Original subtitles

Stop sniggering. It isn't big, it isn't clever, and it certainly isn't funny.

Ray!

Ray, come in here.

I want everybody in the briefing room in 15 minutes, and you two, I want you in

there now.

Come and do so, Bill. You look lovely, by the way, sir.

The good God.

The reason I brought you here, gentlemen, is to make an example of

officers who I've just caught red -handed.

I've got red -handed in the female toilet molesting female officers without

that.

And I will not tolerate this kind of victimisation.

Furthermore, it's unthinkable that we can be seen to be sexist,

racist, homophobic or harbouring any other prejudices.

After all, we are Her Majesty's police force.

Operation Snowdrop is my latest initiative to bring my officers back in

with what's going on with the minorities in the community.

And I'm going to trawl the force and bring all the minorities that we have in

the force to work here, alongside my men, so they're back in touch with what

call the real world.

And I think Operation Snowdrop is going to be a great success.

But Beach quickly encounters his first hurdle.

This

is

the most innovative programme ever introduced and I expect nothing less

full cooperation, Ray.

With respect, sir, it's a great idea, but I don't think they're many going to

for it. They'll have to go for it. If they don't go for it, I've got their

bloody wages.

And if that doesn't work, I'll sack them.

See how they like that?

Go and ask the king. I suggest you do.

What was that?

Yes, that, Commissioner, I'm well aware of Beecher's attempt to educate his men

in the need of minorities.

I have therefore decided to appoint a senior officer, Assistant Commissioner

Terra Blanc, one of the best minority relations officers that we have in the

force, and he will be there to supervise speech.

Well, gentlemen, I'm absolutely delighted. I'm tickled skinny today to

to you a very special gentleman, Assistant Commissioner Terra Blanc here,

a speciality community relations officer.

Well, I've been the community relations officer of the force now for ten years.

I've been at Brixton, Streatham, Toxteth.

Of course, I know the black community very well.

Of course, they make very good footballers, don't they? And the

runners is not to be questioned. But as police officers, I'm not so sure.

You see, it's just that they've got smaller brains.

I'm also pleased to announce to you today that my initiative, Operation

Snowdrop, has moved on to yet another stage.

And Assistant Commissioner Tara Blanche is going to teach you guys a thing or

two.

Because you are scum.

You are filthy, racist, sexist, bigoted scum.

What are you?

All together.

Scum, sir. I can't hear you.

I can't hear you at all.

Scum, sir.

Yes, that's what you are.

And we're going to rid this unit of its petty prejudices.

And with the help of Assistant Commissioner Terra Blanche, we're going

that every single minority imaginable is going to be represented in this unit.

And Operation Snowdrop will be a success.

Operation Snowdrop will be held as a yardstick for community policing for

and years to come.

And you can feel very proud of yourselves that you are the pioneers of

operation.

Even though you are scum.

I want you to ask yourselves, could you work with black people?

Could you work with Asian people?

Could you work with disabled people, people in wheelchairs?

Could you work with women?

Because in today's police force, we have to.

Both Ray and I were absolutely amazed that we couldn't actually find new black

police officers to recruit for the...

However, Assistant Commissioner Tara Blount has said that he has a solution

this problem.

The solution that Assistant Commissioner Tara Blount has put forward, however,

is not the one Beach expected.

With great respect to her, we feel this is a little over the top. Oh, no, it's

perfect. It's perfect.

You're nice. Stick your backsides out. You know, they all stick their backsides

out. Put a shelf on them, you know? Okay.

Right.

Did anyone say you look like Diane Ross?

Yeah. You do, don't you? Well, come on.

Let's take this seriously. Come on.

Admittedly, we couldn't find any black people for Operation Snowdrop, but under

the guidance, the expert guidance of Assistant Commissioner Tara Walsh, we

able to improvise, as you can see. But I guarantee you that we are going to find

every other single minority within the police force, and we're going to have

them here.

Genuine officers.

None of this mamby -pamby special civilian crap. Proper officers.

representing the minorities, and we're all going to get the opportunity to

from them.

Well, you know, the Assistant Commissioner, Sarah Blanche's idea was

suppose. We tried for black officers, but we couldn't find any.

We tried for gay officers, but they were scared off a little bit because the two

that come forward got the sack immediately.

We tried for disabled people and all that.

And we tried for WPCs, but unfortunately, Assistant Commissioner

said we couldn't use them because they don't work as hard as men.

So we've just got to improvise, I suppose.

As you know, sir, as you're aware, we've encountered some difficulties gathering

together the minorities within the police force that we need for this

initiative. But not to worry, we've used our imagination and we've created our

own minorities. And these people...

that you see in front of you here, are going to go into the areas of society

that they now represent, and they're going to connect with the people.

They're going to be amongst the people, living with them, dealing with them.

Mark, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Sorry, sir?

What do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be a gay policeman.

I am a gay policeman, sir.

Well, you don't dress like one, do you?

I had a gay policeman dress, sir.

Come with me, boy.

I'll show you again.

When the governor first made us dress like women, we were really pissed

off, mate. We were all stupid.

Have a look. Have a look at this.

I just think it's over the top, sir, to be honest.

But, sir, it's just so cliche.

I mean, you know, like, got the magnum moustache. It's just going to alienate

the gay community.

Alienate anyone. That's your perception of it, just because you're wearing it.

But we can see it, and it looks terrific.

But, sir... What?

I know gay police officers, OK? And they dress normal.

You know, just dress like you and you. I mean... Well, you've got to

understand... ...Pereblash is going for a very overt policy. And when people see

you, a gay policeman... Oh, look, there's a gay policeman.

And then the gay people will go to you and make friends with you. But gay

policemen don't dress like this, sir. You'll be comfortable.

You'll be accessible.

Strings is not taking his new role seriously.

Go on.

I'll put the file on the clip card, please.

Oh, thank you. There you go.

It's nice.

Just what we want. We respect you, aren't we? I'm not... Tea lady. I

the side, yes, Karen. Is that all right? Sure.

How much do they earn now that they're women?

Same as they always do. Well, they should have at least a 20 % cut.

Women don't work as hard as men.

It's a proven statistic.

Get up on your feet now.

What do you think you're doing?

Tired, so it's hard work, isn't it?

I don't care. It's like, look, people in wheelchairs don't get out of them just

because the going gets tough. They can't. That's the whole point. That's

they're there.

Now, you, mister, and you're a witness to this, are going to be in that chair

for a week. One week without getting out of it. Do you hear me?

Now, get in there.

The homeless are scum.

Terra Blanche is presenting more of his extensive community awareness.

They end up in bed and coerce money.

And do you know what they do when they get it? They go out and gamble.

Now, your task, in fact, is similar.

I want you to go out and beg and then gamble.

Is that a direct order, sir? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Keep your chin up when

you're talking to me as well. I thought we were supposed to help people

regardless of their means. You do what I tell you. You get out there and down.

Beg, gamble. Now, go on.

In order to get a better understanding of the issues surrounding homelessness,

Bones has been forced to live rough.

To be quite honest with you, I'm a bit put out. I mean, I don't know why the

governor's chosen me for the trampy role.

I mean, I'm really, really well turned out normally.

My personal hygiene is tipped up.

Meticulous.

Some people might even say I'm obsessive about it.

This isn't wheelchair friendly, look, it's all uphill.

Now I've hit the step, I can't reach the bell.

It's ridiculous, I can't get out because he's going to sack me if I cheat and

you're filming it all.

Grab us that stick. Grab us that stick, Tom.

Smashing.

That bit's moving.

Oh, that's all right, though.

Mmm.

Long enough now, look.

Hang on.

Mrs.

Hudson? Yes?

I've come about the burglary. Oh, yes. You reported.

Is that right? Yes, that's right.

I'm afraid... Certainly.

Your rose brush fell off.

I couldn't ring the bell, you see, because I'm in the wheelchair.

Can you tell me some details about the burglary?

Well, it happened upstairs.

Oh, they got in upstairs, did they?

I'm going to need to look at it, you see, to see if there's any evidence for

forensics or they've left anything behind.

You couldn't help us in, could you? Yes, yes. Yeah?

Because it's obviously, you know... Definitely, yeah.

I'm from the minority unit, you see, and we're operating in your area at the

moment. Can you... Oh!

Oh!

It's a bit heavy, isn't it?

Bones has taken to his new role with unexpected guff there.

I think

it's

out of order. The general public expect us to do jobs for nothing. We work

really hard and then they refuse payment.

Anyway, I hope you don't rain.

That's it.

Are we done?

Come on.

Good job I had the crew here, isn't it? We'd be in right trouble.

You all right for sound there, Tom?

Beach presents Terra Blanche with his version of a gay policeman.

A skin call. This is against God's will.

For which particular victim? All of it. I don't know if I can hear you.

Sodomite.

Mrs. Hudson?

Mrs. Hudson, are you all right?

Not really, no.

No, not really. You don't look too good.

Some guys need a bit of help here.

Tom?

He's not good, is he?

I'm going to have to call for help. I'm a bit worried.

Do you need one of those stair lifts, do you know? I think you could do with it.

To be honest, it's not that bad being a WPC. I mean, we tend to take it in our

stride.

We're police officers.

Show some respect.

Come down here. Come down here.

Come here. Come here.

Now they see you take the piss out of my eye.

Well, we're getting to the exciting part of the project now, where we can see my

initiative, Operation Snowdrop, absolutely snowballing, if you'll pardon

pun, and Assistant Commissioner Tara Blanche has taught us to behave like

policemen. So we can now go into the black community and behave and react

completely naturally, as if indeed we were black policemen.

I don't think women should have to go through that.

It's terrible, actually. They always shout at women and they have a problem.

All women need to do is stop, right? Grab them, bash them up, and then it's

done, innit?

That's what women need to do. I can't look it out myself.

Now,

I'm a white woman. What would you say to me?

Good evening, Merlin. How may we help you? No, no, no, no, no. We've been in

community relations as long as I have. You'll know that you have to go, Hello,

are we kidding? Hello, are we kidding? Hello, are we kidding? Hello, are we

kidding? Hello, are we kidding?

Hello, are we kidding? Hello, are we kidding? Hello, are we kidding? Hello,

we kidding? Hello, are we kidding?

Hello, are we

kidding?

Bones?

Bones? Come on.

Out.

You've got to move on. Come on.

What? I'm sorry, mate. You've got to move on. It's my house, though, Mark.

Yeah, but Assistant Commissioner Terra Blanche says you're scum and you've got

to move. Come on. It took me three days to find this cardboard box. No, just

move. Come on. I ain't got all day. Move.

Take your stuff with you. We're so bad together.

No, I'm sorry, mate, but Assistant Commissioner Terra Blanche has

said you're scum and you've got to move.

And don't come back.

Go on.

Go on on your way. Go on.

How are you? All right? I've got girls.

Hello, darling. You all right?

We're the new WPCs. We've been drafted in.

Oh, you're a different sort of girl than my days.

So you've got foundation on there, haven't you? On your cheeks.

See, that's what we should do, because our beard comes through.

By about five o 'clock, it comes through, we look like Fred Flintstone.

No, you should have foundation first. That's exactly right.

Sorry, girls, this is all very lovely, but Mrs. Hudson's got a positive idea on

the burgers before I'm getting out the back, out the garden. Definitely,

definitely. I'll tell you what we should do then, darling. We should expand an

operational procedure.

We'll get you into the van, we'll drive it round, and if you see the burglar,

we're at random. While the trail's still hot. Let's do it. Well, hang on, guys,

help us down.

No, because the speed of wheels last time, it leaded all me stuck in.

Look,

Miss Buster nearly died getting me up. I thought he'd die if he's not even in

custody. It's much easier, darling, bringing him down.

What are you doing?

I'm rummaging in the bin, Mark. I don't see you rummaging in the bin. What are

you rummaging in the bin for? A policeman. I've been ordered to rummage

bin, act like a tramp, rummaging in the bin, doing all the things that tramps

do. Yeah, and I've been told to act like a gay policeman. I don't drink in gay

clubs and pubs, do I? Oh, shut up. I've got a pound on you.

What for?

I want to go on the throat machines.

This and this tells you that I know what I'm talking about after ten years as a

community officer here. Come on, off you go.

Come on.

Leo! Leo!

Leo! Leo! Leo!

Yeah, well, you know, if you didn't spend your money in here, you wouldn't

to go scrounging in bins, would you?

Bones is taking his orders to gamble extremely seriously.

You don't win anything gambling, do you? But those are my orders to gamble and

scrounge in bins.

All right.

Can you see it, James? Because we've found some.

We've got some here.

No, that's all right.

Hello, chaps. How are we doing?

Mind if we hang out with you a bit?

Stand here like that.

High five.

No, no, no, we're not. What we're doing is, don't let us put you off, because

we're trying to be more accessible to you. We're doing proper community

policing. Well, that's it, I've done me bollocks now, but... Look, I reckon one

more pound and we get the £15 plus the repeat chance, definitely, without a

doubt. Do you reckon?

It's cyclical, it's cyclical. It goes round, it comes round, it goes round, it

comes round.

Did you guarantee that? I guarantee it.

Boom.

Well, as you can see, we're driving around now, so Miss Hudson can see the

burglar. He's still in the area.

And, yeah, actually, you were right about the prejudice.

Since I've been technically disabled, I've experienced a lot of prejudice.

I mean, the other day... Blaine, that bloke nearly killed us. He just ran

into us.

Well, move, move on. Move up, move up.

For God's sake, shift it.

Dear women drivers.

No.

Zadee, zadee, zadee, zadee.

Remember,

Mrs Hudson, Pete's peeled.

Any luck?

There he is, Kim Phil.

We're on, we're on.

Help us out.

Help us out.

He's done it for me. He's done it for me. He's done it for me. He's done it

me.

So how long you've been sleeping rough there?

About two years.

It would take, yeah, two years or so. Yeah?

Hmm. Don't it bother you?

No, I don't mind it, don't mind it. Loads of things to do.

What do you do in weather like this then, normally?

It's not bad.

I find a bus shelter, box, anything will do, as long as it's dry.

Bit open here, though, isn't it?

I don't mind it, don't mind it.

Oh, mate, you...

What is wrong with you? Get off my bench. Get off my bench. You absolutely

stink. Get off my bench. I've got to wash it now, haven't I?

Just go and find somewhere else, mate.

Help me!

It doesn't work!

It doesn't work, sir!

We in the Community Relations Department of the Police Force... Well, you can't

blame me, can you, sir? Shut up, I'm just talking to the camera.

Well, I was trying to make concessions to the minorities, but I just got the

wrong attitude.

There we go, have him.

Right, give me you. He's a Nick.

Well, of course, now they know how difficult it can be, this community

I mean...

We at the Community Police Public Relations Office, we know these

of course, you know, going out on the street, you see them at first hand. And,

mean, well, traditionally, integration is very, very difficult.

We've done our best to deal with the minorities.

But let's be honest.

They haven't evolved properly.

Anything you do say will be taken down and used against you in evidence. Do you

understand? Yeah, I understand.

Right, you're nicked. Come on!

Don't stay a silly old cow!

Come on!

You know, it wasn't a young lad's fault, was it? I mean, they're minding their

own business and we went up and offended them.

And thank God we had a bit of luck that the bottle missed her and hit me.

So I've got a lot of gay friends, OK?

Now, obviously, this is being shown on television. It looks like I'm having a

dig at the gay community.

And for me, it's Thierry Blanche, you know. I understand that you've got to

remember that he is a very senior police officer. Yes, but my uncle's a senior

officer, more senior than Thierry Blanche, you know.

Yeah, well, leave it to me, because I'm going to have a word with him.

I don't know. Well, there's no need to raise your voice, you know. Ray, Ray,

Ray, leave him, leave him.

The past that spoke of you, though.

The past that admired.

I know what you mean, sir.

That's a paradox.

Hello, Mark. Come in.

What's happened to you?

I've just been to, um... I just went to have a word with Tara Blanche. He was in

the toilets, right?

So he touched me in sort of places I've never been touched before.

Apart from the toilet?

Yeah, and he'd sort of come up to me and he said he wanted me to be his bowling

ball.

Just to... And then... And then he sort of... And then he said he wanted to pick

me up like a six -pack.

He wanted to touch tongues and then he come right up to my face and demanded to

know if I was a friend of Dorothy's. I don't know, sir.

Do you know me? Well, there certainly isn't one in this station, sir, no.

Hi,

James. All right, boys.

Assistant Commissioner Tara Blanche has told us that if we really want to learn

about racism in the police force, we've got to come to this meeting.

But you can't film in here, so we'll have to catch you later, boys. All

see you later.

Wait, it started off quite violently, really.

Yeah. Well, I found when they spat in our faces, it was a bit hard to take.

But the worst bit is when they pushed us on the floor and started hitting us

about the head with truncheons. It was a bit sore. But then we recognised them.

Yeah. They were all off -duty policemen.

They recognised us as policemen. It was a bit of a laugh -out, wasn't it?

No, no, no, he had some good teeth.

That video was a bit weird, though, wasn't it?

St George and the slaying of the black dragon. I found it a bit weird. It's

quite allegoric, isn't it?

Terra Blanche's version of community policing has not gone down well with the

good guys.

Terra Blanche is a little bit...

Doolally. Doolally and fascist, really, isn't it?

Absolutely. I mean, look at this.

We look ridiculous. I think we used to.

I understand, and I think what Mr.

Parabalanche has done, he has these views that are somewhat... What's the

I'm looking for?

Stereotypical, sir.

Stereotypical. And, quite frankly, he's made all of you look quite ridiculous.

Well, he's dressed me up more like, you know, Dick Whittington than someone

that'd be selling a big issue, so I'll stand out like a sore thumb. I think...

Terra Blanche has got it all wrong. To be honest, the whole thing's a pan of

mine. Look at you two. The dames.

Get the rest out of Terra Blanche. No, no, that's not right. But also, he's

here.

Back up. I take all your points. What I'm going to do is call head office now

and sort Mr Terra Blanche out once and for all.

Well, it's now transpired that Assistant Commissioner Terra Blanche was quite

mad.

Barking and dagging them.

And so it's probably insane that he's gone off now back to South Africa.

However,

there is one legacy of Père Blanche's reign that still needs to be addressed.

Come on, you turn around.

Face the others, because this is about you. Can you smell it?

You know what that smell is?

That is the stench of a gambling addiction.

This man is a gambler. Can you smell it? Yes.

It stinks, doesn't it? It's a nun, man. Shh, I'm talking.

This is an insect. This is the filth on the bottom of your shoe we're looking at

right now.

We learned an awful lot last week about prejudice, about racism, sexism,

homophobia, all sorts of bigotry.

But what we need to do today is to take on another problem, the one of the

horrible, disgusting gambling addiction.

And we're going to do that. We're going to help Bones because we care.

And because we can do it.

Okay?

Everybody outside in five minutes. Coats on. It's cold out there.

Come on, fellas. Chop, chop.

Starts with this.

One pound coin.

And you lose your shirt. Then your house.

Then your family.

Then your career.

And all to win what?

Amazingly 15 pounds.

It isn't worth it.

No! No, I haven't done it before.

In my mother's purse, it's usually on the kitchen table.

You'll find some cords.

She's not in at the moment.

OK.

Sir, look, we've been here a while now. Don't you think we should go?

Sorry,

my love, no, we're playing this one.

Not that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sorry. How many machines are you playing, then?

We've got three here.

Is that all right? Yes. If you just go and play on this one. Go and sit over

there, will you?

Desard, can we throw a cordon round these machines, please?

Raid! Raid! This book is racist.

It is racist in the extreme.

I've been through it with a fine tooth comb and there is not one single

in it anywhere.

It's outrageous.

They're airbrushing history.

I can't believe it. Get another book. Let's check it. But it's absolute truth.

Every guy I want has simply been spirited away.

And I'm not with it. Find another book.

I'm gonna get you.

Ready or not, here I come.

I'm gonna get you.

Ready or not, here I come.

I'm gonna get you.