Original subtitles

So Hank and I are dating now, and it's like I got called up to the majors.

They don't even look like cats. They're not cats.

They're meerkats. Look, I don't care what they are. I don't want to watch

Meerkats are so cute.

You've got to give it time. Okay, look. Right now, what do you think he's doing?

He's scouting the area, and he's going to give orders to the family down there.

They're ready. Look at them. They're ready to go. One on the right looks like

he's going ballistic. He can't wait to fight. What do you guys think?

Fantastic. I like the jacket. It's a good choice. Nice hat. You guys are

useless.

Dude, look at him go. Watch this. They couldn't do that.

It's what every player dreams about. The call up to the majors. The call up to

the show.

Where the grass is greener and the food tastes better.

Literally. Okay, I gotta tell you, this is the best and first Osso Buco that

I've ever had.

You want Osso Buco? There's this little hole in the wall. It's flooring.

It's unbelievable.

I'll take you there sometime.

Okay, I'm free on Thursday.

Well, I'll see what I can do.

Hey, what is this anyway? What is this, like a brontosaurus?

It's big.

That's a big -ass bone.

It's big.

So, here we are.

Yeah.

God, you know, thanks again. I had a really good time tonight. Me too.

Well, um... Good night.

Yeah. Good night.

The thing about the show is, once you get there, you really

don't want to leave.

Good night.

You're repeating yourself. Yeah, but that's the last time this happened.

Good night. Good night.

Good morning.

Hey, where did those good nights go?

That was a really good one.

Now what?

Food! Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're going to love this place. They have the most

amazing omelets. Oh, I love the omelets. Oh, my God, that's Brendan.

Who? Brendan. He's a good friend of mine.

Yes, I can see that. He's actually staying with me. I don't believe this.

God. He told me he was visiting his parents.

Oh, no, he seems very close with his mom.

We gotta get out of here. What?

And there he is with his ex -girlfriend just making out, playing his day.

Doesn't even have the decency to skulk around.

So he's seeing Wendy again. That's a big deal. The big deal is that I'm the one

that has to pick up the pieces every single time. You know what?

So don't do it anymore. You know what? I'm not gonna do it anymore.

This time when they break up, he can stay at your place.

Uh, well, actually, he can't.

I don't think it's going to be my place much longer. What are you talking about?

Meredith decided she wants to live in the suburbs.

What? I know. And you're thinking of going with her?

Well, you know how it is. More space, better schools, quiet desperation.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Andy, this can't happen.

It's happening.

I actually have to see a house with her this afternoon.

But did you understand what happens to people when they move to the suburbs?

Remember Eric and Cindy?

Nope. Exactly.

We're never going to see you again.

Come on, that's not true.

It is true.

You're going to see me all the time.

Eric and Cindy.

I don't know any Eric and Cindy.

Exactly.

Hey, guys. Hey, bud.

To be continued.

When? I'll never see you again. Well, then remember me as I am.

Young and perky.

So, Brando, how are the folks?

Great.

That's nice.

Hey, you know, your mom...

and she happened to mention that you didn't actually spend the night there

night.

Yeah, yeah.

Funny story, actually. True story, too.

I actually bumped into some friends of mine from the station, and they were all

on their way to this party, so they asked me if I wanted to go... To the

To the party, yeah. And so, you know, I went to the party. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

Stop it.

I saw you with Wendy.

What?

This morning at Staley's, Hank and I saw you two together.

Morning meal with Hank.

Nice. You guys sealed the deal? Oh, we're trying to change the subject.

Gee, PJ, I mean, you could have told me you saw me. Why'd you have to make me go

through all that? Oh, I'm sorry. You're giving me crap for not coming out and

telling you something. You're really going with that.

All right, look, I didn't say anything because I know how judgmental you get.

I'm not judgmental. So you think it's a good thing that Wendy and I are back

together? God, no. I think it's the worst thing that ever happened in the

history of the land.

Oh, well, at least you're not being judgmental. Okay, you know what? When it

comes to you and Wendy, I am judgmental. But that is only because it is torture

watching you guys do this over and over again. I mean, when are you finally

going to face the fact that this relationship does not work?

Well, actually, I'm going to ask her to marry me.

Congratulations. Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Hank is perfect.

You're dating Mr.

Perfect. You know, I never dated anybody like Hank before.

He makes plans.

And then we do those plans. And they are, like, fancy plans.

It's very... It's grown -up, you know?

I'm grown -up dating.

You're grown -up dating.

I mean, I get all dressed up, you know? I worry about what to wear.

I shave my legs every day.

I wanted Mr. Perfect.

Where's my Mr. Perfect? I'm telling you, he's out there, you know?

Something is in the air.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Brendan and Wendy are getting engaged.

What?

That's horrible.

I mean, I can't believe Brendan is getting married before me.

Is he even remotely ready for this?

I mean, does he understand what a huge commitment it is? Does he have a dress

already picked out?

Because I do.

And I've narrowed it down to three pairs of shoes.

Well, you know what? I think it's terrific.

You know? I think they're going to be really happy together. I completely

support his decision.

I've been working all day on that. I could tell.

Man, I'm like sweating.

What are you doing?

Going through ads for engagement rings.

I can't believe how many choices you have to make.

Hey, answer me this.

How am I supposed to find out what size ring she is without her actually knowing

that I'm getting her a ring?

You steal one of her rings while she's not looking and you measure it.

Off her finger?

Yes, Brendan, you cut off her finger and you take the ring from her jewelry box.

What's wrong with you?

That's perfect.

You are a genius. Gun for your money.

Wow.

Hey, look at you.

Wait a minute, look at you. That can't be good. Why do you look like that? Why

does she look like that? I don't know. Why do you look like that? I'm going

Why are you guys here?

You moved poker tonight, didn't you? No, I moved it to next Thursday.

I thought this was next Thursday. No, this is this Thursday. Next Thursday is

next Thursday.

Yes, but when you moved it, this was next Thursday. No, this was always this.

thursday next thursday is next thursday technically this was the next thursday

wasn't it right which is exactly what makes it this thursday you're not

understanding the word next you guys don't have time to argue this right now

hank's coming over in like like five minutes we actually get to meet the

mythical hank oh god help me please don't embarrass me we're talking about

not gonna embarrass you

Nice cleavage. Are you even wearing a bra?

Okay, guys.

Brando. Brando. Hey, man. Are you ready to play some cards? I thought we moved

poker to next Thursday. This is next Thursday.

Oh. Well, sorry, guys. I got to go over to Wendy's and steal a ring.

Brando, if you need a loan, I'm asking her to marry me. What?

Really? That's huge.

Dude, are you sure you're really ready for that?

Yeah, trust me, Brendan.

Marriage is not something to be entered into.

That's all I got.

And right on cue.

Dude, you've really got to get a new ringtone.

I want people to know how I roll.

Yes, Meredith.

What?

Now. No, I can't do it now.

Yes, but I can't do it now.

Can't do it now.

Okay.

You're kidding.

Sorry, guys. Meredith just saw a house she needs me to see immediately.

Come on, that knocks us down to three. You can't play poker with three.

You gotta blow it off. I can't. The real estate agent said it'll be gone in the

morning. Where is it?

Naperville.

Naperville? Dude, that's not even Chicago.

Come on, yes it is. Don't kid yourself. That's the land part of Chicagoland.

Well, this is a waste of a perfectly good night.

Hello.

Hey!

How you doing?

Uh, you guys, this... This is Hank.

Hank, these are my friends. It's Brendan and Kenny and Bobby, and that's my

brother Andy.

You hurt my sister, I'll kill you.

And Mike.

I heard a lot about you guys. Yeah, us too.

Or is it we two?

Hey, is that we two?

We two, we two, we two. Try it, it's fun. We two, we, we two, we.

See that?

That's a normal ringtone.

That's how he rolls.

Hello.

Excuse me.

Did you see the guy's suit?

Yeah. It's boss, Armani, Xenia, whatever it is. It's two dimes a poppet. That

kid is sweating cash.

Hey, he seems like a really nice guy.

Yeah. He actually seems like the type of person who might just enjoy, you know,

hanging out and maybe playing some poker.

Well, he actually doesn't play.

He doesn't play?

He doesn't play.

You're dating a guy who doesn't play.

Yeah. I got it, I got it. Totally.

You know, you have all kinds of new priorities now. And listen, I, we, we

support that. But can I also state, just for the record, that this is total

bullshit. Total bullshit.

Come on, you guys are being ridiculous.

Oh, our game fell apart.

What are we supposed to do now?

Well, I don't know. You figure it out. I'm not your mother.

Sorry about that. Uh, we gotta go. You ready?

Yeah. Oh, I'll walk out with you guys. Yeah, I'll come.

Hey, it was nice to meet you guys. Yeah, me too. Nice to meet you too.

The other thing about being called up to the majors is only some of the

teammates get the call. So as much as you're all rooting for each other, when

that divide appears, it does become a little difficult to ignore.

Still, you figure, after a little adjustment period, everyone makes their

with it and moves on.

Hey, guys.

Well, well, well. If it isn't our old friend PJ.

What are you doing around here, slumming? Or not.

Oh, ha, ha. Come on, you guys. Don't be like that, huh? I'm sorry about poker

the other night.

Poker? What poker? There was no poker the other night.

You guys, you don't need me to play poker.

We do. Your place is the hub. Now we're totally hubless, completely without hub.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I'm supposed to dump Hank so you guys have a place to

and play poker every night?

Why do you make it sound unreasonable?

Well... Hey, good. You're here. You coming to the movies with us? Thank you.

would love to. I can't, though. Hank is taking me to the opera.

Let's dress up like dorks and listen.

Come on, guys.

Be happy for me. Be happy I met a guy who wants to take me to new and

places. Is that sexual?

Sounds kind of dirty.

It's not sexual to me. We don't talk about stuff like that. It's this Hank

character. I don't like his influence.

She's a totally different person. Wait, you guys, what are you expecting? I'm

going to dick around with you guys for the rest of my life?

Wow. Really? All right, I didn't mean that.

Getting awfully crowded in here. Yes.

Robert, Kenneth, perhaps we should go dick around someplace else. Maybe we

dick around at the movies. Because you know I didn't mean it like that, right?

Actually, we should call the theater to see what their dicking around policies

are. Come on, you guys. And when we're done dicking around, maybe we should

ourselves a new hub.

Well, enjoy Parsifal.

Thank you.

I dated a mezzo -soprano once.

An opera leader.

Oh, all right. Bye.

Wait, you guys are going to leave like that?

And that's when it hits you that it might not be that easy after all.

That once that divide appears, you just might not be able to cross back over it

again.

Unless there's a killer guitar solo coming up, please make this stop. I'm

God.

Hank is taking me to the opera.

Yeah. Well, good luck with that. Thanks.

Oh, you know, speaking of luck.

Yeah. I'm off to get my ring.

Tonight's the night. I'm asking her.

Sometimes people can get called up to the show when you really don't think

they're ready for it. You're really going through with this.

Yeah. And it's really what you want.

It is.

Yeah.

You know, I've been over this a million times, and I really think that the

reason that we keep going back and forth is just I haven't had the guts to step

it up, you know?

That all changes tonight.

But in the end, you just have to wish him luck and hope for the best.

You know, I just want you to be happy, right?

I am.

I am. Yeah. I am. Okay.

It's a grown -up thing.

Yeah, I know.

Kind of weird, right? Yeah, it's so weird. It's weird.

It is weird.

Yeah. I'm going to go.

Come on in.

I can't believe I've never been here before.

I know. I've been meaning to have you guys over for a while now, but you know

how it is.

Pretty cool, huh?

Sure.

Is this the living room?

Yeah. Why?

No reason.

Well, go on, man. Cop a squat. Make yourself at home.

Let's see what's on the big screen.

So how long have you lived here, exactly?

Well, I don't know. Ten years, give or take.

Dude, wow.

Yeah, I know, huh?

Hey, what do you guys think would be the worst way to die?

I'm going to say being hit in the balls with lightning.

Or old age.

Long and slow.

That's no way to go.

I was thinking we could always go over to my place and hang out there and talk

about balls and all that.

Hey, come on. Project Runway's on.

All right.

Fine.

I'll see you later, Frank.

Oh, hang on. Someone's texting me.

That's from Kenny.

Man, this is Mike's place. Really creepy. I'm still mad at you, but I had

tell someone.

Why is he mad at you?

Oh, my God. We got into this fight. I said the stupidest thing. Plus, poker

all screwed up.

Well, I don't know. At least he's talking to me.

Well, do you need to call him?

Oh, no. I'll call him later at school. I have an opera to go to.

Okay. But again, I just want to warn you. It's like three hours.

I know. It's no problem.

And all in German.

Uh -huh. Very funny.

Seriously?

It's a nice place. A little cluttered for my taste.

Well, things really fill up when you add stuff like furniture.

Hey, is this the living room?

Yeah. Why?

Why do you have so many shirts hanging in this closet?

I ran out of room in the bedroom.

How many shirts do you have, man? I don't know. I like shirts. What's it to

Nothing.

It's just that's a lot of shirts.

It's kind of weird, dude.

Seriously.

That's it. No, no, no, no.

I was going to use the coaster. Yeah, but condensation builds up on the

then that trickles onto the wood. Next thing you know, mayhem.

Do you have them arranged by color or pattern?

Sleeve length?

By purpose.

Purpose? I don't know what that means.

I have kettle corn.

I can't believe...

You know, you always said you wanted a nice romantic dinner under the star,

so... Here you go.

This is amazing.

Hold on a second.

Oh, God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, I am so sorry.

No, it's a new shirt, but I can totally get it cleaned. I can't believe I just

did that. Yeah, well, let's just try to transcend the moment.

You're absolutely right.

After all we do, we've got a beautiful night.

Beautiful girl.

You know, Wendy, I know that we've had our ups and downs.

Oh, one thing, actually.

One, two.

You thought of everything. Yeah, well, I tried.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe I... Ow!

I'm like Jerry Lewis.

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine, I think.

All right, you know what? I'm just going to cut to the chase here before I do

any more permanent damage.

I need to love you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I'm hating this.

I am hating this.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, thank you, God.

So what do you want to do now?

That's for Mike.

Kenny has 697 shirts.

And then he says, her ass is... He's a sweet guy, man.

Oh, I'm sorry. What?

What? What do I want to do? What do you want to do?

I know what you want to do.

So Hank wasn't pissed at all? What? No, I'm going to head over there later. He's

totally fine with it. That's great.

Hank seems cool.

Yeah, he is.

By the way...

It's official.

Meredith and I now own a house in the Burbs.

Take his money now, fellas. You'll never see it again.

Would you stop saying that? She's right, dude.

It's going to be just like Eric and Cindy all over again. Who the hell are

and Cindy? I know it.

Oh, my God. Eric and Cindy. I totally forgot about them.

Sound that depressing?

A toast to Andy?

Yeah. To Andy. You were a kind and decent man. Sort of.

And you will be missed.

Oh, and to Brendan? To Brendan?

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Hey. We were just drinking to you.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What are you doing here?

She said no.

Oh, man. I'm sorry.

Oh, man. Sorry, buddy.

I'm kidding.

I'm totally kidding. Dude. Dude, don't do that.

Congratulations.

Congratulations. That was good, but I'm not rooting for you.

Actually, we're going to take off for the weekend to celebrate, so I just came

home to grab a few things.

Why don't you join us for a minute? No, no, it's just that... Come on!

Before the ball went chain, my friend.

Two hands. Two hands.

So maybe that's the thing.

Maybe being called up to the show doesn't have to create this whole great

after all.

You just have to do everything you can to help your old teammates make it up

there as well.

Because, well, what the hell, it's a lot more fun with them right there beside

you anyway.