Original subtitles

Okay.

Come on.

That's the best.

Oh, Frank.

Don't do that.

I just came down for a glass of water.

You've been sleepwalking again, haven't you?

Oh, look at this mess.

I was dreaming about the war, Betty.

I thought I was one of the few.

You're one of the few, all right.

It's my RAF reunion tomorrow night.

I always get excited.

Well, perhaps if it's going to affect you like this, you'd better not go.

I must go. I go every year, don't I? Yes, and every year we have the same

trouble. You get so excited you can't sleep, and when you do, you have these

funny dreams.

I mean, why don't you forget about the RAS?

You have enough trouble coping with the present, let alone the past.

It's not just a past, Betty.

I could be recalled at any moment.

After all this time?

Supposing there's a Second World War or a third one?

I mean, I would be all ready to go, wouldn't I? I've kept my equipment in

order.

What equipment?

When you leave the RAF, they let you keep certain items.

You have to sign a special certificate for it saying that you keep them in good

order in case you're ever called up again.

RAF braces.

LAUGHTER

Clothes type, one of.

Socks, two pairs of.

Is that it?

Well, I don't let you keep everything.

You take these reunions very seriously, don't you, Frank?

It's the comradeship, Betty.

Thousands of men from all walks of life, all coming together, keeping in touch.

Were there many last year?

About ten.

Well, it was raining, wasn't it?

Anyway, be different this year.

We've got an air commodore coming as guest of honour.

Very important.

I shall have to look my best, of course.

Do you think it would look too showy if I wore my RAF socks?

And my service braces?

I'll have to give them a little rinse through tomorrow.

That's someone you might remember, sir.

Harris, sir. Fighter Command, Biggin Hill. Nice to see you again, Harris.

Good evening, sir. Ex -Flying Officer Roberts of Coastal Command, sir. Good

evening, Roberts.

Good evening, sir. Spencer,

sir.

Yes, yes.

Of course, Spencer.

Spencer of... Cranwell.

Cranwell Cottage, 47 Dockyard Road.

It's behind a bakery.

Yes, yes, Spencer, yes.

Yes, um... Spencer.

R -A -F... Duck.

Very nice to meet you, Air Commodore.

Well, it should be a pleasant evening.

I've been looking forward to it.

I never can place that fellow. Comes every year, never tells us his station

command. Wherever he was, they haven't taught him much dress then.

Bill, it's funny how quiet he keeps about his service record. It makes you

wonder. Yes, I don't suppose we shall ever know that real truth.

Hey, Tad, how's the wife? Fine. Oh, great.

Frank, isn't it?

Uh, 305 Spencer.

Right, well, listen here, Frank.

The sergeant's made me senior man for the billet.

So I'm responsible for seeing everything's nice and neat and up to

Oh.

I'll tidy up a bit. Good idea.

What trade are you in for?

Chemist. No, they're just a few things my mother sent for me. Well, you'll have

to send them back, won't you?

You can't keep all this stuff. We've got locker inspection tomorrow.

Well, can I keep my prune juice?

Because if we keep going on having all these chips and beans and things, it

could bring on more trouble.

All right.

All right.

Just try and be a bit more tidy, that's all. I mean, look at this coat.

Can't leave that.

Oh, God.

Just in case I have to get up in the night.

the little job for my needle and thread.

Oh, it's bigger than I thought.

You all right?

No, I'm just checking things.

My bottoms are gone.

Somebody's pinched my bottom.

I left them on there.

They're playing pranks on me.

Come on, just bring them back.

Look, there they are. You were looking.

Officer Cummings, stand by your beds.

They can't come in. Get up.

Oh, God, I'll be getting cold.

I need him.

Now, when your flight commander calls your name, you will come to attention,

answer, sir, and call out your last three numbers.

229 30 301 Murray Stop Where was it? Morgan Stop 449 Turner Stop 417 Ben

gone for dinner.

Spencer.

I'll leave it.

305 Spencer, sir.

Come in, Spencer.

you have something in your ears.

I've got something in my ears.

Well, take it out.

I'll take it out.

With all that gunfire on the rifle range, I was there yesterday.

Yes, I know you were on the rifle range.

Nearly wiped out half the squadron.

Sit down, Spencer.

Thank you, sir.

Now, tell me, Spencer, why did you volunteer for the RAF?

Well, I found that I was having certain difficulties in civilian

life. And? And I like the uniform.

It's nice blue.

I wanted a job with a future.

Mm -hmm.

And they wouldn't have me anywhere else.

You did try, then?

Yes, I tried the Army Recruiting Office.

Oh? But they informed me, rather harshly, I felt, that I had the flat

and knocking knees.

So you brought them to us?

Not after I tried the Navy.

The Navy?

Mm -mm.

They hinted that I had another slight defect.

I'm colour blind.

Mind you, I don't see what difference that makes.

I mean, all them boats are the same colour, aren't they?

And everyone knows the sea's green.

With a bit of blue.

It's not a very inspiring testimonial, is it?

We've got bad feet, bad eyes, bad knees, bad ears.

You joined the RAF because no one else would have you.

But now that I'm here, sir, I'm willing to give it all I've got.

You're not quite sure the RAF's ready for all you've done.

Nevertheless, we like to feel there's a place for everyone.

It's rather difficult to know where yours is.

What are my chances of becoming an officer, sir?

Slim.

I'd be quite willing to join the band.

Oh, as what?

A bandsman.

Can you play an instrument?

I've got the 25 yards breaststroke certificate.

Huh? Air sea rescue.

No.

Air traffic control.

Would the bomber come on?

God forbid.

There must be something I can do.

Air crew, sir? You've sent a pencil for an air crew medical, sir.

Well, sir, I know we're short of pilots, sir, but he can't walk. He can't hear.

And he can't see.

Peter, as long as he's got the strength to get outside the main gate, I don't

care.

You see, we're rid of him. He's no longer our responsibility.

Look, there he goes.

He's made it. He's got outside the camp, thank God.

Now, we'll see what air crew selection can make of him.

Ref in room seven.

Son, room nine.

Room four.

Drop your pants, please.

Just turn your head to the left.

Other side.

Again.

I asked you to turn your head to the left whilst that you wouldn't cough all

over me.

Spencer, room nine.

Room nine.

Sit down over there.

Look straight ahead.

And repeat what I say.

Will you sit down?

She was doing something funny.

I can test the hearing in your left ear only.

Cabbage. What?

Cabbage. I can't hear you.

Cabbage.

Cabbage? That's right.

Lettuce.

Lettuce. What?

I feel a bit deaf. Shall I come a bit closer?

Spencer, room 14.

This is to dilate the pupils of your eyes. Head back, please.

It may make your vision a little blurred.

In fact, you might even experience...

Spencer, room 15.

Now we come to the command situation exercise.

The object of this first exercise is for the team, the whole team, to start from

this point here, the other side of that line, and get to the other side of this

line over here without any member of the team touching the floor in between and

taking with you this bag of delicate instruments.

Now you may walk on any part of the equipment painted white, but you must

touch... Any part of the equipment painted black.

Now, you have this single plank to help you.

And the time for this exercise is 15 minutes.

Any questions?

No. Right.

I'm starting my watch.

I'm there.

Okay. All right.

We'll call it a day for that exercise.

Now the team will attempt this exercise.

which is to get from this line here to the finishing platform over there

any member of the team touching the ground.

And remember, you must only use the white parts of the equipment.

To help you, you have this plank of wood, and you must take this drum with

Now, on this occasion, I'm going to appoint a member of the team as leader,

which will be number five.

Now, this exercise is for 15 minutes, and I'm starting my watch now.

Thank you, sir.

I've got an idea.

Number one, you take the plank and we make an assault on the oil drum.

Number three, you carry the can.

I shall now endeavour to reach the other oil drum with the help of the rubber

end.

The whole team starts from the drum again.

I've got another idea.

I'm home.

The team.

I've got another idea.

I'll pay for any damage.

Is this your application form?

Do sit down, sit down.

This is your application form?

Yes, sir.

St. Vitus dance?

Well, I don't think so.

My mother tried to teach me to foxtrot once.

I see. Right.

Now, I just want you to try a few simple tests.

Here's an easy one to start with. Now, you've got three words.

Leg, head, and bird. Please.

Leg, head, and bird. Now, I want you to write down a single word.

that could precede all three, leg, head, bird.

Good.

Hairy.

Hairy leg, hairy head. Bird.

You can't have a hairy bird.

What about an ostrich?

Well, an ostrich isn't hairy. An ostrich has got feathers.

He's got hairy legs.

Black.

Black hairy legs.

The word is black. Black leg, black head. You could have fat. This fat leg.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. The answer is black.

No, no, please.

Please.

Really. You mustn't argue with me.

I know the answers because I wrote the question.

what I'm talking about.

Cock.

Cockbird.

Cock -a -leg.

Now, listen to me.

Now, once and for all, the answer to that question is black.

Black. All right?

Now, question two.

You have three more words.

Now, on reflection, I think we'd better leave that.

On this page, you have a drawing of a family tree.

Right? Amanda has... Please.

Amanda has six children. Fanny, Albert, Sandra, Millie, Freddie and George.

Now, Fanny has two children. Sandra has four children.

Yes.

Millie, Freddie and George don't have any children at all.

Now, the question is this.

How many children does Albert have?

It doesn't say.

I know it doesn't say. You're supposed to work it out.

All right, look, let me see if I can help you.

Yes. What does Sandra have two of that Albert's only got one of?

I thought I had it then.

Freddie hasn't got any at all. That's why... That's why he doesn't have any

children.

Work it out.

Sandra's got two, but... And Albert's got one.

And that Freddy hasn't got any at all.

Has Fanny got two?

No,

no, no.

Fanny's only got one.

That's why she's got two children.

I'm stumped again now.

Well, can't you see? It's right in front of you.

I mean, I don't have one because I'm a Herbert.

Yes, Herbert.

I'm only saying... I'm only saying that your name is Frank, my name is Herbert.

Now, what does Frank have that Herbert doesn't?

I said, well.

No, no, no. I said A, the letter A.

Amanda has three, which equals six children. Sandra has two, which equals

children. And Albert has one like Fanny.

A equals two children.

Ah.

Two and double.

Sandra. And Freddy doesn't have any. No.

It's very complicated, isn't it?

Couldn't I try something easier?

Well, these are the easier ones.

I really feel... I'm not very good with numbers. I'm more the creative kind.

Yes.

Creative.

All right.

Let's see how creative you are.

Now, here's a very famous painting.

Now, sit down. Sit down, please.

I want you to study this and tell me what comes into your mind.

Just whatever comes into your mind. You can make up a little story about the

characters if you like.

Do you know what it's supposed to be?

No. No.

All right, look, I'll tell you the title and that might spark off some memory.

It's called When Did You Last See Your Father?

Couldn't I have the death of Nelson?

This is a perfectly good painting.

Lovely colours, detail, costumes. Now, surely, surely, look at it.

Surely it must make you think of something.

Paddington Station.

Paddington Station?

That's the last time I saw my father.

Ah, well, now, now, now, that is interesting. Good, now we're getting

All right, let's have a talk about that.

What happened when you last saw your father?

I had a mishap.

In my knickers.

Good, good.

Now, let me get this quite clear.

You were on Paddington Station wearing knickers.

I had a dress on as well.

I didn't want everyone staring at me.

Oh, no, of course I can understand that.

Now, how long, how long did you go about like this?

About 18 months.

And do you, do you still do this?

No.

How old were you, how old were you when you stopped it?

18 months.

A half a month?

It was the gypsy woman's fault.

She told my mother she was going to have a little girl. And she went out and

bought all the things.

And when I was born, I wasn't a little girl.

And the boy wouldn't take them back.

So I had to keep them and wear them.

I had to keep the dolly, too.

Until the head fell off.

Just about had enough of you. I'm going to give you one more chance to prove

that you've got an answer. sense than that ad of yours at all. Do you

understand? Now, if you fail this... I won't. Fail this. I won't.

Right.

Board. Board.

Sit down.

I sit down.

Board. Board. Different shaped holes. All different.

Different pieces of wood.

They're different. Now, I want you to put the different pieces of wood in the

right holes. Now, do you really... Yes, sir. Do you understand?

Yes. Right, move.

it, because I'm going to put a stopwatch in you, and if you're one second longer

than one minute eighteen seconds, I can assure you that your day's in the area

of completely and absolutely nothing. Now, where did I put that stopwatch?

Right. Now, if you're ready to start, I would say that the watch will be

ready in... Finished.

Herbert. Are you pleased?

You put them in the wrong holes.

Well, you couldn't expect me to get them all right.

You can't even do that, can you? You can't even get them out! You didn't tell

I had to get them out.

You just said, put them in there, Frank, put them in there. I'm going to tie

you. I'm going to have you discharged from this.

Discharged! You can't. This is only my first week. Your first week and you'll

last me. Now get out!

Betty, I don't feel very good.

Well, I'm not surprised considering the state you were in after last night's

reunion. I bet you don't remember a thing.

I do remember everything.

Last thing I did was put the cat out.

We haven't got a cat.

She's still at the vet's.

Well, I'll put someone's cat out.

I thought she didn't seem very thirsty.

I remember everything else.

Do you?

Then perhaps...