes, got it.

Daddy works here.

This is called Studio C, okay?

Let me introduce you to our leading lady, Mango.

- This is my wife Jen. - Hello.

Here, say hi to Mango.

This is my son.

Shy, are you?

- Hello! - Go over,

Want some?

Say thank you!

Director.

Uncle Wah! You're early.

My wife and son wanted to come visit our set.

- This is my wife Jen. - Hello.

- Son, this is Mr. Director. - Hello, Mr. Director.

Let me take you around.

Director, fighting with your girlfriend?

You're the tenth to ask me that today.

Women are terribly annoying.

Women need love and attention.

You'll feel terrible if she actually left.

She told me to make this movie.

And now it's the core of all arguments.

Take my wife.

When I said I was going to make Category III films, she said it was fine,

That it was just work.

But still, she wasn't entirely comfortable.

So now I tell her whenever I have a sex scene.

- So she doesn't worry. - Daddy!

- Daddy! - Hey! I'm coming!

Director, I'm going over first.

Mango, for your sweat.

Everything they said wasn't true.

What wasn't true?

They said he was a perv,

and that he was doing really poorly,

actually he's really shy.

Look how happy his family is.

I know I want a baby before I turn 30.

And a husband who thinks the world of me.

I want security.

Don't have to worry about my next meal, or if we'll have heat.

When I was in Taiwan,

my family was very poor, and my parents fought all the time.

Because we were poor, so it was all about money.

And I was no good in school...

So I ran over to Hong Kong,

to make movies, to make money,

I want to make so much money, so that my father and my mother can live a better life.

Am I too greedy?

Not at all, we're all greedy. I'm greedy.

To be honest, I quite like you,

But you don't have money.

I'm so sad.

You're so silly.

Let's make a movie!

Just like that, Dicky, okay?

Go it. Let's go.

Standby.

Rolling.

Speed.

Tracking.

Action!

Let me think...

It's a wrap!

This year's Best Director at the Hong Kong Film Awards is...

Sing!

Fire!

It's on fire! help!

Little Wah, see what's going on!

Uncle Wah, let's get here!

Leave it! There's no time!

Hey! The negatives!

Where's Sunny?

Where's Sunny?

- Sunny... - He needs to rest, don't stay too long.

Thank you nurse.

How are you, Sunny.

Hello everyone. How are the negatives?

It's all fine, of course.

Oh good...

How's my face?

Don't touch it, or it'll get infected.

Will I lose my good looks?

Oh please...

Hello?

Mr. Wong? Yes...

We weren't planning on burning down the studio...

I know this is my fault...

Can't believe this happened...

It's not your fault.

If it wasn't for you, we'd have no negatives at all.

You did a great job.

I wanted to ask...

do you think I could get a ticket to the screening?

Of course.

You're part of the crew.

Really?

Will my name be on the end credits?

Shit, it's my fault...

I shouldn't have left the prints there.

Don't say that... no one wanted this...

It's my responsibility...

What did you all do wrong? Let's shoot it again!

The studio went up in flames. How do we reshoot?

Stop talking.

I've decided.

- No, I mean... - Stop being so fucking annoying.

I'm not giving you another cent.

I was supposed to make money on this.

Now you've burned down the studio, and I have to pay for it?

You motherfucker...

I'm a businessman, not like you!

- Making art? - Mr. Wong...

Maybe the film will make money if we release it.

We just need a teeny, tiny, tiny bit more to finish it.

Daddy... let us finish it...

Shut it.

Women shouldn't talk so much.

You think I'm an idiot?

You think we would pay to release this shit?

I beg you, just edit it somehow,

and sell it to those underground European markets.

Also, you're responsible for the kid in the hospital.

I'm not paying anything even if he sues us with the Labour Department.

Yes, I'll take care of it...

Perfect. You all heard him!

Don't look at me for your final pay cheque. Call him.

Cheapskate just looking for excuses to not pay.

What did you say?

You think triads are king?

Not at all...

We're the fucking emperor!

Shit producer,

shit director, with these riffraff crew.

You're just barely getting a job because of me.

If not for me?

You'd be eating shit!

Let's go.

We're leaving!

Motherfuckers...

Mr. Wong...

You can curse us however you want, but leave our mothers out of it.

Yeah?

Listen up.

I'm

fucking

your

old

Boss!

Treats me like shit because I'm polite...

I hate people asking after my mother!

But he just had to ask after my mother!

How could he miss?

How are you?

Shit... what if I have internal bleeding?

You didn't fight enough as a kid?

Just wash it off.

No, just look at how pale he is.

Probably safer to take him to the hospital...

Really? For that?

Don't make a big fuss, just take some painkillers from 7Eleven.

Producer! Now what?

Don't be afraid... I'm here.

You can kill a warrior but you shouldn't insult one.

He asked after our mothers! We're in the right here!

Though... starting a fight is wrong...

But I'll take care of it.

I'll take him out for dinner.

Hey! Don't back down!

Let's work together and finish the film!

Are we shooting your mother?

You broke the boss' nose. We're screwed.

He's going to send people after us.

You figure it out,

but pay us our wages before we start again.

Really?

You're talking to me about money now? I've made you all so much money!

Are you kidding me?

Barely minimum wage and working us like dogs.

Eighteen hour days! You don't think we work for our pay?

You were too rash, should have just kept it inside...

You've always been an ass-licker

You should have kept at it!

You're calling me an ass-licker?

I can't be an ass-licker?

Ass-lickers can't have rage?

Yes! I am an ass-licker with rage!

Well I am!

Now you're deserting me in times of trouble?

How could you say these things to me at a time like this?

Say something!

I wanted to be a soccer player as a kid.

Because I'm really impressed by them.

Think about it... whether or not the stadium is full they still have to play.

And if they mess up,

everyone is yelling at them.

But, the ball is round.

Not every shot gets in... Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

And when you're having a bad day, the coach benches you.

Take a break...

But maybe you never get off the bench again.

I used to be like that.

I'd never finish anything.

Half a game of soccer...

Making half a movie...

Can't even give my relationship my all...

On the day of the fire,

I was thinking how I would win awards...

But somehow, today at this game,

I suddenly realise that

making movies and playing soccer are the same.

Both need teamwork.

I'm very happy to have met you.

You've helped me a lot.

Let's get to work!

Everyone is in position.

Let's do this.

Rolling.

Action!

Well? How was it?

Not bad, huh?

Be generous!

Do you remember Chung?

Chung is now a director.

Roll!

Action!

Apparently it's his dream.

Dicky, the Cinematographer?

He's now an actor.

Doing really well too,

Won Best Actor too.

Specifically in Category III films,

from the Adult Video awards.

And Uncle Wah

emigrated with his wife and son.

Not to Canada, but to Dongguan.

As for Mango...

I ran into her the other day.

She's no longer acting.

Director! I stopped acting...

If I have to take off my clothes... why not take them off for my husband?

Yes! I got married!

He's a vet!

Look at my sons!

Like you, they love playing soccer!

What about my girlfriend and me?

We're all good.

Can't fight off true love...

Even a typhoon can't rip us apart!

Let it go... I don't know how to be like before anymore...

I will hate you.

Then hate me! Don't be so nice to me like before!

Why live like that?

You put all your feelings into your movies!

You only care about the people in your films!

What about me? Do you care about me?

I want to care about you now.

Then...

I'll stop making films.

Are you crazy? What are you without film?

Why won't you make films?

I fell in love with you because you made movies.

The last question! Let me guess...

How do I feel after making this Category III film?

I think the most awkward thing about being an actor,

is... to make them do private things in the nude, in front of other people.

So, as a director, I should take the lead.

And tell my entire crew, to take off all their clothes,

and be on the same playing field as the actors.

Maybe they wouldn't feel so awkward,

and they might even do a better job.

Let's give it a try!

Let's go!

Director, we're ready.

Director! Ready?

Not bad.

Subtitles: Pearl Chan