Original subtitles

Okay, what was that, like two minutes?

Eighteen seconds.

Okay, let's take a break. Next time we'll get up to thirty.

Hey, did you guys get this email about Bobby's bachelor party? Yes!

It's gonna be sick!

Here it is.

Ow! I didn't get an email. Did anybody else notice how much this thing's gonna

cost? Hello? No email.

That's because it's a bachelor party. No girls are allowed.

Do you notice the word bachelor right in the name? No, but that's not fair.

No girls. End of story. PJ, I don't even know if I can go, all right? I'm broke.

I mean, I can't afford it. I can either drink or eat.

And come on, I mean, we all know what I'm going to choose here. Hey, if you

don't eat, you're going to get really drunk.

My hand has been forced.

Stupid bachelor party.

Such a dumb sexist ritual.

I want to go so bad.

Hey, Bobby.

I'm your friend, right?

Um, pretty sure.

Then why am I not celebrating the end of your bachelorhood? I have nothing to do

with that. My buddy John is planning the whole thing. Why does John want me to

go broke? Why does John hate girls?

I wonder how long John can hold his breath.

Look, no girls allowed.

That's the rules.

Why are you so in my face about this?

Chicks have been ignoring me recently, so I decided it's time to turn the

tables. So if they don't want to be around me, I don't want to be around

Wow, you showed them.

Yeah. Besides, you know what? It's a rite of passage for guys.

No, okay, look, I understand that this rite of passage stuff applies to other

guys. I get it. But it doesn't apply to us. I mean, we are different.

Yeah, but the whole reason to have a bachelor party is for male camaraderie,

male bonding. If there's a woman there, it becomes a competition for the hot

single girl.

You think I'm hot?

Listen, I know it's unfair, but the truth is, I would love it if you went to

Elsa's shower.

Oh, come on.

I hate lady parties.

Listen, I know it sucks. I know, but please go. Please. Elsa doesn't want to

stuck at this thing with all my mom's friends.

Especially Mrs. Shapiro, who keeps winking at her and telling her how

the wedding night is going to be. Mrs. Shapiro isn't lying.

Come on. Please.

Elsa needs you there, and I would really appreciate it.

Oh, I hate being the bigger person.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Oh, and I also wanted to invite Stephanie, because she really

loved You're a Great Guy, But... Did I tell you guys that the Swedish

translation is You're a Reliable Lover, However?

I thought that was funny.

Fine, fine.

Bobby, this bachelor party seems a little low -key. You think John might

some planning help? I mean, I don't like to brag, but I have been called the

king of bachelor parties.

By who?

By people who decide these kinds of things.

Yeah, sure, Kenny. Thank you. Got it. Fellas, everybody's going to have a kick

-ass night.

Kick -ass night!

Oh,

hey! Hey, buddy.

Hey, man. How's it going?

You guys remember my buddy John, right? Yeah, what's up?

And this... It's my brother Jack.

Hey. Your brother Jack.

Jack and Bobby.

Really? Yeah. Total accident. Our parents are lifelong Republicans.

Hated the Kennedy.

Yeah. So, you excited about your big night? Hell yeah!

I mean, I'm not as excited as Mike, but who is?

Nobody.

So? Any last -minute requests?

I don't know. I don't know, man. I mean, I guess I never actually thought I'd be

having a bachelor party, you know? It's not really my style.

It hasn't even started yet, and I've witnessed, like, three high fives. It'd

cuatro. Boop, boop.

Come on, give it up!

Hey, John.

Hey. Why am I not invited to the party?

What are you so afraid of?

Um, right now, you, kind of.

Um, Tommy, I needed to talk to you somewhere. Yeah, let's do it.

You guys talking plans?

I should probably be in on this.

What's the matter?

Not invited?

No girls allowed, apparently.

Well, we're trying to keep cooties out of our treehouse.

Oh, stupid.

It is.

You're right. You know, I'm not going either. In protest.

Well, you have to go.

You're Bobby's brother.

Okay, I'll go. But I'm not going to have fun.

In protest.

What? See, that's why you're not going.

There's no flirting allowed at bachelor parties.

It's about dudes being dudes.

Dude.

Dude.

Hey, you guys made it. Great plate. Yeah, very fancy. Right? Nothing but the

best for Bobby, right? Tonight, we blow it out.

Money's no object. You guys have fun. Drink.

Food. Rich douche.

Oh, easy, man.

Just try to enjoy the night. This is all about male bonding. Look at all the

dudes. Hey, what's up?

All right, I'll have a dude.

Please stop saying dudes.

Listen up, dude.

This is a celebration.

I got a house full of females. I could use a good old -fashioned guy hang.

Eat some cow, drink some brown liquor, let the dogs out.

I don't even know what that means.

Who? Food dude.

Can I get a beer? Oh, can you make it five?

Thanks, man.

That'll be $40.

Well, I guess I don't need to eat.

So, how long have you known Bobby?

A few years. Good guy. Yeah, he's okay, as far as little brothers go.

And PJ?

She's your friend, right? Yeah, sure.

What's her deal? She's single?

No way, man. Not tonight. Dude, no chicks allowed. No thinking about

looking at chicks.

Yeah, I know. I'm just asking.

Don't.

Hey.

Hey. I brought the funniest thing for Bobby to wear.

It's to remind him it's his last night of freedom before he has to wear the old

ball of chains.

I don't know, man. It's kind of subtle.

Do you think he'll get it?

Hey, guys.

Man, this is exactly what I wanted. Just... A nice dinner with friends.

You know, I'm so glad this isn't one of those parties where everybody acts like

getting married is the end of the world.

Yeah, totally.

I got one that I don't think.

Speaking of dumb sexist rituals.

Oh, my God, I've got to get out of here.

They're applauding a pan. It's got a copper cord.

I love it. Thank you.

Oh, God.

There's no liquor in this punch.

Excuse me.

Are you Stephanie Lane?

Yes, I am. I loved your book.

It really helped me realize how toxic my relationship was.

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm happy it helped.

She wrote You're a Great Guy, But... You did. What a wonderful read. My Ronald

is a real Lenny, but we're trying to work through it.

Oh, well, I'm just so glad that you both enjoyed it.

I love it here.

Janers, and in three different sizes.

Great.

Got to start carrying a fly.

Hey, is everybody cool just putting this 12 ways?

Yeah, it's fun.

No, dude, not cool. I didn't eat anything.

Oh, yeah, that's all. Hey, I think your count's off by one.

Oh.

It's Bobby's big night. He shouldn't have to pay.

Here's a must for any bachelor party.

Cubans?

That's why I'm known as the king.

You're an idiot.

And that's when I realized that I had never been built up in a relationship.

Only torn down.

What's a nice story to tell at my wedding shower?

Oh, no, no, no. None of this applies to Bobby.

Bobby's a catch.

Ronald isn't a catch, but at least I don't hate him anymore.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry. Can I just borrow Stephanie for one second?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be right back. Okay.

Yeah.

I am losing my mind. I'm leaving. Please come with me. Where?

Crowley's. No.

No, no, wait. I'm not leaving all of this to go to Crowley's. Well, you can

my napkin. Oh, yeah.

Sure, sure.

Stephanie Lane.

Okay. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I know a place that just opened. It's fancy, it's hip, and I will buy all

of your drinks.

No. And some new shoes.

We have to go.

Way to go, Groucho.

Hey, if their cheap smoke alarms can't handle a good Cuban cigar, I don't want

to be in there.

Well, I do.

Where are we going to drink now?

Crowley's? Cheap? Close to home?

Cheap? Nah, it's Bobby's bachelor party. Let's go someplace special. We're all

dressed up.

Is that what you're doing with the cowboy boots?

Dressing up?

All right, look, this new place, a few blocks from here, I think you guys will

love it.

Is there a dress code?

No. Good, then your boots won't be a problem.

$16 a glass of wine? I hate it here. No one recognizes me.

No way.

No, you will not ruin our night.

Those guys recognize you?

What happened to no girls allowed?

No, this was a total accident, I swear.

Well, best accident all night.

So how did you guys end up here?

Well... Kenny almost burned down the last place we were at, so Mike said that

knew a spot and... What are you doing?

Don't talk to them.

But they're our friends, and I like them.

No girls, remember? We're bachelors tonight, right, Andy?

Dude, don't answer that. You and I are the glue holding this bachelor party

together. Might be a stripper. Oh, nice.

Hello?

What's wrong?

I know you. I can tell you're upset.

Hey, we don't need a stripper with issues.

Can I have a scotch rocks?

Oh, get this guy whatever he wants. I think I owe him a drink or two from

earlier. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, I'll take a scotch too.

So, uh, you having fun?

Oh, yeah, totally.

Me neither.

You know, that Mike guy seems to be pushing the dude angle a little hard,

know? Like, we're not gonna high -five.

And I don't want to bring it in brosive.

And I certainly don't want to gibby -chitty.

Like, we're grown people.

Didn't this place used to be the old Bachman's?

Yes, Bachman's. Now, that was a bar. That place was awesome.

Yeah, I used to DJ there on the weekend. There and the old Neon. Remember that

place? Remember? I just bought that place. No way. Yeah, we're remodeling

now. Hey, don't tell anybody, but I have absolutely no idea how to run a club.

Oh, dude, it runs itself. I mean, first of all, you can easily make that place

the best music venue in the city. Oh, yeah, easily. Yeah.

How?

All right, all right. First of all, you got to keep the name.

Okay? And there are so many great bands in Chicago right now. I mean, I just got

a round of SoCo and Live Shots. Come on, bring it, dudes!

The thing is, he makes me a little sad.

You know?

Here's to the future ex -Mrs. Bobby Newman.

No, come on. You guys are going to be together forever.

Or at least until she's legal. Yes! Come on!

All right, I'm kidding. I love her. You know I love her.

Well, I mean, I really love her.

And when she dumps you, I'm swooping in. Come on!

You know I'm totally happy for you, right, bro?

Somebody step in, save me, help me out. I will. I will. Thank you guys for an

awesome night.

And here's to no strippers.

Hey!

Why did you make me leave that shower?

People fawned over me. Oh, come on. Look at all the cute guys here.

Especially Bobby's brother.

Yeah, yeah, I know. He is cute.

But I just want to go home.

No. Yeah.

You're leaving? But I just got here.

No. I was kidding.

She's the one that's leaving. Oh, I'm not going to wait another minute for

service in this place.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, well.

You having fun?

Yeah. Great time.

Great time. So, tell me all about the shower.

Seriously? Not really.

Thanks again for going, though. I know it meant a lot to Elsa.

And to me.

Oh, yeah, you know, it actually wasn't that bad. It was kind of fun.

Seriously? Not really.

Oh, can I? Thanks.

You know, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the wedding help.

I couldn't do it without you, so.

Aw, you are so welcome.

So, are you nervous about, you know, getting married?

You know, I'm really not.

I know I should be with the whole, you know, life -changing decision and all.

It all just feels right, you know? I feel pretty lucky.

It's been a crazy year.

Hasn't it? It has been like this whirlwind. I mean, you and Elsa fall in

and then Stephanie writes this huge book. I mean, she's, like, famous now.

just a few months ago, we were in Italy, and I thought that you and I might...

God, what a crazy year.

Wait, my what?

What?

Nothing.

Come on, just tell me.

No, seriously, it was nothing.

Okay, well, if it's nothing, then just say it.

Come on, say it.

If you don't say it, I'm just going to sit here and say, come on, say it until

you say it. So, you know, come on, say it.

Okay.

Well, okay, well, it's just that it's, like, it's totally water under the

bridge. I mean, it's, like, in the past, and it's, like, it's funny.

Um, that I invited you to Italy because I kind of had feelings for

you.

Isn't that hilarious?

What?

Yeah, I know, it's so hilarious.

Is that Joe?

What? Joe!

Come here.

What the hell is Andy doing?

Hang on, just hold my purse, okay? Wait.

What?

What is she doing here?

Jill, you remember Mike from the set -up dinner that went nowhere?

Oh, right. We had no chemistry at all. How are you? Fine, thank you.

We agreed, no women allowed, just dudes.

She has to go. The dude portion of the evening has ended.

And now I'm going to hang out with my friend, Joe.

Hey, Joe. How are you? Kicking myself for not dating this guy.

Can I borrow Andy for a sec? Oh, sure. Thank you.

Oh, man, this is crap. You girls are everywhere.

Oh, no offense.

No, no. How could your insisting I leave be offensive?

Nice boots.

Oh, thank you. I was being sarcastic.

No, you weren't.

Andy, what is she doing here?

She had a really bad date and she called me.

At midnight?

And you invited her here?

What was I supposed to do?

Tell her you're at your friend's bachelor party, or better yet, tell her

married. She knows I'm married.

Yeah, and yet?

We work together.

How about this?

We're friends.

And she likes you, and she's calling you late at night.

So what?

So if there was a guy who liked me, who was calling me at all hours, you know

exactly what the guys would call that.

Being a supportive friend?

A booty call.

What? Oh, please don't make me say it again.

Stop it. It's not like that, all right? Andy, you have a pregnant wife at home.

Why do you think I'm here?

Wow.

God, what is happening to you? First you take this big fancy job and you forget

everything that you stand for, and now what? Are you going to cheat on

I would never cheat on Meredith. I can't believe you'd accuse me of something

like that. I can't believe either. What are you doing?

Hey, Andy, I'm just going to go. No, no, no, wait.

I'll go with you.

We're done talking.

That's what you're looking at.

Hey, kids.

Go away.

I'm Mike.

Hey, Warren.

You know who you're sitting with, right? He knows. Goodbye.

So she told you how famous she is?

No, she didn't.

She wrote this really popular book, You're a Great Guy, but... Have you

it?

Vanessa ended our three -year relationship over that book.

She said I was an Ike. Hey, I'm an Ike, too.

Oh, I'm so sorry. You should be.

She was my world.

Excuse me.

Why are you so hateful? What? No, I was trying to help you, really. Thanks. Now

let me help you lose the boot. Tell PJ I'll call her tomorrow.

Boots? What's wrong with my boots?

They're manly, aren't they?

All right, I'm saying you're lowering your car.

There's nobody around.

Who do you blast on the radio?

Bob Seger.

Feel like a number.

No shame in that, my friend. No. And can you tell me what movie that is from?

Uh, Body Heat.

And who sang it? Mickey Rourke.

Who look super weird now. Oh, God, the 80s were not kind to Mickey Rourke.

No.

I gotta go.

Let's keep talking about this club thing. Yeah. Do you have a card or

Uh, no, but here.

Whoa, whoa, you can't leave yet. This is after hours by like eight blocks from

here. Oh, thanks, but I can't. Come on, man, it's gonna be awesome.

Later, Mike. All right, then. Bring it up.

No. What?

Explode it.

I don't explode.

Neptune's net.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Hey, we'll talk soon? Yes, absolutely.

Call me.

Gotcha.

Dude, a little bit needy.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, is everything okay with Andy?

No, it's a mess.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, me too.

You leaving?

Yeah, I mean, almost everybody is gone, so I'm ready to let it die.

Did you have fun?

Yeah, yeah, it was perfect.

Yay.

All right, well, we'll talk tomorrow?

Yeah. And just for the record, I had no idea that you felt that way when you

invited me to Italy.

No, please, like, how could you have? I mean, it's totally fine, and it's water

under the bridge.

Okay.

Because, you know, if I had known, I just...

Good night.

Yeah.

Good night.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Did you guys think John would call?

I mean, I really hope he calls. I think you got the wrong idea about dude night.

What? Thanks for a great party, you guys. That was awesome. Come on, Will.

keep it going.

I think everything's closed, man.

Not true.

24 -hour IHOP, two miles from here. Oh, yeah. Actually, I am starving.

I can eat.

I mean, we'll never get a cab at this hour. Don't worry. I planned ahead.

Oh! Dude!

Dude! All right!

Limo's a geek, fella. Oh, yeah!

Nice! I guess that's why they call you the king, huh? Hey, should we invite PJ?

No. This is about dudes eating pancakes.

All right.

Bachelor parties and showers.

Turns out they're books. sexist ritual.

But the bachelor party is so much less lame.

Plus there's scotch.

Hey.

What are you still doing here? Everybody just left.

Yeah. Finally.

Why finally?

Because now I can do this.