Original subtitles

No doubt about it, the guys and I are a team that really works. And now that I'm

dating Hank, well, it's kind of like I went out and picked up the free agent

that's going to make our team better and finally bring me a championship.

And the streak continues, people.

And we don't expect it to continue tonight at Crowley's. The decathlon is a

whole different thing. The decathlon starts tonight?

You're kidding, right?

Everybody put it on their calendar like a year ago.

What's the decathlon? It's just...

Stupid. I didn't realize it was tonight. I have dinner with Hank in a half an

hour. PJ, it's the decathlon.

Will somebody please tell me what the hell the decathlon is?

Yes. Every year we do ten games over five nights at Crowley's. Board games,

games, thumb fighting. It's me and PJ versus Mike and Brendan.

Losers have to buy drinks for the winners for a month.

See? Stupid.

Dude, it's not stupid, okay?

Why don't you guys just move it tonight?

Move the decathlon?

Blast female!

Okay, why do I have to have a boyfriend now?

Look, why don't you just tell Hank that you'll see him this weekend?

Yeah, I can't. Bobby and I are going to Pittsburgh with the Cubs on Wednesday.

Andy can take my place.

Huh? Huh?

Really?

Seriously?

Okay. You know, two seconds ago I just heard you say that the decathlon was

stupid. Yeah, well, you know, it is stupid if I wasn't participating.

Are you going to be good?

Because PJ's really good. I'm going to be.

I'm going to try my best.

One of those people who says stupid things like that. Okay, team conference

the kitchen.

Team conference. All right.

All right, I'm out. I've got to go get changed for dinner at the boyfriend's.

Oh, I'm Mr. Green.

I've never noticed you in the secretarial pool before.

Okay, I was going to tell this to PJ.

We've got to let Mike have the last pick because you know he's going to pick

thumb fighting. Kenny, it's time you face the truth about thumb.

God. I've been working up. This thing's been pulling on a rubber band for 12

months. Look at the size of your thumb.

Damn right.

Okay, Mike wants to have the last pick. We're going to let him have the last

pick. We're going to lay low for the first nine games, and then boom, I'm

to whip this out. Give me that.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

I'm not messing with you.

That's our secret. Come on.

Yes, sir.

Hey, you guys, Hank bought me this top. I need your honest opinion.

A man buys a nice top.

Really?

It's broken.

Hey, we're going to give you guys our first choice, which means we get last

pick. No problem.

We'll start with Jenga. No, you can't start with Jenga. I want to watch Jenga.

Whoa, you made your choice there, PJ.

You know, we'd all like to put on a pretty top and go out tonight, but some

us take the decathlon very seriously.

I take the decathlon seriously.

Do you?

Really?

Hey, Hank.

I wanted to know if you wanted to... Oh, God, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to

interrupt. It's just I'm at Crowley's right now, and I was... No, I'll be

God, give me a minute. Jeez, I just, um... I can't make our

date tonight.

It's Jim from the paper. God, and you don't know him, but let's just say that

Jim's pulling a gym, and I am stuck.

Um, I have to go to a park?

I don't even know which one.

And... Right, Jim?

So, brain check?

Yeah, so one minute I am happily wearing this weird top on my way to dinner.

Then the next minute, boom, I'm lying. This lie just pops out of my mouth. And

don't even know where it came from. Just give yourself a break.

Yeah, but what does it mean that I would lie to my boyfriend like that?

What kind of lunatic... Picks a night at Crowley's over dinner at a four -star

restaurant. And there's more, okay?

Hank doesn't exactly love hanging out with the guys, right? So if I had

him, I would have ended up babysitting him the whole time. And quite frankly,

would have made my night less fun.

You're unbelievable.

Just don't do anything stupid.

Like what?

Like telling Mr. Perfect the truth.

Oh, I think I have to.

I mean, what kind of relationship do you have that you can't complain with the

person you're with?

A relationship that will last.

Look, it's like faking an orgasm or telling somebody that their baby is

These are good lies. Nobody gets hurt. But if you start getting all honest on

the man, then he's going to think that he can't trust you.

Maybe he'll trust me more because I told him.

It doesn't work that way. Come on, I got to go.

All right.

Tonight's game?

$25 ,000 period. All right, you pick. We go first. Let's do this.

Oh, dude.

We should have conferred on this. Oh, no, no, no.

Pyramid's a winner, believe me. It's not my best game.

It's not about how good you are, all right? I've seen Andy play Pyramid.

What do you mean?

Okay, just give me a clue. Clock's ticking.

Um, anything. Just saying.

Okay, you have to say something. You've got to just say any word at this point.

We're running out of time.

A clue, please. A clue, clue, clue, clue. Right.

Just give me a clue.

You're just going, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.

It's round.

A basketball.

Baseball. No, no, no, no. The world. A planet. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's

but it's not round.

It's...

It's a car without a top.

Broken car.

It's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you

push a button and the top comes down.

Beach car?

I don't know if you have a virus or why you don't work properly.

You're not still giving me hints, are you?

That's money.

Convertible.

The great free agent pickup makes everybody better. He takes the pressure

the rest of the team, everybody settles into their new roles, and the team moves

things up to a whole new level.

So I was thinking, after you get back from the road trip, let's go away for a

few days.

Oh yeah?

I want to take you someplace special.

Someplace romantic.

Like Barcelona.

The one in Spain?

I already booked the trip. Look, I know it's crazy, but wouldn't it be

fantastic? Hank, you're killing me here.

What? Okay, I gotta be honest with you.

If you're mad at me, I will understand, okay?

I was not working last night. I was at Crowley's with the guys.

You see, we do this, like, decathlon with board games, and it sounds really

stupid.

It is really stupid, but it's sort of the point. And I kind of just wanted to

stay and do that. And I thought that... I don't know if I told you that you

would think it's stupid.

Why? No, if that's what you want to do, it's fine.

Really? Oh, thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah, when I was in my 20s, I hung out in bars with a bunch of

friends. Everybody goes through that phase.

Okay, it's actually not a phase.

No, hey.

Look, I know you're going through a time in your life where you're supposed to

screw around, you know? It's fun. Do it. But when you... And I don't want to say

grow up. Then don't. You'll find as you get older, a lot of that stuff just

falls away.

Your closest friends just fall away?

You know what I mean, okay? Things change.

And when you look back on it, this whole chunk of your life, it will look like

another planet.

Okay, I just, I want to take you to Barcelona.

What was the last vacation you went on?

Milwaukee. Ah.

The guys and I went on beer plant tours.

Well, you know what they say.

Milwaukee is the Barcelona of Wisconsin.

Oh!

Okay, you're not sorry at all. Yeah.

You know what? Apology not accepted.

Well, I'd like a sincere apology.

No, it's sorry with an exclamation point. Yeah. There's no apology. It's

sorry for you. Let me do it. All right.

Sorry.

Get out of here. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?

Oh, I can't wait to get out of Pittsburgh.

Damn, the Cubs are frustrating this year. I mean, they just can't win on the

road either.

I know. It's a weird phenomenon, isn't it? How a team can have such great stats

and the players can look so strong, but something is just missing. Yeah, it is.

So how are you and Hank doing these days?

What made you just think that?

Nothing. It's just, you know, you two seem to be doing really well.

We are.

Hank's good.

Yeah, it seems like it. Yeah, it is.

How about you and Claire?

Um... You know, we haven't broken up yet, but I am dodging her phone calls,

pretty good.

Good.

You know what?

I like this.

What do you mean?

Just this. You and me talking.

I feel like we finally got to a really good place.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

Me too.

It was just sort of that unspoken thing before, you know?

Yeah, right.

It just kind of made it hard with the group and...

You know, was I one of the guys, or was I your maybe boyfriend, or... It was

just confusing.

Yeah, it was.

So, um, here is to not being confused.

Here. What the hell was that?

I have no idea.

I don't know what just happened.

Well... Sometimes a man and a woman get a special feeling. Shut up.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I'm, you know, seeing Hank. I care about him.

Obviously. I'm serious.

I know. I know. That's why you, you know, slept with me.

You don't like Hank, do you? I mean, none of you guys like him. How could we

like him? We don't even know him.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God, how could I have done this? Hey, listen, don't be too hard on

yourself, okay? I mean, we're a long ways from home, and we had too much to

drink, and, you know, we were curious.

At least I know I was curious. Hey, you want to know what was kind of, like,

weird?

That it was kind of... Weird.

Yeah. Yeah.

It was good weird.

Yeah, good weird. Not bad weird. No, it was far from bad weird, absolutely.

Well,

the good news is I think we're still friends.

Oh, yeah.

All right, top five answers are on the board.

Tell me your heaviest piece of furniture.

Piano. Oh, good answer. Good. answer. Yes. Show me piano. Ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding. Oh, there it is. Number two. Number two.

Brendan, tell me your heaviest piece of furniture.

Thousand pound bed. Thousand pound bed.

That's it. That's it. Why would you say thousand pound bed? Show me.

It's not up there.

You did what?

Don't look at me like that. What were you thinking sleeping with Bobby?

And how was it? I don't know what I was thinking. And it was a solid B. Perfect

attendance.

Didn't turn in all of his homework.

So wait, are you and Bobby together now?

No, no, no. We both agreed it was a stupid mistake. It just happened. I

don't know why.

Good God, I have to tell you why you do everything.

Finally you understand.

You slept with Bobby as part of your process of checking out emotionally with

Hank.

What? You want this relationship with Hank to end, but you don't want to admit

it to yourself.

So you sleep with somebody else so you'll be forced to face the facts.

That's stupid.

I agree.

But that's what you do.

Yeah, I have never done anything like that in my life, okay?

Stuart Gantz.

Oh. You slept with Charlie Hornsby so that you could break up with Stuart

And then you were stuck with Charlie Hornsby for...

six months until you finally admitted that was over by sleeping with Devin

Schwartz. All right, all right, all right. You made your point. God.

The way to get over someone is to get under somebody new.

Did you just make that up?

Maybe. I hope so, because that was really good. Take credit for it.

All right, boys.

Last night, all comes down to this.

Don't be cocky. You're only up by one.

Yeah, and the last one, last game is our pick.

Is it?

Oh, well, pick away.

Yeah. Well, I'm going to pick something new. What do you mean new?

I want to play something we've never played before. No, what was that thing

did last year or the year before? That was fun. What was that? Oh, yeah, yeah,

no, we did the thumb fight.

Oh, yeah. That was stupid and definitely not happening again.

What do you mean? That's what we end on. That's the tradition. We end on thumb

fighting. Yeah, I like traditions.

Yeah, not this year.

Rock 'em, sock 'em, robots!

Let's set it up. Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, if we must make him pay, I'm gonna.

When you've invested so much in a free agent, and then he just, well...

He starts dropping flies and striking out. A part of you still doesn't want to

let him go.

You just keep hoping that things will turn around.

Oh, hey.

I brought you something.

Wow, thanks.

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

So, open it.

It's beautiful.

And our tickets came from Barcelona. We're crazy if we don't take a day trip

Montserrat.

We're booked for six days, seven nights at the Hotel Art.

Hank? I know it's Ritz -Carlton, but I'm telling you, you'll never stay at a

better hotel. It's close to the beach. It's close to the center of town.

It's close to the Porto Olimpico. Hank, just hold on. Oh, and at the Bar Marina.

But finally, you're forced to face the fact that it's not just a matter of

a good fit.

Sometimes both of you are better served if he just goes and plays somewhere

else. Hank?

I don't know if I can do this.

Oh, well, we don't have to stay for the full week. No, I'm... Four days.

I'm... I mean, I mean this.

Begin.

So, you go to Pittsburgh for a couple days and all of a sudden we're not

working out? Thank you.

I adore you, you know? No, come on. I think you're a fantastic guy, but I

we want different things, you know?

Look, I don't care if you like hanging out at Crowley's with your friends and

playing games or whatever it is that you do.

I know that, but you think it's just a phase. Well, it is a phase.

Trust me. Look, the things that seem fun when you're young... No, but come on.

They're not just fun, okay?

These are my friends, you know? This is my life.

And maybe there are people that can keep their boyfriend in one part of their

life and their friends in another part, but I can't do that.

You know, I don't... I don't want to do that.

out at Crowley's with those guys drinking beer you know it's just

it's not my thing I know that and but it's not just that okay it's bigger than

that it's like if I have to drag you to some Buster Keaton

festival right or square dancing lessons and you don't want to go I can live

with that but if you don't get my friend

You don't... You don't get me.

Penny, is there something wrong?

No, I'm cool.

How can you be down? We tied.

We didn't lose.

It's a tie and a loss.

You know, you could have played if you'd have kicked Hank to the curb a week

earlier. Wait, you broke up with Hank?

Yeah, it wasn't really working out.

I, for one, knew that he was on the way out. Hey, just for the sake of argument,

it was this week.

Yes.

Is that what you called? That is. Pay it up.

Couldn't have held out to Halloween, could you?

Wait a second here. You guys bet on when I would break up with Hank? Oh, yeah.

We do it for all the guys we date.

It's the first time I've lost.

Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint you.

Well, now that he's history, I think it's safe to tell you that Mike couldn't

stand him.

Oh, I liked him more than you did.

That's not saying much.

All right, you guys, that's enough, okay?

She's right. We should stay out of her private life.

But do you remember that guy you dated? He was the...

He was in the hardcover band. Oh, Nancy Wilson.

No, no, no. He played Nancy Wilson. His name was Gary. That's right, but he made

everybody call him Barracuda.

Okay, wait a second. You're the one to talk. What about that chick that you

dated that did this all the time? You remember? Dude, she was good with her

hands. Oh, God. Do you remember that guy in college, that philosophy major with

that little Dutch boy haircut that tried to sneak into your room?

Okay, that was Greg Zonar, and I didn't date him. He was stalking me.

Mike stalked a girl once, but Mike stalks a lot of girls.

Wow. Okay, do we have a problem here?

I think he's still upset about the decathlon.

What are you upset about, man? All right, you pull off a tie. He's obsessed

the thumb fight.

Oh. Oh, you want a thumb fight?

Yeah. You can't handle a thumb fight. I think I'm entitled.

Let's get this over with. Fine.

We start and finish on three. No fingernails, no disengaging your grip

the event of a dispute, we're going to bring in a new... I know the rules of

thumb fight.

Let's do it. All right, just getting the rules down.

One, two, three, four.

I declare a thumb war. Bang!

One, two, three.

Can we play cards now, please?

Wow. Hey, hey, don't feel bad. You did better than last year, okay?

It was odd. It was like little girl hands. Oh, man.

So what are you left with when a free agent turns out to be a bust?

I mean, it can seem like you're right back where you started, but you're not.

Because now you have more of a sense of your team's identity. You know better

what works for it and what doesn't.

And that's going to come in handy next season when...

Another free agent becomes available.