Original subtitles

The history of baseball is filled with so many myths and legends that sometimes

you wonder what the real stories are.

Of course, sometimes a simple story can take on a life of its own. Come on,

Kenny. The guy tried to bring a goat into Wrigley Field. The goat had a

It wasn't goat day. That's why he bought a ticket. Otherwise, he'd have got him

free. Hey, Kenny, do you know a guy named Freddy DiPaolo? Freddy DiPaolo?

That's Mexican Freddy. He was in here earlier looking for you. Mexican Freddy?

haven't heard that name in years. Who is Mexican Freddy?

Ah, the kid I used to shoot crap with. You know, back then, if you lost your

cash, you'd take someone's dice.

Well, Freddy didn't like that. Yeah, Freddy had a temper, and he drank. Well,

now, one night, he comes at me. No,

no, no, no, what?

Well, let's just say nobody's heard from him since.

Oh, my God.

I know, seriously, what, did you kill him?

I took care of him. He kicked his ass.

I took care of him.

Meredith.

Hey, PJ.

Meredith's story is really simple.

She's married to my brother, she completely dominates his life, and

Andy, she's the wicked witch of the Midwest.

My God, PJ, you look great.

See? Thank you.

What are you doing here?

I want to surprise Andy for his birthday, and I know he loves this

thought I would stop by and see if it was available for a party.

Wow, gosh, you haven't thrown Andy a party since your wedding.

That wasn't really for Andy.

I mean, he didn't even want to go.

So who are you here with?

Oh, uh, just, you know, the guys.

The poker guys?

Mexican Freddy used to smuggle in tax -free cigarettes from Indiana.

The card game? Fat Herschel and Ducky Gills.

Hey, who's this girl waving at me, and why am I waving back to her? Hey,

everybody, this is Meredith.

How's it going, Meredith?

Hi. Andy's wife.

Oh!

Finally face to face with the men who've stolen my husband.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry about that. Are you kidding? I love poker night. It's guaranteed alone

time. Without it, I never would have been able to make it through Infinite

That's a really long book.

Well, Meredith would like to have a surprise party for Andy.

Here.

PJ, I was wondering if maybe you could help me out with some of the details.

Yeah, I guess.

Great. Then we'll talk this week.

And I'll see you guys at the party.

You got it. Great to meet you. Nice to meet you.

So that's the infamous Meredith?

You guys, I gotta say, from everything Andy said about her, she's really not

what I expected.

Yeah, I was kind of picturing somebody with, like, fangs and a cape. No, no,

You guys, come on. She's totally putting on an act. You guys know what a control

freak she is.

Now I've got to throw a party with her?

Well, then I ask this. Which would you rather?

Plan a surprise party with Meredith or make out with Kenny for five minutes?

Why would you make out with me?

Everything. I was going to say lose a thumb, but I thought this was worse.

Come on. You guys are made out with people weirder than me.

I made out with Linda Polk. Linda Polk, the anchor lady?

Yeah.

I made out with my 10th grade English teacher, Miss Frances.

What?

No, no, no, no, no. It was two years ago. Not when I was in high school. That

would have been totally creepy.

Did you call her Miss Frances?

Yes. That's still pretty creepy.

All right, so, uh... Should we tell them, Brendan?

No, no, no.

Oh! Well, okay.

It's not that big a deal. Brendan and I made out in college.

What? No.

Spring quarter, senior year. We were at a party in some backyard in some house

in Evanston.

Playing beer pong all day. Whoa, did you, uh...

I took off, man. I had a paper due.

Lame.

Wait, wait, wait. So then you guys dated?

No, because he actually blew me off the very next day. No, I didn't. You totally

did. Stephanie and I were sitting in the library. You walked by and said, what's

up? And then kept walking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's impossible. See, because I was skiing in Alpine Valley.

I thought you said you had a paper due.

Yeah, I did. I turned to my paper and I went skiing. No, first you blew me off.

Then you turned in your paper and went skiing. I did not blow you off. Why

haven't we heard about this before? I don't know.

All right, well, it was a long time ago.

And then, as it turns out, some of us have forgotten about it. I did not

about making out. Then how was it?

It was cool, man, you know.

PJ was pretty hot back then. Thank you.

Wait, back then?

You were hot back then.

Okay, why is everybody using the past tense? God.

And besides, that's not the point. The point is he what's up with me, but he

doesn't remember. That's horrible.

And you're saying I was there.

We were in the library studying.

Oh, well, let me stop you right there because that doesn't even sound like me.

You have to remember. You're my last hope.

Oh, wait a second. We were all in the library. Yeah. And Brendan comes along,

and who does he think he is? Oh, you don't remember.

No, nothing.

I remember being dropped off as a freshman and everything after that is a

Oh, crappity crap.

It's Meredith.

What? Yeah, we are having lunch tomorrow to plan Andy's party.

You're coming with me?

No. I don't want to meet Meredith. What does she mean?

Don't worry about it. You won't remember.

Oh, wait a second.

Brendan walked right past us. Shut up.

hard to separate the truth from legend did babe ruth really call his shot were

the cubs really cursed by a goat what's the truth about brendan's what's upping

me you know something's been bugging me the last couple of days uh did brendan

put a baby in your stomach uh -huh she lives with my mother that's who that

little girl is the one in the rock shirts with the five o 'clock shadow

forget about this which part of the party you remember the part you forget

part that i remember because the part that i forget is the part that you

remember which shouldn't even be a part to remember which is why it's a part

that i forget You know, I actually can't see Brandon. What's up in you? Oh,

here, I will show you what it looked like. Bobby, you be me, I'll be Brandon,

okay? What's my motivation?

Um, you are sitting in the library with Stephanie, pretending to study, maybe

even a little excited to see him again.

Okay. You're going to say, hi, Brandon.

I love live theater.

These are great seats. Okay, ready? Okay.

Hi, Brando. What's up?

Oh. Oh, no. He did.

First of all, I don't walk like that. I was in the scene and it felt a little

false to me. I'm not sure I buy it. Yeah, of course not. Because I was

It's kind of fun to think of Brando being a total dick. Thank you.

It's also fun to think that PJ made the whole thing up and is therefore a pitch

of ten on your front lawn crazy. Thank you.

Both tempting choices. I'm torn.

You guys are going to run this thing into the ground, aren't you? I think so.

Oh, I have every intention of it. Well, that's terrific.

In that case, I will be checking my emails until you're all done.

Private caller.

I'm not picking that up. Maybe it's Mexican Freddy. Ooh, put him on speaker.

Does he sound like Speedy Gonzales? Mexican Freddy's really not Mexican.

just like how they call fat guys tiny or ugly guys handsome.

What? You know what I'm talking about, handsome.

Look, if Mexican Freddy wants to talk to me, he should find me and then deal

with me face to face.

Well, I gotta go.

Meredith wants me to come home and help her shellack a jigsaw puzzle.

Unfortunately, that's not a euphemism. Hey, wait a second. You got a birthday

coming up. You haven't even talked about what you want to do yet. Don't get your

hopes up. We're talking about Meredith here. The best we can hope for is to

a quick drink at Crowley's while she's out getting her broom waxed. Euphemism?

No.

Euphemism for what?

This. Right. Good night.

See ya.

See ya.

I thought Meredith said she liked having him out of the house. No, come on.

That's what she said to you guys.

But you all know she'll do anything in her power to prevent him from having any

fun. So, so far, there's going to be a karaoke guy, a magician, two kegs of his

favorite imported beer, and it'll be open bar from 8 to 12.

Wow, Meredith, that sounds great.

Kind of sounds like you got it covered. What do you need us for? I need you guys

to keep him distracted while I set up for the party. I don't know, take him to

Cubs game or something, and then bring him to Crowley's. Oh, my God, you know

what? I've got it. I've got a great idea.

Okay.

Oh, here.

Please, please, this is on me.

You guys are doing me such a huge favor.

Thank you. No, thank you.

All right, I got to go. I have to meet with the guy who's making the T -shirts.

See you Saturday night.

Okay. Okay, see ya.

I got to tell you, Meredith seems really nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never had lunch, though, before. Maybe she's really good at lunch.

And she picked up the tab.

Oh, my God. All it takes to win you over is a Cobb salad.

Are you kidding? If she had bought me a piece of swordfish, I would have slept

with her.

Stop.

Come on. I'm just playing.

What you doing?

Oh, just on Craigslist looking at apartments.

What do you mean?

You know, just looking. I mean, eventually I got to get my own place,

Yeah, but I mean, my place is your place. You know that.

I know, but, you know, something to think about.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, cool.

Well, I was going to grab some dinner. You want to come with?

Nah, it's cool.

Maiden's got this new CD out, so I kind of, you know, just want to get into it.

All right.

Myths have a tendency to distort the truth, and sometimes you're left to ask.

What's really going on?

Are you ready for your surprise?

Let me guess where we're going. The Mars Cheese Castle.

Yeah!

Really?

No. Let's go.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. All right, this is

We're in Joliet at the Riverboat Casino.

Dude, we've been walking for ten minutes. Joliet is two hours away.

Can we stop at Mr. B first?

Mr. B. Okay,

there's no sunlight, a bit of an echo. Let me try something.

Pinocchio!

Pinocchio! Yes, we're in the belly of a whale now. Are you guys going to kill me

and just get rid of me? Yeah!

Ready? Yeah!

Yeah!

Whoa!

I've never been to the pyramids.

I've never seen the Great Wall.

But I've spent countless afternoons at Wrigley Field.

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I have fulsome strings to give you the best birthday ever.

Come on!

Let's go!

All right, come on, Andy.

See what you got. Come on, baby. Come on.

Come on, Andy.

I wanted to show it to you because this will be the last time you see it. Come

on, try and get it over the plate.

Here you go, Daddy.

Still got one more spread.

Happy birthday, Andy.

You're all right.

That's awesome.

Thanks a lot, you guys. I really appreciate it. Hey, Andy, what are you

Get inside.

Hey, enough's enough.

Meredith said she wanted me home two hours ago. All right, well, just come in

for one drink. That's a big deal. Come on, Annie, one beer. Yeah, it'll only

take a minute. Look, she said she'd wanted me home by 7 .30, and if I wasn't

home in time, she'd find a new daddy for Savannah.

I don't think so.

You know I'd love to get a drink, but it's not worth a custody battle.

Come on, just get inside.

off without you.

Although, I have to admit, I was a little afraid to ask for your help. Why?

I kind of thought you might say no. Really?

Yeah, I mean, how am I supposed to know?

We never hang out.

Oh, yeah, well, we should make more of an effort.

Well, I begged Danny to make plans, but, you know, he just says you're always

busy, and I just figured you didn't want to.

Oh, my God.

Meredith, no.

I... I am so sorry he gave you that impression.

You know, we could just get together without him.

Really? Yeah.

Who needs Andy?

Yeah, who needs him? I'm bouncing!

You married him.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, my God, would you give it a rest already? No, I really was just saying,

what's up?

There's a commonly used phrase, you know.

Dude, awfully jumpy for an innocent man. Yeah, terribly skittish for a man who

was skiing.

What the hell's wrong with you? Nothing. No, no, no.

Kenny Moritore.

You're a hard man to find.

Freddy.

Excuse me, gentlemen. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Kenny, can we speak in private?

Oh, yeah.

Ken, let me go.

I got sober, and I'm going through the program.

I've come to you to work my ninth step.

I'm here to make amends.

You know what's a funny thing about your wife, Andy? It turns out she does not

feast on human flesh. You don't understand. I'm protecting you. She

the life right out of you. Look what she's done to me. I'm only 30.

She is... She's terrific.

I know.

So then why have you been saying all that stuff about her?

Look, it's just that I don't want to admit that I get tired at 9 .30 every

night. I mean, I love you guys, but sometimes I just want to be home with my

daughter or in bed with my wife.

Then why don't you just say that?

Because I don't want to look like some wuss. So instead, you keep Meredith and

me apart. You've turned her into this bad guy so you don't have to take

responsibility for it? That's a fair assessment.

Well, enough.

You've used the Meredith excuse for too long, and we both have.

You're right.

I think you owe her an apology.

Myths make for nice stories, but at some point, you can't blame curses or goats.

You have to take responsibility for your own actions.

So then my sponsor said, you gotta track this cat down and tell him you're

sorry.

So, uh, I'm sorry for beating the bejesus out of you.

You know, I realize now that I was working on my issues with my father on

face.

Apology accepted.

Great. Are we cool?

Yeah.

I wish I hadn't eaten beer and chocolate cake. That was awful.

Oh, hey, dude. How did that go?

It's all settled. We agreed if he wants to come north of the loop, he's got to

call me and ask for permission.

I'm not a violent man, but I'm a little disappointed.

Got a taste for blood? A little bit.

Hey, uh, gentlemen.

Do me a favor. Yeah, give these to Kenny.

It's, uh, my way of saying I'm sorry for all the times I kicked his ass.

I thought Kenny kicked your ass. Who?

Mortory?

Oh, wait till I tell Ducky Gills that one.

He's gonna love that. Oh, Ducky.

Mortory kicked my ass.

That's rich.

Oh, my God.

Kenny totally lied.

I could wait.

Do we really want to bust Kenny on this? I mean, we don't really know what the

truth is for sure. Hell, Mexican Freddy's not even Mexican.

Oh, hey.

Hey. Hey. What's up? Sorry about that, you know.

Did Babe Ruth really call his shot? Who knows?

Sometimes it's more fun to live with the legend than to get to the truth.

Good kid.

Okay, you guys, I was wrong.

Meredith is actually pretty cool.

Man, I can't believe Meredith is cool.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Guys.

I gotta come clean. I never made out with Linda Polk. I did sit next to her

restaurant once, though. Well, that's almost the same thing.

Myths are created by stories taking on a life of their own to the point where

the line gets blurred between what's fact and what's fiction.

I never believed that Bobby's grandfather voiced a Yogi Bear.

That's such a weird lie.

I know, but he was so invested in it.

Nightcap?

Nah, I should just get to bed.

Hey, stop for a second.

Okay, seriously, what is going on?

Nothing. Really?

Because it just seems like ever since we told everyone that we made out in

college that you have completely disappeared on me.

All right.

I got to admit something.

I did.

What's up, you?

Why didn't you just admit it? Because I felt bad, you know? I was ashamed.

It's just a stupid thing to do.

Bruno, it was a million years ago.

No, I know, I know.

Look, you've got to understand something about what happened back then, all

right?

After we hooked up, I kind of freaked out.

I mean, I wanted to pursue things, you know, but I didn't know how.

Oh. I mean, you were one of my closest friends.

You know, one of the coolest people I ever met. I just, I didn't...

I didn't want to ruin the friendship.

Well, why didn't you say that?

I don't know.

I don't know. I was just a kid, I guess.

And the truth is, I was really into you back

then.

And to talk about it was strange, you know? It's still strange.

It doesn't have to be. I mean...

You can tell me anything. You are my best friend.

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

No. But I'm glad we're talking about this now because I don't ever want

to jeopardize what we have.

Oh, God, nothing could do that. You are one of the most important people in my

life.

You know that, right?

Yeah, I do.

You are never going to let me live this down, are you?

think so skiing really seriously apparently totally

absolutely the thing about baseball myths is this

whether they're true or not they sell the game of baseball however the real

story the truth beneath the myth is just as important