Original subtitles

Our high school slogan was carpe diem, or seize the day, which basically means

answer the door when opportunity knocks.

You're not in your workout clothes.

What kind of a sadist teaches a Pilates class at 9 in the morning? It kind of

looks like Taye Diggs.

Get your clothes on.

We're going.

I can't go.

I didn't go to sleep till like 4 in the morning.

Why? Because of that stupid bachelor party?

Come on, get dressed. Okay, Stephanie, I did something last night, maybe stupid,

but maybe great.

I closed the bar with Jack last night and we kissed.

That is great.

Really? Yeah.

Which one's Jack?

Bobby's brother.

It's pretty great, huh? No.

Stupid. You have a history with Bobby and you kissed his brother?

I mean, how would you feel if he kissed Andy?

Confused. Bobby could do so much better than Andy.

Well, it was a drunk thing.

Hopefully nobody remembers and we can all move on. Actually, it wasn't.

I really like him. Listen, you have to run it by Bobby. Brothers tend not to

like this kind of thing.

Unless they do.

And then that's weird.

He's going through all this wedding stuff. I mean, he's so busy. He's so

stressed. You have to tell him.

Oh, fine.

I will talk to him.

Let me go change. We can probably still make Pilates.

No, screw that.

Let's just go have brunch. I've been thinking about it ever since you said

mimosas. I didn't say mimosas.

You didn't? All right, well, it's out there now. Let's go.

All right.

All

right.

Mike, relax.

Let's go to the bar and talk to the ladies.

No can do. School night.

What the hell is going on? It's like they switched personalities. I don't

I like it. I like serious Mike.

That little Dr. Brando here thinks Sirius Mike might be a little depressed,

Whatever. He's so much quieter.

Oh, you guys, I was supposed to have this seating chart finished days ago. I

seriously need you to send in your RSVPs, okay?

We're all going.

Does that count? No, it doesn't. I mean, we're all staying at your dad's ranch.

I mean, we're going all the way to Santa Barbara. We're going to the wedding.

Still, I just need you to take the card and mark meat or fish and put it in the

mail. I don't have any stamps. There's a stamp on it. Fat chicken.

Just do it.

Please? There's a system in place here, okay?

The cards go to my mother. My mother talks to Elsa. Elsa talks to her mother.

Things are translated, then they're translated back.

So, no, you cannot have chicken.

Hey, dude, is your friend John going?

Yes, he is. And how do I know?

Because he sent in his card.

But he gets chicken.

Nobody's getting chicken.

I was talking to your friend John at your bachelor party about going into

business together, and I haven't heard from him yet, and I'm starting to think

he's not going to call. It was yesterday.

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. I'm never going to finish this.

I'm not. Okay, I will help you with the seating chart. Okay, come over and we'll

figure this whole thing out.

Um, Monique, I'll have the fish.

Why would you say that?

Sometimes it's an opportunity to do something you should do, but you don't

really want to. Hey.

Hey.

I know we're not really talking, but I really need to talk to you. You know,

were kind of a jerk to me, and I'm still kind of mad.

Sorry.

Huh?

Sorry. I'm sorry about last night.

You're probably not as mad at me as Meredith is anyway.

What do you mean?

We had a huge fight last night.

She says I avoid spending time with her and we drifted apart and something about

me not listening, I guess. She kind of has a point. I mean, but...

You have been spending a lot of your free time with Joe. I know, but you know

I'd never do anything to hurt Meredith or screw up my marriage.

Well, how'd you leave things?

He wants us to go to couples therapy.

Can you believe it?

Yeah, I actually don't think it's a bad idea.

Yeah, wedding night with the couples therapy was actually really helpful. Was

that before or after she married the British guy?

Uh -uh.

I want you guys to know this is a very courageous thing you're doing.

Well, we're here because we want things between us to get better.

So why don't we dive right in, huh, Meredith?

Tell us a little bit about your marriage.

Well, I just feel like we've had some trouble connecting lately.

Well, you know, it's hard to make time for romance in our busy, busy lives.

I know that's true for my wife and me. I have my patience, and Suzanne has her

candle store.

And, you know, it's hard to find that one -on -one time.

So you know what we do?

No. We make sure that we have dinner out in a restaurant once a week.

Oh, well, I think that's a good idea. This week it was me and Francesca, and

was absolutely fabulous, worth every penny. And next week it's going to be

exciting, too, because we're finally going to get to go to that...

The, oh boy, the one on the near west side, on Randolph Street. You know what

is. What is that?

I don't know.

Well, my next clients will know.

Well, Meredith, what do you think about a date night?

Well, I think that would be a really interesting... 160 Blue!

I knew it would come to me. I knew it was a number and a color, and I knew it

couldn't be, you know, 13 purple, because there's no such place. You'd

name a place like that. It doesn't even sound good. But it's a place that's

owned by Jordan.

And you would love it, Adam.

Andy.

Yes, it is.

And your name is Meredith.

You know where else you would love?

You know where Morton's is? It's near Morton's. It's not Morton's. It's about

three doors away. They make a shepherd's pie there that is unbelievable.

I mean, it's like it's made by real shepherds, et cetera. You would think

use lamb because it's shepherd's.

Yeah. Yes, I have very old balls.

Why are you laughing?

Oh, hilarious.

Hey there. Oh, hi. I'm looking for...

Kenneth Mortory. He's out running errands right now. Mexican Freddy,

Well, it's just Freddy.

Thanks.

Is there something I can help you with?

I hear you guys are running a ticket business out of this joint.

Mm -hmm.

Congratulations. Oh, thanks. Hey, can I interest you in a boxing belt?

That's okay.

Just tell Kenny Freddy stopped by.

He'll know what that means.

Two -out rally.

No. Why would my balls be sweaty?

No. Do you have signed balls?

Has someone signed your balls? Is there a large man signing balls over there?

Something like that.

Yep, work it out.

All right, call me back.

Okay, so this scene chart is impossible. Look, if I put the Hornsby's here,

right, then I have to put the Nickerson's way over there.

Why don't you just put the Hornsby's here, then?

Um, yeah, PJ, I'm going to put Hornsby's next to the Nickerson's. I mean, are

you even trying?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. It's okay.

At least your bachelor party was fun.

Yes, it was. And you know what?

I'm so glad you were there.

Yeah, me too.

You know, funny enough, I ended up spending some time with your brother,

Did he hate on you?

Well, um, I don't know.

Come on, PJ. Of course he did.

Typical Jack. Find the prettiest girl in the bar and then make his move. No. Oh,

thank you.

But no, no, no, no, no. It wasn't like that at all.

PJ, my brother is notorious, okay? He's always got some gorgeous woman on his

arm. We never have to learn their names because they're not around that long,

you know? But I'm sure he figured all of that out.

Yeah, totally.

And it was hilarious.

Well, apparently he's one of the best therapists in the city, but I don't see

it. So what's the problem?

He does all the talking.

I said five words during our last session.

Oh, yeah, I've eaten there, too.

Sick. But Meredith likes him, I think, so I'm stuck with this jackass.

But if I hear one more story about his trip to Peru, this bathroom key might

accidentally go missing.

Here is my RSVP, Bobby. Put it in the mail for me, please. There's a system,

remember? But you're right here. Nope, there's a... There's a system. Please,

just don't make me explain it again.

Hey, will you mail this for me?

Oh, and by the way, I'm changing my plus one to Beth.

By the way, I don't care.

It's still just a plus one.

Oh, my God.

These are for me? Okay.

Ah, thank you.

Who sent you flowers?

Happy birthday.

No, Andy.

Who sent you flowers?

Work. Work?

Yeah. So, it's just a dear PJ thing for all the work.

Because it's been a lot of work.

Work flowers, huh? Don't even think about it.

If you weren't supposed to seize this opportunity, then why would it be so

handsome and send flowers?

Oh, this is a beautiful arrangement.

And a Stan Hopia orchid? You're dealing with a pro.

Bobby's brother sent you these? Yeah, but you can't say anything. Bobby

know. You guys, I don't know what to do about Jack.

Okay, let's start with the facts.

Okay, we had a great conversation at the bachelor party. Oh, Peach, come on.

Guys don't say anything at a bachelor party. I mean, one minute it's, hey, we

should go into business together, and the next they're ignoring your calls.

Brenda, we're not talking about John.

So what's the problem? The problem is there are red flags.

One, Bobby says he's a player. Which makes Bobby a player hater.

Don't. Although, it could be the younger brother being jealous of the older

brother. Or...

Jack could be a Blaine. Who's Blaine?

Chapter 9, Blaine.

The cad, the raconteur, the love him and leave him type.

Mm -hmm, mm -hmm. You know, it's okay to read my book more than once. My

experience of Jack is nothing like the way Bobby describes it, so I don't know

what to do.

Well, you're going to see him at the wedding, right?

So don't do anything. Just wait until then.

But shouldn't I thank him for the flowers?

Just send him a text.

Be gracious.

And noncommittal. That's a good idea.

Because then I can get a better sense of him when I see him face to face.

I like it. I'm going to send him a text right now. We are not talking about

John.

You guys, the Hendershoots are coming. The Hendershoots are coming.

By land or by sea?

By plane from their vacation home in Aspen.

All right, dude, relax, okay?

Let's take a time out. Let's go to the bar. Let's get you a drink. We will

figure this all out, okay?

Okay.

Let's go eat. Good. Mexican or Italian?

Mexican. Oh, hey, that reminds me. Mexican Freddy stopped by the store the

day. What?

Mexican Freddy?

Why didn't you tell me this before?

I don't know. I forgot. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

Tell me exactly what he said.

All right. He asked about the ticket business.

Then he said, tell Kenny I stopped by. And he said, he'll know what that means.

Do you know what that means?

You're supposed to know what that means. It means he came to shake us down.

We've been operating without a license.

We have a license?

No, a real license.

Okay, from them. The outfit.

Who? The mob.

Wait, so the mob wants a cut?

Dude, that is so not fair.

Oh, well, there's a newsflash. The mob's not fair.

We're going to have to pay them off.

Well, that's just ridiculous. Our profit margarine is slim as it is.

Did you just say margarine?

Yes, and I kind of thought you would be a big enough man not to mention it.

Okay, I want one of you to start a sentence about your relationship and for

other one to finish it. And we will start with Andy.

Okay, I want a relationship where I'm free to spend some time

by myself and... And I want a relationship where we can find

hobbies and activities that we can enjoy together.

You guys are doing very well. Keep going.

I want a relationship.

No, don't stop.

Keep going. Let it flow.

I want a relationship based on

trust and understanding.

Trust and understanding.

And I want a relationship that's based on... Loving and caring.

All right, let's bring this puppy home now, huh?

Marriage is important.

Because that's what people do. You've got to listen to each other.

And make it work for you.

You, you.

That's a tricky card. I'll get it by next week.

Working on our troubles, yeah.

Day by day, and you go, hey, hey, hey.

Think Shirelles.

Hey, hey, hey.

Look,

Meredith, I have to be honest with you about something.

This therapy isn't working for me anymore.

What? I'm sorry.

Hey, Dr.

Clayton. You do?

Yeah, I want to smash his head in with that stupid guitar.

It's okay.

Me too.

Really? Yes, I spent the entire session planning his murder.

I'm so glad to hear you say that. I would totally help you.

I can't believe you hate him too. Why didn't you say something before?

I didn't want you to think I wasn't on board.

Oh, I know you're on board. I just feel stupid for dragging you to that quack.

He won't shut up about himself. I can't take it anymore.

Yeah, I don't care about his weed allergies.

Or his daughter at Cornell and her acapella group.

And when he called you Mare Mare, I wanted to punch him in the face.

Me too.

why they call pretty women chicks. Like, there's so much good stuff.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, maybe that's John.

Dude, it's my phone.

Oh, man.

Hello?

Hey, Jack.

It's Jack. I heard.

Stay calm. Stick with the plan.

Uh, I'm good.

Uh, yeah, no, it's good talking to you, too.

Really?

He wants to see me. Ask him if he's talked to John.

Brando! All right, all right. T -roll the end of this for me, though.

Yeah, no, I mean, a Yankees -Red Sox game is always... Oh, wow, you have your

own luxury box. That must be nice.

Gracious, noncommittal.

Yeah, I would love to, but I live in Chicago.

Oh. What do you want?

He wants to fly me to New York on his private plane.

Do it.

Pete? You have to go. What happened to being gracious and noncommittal? That

before I knew he had a private plane.

Finally, one of the Newman brothers knows how to spend his money. What about

the red flags? I mean, the things that Bobby said?

What about the fact that he's a Blaine?

Blaine didn't have a plane.

I don't know, Pete.

Suddenly the guru in me is saying, this is romantic.

This is fun.

How often do you get to be swept off your feet?

God, it's been a...

Never. Exactly.

Go. I mean, it is just for an evening, right? He did say he was going to fly me

back right after the game. Go. Although if it goes badly, it's going to make the

whole wedding weekend really awkward.

How bad could it go? It's just a baseball game.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to go.

This is exciting.

Dude, this is Mexican Freddy.

Okay. Let me handle this.

Kenny Moritore.

Freddy? It's a nice place you got here.

What? You start selling concert tickets and you don't call me?

I thought we were friends.

Let's cut the chit -chat. I think we know why you're here.

Just consider this a token of our friendship.

What are you doing? I can't let you do this, Kenny. Let go.

Kenny, no.

Let go. No, Kenny. Are you doing it? No, I can't.

I can't do it.

Okay, I've had a really crappy year.

I haven't had a date in six months. The business has been struggling, and I'll

be damned if I'm going to let him come in here and take a piece of this. What's

going on here?

What's going on here, Mexican Freddy, is that we're not going to pay you

off.

You guys really think I'm here to shake you down? We

understand it's the price of doing business in Chicago.

Relax.

I'm just here for James Taylor tickets.

James Taylor?

It's a really hard ticket. You know I've always loved sweet baby James.

You're not here to shake us down? This isn't even our territory.

It belongs to the Russians.

It's them you've got to worry about.

I'm serious.

What if we move the black sheep cousin with the arrest record here, and then we

move the henner shoots here?

I can't believe it. That works. PJ, that works. You're a genius.

We're finally done. Come here.

Actually, one more change.

What? No, no, no. No more changes. Didn't you just hear? We're done. I'm

solo. I've decided.

I don't want to be tied down to either girl. I'm going to keep my options open.

Well, you just did both women a huge favor.

Hey, you look good.

Did you get a haircut?

Nope. But I dipped myself in handsome sauce.

Bloop. Hey.

Yay.

Where have you been?

I don't know, but it was sad and scary.

This guy saved the business today. Oh, come on, man. No, I'm serious.

He stood up to a made man. Not many men have done that and lived to tell the

tale. You, my friend, have brass balls.

Brass balls?

So what are you guys doing? We just finished the seating chart, finally.

Why is there a question mark next to Jack? He's not bringing anyone, is he?

I'm sure he'll bring someone.

Someone he meets, you know, wherever.

And then he'll offer to fly her in on his private plane, blah, blah, blah.

The Jack's a player, too.

Um, yeah, but on a slightly different level.

Looks like Jack will have a little competition at the wedding.

No, he won't.

Okay, why am I not drinking? It's a school night, people.

Shots. I'm in. I like it.

I can't go to New York. Look, I know that didn't sound great.

But I'm sure it'll be different with you.

No, no. There are so many red flags. Come on.

I mean, it could be fun, but no.

No, no. I'll wait to see him face to face at the wedding.

Yeah, yeah.

You're right.

You wouldn't mind if I went, would you?

Hey, the stews are back.

I wonder what airline they work for.

Tonight they're flying Aaron Mike. Probably in town for a layover. And if

play our cards right, we might get to handle their bags.

All right.

Hey,

check it out.

Got a text from John. Oh, yeah? What's it say?

Can't wait to talk at the wedding.

Gonna call him back?

Oh, come on, PJ. If there's anything I've learned from you, it's that I don't

want to be that girl.

You already called him, didn't you?

Yeah, I left, like, three messages.

So, sometimes opportunity knocks, and it's just not the right...

Well, if you're not going to come to me, I had to come to you.

Huh.

Yeah.

What was the thing about opportunity knocking?