All language subtitles for Some Mothers Do Ave Em s01e04 Have a Break, Take a Husband

I suggest, sir, you go to the gents
before you leave home.

Just chill.

You're kidding me.

Fine start to our second honeymoon,
isn't it?

Travelling in different carriages.

I've said I'm sorry. That's what you
said after the first honeymoon. We

even on the same train then.

The platform's mixed up. That was a
lovely wedding night with me in Torquay

you in Shrewsbury.

Looks a nice hotel, though, doesn't it?

Nothing wrong with that, anyway.

Well, let's hope it stays that way.

Good evening, sir. Madam. Good evening.

I've booked a room for the weekend.

Mr Spencer.

Spencer. And Missy.

Oh, yes, I forgot.

And Missy.

We're together.

Well, if you would be so kind as to sign
the register, sir.

Shall I put Mr.

N. Miffy?

Yes, well, it is customary under the
circumstances.

I haven't done this before.

I've been away from home, too.

Oh.

Room number five, sir.

Just at the top of the landing.

Thank you.

I say, I'm just having a look round.
I've got a nice room.

Hope yours is all right.

We just started our second honeymoon.

Have you?

I haven't done much today.

The manager's name's Mr. Bedford. I
think he's all right.

I'm just going to have a look in the
kitchen. Can't be too careful, can you?

No.

Mr.

Bedford, I wonder if I can have a look
in your kitchen.

Legs apart.

Frank, why didn't you just tell him we
wanted a double bed?

No, I didn't want to make a fuss.

Not after the way he looked at me.

All I've got to do is move the two beds
together.

What is it?

It's all right, don't worry.

I just ripped a bit of lino, that's all.
Oh, Frank, you told me not to mess

about, didn't I?

Oh, it's all right.

Cover it over. Give me that mat, Betty.

Oh, Frank, look!

They should have had carpet in here,
then we wouldn't have had this worry.

Perhaps they took it out when they saw
us coming.

It's all right. I can use the mat under
the wardrobe.

It's all right. Don't worry.

Now, what have I got?

Mine, I've torn twice.

One good mat, one tall mat.

I'll tell you what, I'll put the tall
mat behind the door and I can take it

in the morning.

Now, what have I got?

One good mat, liner torn twice.

No, we only tore it once. They can't
blame us for that hole.

That was covered over, wasn't it? If
they see that, they're bound to think it

was us.

And look, if I pull this liner over
towards the bed, that will cover this

completely. Then this bit will be spared
then. What will you do with the spare

bit? Put it in the corner and take it
out in the morning.

Now, what have I got? One hole and a
good mat.

So, I shall take the good mat and place
it over the good hole.

Now, that'll be better all round,
because when I bring the lino nearer,

will be nearer the bed.

With the good mat over it? With the good
mat over it, so you'll have something

warm to jump over onto in the morning,
won't you?

But what about the other side of the
room when you move the lino over? I'll

come into that.

There will, of course...

A few inches of bare balls over here.

So what I shall do is, I shall move the
wardrobe over there, the other side of

the washbasin to cover the bare balls.

But listen, what about the torn mat?

Forget about the torn mat, that goes out
with the torn liner.

In the morning?

In the morning?

In the morning.

Now, what I should then have is a corner
full of good liner here, a whole corner

full.

I would be covering the good bear balls,
won't I?

Now, I've got to get this lino with a
straight edge so I can bring that over.

Well, I can't do it like this.

Have you got a lino knife?

I am a silly. I forgot to pack one.

Well, I'll go downstairs and see a
button farmer and they must have a knife

somewhere. No, you can't go down like
that, Frank. It's all right. I'll only

in a minute. No one will see me.

Now, don't do anything while I'm gone.

I can hardly start without you, can I?

Same things like that.

I've been in the kitchen. I haven't seen
the bathroom yet, but it should be all

right. Good night.

get you something, sir.

Oh, thank you.

I'll have a double brandy, please.

You, uh, you didn't hear anything, did
you, sir?

About who?

I thought I heard a rather strange noise
coming from your room, sir. Oh, the

floorboards. Good boards. Stay out, good
Lord.

Leave our boards floors.

Better drink this before it gets cold.

That's nice.

Excuse me.

Do you mind if I come round?

Round where?

You know, in there with you.

Just, I feel a bit conspicuous out here.

I've got my pyjamas on.

Here you go, sir.

Thank you.

Oh, that's better.

It's nice in here, isn't it?

If you say so, sir.

It's more private.

They can't see what you're doing in
here, can they?

I never mind people seeing what I'm
doing, sir. No, neither do I.

you looking at?

The time, sir. It is getting very late.
Have you been here long?

Yes, I took over from my brother about a
couple of years ago.

Oh.

I'm an only child.

Yes, I just thought you might be.

My mother did want more, but my father
was called away unexpectedly just after

was born.

What business, hmm?

Very likely.

My mother was never one to ask
questions.

That's one double brandy.

60p. Right, very nice.

But you must let me get you one tomorrow
night.

That's it. Strike, strike, strike.

Oh, Frank, do you think you should?

I don't want you to mess up the room.

I'm not messing it up. I'm making a few
adjustments.

Now, that's it.

Now, off you get.

Right.

And put that in corner. That can go out
in the morning.

And empty the wardrobe.

Oh, come on.

Perfect.

Frank, these boards look damned.

That's all right. This wardrobe will
cover them.

Now, give me a hand here. Come on.

Legs apart.

Wait. Wait.

so silly. I was thinking we need a
hammer.

Father, which are two hands?

What are you doing now?

I thought you wanted to pray.

Don't be so silly. I'm looking at the
floor. I need a hammer. Then I can knock

this apart and I can put the strips of
wood underneath and that'll steady it.

Oh, no, Frank, no. You've already broken
the floor.

No man who never did nothing.

Never made any mistakes.

strips of wood underneath and then
everything will be all right. Now come

give me a hand, Becky.

Hold this back up there.

Up in the air. Oh, I don't have to stand
here all night, do I? Just hold it.

Where?

One minute.

Right.

Try that.

Have a look.

No, one end's higher than the other.
I've just got a bit too much underneath,

that's all. Now hold it up again.

What exactly is going on?

I fell out of bed.

Well, look what you've made me do.

What's he saying?

We made him wet his trousers.

Always change it.

You can't change a door.

Not the door. The wardrobe.

There's an empty room across the
passageway. They're bound to have a

there. We just do a swap.

Heads apart.

You haven't done this sort of thing
before, have you? Come on, one last

then we can go to bed.

I'll just see if the coast is clear.

Yes. And change the bedspread as well.
What do you like? What do you like?

Straight over.

minute, there's a wardrobe in here.

No, we can't take his wardrobe.

Well, he won't mind. He's most probably
not using it. No, but it's stealing.

We're not taking it off the premises,
are we? We're just moving it from one

to another. And he can have ours.

Come on, let's depart.

Wait for five minutes. He's been
wandering around all night.

Well, he can take it in himself.

It's moved again.

It was outside that door. Now it's
outside mine.

It seems to be trying to get into my
room.

It's not your wardrobe, then, is it? No.

Excuse me, sir.

Have you got a wardrobe?

Yes, thank you.

broken. Yes, well, I can see it's
broken.

Well, you can't leave it there. Anything
could happen.

Oh, very well. Well, we'll just have to
put it in the spare room and then sort

it all out in the morning.

That is, if we're still here.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

No, but I might be.

Would you believe it? He didn't even
want his wardrobe now.

Now, perhaps you can sleep safely.

Nothing like this has ever happened to
me before. It was really quite exciting,

wasn't it?

Now, it's all over.

Yes, well, it is all over, so I think
you should go to bed now. Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Mr.

Bedford! Mr.

Bedford! Mr. Bedford, the wardrobe's
gone.

Yes, we've just put it in the spare
room, haven't we? That wasn't mine. That

the family one.

There are no funny wardrobes in this
hotel, sir.

Only funny people.

Well, where's mine gone to, then?

Well, it didn't come past me.

I'm going to get to sleep.

Well, you don't sleep in a wardrobe, do
you, sir? Well, I want to know where it

is, though, don't I? I don't want to
have to lie awake all night worrying

it. Wouldn't you worry if your wardrobe
walked out?

Look, this is the spot. This is where it
stood.

I say.

You don't think it's got something to do
with the other side, do you? The other

side of what?

The spirit.

My grandfather always said he would try
and come back to me.

What, in a wardrobe?

He never said anything about a wardrobe.

Perhaps that's the only way he could
manage it.

Yes, quite. Well, I'll have a look
round, sir.

Here, he's left his clothes in there.

You said he wasn't used.

Now they'll get the police in.

Now I'll just take his clothes back.
There's no need to make a fuss.

He can always wrap himself in his
bedspread, can't he? He hasn't got a

bedspread. Oh.

for me.

First of all, he didn't want his
wardrobe. Now he doesn't want his

Is that you, Grandfather?

What's he doing?

I think he's trying to communicate.

With? His Grandfather.

Is he staying here as well?

He's dead.

You really will have to take something
for your nerve.

I am. The next train home.

Look, my clothes have come back.

but my wardrobe hasn't.

Now, is there anything else missing?

Well, I don't think so.

Ah! The bed!

But your bed is still there!

The mouthpiece disappeared.

Are you sure you had one? Oh, of course
I had one. It was blue.

It went with the wallpaper. Now it's
gone with the wardrobe.

Where has it gone?

He's got it. He must have.

Well, what would he want with it? I've
heard some very strange noises.

It could be doing something very funny.

What, with two wardrobes and a
bedspread?

Very well.

I'm sorry to trouble you, sir.

You haven't taken this gentleman's
wardrobe, have you?

I've only got one wardrobe. He's got
two.

I know it seems rather silly, but this
gentleman... He's got my wardrobe. My

wife is trying to get the clean. Yes, I
do beg your pardon.

Well, go on, have a look.

Would you mind, sir? He would settle
things once and for all.

It's behind the door. There was nothing
behind the door.

Well,

I can see everything now.

I knew there was something funny going
on. Yes, we've disturbed these people

enough for one night. Thank you very
much indeed, sir.

It's all right. I think they're gone
now.

Oh, what a mess. Where am I supposed to
put my things?

On the floor.

All I want is something big enough to go
over that hole.

If I had a bigger mat, I could spread it
out over there and lead it back across

the bottom of the wardrobe.

There is no point in going on about it,
Frank. We haven't got a bigger mat.

I wonder if he's locked his door.

I'm not going in that room again. We
don't have to go in there. He's got a

just inside the door. I could open the
door sneakily, grab hold of the mat.

Paul, he won't miss an old mat, will he?
We'll wait till he's asleep, then he

won't notice a thing.

It's the other thing.

Don't make too much noise. You're the
one who's making the noise.

Wait a minute.

Right, now spread it out. Spread it out.
All the way. Yes.

That's it, perfect.

Yes, it's a nice mat.

Pity we haven't got a floor underneath.

Betty, I know we've had a few
harassments, but it's all over now.

Oh, Frank, I'm worn out.

I just want to go to sleep.

No, tonight's a very special night.

It's our second honeymoon.

I've been looking forward to it.

Well, so have I.

No, you'll feel all right in a minute.
Just you relax.

I'll take care of everything.

Oh, Frank, put me down.

Your eyes are watering.

I want to make this a night to remember.

Oh, I will remember it, Frank.

I'll never forget it.

You're not sorry we came?

Of course not.

Oh, Frank.

anything like it. Look at these straw
balls. They're rotten.

You know, if I had a chisel, I could
spin the cup.

What are you doing now?

I'm going. I've had enough. I can't
stand anymore. Betty, you can't go now.

the middle of the night. I don't want
to...

Mr. Bedford!

Mr. Bedford!

Mr. Bedford!

What is the matter now?

Mr. Bedford, I've heard noises in my
chair. started to move. I couldn't stop

I want another room. I've never had a
room like this before, everything on the

move. Well, I suggest you stay awake,
sir.

Perhaps if you keep your eye on things,
they won't move about so much. I'm not

sitting awake all night watching the
furniture.

Couldn't I... Couldn't I move in with
you?

No, you could not. This is a hotel, not
an introductory service.

Well, I've been in the light, Tom. Yes,
and so am I.

Look, couldn't you just keep watch
outside?

Oh, very well, then, sir.

Maybe they'd think there was an
earthquake.

They couldn't blame us that, could they?

We wouldn't have an earthquake just down
the wrong room.

Well, maybe I could take a few things
over on the way out. That might convince

them. You can use a few things on your
way in.

We'll probably be prosecuted.

They've got to find us first, haven't
they? It's got our address in the

register. Not the real one.

You gave them a false address?

Just in case.

A few years back with Mum down in
Bournemouth.

It wasn't her fault she slipped.

The bed was rotten anyway.

We had a terrible night.

Up all night flushing a mattress down
the toilet.

Let's just get out of here. Hang on,
Mac.

Yes. Fine, go.

It's a slight problem.

What?

and tie some sheets together like in
coldies.

I pull you down and then you pull me.

It's too far.

It's not. Get yourself together.

Mr. Bedford. All quiet.