Original subtitles

Here, what's this then?

I'm sending up my valuables first.

You can want up, son.

Here, grab hold of that.

I can't, I'm stuck.

Charlie, give him a poke. Right.

trouble. Go away now.

All right.

Now what's the matter?

I haven't got me other leg.

Go down and get it.

Right, one more time.

I've been a disappointment to you.

I've brought you nothing but unhappiness.

I'm not unhappy.

Your mother said I would, and I have.

I'm not unhappy, Frank. I'm very happy. In fact, I've never been so happy.

Sometimes I think I should go far away.

Oh, I don't want you to go.

position in life.

Couldn't you go back in prison?

No. Why not? They always need prison officers.

Perhaps if you wrote to the governor... He's unemployed as well now.

He got a sack after my bit of trouble.

You had your uniform and you were always meeting interesting people.

You looked after that famous bank robber, didn't you? His picture was in

the... It was when he escaped.

Yes, you were very careless there, Frank.

I was only caring I had instruction.

The governor told me I should try and help the prisoners.

Yes, but you were holding the ladder.

They lied to me, Betty.

They told me they wanted to get their football back.

What to do?

Anyway, they got them all back.

I don't know what all the fuss was about.

You trouble, you just can't make decisions.

Look, there's a whole page full of jobs here.

You don't qualify for those. Those are for executives only.

Anglo -American Oil Company.

Manic.

What's that?

Well, a public relations officer is someone who gets on with people and

annoy anyone.

Develop your executive abilities and grasp the key to success at the Watson

School of Friendly Persuasion.

That's only an advertisement.

Yes, but £6 ,000 a year, Frank, I mean, just think of it. And it's only a five

-day course.

It could be your big chance.

Now, look at that address. I'm not going all out there.

Oh. Going back to school, that's silly.

Oh, please, just please.

I've made up my mind, Betty, that's final.

You see?

I can make decisions when I have to.

I started training schemes like this with actually unknown.

A man had to succeed through his own resources, as I did.

I'm only too glad to pass on the fruits of my experience in what is, after all,

one of the finest professions.

Humbug. Not really, Mr. Lange. A public relations man is just a parasite,

prostituting his talents to hoodwink the people. But we are the people, Mr.

Lange. You? It's just that some of us have managed to forge ahead through our

own qualities of leadership and persuasion.

I can and I will. That's the key.

I wish my mother could see me now.

She wouldn't half be pleased.

Did she want you to get into public relations?

No, a big hell.

Plenty of room for lodgers.

She was very interested in welfare work.

It was her lifelong ambition to run a home for depressed sailors.

Really?

She was a very determined lady.

You know what was the first thing she did every morning when she got out of

Confidence, Mr. Legg.

Exploitation. She used to say something to herself.

The whole point. Quite, quite.

Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.

Splendid.

Splendid.

Mr Spencer, isn't it? No need to ask why you're here.

I want to be a success, Mr Watson. And you will, Mr Spencer. Every day, in

way, I can and I will. It's so nice to talk to somebody who's really keen to

grasp the key to success.

I've never been away from home before.

Not since I got married.

Are you quite comfortable?

It's more trousers.

Only got them back from the cleaners yesterday.

They're pinching a bit.

I meant your dormitory. Have you settled in all right?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Now we've got the same curtains up there as we've got at home.

That's nice, isn't it?

Splendid, splendid.

Ah, Miss Gibbons, another glass of sherry for Mr Spencer. We must look

future executives.

Isn't he a fine man?

He made it all by himself, you know.

Oh, did he?

My mother had a few goes.

But she had a lot of bad luck.

There still aren't a great many opportunities for women, I'm afraid.

Her corks kept falling out.

Rhubarb.

Rhubarb wine, 63.

She made 27 points.

But we only had four bottles.

None of the corks fitted.

So she had to keep it in the bathtub.

And then the cat fell in.

We didn't fancy it much after that.

Yes, well, I really must be getting on.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you'd all like to go through into the next room, you'll

find we've installed the most up -to -date cafeteria.

I can and I will. I will if I can.

Every day, in every way, get better and better.

Where's your tray?

They didn't give me one.

If you want something in this place, you've got to take it. Pass down the

will you?

Oh, well, I don't want to be any bother.

Thank you.

I'll come in next. No.

What did you do that for? I didn't do that. Yes, you did. I thought you'd push

it off. No, no, no.

Look, just press the button.

Come on.

Oh.

Now, beans.

What about them? I can't have beans. I've got a bit of trouble.

Beef stew?

Oh, right.

How do I put the beans back?

You can use my locker if you like. It's a bit brighter over here.

I'm just going to have a wash anyway.

Thank you, Eddie.

I won't be long.

Dear Betty, I hope you're getting on all right.

I am getting on all right.

I have made a friend.

His name is Eddie.

I have made other friends as well.

Quack.

Pardon?

Quack.

Duck.

Watson, he's a quack. Can't you see it? Good God, is everyone blind?

Hypocritical, sycophantic, charlatan.

spouting his puerile message. All he wants is our money, that grovelling,

servile apology for a man.

Don't you like him?

Like him? That obsequious reprobate, that educational hoodwinker?

What did you come here for, then?

No, a cent.

The last futile effort by my family to try and brainwash me into joining the

establishment, paid for by my bourgeois father.

Oh.

Is he French?

conversation.

Well, your wife's on the phone.

Betty? Yes, in the lobby.

Hello, Betty.

Hello, Frank.

Have you settled in all right?

Yes, fine.

It's been very quiet since the fight in the dining room.

The fight?

It was nothing, really.

Only we have to go out for our food now.

His equipment was faulty.

What sort of day have you had?

Not very good, I'm afraid.

I took the car to the garage, and the man said it would take two days to put

parts right, and two weeks to put the parts right that you put right.

Ah, good.

Not to worry, then. I'll be soon home to look after you. I showed you how to

mend a fuse, didn't I?

And if you get an electric shock, put your rubber boots on.

I will, yes.

Oh, if you do any cooking, leave the door open.

What for?

Well, if the frying pan catches fire, you can throw it out the door, can't

I'll try and remember that then, Frank.

Yes.

I'll miss you, Betty.

I'll miss you too, Frank.

Goodbye, then.

the loose slates because they're all around the back of the house so they

hurt anyone i

think that put a mind at rest

what's

the matter now it's faulty let's have a look

It's alright to me.

that's what it's all about.

Now, if I could just have your attention for our first session, we've a busy day

ahead of us, and a busy day's a happy day.

Public relations.

What's it all about?

What does it mean?

Well, we all have relations, don't we?

We all converse with our fellow man, but there's more to it than that.

A public relations officer doesn't just talk. If he did, we wouldn't need

special training, would we?

Now, first

of all, what must a public relations officer have?

Well, think about it.

Do I hear a whisper?

I've got a little word in mind. It begins with F.

Spencer. The word is faith. A public relations officer has faith.

Faith in himself.

Faith in his company. Good. Now that started us off. That set the ball

What else does he have?

What comes next?

Faith? Hope.

No, he doesn't have any hope.

Of course he does, but that's not quite what I had in mind.

Honesty. That's a good word. Honesty.

I like that.

Loyalty. Loyalty.

That's another good word.

That's music to my ear.

Now, faith, honesty, loyalty.

But let's get right to the heart of the matter.

What does a PRO do?

Communicate. That's it.

You've got it. We're on our way.

But that's not all he does.

What does a piado do all the time?

Does do just a bit. No, he... All on a hot day.

Persuade. That's the key word.

Friendly persuasion.

Friendliness. That's the word.

A public relations officer must always have iron self -control.

He will often be under a great deal of stress.

He will be insulted and... Harassed.

Yes.

That's a good word. Another good word from Mr. Spencer.

Now, how would such a man... Abused.

Now, as I was saying... Punched a bit.

Thank you. I think we've had enough good words for the first session, if you

don't mind.

Now, how would such a man deal with this unjustified abuse from the public?

How do you know it's unjustified? The public could be right.

Yes, well, we won't go into that now. I'm not talking about what's right. I'm

talking about public relations. But you just said that you're not concerned

with... I'm going to give you a practical example of how such a man

with this situation.

May I have a volunteer?

Mr. Spencer.

Now,

you've

just been on holiday to Spain.

Now, boomer.

Well, let's assume you've been on holiday to Spain.

Oh, it's just pretend, is it?

Yes, just pretend.

Now... It's funny.

Now,

you've been on a tour organised by my company. The accommodation was bad. The

porter lost your luggage. You've no money. You've just arrived back at

Southampton. The customs have been extremely difficult.

How did I get back?

Well, it doesn't matter now how you got back. But I didn't have any money.

But you said I... I'm back.

You're back.

And you're angry. All the customers are furious.

You've been elected their spokesman. I've been sent down by my company to

things over. We are meeting for the first time face to face.

Now... Now go on at me.

What?

I want you to be rude to me.

What about?

Well, you're an angry customer. You're in a temper. Tell me off.

I can't.

Oh, come now, Mr Spencer. Hey, look, can't I be the public relations man and

tell me off? Because I'm more used to that.

Later on, perhaps, but it's my turn now.

Now, look, it doesn't matter what you say to me. I won't be upset. I've been

trained not to be upset.

You're the one who's upset, and I'm going to calm you down. So, come on.

names. Lose your temper.

Call me anything you want, like, uh... Fascist? Pig?

All right, Mr. Lang. Mr.

Spencer's quite capable of being rude on his own account, thank you very much.

He was very good, though, wasn't he?

Never mind about that now. Come on.

Really bad.

Really bad?

I'm very rude.

Yes, as rude as you like.

This lady's present.

I'm sure they won't object this once. Now, come along.

spirit of it. He's getting really angry, isn't he? Now, come on, more. More.

Quack. I beg your pardon.

Quack, you.

Quack.

Hypocritical charlatan.

Reprobate. That's enough. Educational hoodlum.

Rubble and servile sycophantic scampion.

Will you be quiet?

Tempo, tempo.

continue with this some other time, if you don't mind, if you just resume your

seat. Will you sit down?

I haven't had my turn yet.

You said I could be the public relations officer.

Yes, well, there's no time for that now. Later on, perhaps. I heard him, Frank.

Mr. Lann, who is running this class? You or I? Well, if you obviously can't

control it, somebody might as well have a go at it. No, I don't want to upset

anyone.

If you want me to sit down.

Stay where you are, Frank. Stand up for yourself.

Yes, I promise.

I promise. Let him have a go. All right.

Good God.

One volunteer, Mr. Roberts.

Mr Roberts!

You don't like him, do you?

Mr Roberts, this time you are the customer and Mr Spencer is the PRO.

I want you to get angry with him.

God knows it shouldn't be difficult.

Right, it's only pretend, Eddie.

You call me what you like.

Go. I've had a terrible holiday!

The hotel was full of bugs.

My clothes were ruined.

I lost my luggage.

My wife's had a nervous breakdown.

I'm under the doctor too.

And I'm going to sue your company. I'm going to tell the newspapers.

I'm going to get every...

I don't blame you.

What the devil are you talking about, you don't blame him?

He's going to sue your company.

Well, if they're as bad as he says they are.

Loyalty, loyalty.

Honesty, honesty.

It's not a question of being honest. You don't just agree with every word he

says. But you told me I should get on with them. Get on with them, not join

them.

He's been swindled. He hasn't been swindled. No one's been swindled.

much of this going on.

People are having their holidays ruined.

Nobody's had their holiday ruined.

Eddie has.

He had the bugs.

How do you know? You haven't even discussed it with him yet. You haven't

single word in defence of your company. He could be lying, making it all up. I'm

not. No, I know you're not, Eddie.

My mother had the same troubling boomer.

Do him, Frank. You keep out of this.

She had a terrible time, just like Eddie.

Being harassed from room to room.

Abused in strange places.

I'm not interested.

I don't want to hear about your mother. I don't care about your mother. Don't

you start on him. He was only trying to help me. He's not supposed to help you.

He's a public relations officer.

Did you hear that?

We're getting to the truth now, aren't we, eh?

Showing himself in his true colours. Just about enough of you. You can get

I'm trying to teach you a lesson. You can get out as well. I told you what he

was like. All of you get out.

had thought of another word.

So have I.

The court is fairly over. Oh, Mr. Watson, I can't do a thing with them.

I'm waiting.

Betty.

Of course, I can still stay if you want me to.

Not feeling any better, then?

I'll wait outside.